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Reader Comments (68)

Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 7:52PM rTwelve said

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"Would you like to give a nickname to the captured archives?" would be more correct. Trust me, I've seen that text several times today already.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 11:06PM (Unverified) said

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LOL, such a cleverly written article.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:18PM OMGOMG said

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I'm so scared right now.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:20PM MarkezJM said

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Despite apparently being too old to have gotten in on the Pokemon silliness; TV or videogames, that was still pretty comical, Griff, good job. No surprises here, altho some of the % pts look pretty meaty.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:20PM The Kong said

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I'm dying on the inside
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:24PM JPeak said

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I love these.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 1:44AM Foetoid said

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This is why i come to Joystiq, and also why every forum i have ever been on that discusses gaming at all, i always recommend people look to this site for news and general comedy. The MyMedia sites are probably the only sites i visit besides this one for gaming discussion.

http://www.myfrag.com.au
http://www.mywii.com.au

etc etc, my360, myps3, myDS, mytelly. Excellent friendly social sites to kick back and talk about gaming. I highly recommend them.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:25PM (Unverified) said

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Ps3 comes in second and doesn't even get a part in the post? lol
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 12:53AM (Unverified) said

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I know right? I had to double check the URL, I thought maybe I was on Kotaku for a second.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:25PM Rhamsey said

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holy crap, listening to the music fit perfectly with the way it was written. nice joystiq.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:30PM Erdie said

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A clap for your effort, Griffin.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:30PM Mr Khan said

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Epic.

Also: apparently PS3 has settled into its higher orbit over the Wii for now. Things are going to get interesting.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:43PM Hyams said

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It'll drop back down eventually, probably in April time.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:11PM (Unverified) said

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uh, I dunno, I think it is likely to increase or maintain based on the sales of Musou Orochi Z
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:30PM Mr Khan said

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Ahh, i had forgotten about Musuo Orochi Z.

When is Samurai Warrior 3 coming?
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:43PM (Unverified) said

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It was announced as an 09 Wii-exclusive title, but there have been no estimates as to when it is exactly coming.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:33PM Nanaya said

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I applaud you good sir.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:34PM (Unverified) said

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I used the middle button on my mouse to scroll down slowly as the music played. Truly a gourmet reading experience.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:35PM Wiizer said

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Griffin, this part:
Video above provides suggested musical accompaniment for the following post.

Should be placed before the youtube clip, don'tyathink?... and switch 'before' with 'below' if you really wanna get poke-crazy~
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:36PM Wiizer said

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*or 'above'... whatever.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:35PM (Unverified) said

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I sadly admit that I have a pet peeve for people who make fun of Pokémon dialog and get the tenses and wording wrong. I can't guarantee this is correct, but it's closer, at least...

A wild Japanese Hardware Sales Chart appeared!

I choose you, PSP!
PSP used Greatest Hits!
PSP's accuracy sharply rose!
Sales Chart used Scanlines!
PSP's accuracy sharply fell!
PSP is storing energy...
Sales Chart used Dyschromatopsia!
Japan is afflicted by colorblindness!
PSP used Color Change!
But it failed!
Come back, PSP!

Go, Xbox 360!
Sales Chart used No New RPGs!
It's super effective!
Xbox 360 used Exclusive DLC!
Xbox 360 regained health!
Sales Chart used E74!
Coins scattered everywhere!
Xbox 360 fainted!

I choose you, PC!
Sales Chart used Red Arrows!
It doesn't affect PC...
PC uses The Path!
Sales Chart became confused!
Blogger threw a Great Ball!
Gotcha! Japanese Hardware Sales Chart was caught!
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:58PM (Unverified) said

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I, who should probably know better didn't notice. *doh*
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:40PM xThePunisherx said

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You have no idea how hard i just laughed.

You made my day.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 1:47AM Foetoid said

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We all know exactly how hard you just laughed, the place smells of shit.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:45PM F1 Basu Gasu Bakuhatsu said

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LOL! God I love when they do these!
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:49PM Cubivore said

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Griffin, you are amazing. Thank you for this special gift.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 9:53PM Sly C said

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ahahaha i loved that! +1 griffin!
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:07PM BigD145 said

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PS360! Use your Splash Attack!
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:17PM jefwif said

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lol i laughed at the PC's "the path" attack. loving the game so much right now.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:33PM Zertoss said

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I bought some lmaonade in Celedon.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:56PM (Unverified) said

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I gave mine to some thirsty little bitch.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:33PM Nomi said

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Nice seeing Sony topping the charts for a change...
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 10:41PM ipsum said

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Brilliant.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 11:06PM Chyld989 said

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Effing awesome. Good job Griff.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 11:13PM Anticrawl said

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Now I wanna buy Pokemon Platinum. Thanks Joystiq.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 11:40PM psnkillstrike said

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oh how low do joystiq's subliminal marketing go

plus I want to buy platinum too now
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 10:17AM Viakenny said

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does that explain the lack of Nintendo news/moves here?
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 11:19PM Levi said

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I liked it

I wanted to see what would happen when he chooses the PS3... But the ending was good :)
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 1:52AM Foetoid said

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Go, Ps3!
Sales Chart used LTD Wii Sales Figures!
It's super effective!
Ps3 became Confused!
Ps3 used George Foreman Attack!
It hurt itself in it's confusion!
Sales Chart used RE5 sales!
Ps3 fainted!
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 7:12AM (Unverified) said

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Um, didn't you look at the numbers? - This is Japanese sales. They aren't fooled by shiney FPS games and a cheap, broken console like the majority of Western idiots.

Go PS3!
PS3 used it's rapidly expanding library
Xbox users still shouted "there's no games on that Blu-ray player"
PS3 used it's 4:1 lead in Japan
Xbox used yet another shit Halo game, but missed.
PS3 laughed
The Japanese looked confused and wondered why the West buys this shit??
PS3 worked perfectly for years, even under EXTREMELY heavy use.
Xbox360 E74'd after an hour session.
Microsoft laughed and rubbed it's greedy hands together, we're not fixing that for free, it's not a RROD! Bwahahaha.
PS3 used the RE5 sales figures (4:1 in JAPAN)
Xbox360 paid a shitload for an exclusive to try to keep idiots buying their old tat.
The Japanese didn't buy it, and continued to buy the better console.

Xbox didn't faint but just went over to the West where people are stupid and greedy and would rather buy 4 errorboxes than 1 PS3 because the initial outlay wouldn't leave them enough cash to eat McDonalds everyday that month.

Either that or their kids want a console and their welfare payments can only afford an errorbox, and they weren't exactly going to bring their state-income-generating-kids up themselves! Fuck that!
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 7:48AM Kaminaaa said

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I think sexualchocolate has anti-western issues...
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 8:13AM (Unverified) said

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I'm not generally "anti-Western" but the amount of people paying Microsoft to rip them off is giving us a real bad name.

I think the Japanese sales charts really show the true value of each console.

Apart from the Wii, which has probably saturated the market over there by now. Any console that can engage the general non-gaming population like that deserves to sell like it has.

Japanese companies make brilliant consoles and other electronic products.

American companies make a shit load of money by ripping off any given target market.

Microsoft have tarnished the games industry by ramming their fat greed fingers into it. The worst thing being that so many people have fallen for it and even continue supporting it after realising they've been had.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 11:58AM Railgun said

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That's weird sex choco, I've got all 3 systems and not once did I feel ripped off.
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Posted: Mar 22nd 2009 11:34PM Saria the Cat said

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Glad you wrote this piece, Griffin. I can only understand sales numbers when they are presented to me in the form of Pokemon battles. Srsly. They need special econ classes for people like me.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 1:13AM Anticrawl said

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If there were a Pokemon MMO we would all need to take a POKECON 4017 course in college because of how massively successful it would be.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 1:53AM Foetoid said

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Blizzard Execs would be throwing themselves out windows.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 12:21AM (Unverified) said

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Those arrows should be huge and make noise when you mouse over them
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 12:46AM JoshMilewski said

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That was amazing.

Also, the PS3 is still pwning the Wii.

Insanity.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 12:57AM (Unverified) said

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My guess is that the Wii is reaching market saturation in Japan and the PS3 is churning out some Japanese favorites like Orochi and Yakuza.
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Posted: Mar 23rd 2009 1:14AM Discotheque said

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That's not a guess Popfrogs.....that's pure logic.

BTW speaking of Japanese favorites, does anybody have any idea when WKC will see a release in NA/Europe?
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