Things got a little uncomfortable when Alex threatened to make Jen cry like a little girl, and when she replied with a confident "Bring. It. On," we knew it was probably time to call it a night and quietly excused ourselves from their apartment. On our way out, we heard Alex creepily mumbling about "the sweet taste of victory" under Jen's nonsense shouting. They've already called us to see if we want to hang out next weekend for a "rematch," but uh, we think we're probably busy then.
Alex and Jen really want you to play Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing
by Mike Schramm 
on Jan 30th 2010 3:30AM
43
Things got a little uncomfortable when Alex threatened to make Jen cry like a little girl, and when she replied with a confident "Bring. It. On," we knew it was probably time to call it a night and quietly excused ourselves from their apartment. On our way out, we heard Alex creepily mumbling about "the sweet taste of victory" under Jen's nonsense shouting. They've already called us to see if we want to hang out next weekend for a "rematch," but uh, we think we're probably busy then.
Reader Comments (43)
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 3:50AM (Unverified) said
Would someone please tell me who the hell Alex and Jen are?
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 7:11PM Mal F4cti0n said
The most awkward people to promote a kiddie video game ever!
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 4:41AM Mister Servo said
I'm quite drunk, but i still found tha mildly retarded. good job sega.
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 4:46AM (Unverified) said
Holy crap this game looks so goddamn extreme now that I've seen young adults who don't conform to society playing it.
BRING, IT, ON.
Reply
BRING, IT, ON.
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 5:18AM (Unverified) said
Joystiq, you should totally hang out next weekend for a rematch. For some reason I get the impression that Alex, Jen, and Other Guy film homemade alt-porn for the internet once all the Sega All-Star Racing is done for the night.
Even though it's obvious that Alex is more into Other Guy than he is Jen.
Reply
Even though it's obvious that Alex is more into Other Guy than he is Jen.
Posted: Jan 31st 2010 3:19PM (Unverified) said
It was a boy. I think. Wait, no, it's a girl... Uh.... I can't tell!
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 5:52AM The Blank Mage Returns said
"kart racing with 'tude."
Oh God, this is how Sonic starts off, don't you realize?! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!
Reply
Oh God, this is how Sonic starts off, don't you realize?! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 7:41AM (Unverified) said
"Even when you're down, you're not out." Wait, I can translate this through the lens of Mario Kart "Even when you're in 10th, you can probably come out on top because of some douchebaggery at the near end of the course which allows you to rubber band from 10th to 1st in a matter of 5 seconds!"
Why must so many kart racers suffer from this....moreso, why must it also apply to the AI?!
Reply
Why must so many kart racers suffer from this....moreso, why must it also apply to the AI?!
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 6:45PM The Blank Mage Returns said
20 X 10 --
----------- = 18.18
11
Hope that shows up correctly.
If the odds of finding a Blue Shell are 1 in 20, and you get an item every 10 seconds, with 12 racers, the person in first gets nuked every 18 seconds, approximately. That sound about right? Of course, that's just an estimate, and I can't take into account item box placement. I apologize for the crudity of this model, it's not to scale.
Reply
----------- = 18.18
11
Hope that shows up correctly.
If the odds of finding a Blue Shell are 1 in 20, and you get an item every 10 seconds, with 12 racers, the person in first gets nuked every 18 seconds, approximately. That sound about right? Of course, that's just an estimate, and I can't take into account item box placement. I apologize for the crudity of this model, it's not to scale.
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 9:48AM SheppyReturns said
Wow, consider myself no longer buying this game just to spite this advertisement....
Out of curiousity, why do ALL companies seem to believe WATCHING people play Wii/DS is more compelling to sell a game rather than the game itself? You never see an FFXIII hype video of Emo Bill on a couch, "I'm going to show you one of the most immersive new games in storytelling... FIRAGA UP YOUR GOBLIN ASS, HO!"
Reply
Out of curiousity, why do ALL companies seem to believe WATCHING people play Wii/DS is more compelling to sell a game rather than the game itself? You never see an FFXIII hype video of Emo Bill on a couch, "I'm going to show you one of the most immersive new games in storytelling... FIRAGA UP YOUR GOBLIN ASS, HO!"
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 10:39AM (Unverified) said
Sonic Racing: The winner gets to stop playing.
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 11:26AM (Unverified) said
But will the game be fun for people not currently employed at Hot Topic?
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 11:38AM (Unverified) said
"what the hell," said Gutsman's Ass, quite racistly.
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 12:49PM Santos L Halper said
Unless you're a guy, I wouldn't bother pursuing him.
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 1:39PM GohanEgret said
This must be posted on the "Look at these f'ing hipsters" blog.
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 1:59PM GameboyHippo said
That trailer made me less excited about the game in every way. I love Sonic and thought this game might be cool, but what really turned me off was finding out that an online match will have four fewer players than Mario Kart. It didn't help either that the commercial featured two people pretending to be gamers. It's an insult to gamers! Instead of getting drama majors to do your commercials, get some actual gamers.
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 2:56PM (Unverified) said
I love how Joystiq writers always talk as if they all work in the same building even though we know they don't. It totally doesn't get on my nerves...
Reply
Posted: Jan 30th 2010 3:44PM wcarnation said
Oh sweet, I can't wait to invite all my multicultural male AND female mid 20 year old friends over to my uber-chic high rise made entirely of white steel and plexiglas, while devoid of all furniture except a few backless, legless, armless, psuedo table/chairs, a TV which was just released on the market seconds ago, and of course a Wii with 5,000 peripherals.
We'll all continually smile at each other, even when we're not playing, and then maybe stand around the ominous decorative stainless steel refrigerator which sits in the background, silently watching us all while bearing no food, while comparing our festive Mario-laden regalia.
Reply
We'll all continually smile at each other, even when we're not playing, and then maybe stand around the ominous decorative stainless steel refrigerator which sits in the background, silently watching us all while bearing no food, while comparing our festive Mario-laden regalia.
Posted: Jan 31st 2010 10:32AM (Unverified) said
Wow, no one can make fun of this game better than sega just did.
Reply
Posted: Feb 1st 2010 5:01AM (Unverified) said
Please Sega, don't brainwash our kids into annoying adults like these!
Reply
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