[SMILINGLY CLANDESTINE] If so, you might like to hear about a secret love scene that can only be accessed as a female Commander Shepard.
[PROVOCATIVELY JOURNALISTIC] We have obtained a video of this secret sex scene that takes place between Shepard and a devilishly handsome elcor.
[ALARMINGLY CHEERFUL] The video can be seen after the break. We hope you enjoy it.
[DISTURBINGLY TITILLATED] We certainly did.
[PRANKISHLY TRIUMPHANT] This was all a sham. It is only an April Fools' Joke. We totally got you. Ha ha. Ha ha.
[APOLOGETICALLY SOLEMN] But seriously, enjoy the video.