Whoa! Max Payne is a total slob

by Christopher Grant on Jun 9th 2009 10:31PM

Other possible headlines included:

Drink Hard: Max Payne grows up to be John McClane
Max Stain 3: The Filth of Max Payne
or simply: Max Payne throws up all over his shirt, exclusive pics inside

So, when we first heard that Rockstar Vancouver's Max Payne 3 would deliver a "more world-weary and cynical" Max, chronicling the "downward spiral of his life" in convenient gameplay format, we balked. "More cynical?" we responded. Of course we now realize that the fool-proof formula for creating a character "more cynical" requires taking already cynical Max Payne and removing all regard for hygiene and physical appearance.

Alright, Rockstar. Fair enough. You win on the "more cynical" thing ... now let's see you work this into the gameplay. Maybe a showering minigame? Or escort missions to the dry cleaners. We're just riffin' here ... hey, where are you going?

Source

Tags: Game-Informer, Max-Payne, Max-Payne-3, Microsoft, Rockstar, Rockstar-Vancouver, Xbox-360

Reader Comments (140)

Max Payne: Wife Beater

Max Payne: Couch sitter, Cheeto eater

More like Max VEINS. amirite?

Max Payne: Old Man Payne

@ Markez

So, Max Payne: Hardcore Gamer, then?

I KEED, I KEED!!!

Max Payne: Needs Rogaine

AHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Max Payne 3: 1 Cup

Max Payne: Obadiah Stane

Max Payne: Male Pattern Baldness

The acronym would be MP: MPB and 14 year old punks would walk into game stores the world over calling it that as if it were the cool thing to do...

Totally not in any way like Old Snake, no, really...

Yeah, and snake was nothing like that guy from escape from new york...what was his name?

http://www.reelmovienews.com/images/gallery/obadiah-stane.jpg

Definately obadiah stane..

Max Payne: My Hero and Role Model

Max Payne: The Amishing

Max Payne - Daddy, come over here!

you riffed 'em too hard Chris

Ew-hew-hew-hew! He looks like Bob Newbie in The Sims!

At first I was thinking that this couldn't get any closer to the art style of GTA IV, but then I realized that it's by Rockstar and it probably is the art style of GTA IV.

Rockstar North vs Rockstar Vancouver

Max Payne: Don't Eat Spaggheti-O's With A Fork

They pulled a SplinterCell:Conviction! Not only is Max Payne now bald...the game takes place in the JUNGLES of BRAZIL! WTF?!
Here are the scans!
http://forum.alanwake.com/showpost.php?p=41787&postcount=334
http://forum.alanwake.com/showpost.php?p=41788&postcount=335

Details:
-Takes place in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
-Most of the screens are in the day with a ghetto jungle vibe (think of like RE5)
-Story is 12 years after MP2 I think. Either the game details the "missing years" of Max or not is unclear.
-Bullet-time is still there, and from what I read, the gameplay is still relatively the same. There is a cover system and more fluid animations now.
-Will have multiplayer

Odd.

Who is developing this?

"There is a cover system"

Fuck, know what that means. He'll be clinging to walls harder than an early teen girl clinging to her first boyfriend. The old Max Payne didn't need no cover system... I guess he really is weary guy now.

Ugh, cover : ( I hope it's not necessary.

How the hell did Max move from NY to South America?

"How the hell did Max move from NY to South America?"

Because of the cover system.

Alright, maybe I'm hating on cover systems a little too much. I'm just really worried about this game since so much has changed that it sound like totally different game rather than Max Payne.

Dracard: You're not overreacting. I'm also very skeptical about this announcement - Max Payne is not your average duck-and-cover shooter. It's always intrinsically based in film noir.

To do a Max Payne game without bullet time and without the film noir backdrop is downright criminal. Honestly, I foresee this game sucking, a lot.

I'm not against innovation in games - hell, Splinter Cell Conviction looks like a very natural evolution of the series, and Assassin's Creed 2 looks downright delicious. But this completely erases the Max Payne series' history, I can't see this ending any way but bad.

Between Crysis and Just Cause 2, the market for blow-your-pants-off jungle combat seems pretty full.

Hmm I no longer consider this a Max Payne game. Hopefully they can change my mind but in my mind bald slob + jungles + daytime + cover system does not in any way shape or form equal Max Payne.

I'm hugely upset, but again, hopefully it can somehow retain the mood and tone of the first two.....

"the game takes place in the JUNGLES of BRAZIL! WTF?!"

jungles lol
it's in a favela, it's like a slum where poor people live, i hope you realize são paulo (at least in population) is a larger metropolis than than NYC right?
if you call this a jungle, then, okay http://gabrielarighetto.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/sao_paulo_cidade.jpg

Jeeze what is up with the beard.

Sam Fisher didn't need his, so he let Max borrow it.

He looks like Jeff Bridges in Iron Man.

Awesome - love the character design.

Agree, thumbs up. It's lame most game characters look like male college jocks or female pageant contestants. This new Max looks like he's a veteran, took many lives, drank away his memories, etc.

Add a beer belly and you've got a number of people that live around me.

Good ol Florida...

Not all of Florida is from your trailer park. Some of us live in exclusive walled-off-from the trash communities.

I don't live in a trailer park, I live in Florida. That's how most of it is outside of the cities and rich areas.

According to this website, you reside in the 9th level of hell

http://www.holytaco.com/9-current-levels-hell

Haha I got a good laugh from that until I realized that it pretty much hit the nail on the head...then it was pretty depressing :(

I was wondering where I was in the 4 types of Floridians, then I remembered I'm not really one since I moved from New York so it makes a lot more sense.

I agree about the drama kids going to Denny's, I'm one of them. But we aren't annoying.

No one ever thinks that they themselves are the annoying one...

Max Payne: Revenge of the Slob

DAD ?!?!!?!?

He looks slovenly to the point where, like Homer Simpson, he uses his gun more as a utility item; turn the lights on/off, turn the tv on/off, etc.

That episode was awesome.

Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that... [paranoid]...yet.
Just give me my gun. [grabs for gun]
Gun Shop Owner: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've
got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now!

Homer: If I had my gun right now I'd shoot you!
Gun Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you don't.

Gun Shop Owner: Let's take a look at your background check. It says here you were in a mental hospital...
Homer: Yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: ...frequent problems with alcohol...
Homer: Oh Ho Ho Heh yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: ... beat up President Bush.
Homer: Former president. [looks at forms] "Potentially dangerous"?!
Gun Shop Owner: Relax. It just limits you to three handguns or less.
Homer: Woohoo!

Marky Mark as an over weight cop with psychological problems and hygiene of that of a pig?

NO THAT'S A BAD MOVIE TO SE!!!!!!

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Max Payne 3

Whoa! Max Payne is a total slob

Reader Comments (140)

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