Valve explains why Portal's Companion Cube had to die
by Justin McElroy 
{ Nov 2nd 2009 at 2:30PM }
When we cursed Valve and asked tearfully why our beloved Companion Cube had to die by our own hands, Portal's writers calmly explained to Gamasutra that it was to develop a stronger bond with the Cube and teach the mechanics of the incinerator.
See how it's done, God? Was that so difficult?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Darth Bradwart, Dark Lord of the Sith @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:32PM
The cake is a lie...
Darth Bradwart, Dark Lord of the Sith @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:33PM
Also, there is no death. There is only the Force.
ShadowXOR @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:34PM
That got old a long time ago. Why is someone posting a catch phrase for the millionth time considered something worth doing?
Good thing this isn't a Bioshock thread or it would probably be even worse.
Flo @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:34PM
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
CaptainObvious @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:37PM
@ ShadowXOR
Would you kindly stfu.
LeadBoxx @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:37PM
Would you kindly not use "The Cake is a Lie!" Is that what you were looking for Shawdow?
Shagittarius @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:01PM
The truth is a pie...
PedoJokerBear [Planeteer | Power of Gall Bladder] @ Nov 2nd 2009 5:08PM
the best chicken is the thigh
Ashkental @ Nov 2nd 2009 6:14PM
i am high!
Brysonial the Bison @ Nov 2nd 2009 7:09PM
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science:
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us
except for the ones who are dead
But there's no sense crying over every mistake
You just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun
For the people who are still alive
I'm not even angry
I'm being so sincere right now
Even though you broke my heart and killed me
And torn it pieces
And threw every piece into a fire
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time
So I'm glad I got burned
Think of all the things we learned
For the people that are still alive
Go ahead and leave me
I think I prefer to stay inside
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you
Maybe Black Mesa
That was a joke, ha ha, fat chance
Anyway this cake is great, it's so delicious and moist
Look at me still talking, when there's science to do
When I look out there it makes me glad I'm not you
I've experiments to run, there is research to be done
On the people who are still alive
And believe me I am still alive
I'm doing science and I'm still alive
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive
While you are dying I'll be still alive
And when you're dead I'll be still alive
STILL ALIVE
still alive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI
ShadowXOR @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:33PM
Was this posted years ago, or was it in the commentary? I swear I already knew all of this.
Nytemare457 @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:50PM
Congratulations, you have just experience a deja vu.
Or you have precognition, and if that's the case I'm so outta here...
PoonDaddy @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:55PM
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this was all in the in-game commentary...
CaramelZappa @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:37PM
Yea, it was explained in the commentary.
samfish [is sad there is no Gene in Tats v Cap =( ] @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:34PM
BRING ON THE 2007 MEMES!
I mean all of them, not just the Portal ones.
Darth Bradwart, Dark Lord of the Sith @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:38PM
*scratches head.*
All your base are belong to us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
samfish [is sad there is no Gene in Tats v Cap =( ] @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:42PM
Nah. There was Dick in a Box (I think that was 2007), Flash Mobs, Weegi, Captain Planet, Haruhi dance...probably more but I've devoted enough time to this.
Plus, I just learned about Gogle Search Suggestion fails, so I'm busy now!
Rein [Prime Minister of the city-state of New Bjork] @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:51PM
Mi--MIKURU BIIMUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vcize @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:56PM
PS3 has no gamez!
Wii is a fad!
RROD-box amirite?!?
T-Patch @ Nov 2nd 2009 4:09PM
DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS!!! BAWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
(I actually can`t believe over 9000 is three years old...)
PedoJokerBear [Planeteer | Power of Gall Bladder] @ Nov 2nd 2009 5:09PM
please make this thread.......
OVER 9000!
McBrick @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:39PM
I'd heard it was originally a companion CUB. When over 95% of Valve's testers broke down in tears or simply refused to continue to commit more virtual baby bear murder, they changed it to "cube."
The other 5% of the testers? People that went to Baylor. True story.
And when I say :"true story" I mean "total BS."
Me @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:42PM
Companion cube! I'm sorry Companion Cube! I'm sorry! Companion cube! COMPANION CUUUUUUUUUBE!!!!!
Smoke_me_a_Kipper @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:02PM
My companion cube was a bitch and deserved her fiery death.
B3astofthe3ast @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:46PM
It's a shame the cube had to be a casualty in order to defeat a greater, cake-promising evil. R.I.P. CC, you are still missed.
Powerlord @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:47PM
"Portal's writers calmly explained to Gamasutra that it was to develop a stronger bond with the Cube and teach the mechanics of the incinerator. "
You would have known this two years ago if you'd bothered to go through that level in Developer Commentary mode.
The Dark Wayne [Planeteer: Power of the Batusi] @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:48PM
the cube died because she was a filthy whore!
captainprotonx @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:14PM
Your statement reminds me of my childhood stint in the Catholic faith.
BPMOmega [XBL, PSN, Steam] @ Nov 2nd 2009 6:29PM
But... but... the Companion Cube is a HE!
[dramatic sting music]
JJBro1 @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:55PM
IM SPOILED!!!!
CynicalStrike @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:54PM
Slow news day much?
Vcize @ Nov 2nd 2009 2:57PM
I really don't remember this part of the game.
WiNG [XBL&Steam: WiNGSPANTT] from lifeinagame.com @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:02PM
Obviously you never played Portal, because what you just said is tantamount to saying you don't remember hearing "The Princess is in another castle" in Mario Bros.
solar @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:08PM
That's because it was so traumatic that your brain blocked the event from your conscious memory. You are not alone.
Vcize @ Nov 2nd 2009 7:14PM
Ok seriously, someone jog my memory here. I played (and loved) Portal, but it was almost two years ago now.
I guess I didn't form enough of an emotional attachment to the cube :(
Fullmetal Salchemist @ Nov 2nd 2009 7:11PM
Maybe he doesn't remember it because it wasn't memorable. All of these replies perfectly illustrate the stagnant pit that is video game-related humor.
So take a screenshot of these replies, so the next time you wonder why there are so many awful, awful webcomics like Dueling Analogs, Ctrl-Alt-Del, and pretty much every comic that decided they wanted a piece of the Penny Arcade pie, you can look at that screenshot and realize you have yourselves to blame.
captainprotonx @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:05PM
Cubes. They have hearts too.
FantomRedux @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:39PM
Six of them in fact
Yuccadude @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:12PM
You mean I had to learn fire is hot? Oh shit, better watch out, these guys will soon be teaching us that love between a man and a box is wrong too.
Max @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:13PM
"When we cursed Valve and asked tearfully why our beloved Companion Cube had to die by our own hands, Portal's writers calmly explained to Gamasutra that it was to develop a stronger bond with the Cube and teach the mechanics of the incinerator.
See how it's done, God? Was that so difficult?"
- OMFG LOL - Justin McElroy is too awesome.
zero2dash @ Nov 2nd 2009 3:36PM
BS. They just secretly hated the WCC.
There's no reason you couldn't have chucked a blabbering turret into the incinerator hole instead, or even one of the plain cubes.
Archon (PSN: Archonik, XBL: DarkARHN) @ Nov 2nd 2009 4:55PM
Wow, seriously? So nowadays developers have to EXPLAIN to us the emotions we are supposed to feel when playing through a game?
It's like explaining that you should feel sad because they killed Aerith in FFVII. Also, it's a plot twist.
Also, if you did not know that, don't read the previous sentence... and what are you doing on gaming blog, anyway... noob.
Giroro @ Nov 2nd 2009 5:06PM
maltipoo = mutt
actually I just made myself feel bad, I used to have a dog named Lacey.
Nacholizard316 @ Nov 3rd 2009 6:43PM
True love is not ambivolent!
CH3BURASHKA @ Nov 2nd 2009 5:40PM
I really didn't give a shit: you only had the Cube for a single level. I was more worried about the fact that I was being forced to give a thing I could use to get myself outta there.
Does that make me a bad person?
Verrin @ Nov 2nd 2009 6:01PM
yes.
Vcize @ Nov 2nd 2009 6:02PM
Ok seriously, someone jog my memory here. I played (and loved) Portal, but it was almost two years ago now.
I guess I didn't form enough of an emotional attachment to the cube :(
Fullmetal Salchemist @ Nov 2nd 2009 7:08PM
It's funny that he got voted down, because he's right. The cube and the cake weren't the funniest part of the game, but it's the part that gamers latched onto like the humorless leeches they are. Spouting phrases from video games ad nauseam (i.e. "more than zero times") doesn't make up for your complete lack of personality.
Fullmetal Salchemist @ Nov 2nd 2009 7:09PM
Stupid reply system. That was supposed to be a response to the first post.
Trickob @ Nov 2nd 2009 7:12PM
Is it common for people to name their two dogs Cagney and Lacey because my aunt had two dogs with those names. She also had a dog named Murphy (as in Murphy Brown).
I often get the the Cagney and Lacey theme song stuck in my head which kind of sucks 'cause I hate saxophones...