The internets present: Michael Pachter FACTS

Joystiq admittedly went a little crazy with stories involving Wedbush Morgan analyst Michael Pachter recently. But, how can the internet blame us? The man is such an important figure. Not only to the video game industry, but to the current state of humanity. Inspired by Harmonix's Alex Navarro, the facts of Michael Pachter's importance were spoken across the Twitterverse and compiled by one Jared Newman. A small sampling:

• When Michael Pachter gets the Red Ring of Death, he sends Microsoft a coffin.
• Publications often misrepresent Michael Pachter as a "Wedbush Morgan Analyst." No company can contain Michael Pachter.
• Michael Pachter willed the Dreamcast to its destruction. No one can cast dreams except Michael Pachter.
• There is a little-known seventh ESRB rating: P. It stands for Pachter. P-rated games can only be played by the awesome.
• Michael Pachter has learned to suppress the pon farr. He's that logical.

We hope these facts help clarify his importance. Those looking to learn more can always search Twitter for #pachterfacts. Some facts show a lack of refinement, created by jealous heathens, but many will bestow the importance of this one man. If you know more facts, please feel free to add them below. Inspiration will get you kudos, crassness will get you a one way ticket off Joys- Pachstiq.