Three guards suspended for nearly blowing up planet with PSP

by Griffin McElroy { Jul 17th 2009 at 12:15AM }

There's an appropriate time and place for portable gaming. Stuck in a dentist's waiting room? Of course. In the back seat during a lengthy road trip? Go right ahead. Waiting for the movie to start? Acceptable! Working as a security guard stationed in the heart of one of the nation's oldest high-security nuclear weapons plants? No, sir. A thousand times no.

A report from a Knoxville news station turned our eyes to the plight of three security guards who were recently suspended without pay from the Y-12 nuclear weapons plant in Oak Ridge, TN. Their misconduct? They brought gaming devices "with transmitting capability" (the original article specifically mentions the PSP) into the plant's "protected zone," where cell phones aren't even allowed, because THAT'S WHERE THEY MAKE NUCLEAR WEAPONS. We sure hope those brief rounds of Lumines were worth risking nuclear holocaust, you jerks.

Tags: apocalypse, nuclear, portable, security-guards

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Unplugged @ Jul 17th 2009 12:20AM

I wish Sony would put a positive spin on this and then use it to advertise the PSP.

The PSP is so powerful it almost made a nuclear weapons factory explode! Go Buy one now!

The Dark Wayne @ Jul 17th 2009 12:22AM

hahaha, awesome

EI8HT @ Jul 17th 2009 1:01AM

or see terrorist strap PSPs to their chest and run towards one

Old Professor Zertoss @ Jul 17th 2009 1:12AM

"The PS2 is so powerful, hackers could use it to launch nukes!"

Vegnagun bwf @ Jul 17th 2009 2:07AM

"The Nintendo DS couldn't display half the quality of this nuclear holocaust"

Maverick Saturn (Igor) @ Jul 17th 2009 4:51AM

And PSPgo offers 16gb of extra badda bing badda BOOM!!

Spartan @ Jul 17th 2009 6:29AM

Lol @ Zertoss.

I remember hearing on the news about shipments of PS2's that had to be gaurded because terrorists would want such awesome computing power. .

PR0F3TA @ Jul 17th 2009 7:42AM

PSP? Nuclear Holocaust? .... how great would FO be on the PSP

Maverick Saturn (Igor) @ Jul 17th 2009 8:53AM

Guess that explains why they wanted to release duke nukem on PSP still

Jack_Jackington @ Jul 17th 2009 10:05AM

PSP Go

smaller size. same destruction

Bobs @ Jul 17th 2009 12:20AM

lol

that is damn funny

Zexion_VI @ Jul 17th 2009 12:21AM

They were really addicted to Monster Hunter, lol

mezzanine @ Jul 17th 2009 12:21AM

In their defense, Lumines is pretty hard to put down.

Rhamsey @ Jul 17th 2009 12:45AM

well, if it was peggle id understand.

Jamesology @ Jul 17th 2009 11:02AM

WTH is peggle. Never heard of it.

ArchiGamer [thephilosophyofgames.wordpress.com] @ Jul 17th 2009 12:21AM

L O L

Manly Mcbeefington (Mr. ESC) @ Jul 17th 2009 12:26AM

Guard 1-Hey we have to guard this nuclear weapons facility

Guard 2-I can't I'm playing portable nuts

Guard 1-Nuts wats dat?

Guard 2-Is a nut you can play with outs...!!BOOM!!

PSP is like a nuclear weapon you can play with outside.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqHd4UysK9k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGzAfoqDBVc

catfish24 @ Jul 17th 2009 1:05AM

I liked the Pussy Willows commercial better though the squirrel one is alright.

Here's the Pussy Willows one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p_PBCsyy74

Manly Mcbeefington (Mr. ESC) @ Jul 17th 2009 1:14AM

That one is even worse.

Here is my reaction:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KyBdPeKHg

Sly @ Jul 17th 2009 1:49AM

i love the dust balls the most. i used to love those commercials though.

and this line made me laugh HARD. "You get him pussy!" "I sure will!"

Sly @ Jul 17th 2009 1:58AM

the dustball pursuit force commercial was the best FOR SURE.

Blank-Mage @ Jul 17th 2009 12:26AM

I didn't think it was that easy to set off nuclear weapons. I mean, don't you have to have something like 4 simultaneous detonators? Unless the PSP has wifi capabilities I wasn't aware of.

ThatPCgameryouhate @ Jul 17th 2009 12:29AM

How well did you read the manual that came with your PSP?
Look under "Setting of Nuclear Devices" page 36.

Astral Drmz @ Jul 17th 2009 6:27PM

Apparently the PSP manual came with some typos.

Shariq Ansari @ Jul 17th 2009 12:28AM

Having worked at a nuclear power plant before, I'd say that the no-transmitting devices rule doesn't really have anything to do with a risk of things blowing up, but more to do with the fact that anything that transmits can potentially interfere with sensitive radiological monitoring equipment, causing alarms to go off and failsafes to trip when there actually is no real problem.

We always had to turn off our cell-phones and radios when entering the control room at the plant for fear of inadvertantly tripping a safety system and causing the reactor to shut itself down (which would in turn lose the plant a lot of money; a powerplant not making electricity makes management grumpy).

Exemplar @ Jul 17th 2009 11:26AM

I understand where you're coming from, but don't you agree there's a bit of a difference between a nuclear power plant and a NUCLEAR WEAPONS PLANT? Like maybe a FEW HUNDRED WARHEADS?

I think they were more concerned with the possible (although highly unlikely) triggering of the devices.

Scuffles @ Jul 17th 2009 6:28PM

Doubtful firstly because they most likely never assemble the device(s) in question to a point where they could detonate. Generally things like that happen until said device(s) are transported to their new "permanent" home and even then generally munitions nuclear or otherwise are stored as such the detonator is typically not installed until its ready to be used.

I could see random transmissions setting off safety systems that would potentially shut the whole place down and I would agree management would not be a happy camper. Not to mention possibly disrupting extremely sensitively calibrated sensors that are responsible for say making sure that the core material is being separated properly. That could result in a bad batch with less yield than it should have that probably won't make it past QA.

j.howlett @ Jul 17th 2009 12:29AM

now you're playing with power

Manly Mcbeefington (Mr. ESC) @ Jul 17th 2009 12:35AM

NUCLEAR POWER!

I miss that slogan.

Desert Eagle @ Jul 17th 2009 2:28AM

Sony does what Nintendon't!

MystileArmor @ Jul 17th 2009 12:31AM

See, if it was an Iphone you'd be in trouble. Someone would for sure make a detonator app you can download for a buck.

Look At This Suit @ Jul 17th 2009 12:55AM

But you're not supposed to use iTunes to develop Nuclear, Chemical, or Biological weapons!

ArchiGamer [thephilosophyofgames.wordpress.com] @ Jul 17th 2009 1:05AM

Well too bad, I've gone and made my own Killer App!!!

MWAAAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

MystileArmor @ Jul 17th 2009 1:06AM

What does Itunes have to do with anything?

Look At This Suit @ Jul 17th 2009 1:10AM

I don't know. We were on the topic of Apple products, and that is actually stated in the iTunes Terms of Use. I'm guessing it applies to iPods as well.

MystileArmor @ Jul 17th 2009 1:15AM

I didn't know I could use MP3's to develop weapons...?

Steve-o @ Jul 17th 2009 1:33AM

Want nuke the world?

There's an app for that.

Dethgar @ Jul 17th 2009 6:54PM

@MystileArmor -- MP3's used to develop nuclear devices are the sole reason Coldplay exists!

Neuromancer @ Jul 17th 2009 12:32AM

Couldn't they just tell their boss they turned the WLAN switch to 'off'?

Rhamsey @ Jul 17th 2009 12:43AM

This is the funniest shit ive read since the guy who broke out of jail in a box all solid snake like.

bongoes @ Jul 17th 2009 10:40AM

Ah I remember that. Good times, good times...

Exemplar @ Jul 17th 2009 11:32AM

Huh? ... Just a box.

james @ Jul 17th 2009 2:29PM

holy shit did someone really??? any chance you could link dat shit.

Rhamsey @ Jul 17th 2009 9:06PM

it was an old joystiq playstation article.

http://playstation.joystiq.com/2008/11/18/man-escapes-prison-in-a-cardboard-box-mgs-style/

Sly @ Jul 17th 2009 12:56AM

wow, i thought the title was exaggerating. apparently it wasn't. these guys are either complete idiots, or hardcore monster hunters.

charlie b. @ Jul 17th 2009 12:02PM

gotta catch 'em all.

MystileArmor @ Jul 17th 2009 1:08AM

They can replace the 3 guards with Natal and the PS Eyetoy.
Program some software to recognize the staff of the factory. Everyone else walks by, Natal doesn't recognize them and then a shitload of turrets come out of the sealing!!

Yes, yes.. I know, I got quite the imagination.