[INTERIOR] [SPACE STATION SORBET VII]
ENSIGN CAMEO: Sir! I'm picking up several signatures on my gamma pulse spectrum radar!
GENERAL CONSENSUS: Is it an attack? Did the Radical Space Sect find us?
ENSIGN CAMEO: No, sir, these objects are too small ... too listless and apathetic to be ships! It's like they have no particular trajectory ... they're completely unpredictable.
GENERAL CONSENSUS: Dr. Diana Fhire! What do you make of this?
DR. FHIRE: Hmm, I've never seen anything like this, possibly because I'm meant to be this film's gratuitous eye candy and thus possess highly suspect academic qualifications like Denise Richards did in that one Bond movie. Anyway, my tachyon scanner indicates that we are not dealing with biological matter. In fact, the substance seems ... no, that can't be!
GENERAL CONSENSUS: What? What are we dealing with here?
DR. FHIRE: Rocks. Big rocks. In space.
GENERAL CONSENSUS: My god. Space rocks ... but how?
DR. FHIRE: It's only a theory, but I believe coming into contact with these ... these ... "asteroids" could kill us severely.
GENERAL CONSENSUS: How ... how many of them pose a threat?
[CLOSE UP ON DR. FHIRE]
DR. FHIRE: All of them, general.
[CLOSER UP ON DR. FHIRE]
DR. FHIRE. All. Of. Them.
[INTERIOR] [ALARMS SOUND]
GENERAL CONSENSUS: Ensign! Get me gruff-but-likable washout pilot Jack Plot. He's the only one that can fly the experimental Triangulon Mark V --
DR. FHIRE: The Triangulon?! Are you crazy? That thing's still a prototype! It's not tested for --
GENERAL CONSENSUS: We don't have a choice, Diana. I'm not getting my ass kicked by these roids!
Reader Comments (59)
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:00AM Darric said
Would anyone have noticed if they had made the same film but just called it "Meteors" instead? They had to buy the film rights? Really?!
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:02AM StormEagle said
Well there is a difference between a meteor and an asteroid.
Meteors actually enter the Earth's atmosphere.
Asteroids are bigger and just float around in space or orbit things.
So depending on what kind of movie they're actually trying to turn this into.......
Reply
Meteors actually enter the Earth's atmosphere.
Asteroids are bigger and just float around in space or orbit things.
So depending on what kind of movie they're actually trying to turn this into.......
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:59AM edit said
Brings to mind.. "The meteorite is the source of the light, and the meteor's just what we see, and the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee."
As far as the bidding war, I'll echo sentiments of 'what, seriously?'
Asteroids are a natural phenomenon and there's nothing stopping anyone from making a film about them. Licensing a game with no plot seems like an incredible waste of money. The only possible rational motivation I can think of is some kind of marketing campaign that involves letting people play the game, or maybe some modern re-invention of it (not that there haven't already been plenty) on phones and current gen systems.. Even so, I think everyone knows what the game is all about, and it's simplicity, and wouldn't give two shits about it nowadays. It's not hard to find a version of it to play for free.
Reply
As far as the bidding war, I'll echo sentiments of 'what, seriously?'
Asteroids are a natural phenomenon and there's nothing stopping anyone from making a film about them. Licensing a game with no plot seems like an incredible waste of money. The only possible rational motivation I can think of is some kind of marketing campaign that involves letting people play the game, or maybe some modern re-invention of it (not that there haven't already been plenty) on phones and current gen systems.. Even so, I think everyone knows what the game is all about, and it's simplicity, and wouldn't give two shits about it nowadays. It's not hard to find a version of it to play for free.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 12:32PM darkinchworm said
But we all know how that ends... she finally found the beef in Prego pasta sauce, Wendy's fired her, and she died shortly thereafter.
Reply
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:18AM (Unverified) said
I want to see this movie become a reality.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:49AM StormEagle said
So we can expect it to be like the seen from Blue Harvest right?
"We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field!"
"We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field!"
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:53AM Alphathon said
I believe you'll find that's SCENE, not SEEN.
Also: http://mybroadband.co.za/photos/data/630/GrammarNaziCat.jpg
Anyway, I'd lol if it were, although I prefer the Dr. Who bit just before it - "hyperspace always looks so freaky"
Reply
Also: http://mybroadband.co.za/photos/data/630/GrammarNaziCat.jpg
Anyway, I'd lol if it were, although I prefer the Dr. Who bit just before it - "hyperspace always looks so freaky"
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:51AM Freddie Mercury said
......huh?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 2:13PM Freddie Mercury said
either that, Thor von Clemson, or Tenacious D
Reply
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:51AM idiot said
bravo
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:51AM Naoki7 said
Brilliant. I had to try and refrain from actually lol'ing since I'm reading this in class. But the lols are there for sure.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:53AM (Unverified) said
that write-up was absolutely fantastic.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:57AM (Unverified) said
So WTF was "Armageddon" about?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:58AM Dirty said
Can the prop for the Triangulon Mark V be a Subaru XT Turbo?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:59AM MystileArmor said
DSG?
*sniff* Why?...Why? WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*sniff* Why?...Why? WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:02AM (Unverified) said
I think I see her face in the largest asteriod!
Reply
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:03AM Johnny Locke said
DSG should be in one post every day, hidden so you need to really look to find her, like the brotherhood of steel armour picture.
I miss her too though *sniff*
Reply
I miss her too though *sniff*
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:08AM MystileArmor said
And why can't Pachter only be allowed one day a year? Can't we trade them or something?
Send Pachter to the dark depths of Dead Space and have DSG pull facts out of her ass. Now THAT's something we'd all want to see, huh, amirite huh?
Reply
Send Pachter to the dark depths of Dead Space and have DSG pull facts out of her ass. Now THAT's something we'd all want to see, huh, amirite huh?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 10:59AM Captain Planet Planeteer Power said
This is the worst idea in the long sad history of worst ideas. The only thing that tops this is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI1UVDOuMqE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI1UVDOuMqE&feature=related
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:00AM (Unverified) said
Can everyone say, "Academy Award Winner"?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:04AM jhender said
Sweet! I hope this will be as good as Pong! the Movie....
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Pong!_the_Movie
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Pong!_the_Movie
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:06AM WiNGSPANTT from TopTierTacticsco said
They could call the Asteroids movie "Dead Space."
Get it?
Hey, I'm doing the best I can to fill the void.
Get it?
Hey, I'm doing the best I can to fill the void.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:07AM Bagels said
"What do you think this is, Jack Plot, A GAME?!?!?!?"
*everyone in movie stops and winks at the audience for 17.8 seconds. Moms laugh.*
*everyone in movie stops and winks at the audience for 17.8 seconds. Moms laugh.*
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:10AM NaeemTHM said
THIS SUMMER. ONE MAN. ONE SHIP. ONE MILLION ASTEROIDS.
Asteroids.
COMING 2010
By Michael Bay.
*insert explosion*
Asteroids.
COMING 2010
By Michael Bay.
*insert explosion*
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:12AM (Unverified) said
Diana Fhire.
I love Ludwig.
I love Ludwig.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:27AM MaliceMajorE15 said
excellent script. i wouldnt be suprised if that made it into the movie
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:34AM benheck said
You know, I don't buy into the whole "world ends in 2012" crap, but then again hearing they're making an Asteroids movie makes me guess again.
During the Great Depression Hollywood gave us many classics. During the Great Recession, we're getting bottom-of-the-barrel remakes, sequels, game movies and other cheap crap.
Ug.
During the Great Depression Hollywood gave us many classics. During the Great Recession, we're getting bottom-of-the-barrel remakes, sequels, game movies and other cheap crap.
Ug.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 11:32AM Edge of Blade said
"I'm not getting my ass kicked by these roids!"
Best. Line. Ever.
Best. Line. Ever.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 12:23PM (Unverified) said
Dude, that's like the plot for Transformers 3!
AoD
AoD
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 12:31PM ObiBen8 said
best Joystiq post I've read today
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 12:39PM Nook said
man, you wanna talk about playing a game for hours upon hours - I played this ALOT on the ole 2600 back in the day.
screw a movie - give me 2600 titles on VC.
screw a movie - give me 2600 titles on VC.
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 12:51PM Shiaoran said
I'm actually curious about this one... I wonder what could they possibly do.
Anyway it'll probably be very unoriginal and unimaginative. But definetly better than a 2-hour movie showing a ship blasting asteroids to no end, until the ship is destroyed in a scene so dramatic that everyone will be teary and/or "WTFTHISCRAP??".
Anyway it'll probably be very unoriginal and unimaginative. But definetly better than a 2-hour movie showing a ship blasting asteroids to no end, until the ship is destroyed in a scene so dramatic that everyone will be teary and/or "WTFTHISCRAP??".
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 1:21PM ArthurSA said
Agh, another beloved video game franchise will be ruined by an obnoxious movie plot.
Besides, don't they ever learn? Movies based on video games always turn out to be bad.
...or was that the opposite?
Besides, don't they ever learn? Movies based on video games always turn out to be bad.
...or was that the opposite?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 1:24PM XeroAF said
Didn't they do this already? It had Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck in it.... right?
Posted: Jul 2nd 2009 1:30PM wardob said
If that were an actual trailer for the movie, I think I would have to go watch it...
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