Joining me for this event is Benjamin Gilbert and Xav de Matos. I'm not entirely sure they've covered a gaming awards show before, so I wholly expect one of them to be broken by the end of the proceedings. Kevin, our fairly seasoned veteran, is on the show floor, giving us first-hand scoops. Jump past the break to follow our coverage, and make sure to leave a comment with your own clever, possibly even pithy observations.
Watch: The 2009 Spike TV Video Game Awards
Our on-the-scene reporter Kevin Kelly just snapped this picture -- apparently, Christmas came early to the VGAs. We're guessing that's the big early surprise.
Okay, here we go!
Griffin McElroy: It's starting!
Griffin McElroy: Oh, well, that's the Joker.
Griffin McElroy: If a dead Batman's in that box, I'll be very sad.
Griffin McElroy: Those audience members look bored to be murdered.
XavTLG: Arkham 2.... This time it's personal?
Griffin McElroy: Joker looks like he's seen better days.
Griffin McElroy: Was that the asylum?
Griffin McElroy: Oh, no. "Arkham has moved." In this economic climate?
XavTLG: Arkham moved.... Now it's in Boca!
Award: Best voice in a video game
bjamin1984: Zack Quinto is clearly the next major force in gaming.
Griffin McElroy: Zachary Quinto! He's a dream boat.
bjamin1984: Look at those cuffed pants!
Griffin McElroy: Zachary Quinto is voicing Star Trek Online!
Griffin McElroy: What a logical choice.
Griffin McElroy: This is Jack Black, right?
Griffin McElroy: I mean, they owe him.
Griffin McElroy: Nolan North, as Nathan Drake, and everyone else ever.
bjamin1984: He certainly deserves it for dressing up in that silly suit.
Griffin McElroy: Oh, Jack.
bjamin1984: Jack Black: Officially Mr. Feelgood?
Griffin McElroy: What's his cape say?
Griffin McElroy: "Game of the Year, Bitches. Game of the F@#$ing Year!"
Griffin McElroy: Aww, he thinks he won game of the year. Thanks, sweet, sticky weed.
Griffin McElroy: I can't make fun of JB. He was the only funny thing in last year's show.
True Crime Premiere
bjamin1984: You mean the only intentionally funny thing last year, right?
bjamin1984: Visceral, heartstopping and breathtaking! She forgot compelling!
Griffin McElroy: Oh, True Crime premiere!
Griffin McElroy: Okay, True Crime.
Griffin McElroy: You can make a good trailer.
Griffin McElroy: BUT DO YOU MAKE A GOOD GAME?
bjamin1984: I hear lightsabers!
bjamin1984: And pod racing!
Griffin McElroy: "A new threat rises"
Griffin McElroy: "A new destiny awaits"
Griffin McElroy: Didn't show a whole lot, but hey, light cycle racing confirmed for Holiday '10.
Tony Hawk gives best Action-Adeventure award
bjamin1984: Why is Tony Hawk floating in space?!
bjamin1984: Get out of that asteroid field, Tony Hawk!
Griffin McElroy: Why is he allowed to talk about video games anymore?
Griffin McElroy: Predictions?
bjamin1984: I can only imagine how many times his PR handler had to tell him "Don't get mad about Tony Hawk Ride!"
XavTLG: "Hey, I'm Tony Hawk... What kind of plastic junk do you want next year?"
bjamin1984: My money's on Uncharted 2, but my heart's with Assassin's Creed 2.
Griffin McElroy: Oooh snap!
Griffin McElroy: Assassin's Creed 2 wins it.
Deadliest Warrior Reveal
bjamin1984: Deadliest Warrior vidjagame?
Griffin McElroy: pardon the profanity
Griffin McElroy: this is the fucking COOLEST idea for a video game ever.
Griffin McElroy: Ninjas vs. knights vs. vikings vs. Army? YES PLEASE.
UFC Undisputed 2010 Reveal
XavTLG: It's the game that says BAD MUTHAF***A!
XavTLG: Kimbo in UFC 2010!
XavTLG: EAT IT EA.
bjamin1984: Hey, he can't get in the real MMA, may as well be in a game!
XavTLG: This gameplay is UNREAL... oh wait, it is real.
Griffin McElroy: "It's about pushing yourself. It's about knowing you can be the best. It's about transforming magically into another dude."
XavTLG: That's definitely a UFC game. That could have been footage of the original for all I know.....
bjamin1984: It's about watching sweaty dudes get up close and personal. It's about muscles. It's about .... looooove making.
Studio of the Year
bjamin1984: Oh look, Zack Braff and a space alien!
XavTLG: "Thanks, Mom."
Griffin McElroy: Oh, Zach. I wish you weren't the first one to drop the N bomb.
Griffin McElroy: (Nerd, that is.)
XavTLG: Nerd count drinking game. Let's do it.
Griffin McElroy: One.
bjamin1984: Opening my second beer now.
bjamin1984: (Oh, and in case you're wondering, I'm drinking a classy Chicory Stout from Dogfish Head. I know you were wondering.)
bjamin1984: Where's your money guys? Some Batman love?
bjamin1984: I'm on Batman.
Griffin McElroy: Which studio gave us the most stuff this past year?
Griffin McElroy: Naughty Dog?
XavTLG: Rocksteady wins it.
bjamin1984: And I am officially psychic.
Griffin McElroy: Oooh, wow! The new guy!
bjamin1984: Oh man, they're SO English. Are those Jem's brothers?
XavTLG: When do they give Heath Ledger an award?
Griffin McElroy: Oh, too mean.
Griffin McElroy: Too, too mean.
Samuel L. Jackson is talking about Star Wars
bjamin1984: Whoa whoa whoa, his dark side?
bjamin1984: Ruh oh.
XavTLG: ITS THE STAR WARS GAME CALLED BAD MUTHAF***A!
Griffin McElroy: If you carry a red lightsaber, he'll cut you in half.
bjamin1984: He's so badass he can now wear Grandma's clothes?
Griffin McElroy: Okay, new Star Wars game.
Griffin McElroy: Yoda is talking.
Griffin McElroy: Darth Vader is breathing.
bjamin1984: Is Darth Vader breathing into Yoda's open mouth?
XavTLG: Oh, please don't be Haden. Please don't be Haden.,,,,
Griffin McElroy: Sith walking down a hallway, effing the place up with his Force power.
XavTLG: Thank God.
bjamin1984: Be careful, Kevin!
Griffin McElroy: Who is that?
XavTLG: Dude from the first game.
Griffin McElroy: Looked like Matthew Fox.
bjamin1984: It's a banker! And he's ... he's got the Star Wars license in his hand! He's ... he's laughing! He's laughing while you lap it up!
XavTLG: Star Wars vs. Jurassic Park CONFIRMED
bjamin1984: Now that, Xav, would be the best thing that ever happened.
XavTLG: Unleash it again, for the first time?
Griffin McElroy: Force Unleashed 2. Looked pretty badass, actually.
Jake Gyllenhaal talks Prince of Persia
Griffin McElroy: We got some PoP footage here.
Griffin McElroy: We've seen this!
Griffin McElroy: I mean, it's hot, but we've seen this.
Griffin McElroy: "First look" my sweet, sweet ass.
Best Team Sports Game
year20xx: Hey, it's those guys! (Ed Note: That's JC!)
Griffin McElroy: Girls! Parties! Sex! Beer!
bjamin1984: Those guys are supposed to be in high school.
bjamin1984: That dude's like 40!
Griffin McElroy: HIGH school, maybe.
bjamin1984: I think that might be my dad.
year20xx: All of those guys have served me chicken crispers at Chili's in the last year.
Griffin McElroy: Because they're edgy!
bjamin1984: I don't know if you noticed, JC, but they have a mascot. And really angular faces.
bjamin1984: Totally edgy.
bjamin1984: Did you hear those swears?! Nothing but edge.
Griffin McElroy: Sweet vindication!
Griffin McElroy: (NHL 10 won.)
Griffin McElroy: Who the hell is booing?
XavTLG: Love it.
year20xx: Oh, don't mind them. They're just booing the show.
Griffin McElroy: Oh, JC. Please don't ever leave.
PoP: Forgotten Sands
bjamin1984: I was really hoping he'd hip check those awful cheerleaders.
Griffin McElroy: I've gone two minutes without an exclusive.
Griffin McElroy: Oh, here we go!
bjamin1984: WORLD EXCLUSIVE
Griffin McElroy: You can't kill sand.
Griffin McElroy: I mean, that's a fact.
Griffin McElroy: Prince looks way more Gylenhaaly.
Griffin McElroy: May 2010!
year20xx: this four camera angles thing is terrible.
Griffin McElroy: When's the movie? I'ma bet May 2010.
Hugh Jackman wins Best Performance by a Human Male
XavTLG: Hugh Jackman is hardly human.
year20xx: He's human
year20xx: plus ghJack
bjamin1984: Eff all this human male business. I want the best lemur male in a video game this year.
Griffin McElroy: What the hell? Where was the buildup?
XavTLG: Who designed those things?
Griffin McElroy: Media Molecule!
Griffin McElroy: Oh, Wolverine won Best Cast, too!
Griffin McElroy: They're moving through these things on a nice clip.
Griffin McElroy: We might be out of here by 9.
XavTLG: Never thought Wolverine would win anything related to acting.
Olivia Wilde and the Best Indie Game Fueled by Dew
bjamin1984: She looks about ready for baking at 350.
Griffin McElroy: STOP HOWLING.
bjamin1984: /fashion critic
Griffin McElroy: They're still howlng.
bjamin1984: She could've come dressed up as C. Viper and no one would've known!
XavTLG: Fueled by Mountain Dew?
XavTLG: Come on, now.
bjamin1984: Nothing says independent like Mountain Dew!
XavTLG: It it made by Mountain Dew?
Griffin McElroy: Welcome to hell, guys.
XavTLG: Are these games constructed on the Dew Engine?
Griffin McElroy: HAHA!
Griffin McElroy: Flower set to high octane tempo music.
Griffin McElroy: I love it.
Griffin McElroy: Should be Flower, though.
Griffin McElroy: Wow.
Griffin McElroy: It won!
XavTLG: Damn, right. Flower won.
Griffin McElroy: Aside from the last category, these haven't been too terribly off so far.
bjamin1984: They didn't say "Best game for affect 13-year-old My Bloody Valentine fans"
Griffin McElroy: YEEEEAH
Griffin McElroy: Dudes are now howling at Flower.
bjamin1984: Look, I love you Jenova Chen. I don't love your games that much.
Griffin McElroy: Aww, Jenova's so nervous.
Griffin McElroy: I'd be nervous too, if I was trying to kill the planet's Lifestream.
Griffin McElroy: And giving birth to Sephiroth.
XavTLG: What is with the awkward looking chicks?
XavTLG: That is an elaborate mic, Snoop.
bjamin1984: Someone quick! Tell Snoop that he's only got the bottom part of the sword! What happened to the blade?!
year20xx: Smoked it.
bjamin1984: Anyone else think it's strange that Snoop looks the same as he did in 1995?
Griffin McElroy: He's obviously a lichen.
Griffin McElroy: A poorly disguised one. Dogg? Hello?
Griffin McElroy: Like, a wolf.
Griffin McElroy: Wolves are Dogs.
bjamin1984: Confirmed: Snoop Dogg's a wolf.
Griffin McElroy: Those fly dancers seem awfully sluggish.
XavTLG: Oh, hello ladies.
Griffin McElroy: I mean, I shouldn't be too critical, but I think I could work it a bit more energetically than that.
XavTLG: I wonder which verse is sponsored by Mountain Dew....
Griffin McElroy: "Crisp yellow beverage spillin down my throat, mix it in with the ice, feed it to my goat"
Griffin McElroy: (That one.)
bjamin1984: Let's not kid ourselves, Griffin. You're fueled by Dew. Of course you'd have more energy!
bjamin1984: Why does that girl have They Live glasses on?
bjamin1984: What does she know that we don't?
Griffin McElroy: YOU CAN'T PREMIERE CRACKDOWN 2.
XavTLG: The next Rock Band game?
Griffin McElroy: That can't be done.
Griffin McElroy: It's already been premiered.
Split Second Commercial
Griffin McElroy: oh, what's this?
Griffin McElroy: split second?
Griffin McElroy: God, this game looks like a boner.
Griffin McElroy: I mean, it looks capable of giving boners.
Griffin McElroy: Did you play it, Xav?
Griffin McElroy: At E3?
Griffin McElroy: Can you vouch for it's bonertude?
Spec Ops Premiere
XavTLG: No one should ever cheer for Spec Ops....
Griffin McElroy: Hey, they hung that flag upside down.
Griffin McElroy: And that man!
Griffin McElroy: He's also upside down.
Griffin McElroy: Man, that guy's really angry at that skyscraper.
year20xx: Spec Ops! The game you buy because it's cheap!
XavTLG: Oh, well... this looks promising.
year20xx: Spec Ops... when you want Rainbow Six, but don't want to pay for all six.
Griffin McElroy: Rainbow One.
XavTLG: Spec Ops: Rainbow $6.99
A man who's involved with sports talks about sports
Griffin McElroy: Man, you guys are gonna love what I labeled this subsection.
Griffin McElroy: Best indie sports game!
Griffin McElroy: Oh, wait, individual sports game.
Griffin McElroy: If RIDE wins, I'm gonna stab my face.
year20xx: Best sport game.
year20xx: Because it's individual.
XavTLG: I can't wait for the Tiger Woods racing DLC
Griffin McElroy: If Tiger wins, the awkwardness will be palpable.
Griffin McElroy: You will be able to drizzle it on waffles.
year20xx: I look forward to palpating that awkwardness.
XavTLG: "10 mistresses included!"
Griffin McElroy: Oh, Tiger jab.
Griffin McElroy: OOH
Griffin McElroy: Sick Tiger jab
XavTLG: Oh, yes.
bjamin1984: Hardcore Tiger jabs!
year20xx: Tiger uppercut!
Griffin McElroy: "He played a round of golf, went back to the hotel, and shot three more holes."
Griffin McElroy: Fantastic.
Griffin McElroy: My, what an undisputed victory.
bjamin1984: I don't see any sub-human MMA men on-stage! Where are they?!
XavTLG: Wow. Really, Griffin?
XavTLG: That was a Clunker....
Griffin McElroy: That man told us to leave now and go watch that fight.
Griffin McElroy: He's bigger than I am.
Griffin McElroy: Probably stronger.
Griffin McElroy: I should really go.
bjamin1984: Aha! He's the MMA guy! That suit hides his hideous other form.
year20xx: It's more of a carapace, really.
Crackdown 2 "premiere"
Griffin McElroy: Once more, I must remind everyone, this ain't no premiere.
Griffin McElroy: Oh, man. Apparently you can hover in this game. Like a flying squirrel.
Griffin McElroy: "Would you like to blow @#$# up with meeeeee."
Griffin McElroy: As it happens, Crackdown 2 trailer, I absolutely would.
XavTLG: That sounds like a line I use, except without the (&*&^! up with) part
Griffin McElroy: Oh, now.
XavTLG: Wait, what?
Snoop Dogg gives award for Best RPG
Griffin McElroy: I prolly shouldn't open this can of worms, but is Borderlands really an RPG?
bjamin1984: I was gonna ask the same thing.
Griffin McElroy: Dragon Age wins it.
Griffin McElroy: And best PC game!
bjamin1984: Dragon Age just silently took best PC game too!
XavTLG: Dragon Age gets PC too
bjamin1984: Dragon Age wins PC too 2!
XavTLG: Where are the doctors?!
Griffin McElroy: Snoop's holding the second award.
Griffin McElroy: Was he involved?
bjamin1984: Snoop's taking it. He's wanted a Vector Monkey for soooo long.
Griffin McElroy: He did the voice of Dragon #4.
Green Day Rock Band reveal
bjamin1984: Oh Spike VGAs, it's only a premiere when the company making it doesn't accidentally reveal the trailer two hours early.
Griffin McElroy: Okay.
Griffin McElroy: Okay, Harmonix.
Griffin McElroy: Let's do this dance, you and I.
Griffin McElroy: REALLY?
Griffin McElroy: Really.
bjamin1984: I love you Harmonix. You're KILLING ME
XavTLG: Did Activision buy the Rock Band license or something?
Griffin McElroy: You're going to follow a Rock Band game based on The Beatles
Griffin McElroy: with a Rock Band game based on Green Day?
Griffin McElroy: Really?
Griffin McElroy: We're doing this.
A terrifying onslaught of awards
Griffin McElroy: best perf. by a human female - megan fox
Griffin McElroy: best downloadable game - shadow complex
Griffin McElroy: best wii game - new super mario bros wii
XavTLG: Shadow Complex. Yes.
Griffin McElroy: best DLC: GTA IV Ballad of Gay Tony
bjamin1984: Did that all just happen in one fell swoop?!
Griffin McElroy: it ain't over
bjamin1984: Wow, this is just happening, huh?
Griffin McElroy: Most anticipated game: God of War 3
Griffin McElroy: We made it!
Griffin McElroy: Sorry for the lack of cleverness.
XavTLG: Nah son, it's all about Splinter Cell: Conviction.
Griffin McElroy: That was a terrifying onslaught of awards.
Griffin McElroy: In fact, I'm gonna label that section "A terrifying onslaught of awards."
XavTLG: They needed to cut time so Jack Black could do a 10 minute bit.... you know, cuz he's talented.
Joel McHale reveals Medal of Honor trailer
Griffin McElroy: I wasn't paying attention, why was Joel talking about wet balls?
Griffin McElroy: Not sure how realistic all that was.
Griffin McElroy: Do real soldiers drive ATVs through caves?
bjamin1984: Whoa whoa whoa, is that true? If I poor energy drinks on my genitals, they get really alert?
Griffin McElroy: And where was our heavily bearded friend?
Mike Tyson talks to Jersey Shore folks about Best Shooter
Griffin McElroy: Wow.
bjamin1984: It's official, this is the worst.
Griffin McElroy: What tremendous douchebags.
bjamin1984: This is the worst part of the whole show.
Griffin McElroy: That was beautifully awful.
Griffin McElroy: If you're not watching this, watch the intro to Best Shooter.
bjamin1984: Question: How many of the Jersey Shore girls will Mike Tyson sleep with tonight?
Griffin McElroy: It was poetically terrible.
bjamin1984: 1? Both? The guys too?
Griffin McElroy: What happens in Jersey stays in Jersey. Except the clap. The clap comes with.
Griffin McElroy: predictions?
Griffin McElroy: real quick?
bjamin1984: The clap gets on an airplane and comes to LA with you.
Griffin McElroy: MW2, right?
Griffin McElroy: Won best multiplayer game, too.
Griffin McElroy: They don't know that, though. The people on stage.
Griffin McElroy: They're gonna be so excited when they get back to their seats.
Griffin McElroy: What a special night this is going to be for those two.
A terrifying onslaught of awards part two
bjamin1984: Uh oh, long awards list again!
Griffin McElroy: Best fighter: Street Fighter IV
Griffin McElroy: Best handheld game: GTA: Chinatown Wars
bjamin1984: If anything other than Street Fighter IV had won, Capcom vowed to "tear the show down," so, ya know. Probably a good thing that happened.
Griffin McElroy: Best Driving game: Forza Motorsports 3
bjamin1984: Best soundtrack: DJ Hero
bjamin1984: Best Xob 360 Game: L4D2
bjamin1984: Best Original Score: ODST
Griffin McElroy: Best game based on TV show: South Park Let's Go Tower Defense Play
Griffin McElroy: whew, thank god they didn't waste any time on these AWARDS during this AWARDS show
Griffin McElroy: Oh, man. I just had the weirdest deja vu
Oh shit, it's Stevie Wonder
Griffin McElroy: Oh shit, it's Stevie Wonder
bjamin1984: You know, you gotta feel bad for the poorly dressed blind guy.
bjamin1984: Also, HOLY SHIT HIS ARMS ARE MADE OF SNAKES!
bjamin1984: Best Music Game?
Griffin McElroy: 180 million people are watching this?
Griffin McElroy: He wants music games to be more accessible to the visually impaired.
Griffin McElroy: That's actually a really refreshing sentiment in the middle of this particular show.
bjamin1984: Stevie Wonder might save this bitch.
bjamin1984: He just made me genuinely smile.
bjamin1984: If The Beatles don't take it, I'm going to eat this empty bottle.
Griffin McElroy: I've gotta say DJ Hero.
Griffin McElroy: Sorry, bud.
bjamin1984: Psychic: Once again confirmed.
Griffin McElroy: (Beatles won it.)
bjamin1984: Does anyone else see that giant bird onstage next to Stevie Wonder? Am I hallucinating again?
We give the announcer a stern talking-to
Griffin McElroy: No, announcer.
Griffin McElroy: Nobody's going to unveil Halo: Reach.
Griffin McElroy: Someone might unveil a trailer for Halo: Reach.
Griffin McElroy: That is something someone can do.
Griffin McElroy: The only way someone can reveal Halo: Reach is if they travel back in time, and murder whoever first announced the game at E3.
bjamin1984: What's Halo Reach?
Griffin McElroy: Some kind of celestial toothpaste?
Halo: Reach trailer reveal
Griffin McElroy: Okay, for real though, Halo Reach is here.
bjamin1984: For real real.
bjamin1984: And Tricia Helfer.
Griffin McElroy: Helfer says it's the best FPS experience ever.
Griffin McElroy: First glimpse!
Griffin McElroy: please be a horse training simulator
XavTLG: We were told none of this is CG by Geoff's twitter
Griffin McElroy: Spartan with a skull painted over its face.
Griffin McElroy: LADY SPARTAN
Griffin McElroy: "Spartans never die, George. They're just missing in action."
bjamin1984: That's from the books.
Griffin McElroy: "You picked a hell of a day to join up."
Griffin McElroy: MAN.
Griffin McElroy: Action-packed!
XavTLG: So Halo Reach has spartans in it. Who knew.
Game of the Year
bjamin1984: GOTY TIME GUYZ
bjamin1984: Did this game have the ladies by their balls as well?
bjamin1984: My money's on Modern Warfare 2. Guys?
Griffin McElroy: Honestly?
Griffin McElroy: I'm gonna say Uncharted 2.
bjamin1984: Again, my heart's with Assassin's Creed 2.
Griffin McElroy: Because I believe in a benevolent God.
bjamin1984: Clearly you missed that Mike Tyson/Jersey Shore part before, believer.
XavTLG: Uncharted 2. Do it.,
Griffin McElroy: here we go!
bjamin1984: Oh snap!
Griffin McElroy: the moment we've all been waiting for!
Griffin McElroy: OH MAN
bjamin1984: Benevolent God confirmed!
Griffin McElroy: Also won best PS3 game and best graphics.
Griffin McElroy: I was wondering why they didn't announce those beforehand.
Griffin McElroy: Nolan North shoutoutzzz
Griffin McElroy: STOP HOWLING AT AMY HENNIG
XavTLG: Somewhere Arne is in tears.
Griffin McElroy: Jeez, who'd they let into this thing?
bjamin1984: Fans of the Jersey Shore?
Griffin McElroy: The Bravery are here to close things out on a mediocre note.
bjamin1984: Guys, I think we need to focus the energy of Joystiq into destroying the members of The Bravery.
Closing performance by The Bravery
Griffin McElroy: I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
XavTLG: I like The Bravery. So, shut it.
Griffin McElroy: Dude must have a hard time singing with all those marshmellows in his mouth.
bjamin1984: That man has VERY straight teeth. I'm impressed.
Griffin McElroy: Guys, I think it's time to say goodbye.
Griffin McElroy: But, I think we should say it like the guy from the Bravery is singing.
Griffin McElroy: So, without further ado,
XavTLG: This thing is wrapped up tight.
bjamin1984: Goodbye, bye, bye, byeeueueueue
Griffin McElroy: "Goohbaauh eaaaauhhhbaayyyy."
Griffin McElroy: "Thaaaannk yauuu faawww reeeedaaan"
Griffin McElroy: Honestly though, not a bad show.
Griffin McElroy: You guys might not have the context of prior shows, but that wasn't all that unbearable.
Griffin McElroy: Just the Tyson/Jersey intro.
bjamin1984: Oh I've seen em. Coulda been much worse.
bjamin1984: Coulda done without face-tattoo presenters.
Griffin McElroy: That's our official synopsis.
Griffin McElroy: "Coulda been worse."
Griffin McElroy: Good night, everyone!