Xbox Live leads Bronx police to prolific, green burglar

by Griffin McElroy on Dec 24th 2009 1:45PM

(An excerpt from "How The Grinch Robbed 200 Houses and Cars in the Bronx.")

Then he slithered and slunk, with a heart black as onyx,
Around the whole room, stealing all electronics!
Laptops! Fax Machines! iPhones! Three-sixties!
(The latter of which would prove fairly tricky.)
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
The Grinch played that Three-sixty,
and without delay --
the Westchester bobbies, with Microsoft's aid,
located the Grinch-lair, and began to invade!
And they brought back the toys! And the tell-tale console!
And the Grinch went to jail. (He'd skipped out on parole.)

[Via HotBloodedGaming]

Source

Tags: crime, dr-seuss, holiday, how-the-grinch-stole-christmas, Microsoft, rhyming, the-grinch, theft, Xbox-360, xbox-live

Reader Comments (45)

hahahaha

Well done, McElroy.

Wait, wasn't there supposed to be a heartwarming redemption type moment in there? Oh, right, real life.

More verses, more rhyming!

I did the ROFL. That was some good Christmas cheer.

wouldn't microsoft profit from not aiding them? cause the kid would have to buy a replacement 360 instead of getting his old one. I bet it's cause they want to improve their image, that's all that is. fuckers.

Yeah those fuckers at Microsoft should go burn in hell for helping many people out on Christmas Eve, instead taking the greedy route and making 'em buy a replacement. You tell 'em skizz. /sarcasm

What a moron he was to steal a 360 then connect it to the Internet. Seriously how dumb could you be??

I wouldn't say that's SO idiotic, I wouldn't guess the Xbox could track your location when you access the net. Unless he made a new profile and input his address, THAT would be idiotic.

IP address. As soon as you connect to Live, Microsoft has your IP and can use that to find your ISP and get them to hand over your identity.

To be more accurate, I didn't think they were ALLOWED to track down your location when you connected to the net.

Neither did I. Is it normal for ISP's to give out personal information like your address to company's like Microsoft

The kid may of reported his 360 stolen so they kept an eye out for his screen name to log on, got the IP or if each 360 has a unique something when you go online, then the Address etc. I guess under certain circumstances it's allowed.

Given that the cops were looking for this guy, it's fairly safe to assume they had a warrant for his arrest, in which case it would be legal for the ISP to hand over personal info.

I would suspect it happens more often than anyone would care to think

I suspect it was more along the lines of
the police contacted microsoft
(kudos on that and whoever had that idea should get a raise and a promotion for actually using their brain)
microsoft forked over the IP no questions asked
the police contacted the ISP with the IP info, two or three questions were asked
the ISP forked over the customer data

On the plus side it had a happy ending, tho probably going to serve as a warning for criminals in the future who will now fence without giving them a spin first.

Between an IP address and gps in cell phones... SOMEBODY always knows where you are. Never forget that kids. Someone somewhere has access to activate your gps in your cell or pull up the location of IP address on a computer.

if the cops had a warrant then Microsoft and the ISP would be forced to give out that information. Besides I'm not complaining.. thats one more low-life thats not out there stealing my crap.

Ho Ho Holarious!!!

Oh Griffin McElroy, I love you so much. Have a lovely Christmas!

*Golf clap* Well done sir. Well done indeed.

It seems the entire McElroy family is made up of rhyme masters.

ROFL:ROFL:LOL:ROFL:ROFL
|
L /---------
LOL=== []\
L \ \
\_________\
| |
-------------/

Is that supposed to look like something?

It doesn't.

a rofl empire walker?

It's headed straight for us!!!

your doing it wrong

Maybe I should join kreygs site one day.

I find myself reading stories on joystiq lately and when I find myself thinking, 'that was trying a little too hard to be funny' I usually guess it is Griffin.
I'm right about 95% of the time...

So, what games did everyone get for xmas?

I got Borderlands, Batman and Demon's Souls myself. But as I am celebrating at my parents place far away from my console I can only look at the covers and pretend to play them at the moment. :-/

Wow, the Ghost of Christmas past! I've always wondered when you would pay me a visit.

Well he IS the internetjesus.

Next he will be telling you to drink his blood and eat him.

To say a homeless man has never even heard of batman is more than slightly stupid...
They aren't strange creatures that have never lived inside a house before.

I really hope there was sarcasm in your writing but it really didn't read like that lol it just read as you being a moron.

Much like your posting

Dude, internetjesus, chill the hell out. I may have missed something, but he wasnt even talking about any console in particular. He was sharing what he had received for Christmas.

And if you care so much about this homeless man, get the fuck off the computer, sell it, and give it to the homeless man, since you're such a saint.

He didnt even mention console wars or anything fanboyish. He just said he owned some consoles and didnt have them with him at the moment. Fuck, you're crazy. Also even if this likely insane homeless man hasnt heard of Batman, he can probably tell that the musclebound gun toting clown makeuped thugs arent supposed to be him, and the shadowy figure of a Bat isn't the police.

Go back to GBS you bunch of worthless scumbags, you should be ashamed.

How about Xbox Live help the poor and hungry that die of starvation on Christmas Day?

If I had to take a wild stab at this, I would say it's because they're a software company and not a charity?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_%26_Melinda_Gates_Foundation

"To maintain its status as a charitable foundation, it must donate at least 5% of its assets each year.[15] Thus the donations from the foundation each year would amount to over US$1.5 billion at a minimum."

Im sorry Jesus, but how many billions has the lord and savior of humanity donated to charities this past year?

Life itself is more valuable than any money, you should be grateful

First half was great but it kind of peters out by the end. The last two lines are atrocious.

If you'd actually read the article, you'd notice that the thief actually was on parole for prior arrests. So not only does it rhyme and stay in prose, it's also true.

Smart guy.

God bless us everyone... who didn't rob people during christmas holiday.

Well why not just buy one it is christmas after all but I guess he's not the nicest or the kindest or the smartest bulb out there because he stole one connected to the internet.

The sad thing is, most of that stuff will probably be in Police Custody as evidence long after Christmas is over.

The 360 used to catch him for sure.

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Xbox Live leads Bronx police to prolific, green burglar

Reader Comments (45)

Posted: Dec 24th 2009 1:46PM (Unverified) said

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