We've always assumed that we don't notice the cold while we're playing video games because we're being warmed from within by the light of joy. But Jeff Ramos has dispelled our childish illusions on his blog, cheerfully describing how his Xbox 360 makes a fine space heater that helps to warm up one room of his chilly New York City apartment. Not the most serious reading, but it certainly warms the heart, doesn't it?

We've always thought that the amount of heat put out by the 360 was a bad thing (especially when it melts its own brains from within), but don't be surprised if crafty console makers spend as much time in the next generation talking about BTUs as GPUs.

Okay, okay, everyone, settle down. Listen, we know there's been a lot of unrest in this, our first ever "How to Get Into the Top 20 Globally in World 1 Stage 1 for PixelJunk Shooter" class. You've been here for three weeks now without ever actually talking Shooter strategies and your whispers are starting to become deafening. "Why does Mr. McElroy take such long naps?" we hear you ask, or, "Why did I have to play $3,000 for this?"

On this, our graduation day, we have two messages for you. 1. Watch the video after the break and do exactly that. And 2. The magic was inside you the whole time. Now, if a few of you would just stand on your desks and say, "Oh captain, my captain," we'll be on our way.

... Nobody? Fine.

[Via Twitter]

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It's pretty adorable listening to our electronics-obsessed sister site Engadget talk about video games, a sensation not unlike listening to a music professor trying to connect with students over the latest Jay-Z album. ("Say kids, isn't this track vibin'?!") But we think they nailed it with their inclusion of the Xbox 360 in their "Ten gadgets that defined the decade" list. The piece reminds that the system's success seemed all but impossible at its launch, with a weaker feature set than the PS3 and a for-pay online service.

Honorable mentions were given to the PS2 and the Wii, both of which will presumably fare better on Engadget's "Ten gadgets that didn't melt if you looked at them wrong" list.

You've known it was coming. Like Lon Chaney Jr. watching the full moon rise, you've known you were on the very precipice of becoming a monster. Now, thanks to a post on the PopCap Facebook page, you have a better idea of when you can say goodbye to friends and loved ones: Plants vs. Zombies will arrive on iPhone and iPod Touch in late January.

So in conjunction, we'd like to announce the "Late January Buy All of Joystiq's Material Possessions Fire Sale." Come, buy all our stuff, we won't need it, just so long as you leave us a bed roll and our feeding tube.

[Via Slide to Play]

As if that weren't manly enough, there's talk of an included football peripheral to plug your Wiimote into. Can you imagine the rush of pretend-throwing the old virtual prolate spheroid down the e-gridiron? If that's not enough to put hair on your chest, we don't know what is.

You already know that Tetsuya Nomura is working on Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep and Final Fantasy Versus XIII, but Siliconera has a look at a patent application that may hint at yet another one of his projects -- possibly one of two that he recently mentioned. The application, filed by Square Enix, details a battle system (credited to Nomura) wherein characters inherit abilities from the last character used. A platform for the game isn't specifically mentioned in the application, but a diagram contained within seems to point to a portable system like the PSP.

It's all speculation and flowcharts at the moment, but take those home, throw them in a pot, add some broth and some spiky hair. Baby, you've got an RPG stew going.

The spectrum of available games distribution is wider than ever before, but we're not sure we've ever seen this exact configuration. After previously appearing as a downloadable PC game, fantasy footballer Blood Bowl will come to Xbox 360 and PSP, with an additional retail version on PC, courtesy of SouthPeak. The Warhammer-inspired game will take the field in January on 360 and PC, followed by the PSP in the more nebulous "Spring."

Now's the time we turn the post over to your comments, and we can't wait to see what you have to say. We're sure someone has to be offended by this release constellation.

The week following Christmas is set to be the biggest ever in terms of iPhone gaming activity according to iPhone fan network PlayHaven and mobile ad exchange Mobclix. It makes sense: You've got a boatload of people with new iPhones and no sense of how to distinguish the bad games from the good. It's like a bunch of infants crawling around with loaded revolvers.

In a recent release, PlayHaven CEO Raymond Lau said "The week between Christmas and New Years has become the great 'Game Rush' for iPhone games - essentially what Black Friday is to brick and mortar retailers." The only real difference? A significant decrease in your odds of getting trampled by sleepy fat people.

You've unwrapped every package under the tree and the one special thing you wanted more than any other -- an episodic adventure game by Telltale -- was nowhere to be seen. Were all your letters to Santa for naught?

Thankfully, you can set right this terrible injustice at Telltale's online store, which is offering 25 percent off of everything this week. It won't restore your faith in magic, but it will keep a few extra bucks in your pocket and, really, isn't that what matters most of all?

[Via BigDownload]

We love seeing videos like the one after the break, wherein a child expresses a joy that we'll spend most of our 30s and 40s fruitlessly trying to recapture. But, as this little boy receiving an Xbox 360 on Christmas morn demonstrates, it's possible to go too far.

See if you can pinpoint the exact moment his family switches from amusement to realizing that their child is going to spend a lifetime waging a crippling battle against mental illness.

[Via Gizmodo]

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Boy, Rocksteady has WAY better bosses than we do. When we say we need two more months to finish a post, our higher-ups open a whole barrel of complaints: "There's no way it could take you that long to write a post," or, "It won't be anywhere near relevant anymore." We've heard them all. But when Rocksteady said it needed two more months for Batman: Arkham Asylum, pushing the release from June to August, it was apparently backed completely by the game's publishers, Eidos and Warner Bros.

Speaking with Kotaku, game director Sefton Hill said the secret is to have "confidence in the game" and "be able to show that [added] time is going to be well spent."

So, in closing, we'd like to tell AOL that we're confident the extra five months we're spending on that PS3 Slim rumor post you asked about will be well spent. Thank you.

You're going to think I'm messing with you, that this is some sort of holiday gag, but I assure you that it is not: I can not remember ever being as addicted to a game as I was to A Christmas Santa. For a full calendar day it absolutely ruled my life, and then, just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.

You think it's easy to type these words and admit that as you sit there all smug and judgmental? Well, it's not. But give me a chance to explain myself and I'm hopeful that you'll walk away -- if not convinced, perhaps just a bit more tolerant.

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Chalk up another frustrated party accusing SouthPeak of wrongdoing. The company has been sued by Section 8 developer TimeGate, which alleges that the publisher has withheld royalty payments and entered into a PS3 licensing deal on the game with Russian company IC, an arrangement that TimeGate claims SouthPeak had no right to make.

In legal documents obtained by Joystiq, TimeGate also alleges that this SouthPeak T-shirt promotion was unauthorized, that the publisher had mislead TimeGate about sales figures and that the publisher has stated it should not have to adhere to TimeGate's original agreement, as it had been made with Gamecock, which SouthPeak purchased in late 2008. We've reached out to SouthPeak for comment.

If you prefer your language far more formal, the lawsuit puts it like this: "[SouthPeak] failed to provide a sufficient sales report, withheld royalty payments and did not adhere to the obligation to act in good faith and fair dealing when they established the sham transaction in order to deprive TimeGate of royalties despite the special relationship between the parties and being in a position of trust."

No specific amount is mentioned in the suit, with TimeGate asking only for "compensatory damages in an amount to be determined" following an independent audit of Section 8's sales.

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EA may have just gotten the exclusive on another sports league without paying a dime. On the most recent Take-Two earnings report, the next iteration of the NHL 2K series was conspicuously absent from a list of games slated for the rest of the company's fiscal year. The exclusion, noticed by Pastapadre, has lead some to surmise that the series has been canned, a fate that befell the College Hoops 2K series last year.

At the moment, 2K spokespeople are saying only "We are currently in the process of evaluating our sports portfolio and have not announced any new NHL titles at this time." We'll let you know what we hear.

[Via 1UP]