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Uwe Boll is adapting everyone's favorite video game, Bloodrayne 3

by Griffin McElroy on Nov 22nd 2009 11:30AM

At the risk of being repeatedly pawnched, we think we can accurately describe all of Uwe Boll's video game-based films as "wretched." However, we've got a theory for why that is -- his attempt to adhere to the plot of these games limited his otherwise limitless directing potential. Fortunately, that won't be a problem on his next film project: Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer, a film based on a video game which does not exist.

We'll contact Majesco to find out if this means another Bloodrayne title is secretly in the works -- but let's be honest, now. This sounds a lot like some good ol' fashioned Bollnanigans. Bollshines. Bollduggery.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

Source

Tags: adaptation, bloodrayne, bloodrayne-3-warhammer, film, majesco, movies, terminal-reality, uwe-boll

Reader Comments (89)

PLEASE let this be straight-to-DVD.

*Straight to VHS

Fixed.

Considering how clueless Uwe Boll seems to be this will probably go straight to HD-DVD

Combining the best of both comments we present to you...

Straight to Betamax!

Why no LaserDisc love???

Why do you guys not go for the gold? Straight to Super8!

straight to viewmaster

Straight to Syfy

*Straight to hell.
Let's end it there..

We can't! You didn't say WHICH level of Hell!

Bloodrayne's

I'd say the 9th Circle, but even Satan wouldn't want to chew on this piece of filth.

Who said anything about Satan having to watch/chew it? Nothing motivates a demon slave better than shouting, "Do I gotta bust out Bloodrayne 3 again? Shall we have another marathon? What's say we make it 3 days this time! Muahaha *cough/hack/wheeze" haha... ha... get back to work."

So long as it's not the same level of hell I'm going to, It doesn't matter...

I heard Uwe's brother Hyper will be making an appearance, but it'll take him a while to get there.

Poor Dante.

Bollocks, no!

I'm curious, what hold does he have over movie execs that make them fund all these disasters?

"Unlike most directors in the US, who receive funding from Hollywood studios, he finances his own films through his Boll KG production company."

Source: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/uwe_boll/biography.php

Which makes you wonder where he gets all his money. German Mafia anyone?

Further text from the Rotten Tomatoes link:

"Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff."

I was under the belief that with his last film he'd exhausted the maximum amount the government was willing to extend under the tax provision, but either I was mistaken or he found a loophole.

@freaparn

It wasn't that he exhausted the max amount allowed, it's that the government voided the law(or however you'd say that).

And no, it wasn't done because of him, it's because there were a lot of US production studios creating shell companies in Germany, or making pseudo-legal partnerships with German production studios to take advantage of the law.

@freaparn:
I didn't know about the German law thing regarding tax write-offs for German films. Thanks for bringing that up!

Wait. There was a second movie?

I think the 2nd was a Scifi channel film. or just straight to DVD, he didnt direct if Im not mistaken.

@Cj No actually he has directed all the movies in this series. There were sequels to Alone in the Dark and House of the Dead but he didn't direct those, he only produced the Alone in the Dark sequel.

Not that I watch his movies. I just prefer to read the reviews he gets when I need a good laugh.

Wait, there was a second game?

Sounds like Bollshit to me...

Uwe think he would get the hint and stop makin' movies.

Apparently, he has a Boll of a time making these movies!

You gotta have bolls to make that many bad movies and keep going.

I'm not sure how you're pronouncing his name, Ryuk, but being a German word, it's supposed to be pronounced (written here phonetically in English) "OO-vuh." It's okay. Here, have an apple.

Maybe that's how they pronounce it in Germany, but I have always heard it pronounced as (oo-wee or yoo-ee)

Bollderdash I say!

Did Uwe Boll win a lottery or something? Who keeps giving this guy the monies for these "movies"; you'd think when he sees how awful his movies do in box-office and in overall sales he'd get the picture.

Please let this be in IMAX

Please let this be in IMAX 3D*

fixed.

Bloodrayne 3:D?

Hyams: Just imagine yourself there, and saying "Wow, this shit looks so real! Its like its coming right at me!"

I get enough of that in real life. (I really wish people would stop flinging their shit at me. It's most unhygienic.)

It's pretty strange that some good movie makers aren't getting enough money and someone like Uwe Boll is. I just don't understand.

Despite Uwe ruining the series name. I really want a current gen BloodRayne. I got the first 2 as a kid (Mom didn't care haha) and I loved them. So much gore!!!

Is he still taking boxing challenges? Maybe we could get Mike Tyson or George Foreman to climb into the ring with Boll and beat him retarded.

Yes I know there are other boxers out there, I just don't know boxing. And frankly, I don't care who does it, just so long as he's beaten retarded.

I'm pretty sure one look from Reggie's face could send him running in fear... or running in laughter, but either way he will be running!

I think its too late to be beaten retarded. Someone beat Tyson to it in his childhood.

This just in, Uwe Boll is directing Mike Tyson's Punch Out the movie.

Uwe Boll has made 8 video game adaptions (including this one), and we couldn't get Neill Blomkamp to make his Halo movie. Atheism sounds pretty tempting right now.

And Bioshock was put on hold due to costs...

Bollshit !!

Either it took you 25 minutes to make that comment, or you are not original at all.

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Uwe Boll is adapting everyone's favorite video game, Bloodrayne 3

Reader Comments (89)

Posted: Nov 22nd 2009 11:32AM Danthaman said

Posted: Nov 22nd 2009 11:38AM (Unverified) said

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