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Bryan Simon

Member since: Sep 26th, 2007

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Joystiq Xbox13 Comments

Fanswag: win a custom Mass Effect Xbox 360 Elite [update]

Mar 21st 2008 8:57AM (Joystiq Xbox)
In 1981, I entered the world not knowing what the future would hold. I cried when I was hungry, I slept when I was tired, I pooped in my pants and life was just that simple.

In the years that followed, I learned not to touch the top of the stove, I learned how to dress myself (although I'm still learning what colors and patterns match), and I learned that girls really don't have "the cooties."

Eventually I figured out how to operate a computer and surf the internet via America Online, Delmarva Online, and ICNet. Eventually, DSL became widely available. Once I had a taste, I was hooked. The internet became an everyday part of my life as I searched through Webcrawler and chatted on Iphone (similar to the Skype of today).

Then, I stumbled across it. Xbox360Fanboy.com. It revolutionized my life. I learned all about the Halo 3 Legendary Map Pack. I learned about X-Box Live, it's ups, and it's many downs. And one day, I learned about a Mass Effect Giveaway that would surely change my destiny forever.

Sure enough, I won after two entries. What would I do with my newfound glory? What "massive effect" would be bestowed upon my life? I would continue learning, growing, abounding in life and glory. Girls would see my Xbox skills and follow me wherever I went. I would become the wisest man since King Solomon and would have just as many wives and concubines.

I would buy a house on a hill in the country and make a bunch of snow to cover the fields just because I could...and then let it melt. I would buy a grocery store and donate it's food to the hungry. I would develop technology to use the sun's energy more efficiently, thus solving a large part of the world's economic and industrial problems.

The whole world will be a better place. Fate must first be fulfilled, however. Pick my name for the giveaway.

Fanswag: win a custom Mass Effect Xbox 360 Elite [update]

Mar 19th 2008 8:44AM (Joystiq Xbox)
I would probably have a massive dump in my pants if I won this Mass Effect Xbox!

Black Friday Giveaways (part 19): Wii + Metroid Prime 3 and more

Nov 24th 2007 10:10AM (Engadget)
I will tattoo myself with engadget.com if I win this...

Joyswag: Joystiq's Legendary Halo 3 Giveaway

Oct 2nd 2007 7:06AM (Joystiq)
I would suck Master Chief's balls and then beat him down.

Joyswag: Joystiq's Legendary Halo 3 Giveaway

Oct 1st 2007 6:47AM (Joystiq)
I would not like to fight myself cause I know I'd woop my @$$!

Joyswag: Joystiq's Legendary Halo 3 Giveaway

Sep 28th 2007 10:40AM (Joystiq)
I would like to face master chief because i know he could beat me down real hard.

Fanswag: Win the ultimate Halo 3 setup

Sep 28th 2007 8:01AM (Joystiq Xbox)
I just sold my Wii on ebay yesterday to make room for an xbox360! pick me! pick me!

Fanswag: Win the ultimate Halo 3 setup

Sep 26th 2007 6:48AM (Joystiq Xbox)
I love Halo CE for PC. I would love to try out the ol Xbox.

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Posted on May 29th 2012 11:59PM

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