Valve jokingly drops MMO code into latest Team Fortress 2 patch

by Griffin McElroy { May 3rd 2009 at 2:30PM }

If you needed further proof that the folks over at Valve are cheeky, cheeky scoundrels, you need not look further than a recent piece of code in the latest patch for Team Fortress 2:

// TF2 MMO
"TF_MMO_LFG" "Looking For Group"
"TF_MMO_Quest1" "You must kill %s1 %s2 to complete this quest."
"TF_MMO_Monster1" "Boars"
"TF_MMO_Monster2" "Rats"
"TF_MMO_Monster3" "Bats"
"TF_MMO_Monster4" "Wolves"
"TF_MMO_Monster5" "Spiders"

Great, Valve. That's really great. Now we can't stop thinking about how much we want to play an MMO'd version of TF2. We've already got a debilitating addiction to WoW. Now we're addicted to the idea of a spy-checking, sentry-sapping, rocket-jumping, chaingun-toting MMO. That's just what we needed.

Tags: easter-egg, joke, mmo, team-fortress-2, valve, wow

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Rick @ May 3rd 2009 4:14PM

Maybe instead of dicking around with lame jokes, they could have spent some time updating the game on the 360. Oh wait, that's never happening.

datniceguy @ May 3rd 2009 8:26PM

Damn straight it's never gonna happen. The PC version is where it's at. STEAM FTW.

ice~ @ May 3rd 2009 2:39PM

I said it once and i'll say it again...valve stop dicking around and get on that TF2 console update, the game really needs it, it's slowly dying AGAIN...I mean I love you and all, but TF2 won't run on my PC so i can only enjoy the 360 version :/

ice~ @ May 3rd 2009 2:39PM

and I mean this out of love

The Baron @ May 3rd 2009 3:12PM

I'm sure it took them all week to write these into the game.

CH3BURASHKA @ May 3rd 2009 3:22PM

You have one shitty PC.

Sheppy (of the Fidlious Clan of Wong) @ May 3rd 2009 3:27PM

You can built a PC capable of running TF2 with roughly $300...

Seriously.... not being able to run source? What's your GPU? A fucking Hamster with a serious of brightly colored flags it waves around randomly?

The Baron @ May 3rd 2009 3:31PM

That is true actually - my friend's 8-9ish year old desktop was managing to run TF2. It's one hell of a well-optimised engine. L4D runs on medium on my laptop and looks great, a system which struggles with San Andreas.

Meanwhile on my gaming dekstop it looks better than any other game I have at the settings I can run them at - beating out Assassin's Creed, BioShock, Crysis (though I have to run that on low/medium which looks nasty), Dead Space and Mass Effect.

ice~ @ May 3rd 2009 3:55PM

Well, I don't know anything about computers...but i have an HP Pavilion dv2000, it's like 5 months old and I can sorta run TF2 but it's basically unplayable, it lags so much, it's probably a connection issue...even though I have a really good connection, it's no big deal to me since I only payed $10 for TF2 during that sale. But if any1 has a solution that'd help :P

Bootes @ May 3rd 2009 4:09PM

It's probably Intel Integrated Graphics. :( They're destroying PC gaming.

nullset @ May 3rd 2009 4:17PM

http://www.systemrequirementslab.com/referrer/srtest

check that out. it's probably your drivers or videocard (or the lack of it), if you lack VRAM the game will lag... could be not enough CPU as well (check your CPU speed, my shitty 1.6 GHz runs source like a charm), but if your setup is 5 mo old, I doubt you'd have any issues with CPU. Try to update the drivers at your videocard/chipset vendor's website... if you don't know what your videocard/chipset is, chances are you don't have one and are running graphics from ram or from a not so nice chipset. Perhaps you should get a mid-ish level video card--- dunno, check the site.....

that's all I could try to help now...

time @ May 3rd 2009 5:17PM

"It's probably Intel Integrated Graphics. :( They're destroying PC gaming."

That's my problem.

Kenjis9965 @ May 3rd 2009 5:33PM

He probubly bought a Craptop :)

Laptops, Destroying PC Gaming :)

Seriously, you can pick up a $100-200 computer off Ebay capable of running TF2 :/ I cant remember the last computer I had that -couldnt- run Source...

nick @ May 3rd 2009 5:35PM

Was thinking the same thing. Reading about this doesn't humor those of us who play and enjoy the console version and have been waiting and waiting and waiting for even the slightest of upgrades discussed so long ago. I realize the PC version comes first and is the launch platform, but is there any glimmer of hope for the rest for the us? Dr Evil said it best and perhaps had the console version in mind when he said 'throw me a frickin bone here'

Skipjimroo @ May 3rd 2009 5:51PM

If you want some help Ice, add me on Steam.

My ID's the same as it is here.

I'll get you up and running somehow. Or take a sneaky switch-blade in the back trying!

THE Ezio Auditore de Firenze (PSN slycooper_rocker) @ May 3rd 2009 6:08PM

i have intel integrated graphics too :(

that, and my lack of a mouse for my laptop make tf2 crappy for me.

chispito @ May 3rd 2009 7:17PM

Blame Microsoft, not Valve.

Reader @ May 3rd 2009 9:31PM

Even most normal sized craptops can run Source. My bro has a cheap laptop with integrated graphics and it can run more modern and less optimized games than source.

MrKlorox @ May 3rd 2009 9:35PM

Contrary to popular belief, TF2 requires a rig a few times as powerful as it requires for standard non-episodic HL2.

Before this rig, I could only get 11 fps in TF2 on lowest settings, whereas I would get 50+ in HL2/HL2DM on maximum settings (except AA). Of course, with a modern gaming machine, I can't get the game below 60 FPS if I try.

gonintendo @ May 3rd 2009 9:40PM

that's because tf2 is cpu heavy. most new laptops have decent cpu's but crappy intel graphics

ice~ @ May 4th 2009 12:25AM

yea I have an intel chipset, i'm most likely gonna buy a graphics card before I head off for college next year just so I can play PC games and @kenjis9965, I don't know where all the hate for laptops comes from, but there are plenty of laptops that are really powerful, also, this laptop has 4gigs of ram, my processor is an: Intel(R) Core 2 Duo CPU T5750 @ 2.00 GHz and it's windows vista, now I don't know about the processor, but I know for a laptop, 4gb of ram is good. Plus this thing runs faster and smoother than any desktop I've ever been on, I love it personally.

Bonecrusher @ May 4th 2009 7:04AM

Go get a new computer pls. If you can buy Xbox360, you can buy PC. Even my 4 years old laptop can play TF2 fluently.

HappyWulf @ May 3rd 2009 2:45PM

Hell, I'd play it. I'd become an epic'd out Demoman with stuff like the Blast Shield of Turret Tanking.
I'd keep my old joke weapons like the Blown-in Paper Bag, and the Bubble Wrap of Amusement just for collection's sake.

MowDownJoe @ May 3rd 2009 3:00PM

THAT ROGUE IS A SPY!

(Or, for your CoH afficiantos, replace Rogue with Stalker.)

zuburi @ May 3rd 2009 3:09PM

Still playing!

Manly Mcbeefigan (Mr. ESC) @ May 3rd 2009 3:41PM

They should work in an RPG but a tf2 one nah everyone would be complaning about the Soldier and the Spy during PvP matches.

Manly Mcbeefigan (Mr. ESC) @ May 3rd 2009 3:43PM

And that was not supposed to be a reply >_

MrKlorox @ May 3rd 2009 9:37PM

What about STALKER aficionados? That Snork is a spy?

BigD145 @ May 3rd 2009 3:01PM

How I mine for fish?

CH3BURASHKA @ May 3rd 2009 3:21PM

Hit the fish rock with your fish pickax.

The Baron @ May 3rd 2009 9:17PM

I lol'd

Cesaria @ May 3rd 2009 3:06PM

How about you jokingly tease some HL:E3. You can put it in the Black Box with TF2MMO, Half Life Black Mesa, and Portal 2. Please?

MrKlorox @ May 3rd 2009 9:42PM

SHHH!! Stop letting them think it's acceptable to re-sell us games we've already bought. The Black Box will probably be the Orange Box plus EP3, a 2 hour miniature puzzle game (portal 2 probably), and L4D.

And of course, for those of us that already own some of these games, tough shit. You can only buy the Black Box as a whole, or each individual "game" for a 300% price markup.

Valve: STAY OUT OF THE RETAIL MARKET PLEASE! I don't wanna buy HL2 and HL2EP1 for a third time.

Nap @ May 3rd 2009 3:08PM

My friends wouldn't see me for eons

CH3BURASHKA @ May 3rd 2009 3:20PM

I've actually been trying to think up a way to create a way to play it in an RTS style.

The Baron @ May 3rd 2009 3:32PM

That would be quite a good mod. The class system is pretty much perfect for it already, you'd just have to make suitable maps.

CH3BURASHKA @ May 3rd 2009 3:39PM

I imagine that 2Fort is one of the best locations for such a mod due to its symmetry. However, I can't imagine being able to control 9 units (if not more) simultaneously. Then again, I'm a complete RTS noob.

The Baron @ May 3rd 2009 3:54PM

If their abilities were simplified a bit.

Medic could basically play itself, as could Heavies and Soldiers, you'd just have to tell them where to go and attack.

CH3BURASHKA @ May 3rd 2009 3:57PM

Still, actual TF2 gameplay requires a lot of thinking and a winning requires everyone to cooperate. I'm not sure that could work in an RTS form. When it's simplified to wave upon wave of Heavies going forward, TF2 loses its essence.

Sir Buzz Killington( The Artist formerly known as Jakka) @ May 3rd 2009 4:46PM

Don't think it'd work as an RTS...maybe a commandos-style game where you can only control 3-4 classes at any given mission. Otherwise it'd be too much of a clusterfuck as some classes require little to no attention while others you wouldn't be able to leave alone for five seconds.

Author X @ May 3rd 2009 3:55PM

You can always join Warhammer Online as a dwarven engineer.

Dan The Man @ May 3rd 2009 3:55PM

If you want to play a spy-checking, chaingun-toting MMO, how abouyt you just pick up a copy of The Agency on PS3 when it releases.

Moptimus Slime (Ziggy played Guitar Hero, but not Smash Hits) @ May 3rd 2009 4:02PM

yeah......joking. Thats what they were doing......

Doug @ May 3rd 2009 4:15PM

Ew @ TF2 MMO. Just couldn't see it happening.

Tony @ May 3rd 2009 4:44PM

I think people should stop bashing Valve about not making a 360 update when it's actually the 360 that's making them take so long. From their blog:

"The XBox 360 update is still being worked on. If you're wondering what's taking so long, since the content is 'done' on the PC already, it's mostly been around fitting it all onto the XBox."

Sir Buzz Killington( The Artist formerly known as Jakka) @ May 3rd 2009 4:53PM

I believe it's because they optimized it the max of 360's processing power and now all the updated stuff would need even more...or something in the lines of that - can't find the source.

Anyway, I'm sure people would rather have an XBLA re-release at this point. I'm sure MS wouldn't mind with Sony getting all the exclusives like Fat Princess...

Tony @ May 3rd 2009 5:03PM

Yeah, their blog says that the original TF2 was close to the 360's memory limit, but with the updates so far including the upcoming one, it's pushed past the limit, so they're trying to figure out ways to workaround it to get some memory back.

Is it weird that I pictured the Fat Princess to be the Heavy in a wig and dress?

Sir Buzz Killington( The Artist formerly known as Jakka) @ May 3rd 2009 4:44PM

Spy = Stealth Rougue - both do it from behind.
Heavy = Tank/Paladin
Medic = Druid - far too deadly for an average healer.
Scout = DPS Rougue
Engineer = Warlock (summons stuff to fight for him)
Sniper = DPS Mage/Hunter
Pyro = Close Combat AOE Fire Mage

Demoman = Fucking Overpowered aka Shaman