NForever

Oh shit, Captain Planet just won the Mr. America Beauty Pageant!

Seriously, the man is great at spinning things.
...we've delayed the game you've all been waiting for... but don't worry, it's BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING IT BETTER.
...we're making the game you all want... but the thing is, it's still just a concept right now, we just needed to show SOMETHING at E3 this year...
...we're not making wiiHD... but we'll go ahead and make a DSi in every size and color for you!
...we didn't fail greenpeace's test... we just didn't tell them the answers...
...we've developed a new firmware update for the wii... it makes the shop channel run smoother. (it actually doesn't and disables homebrew)

Too slow!

Slime, Attack!!!

Slime did 2 damage...

IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!!!

Nintendo Exec: Hahahaha! Look at all the 'hard-core' audience all scrambling for our $50 'limited-edition' re-release of three old games from the past decade. What could make this any better?

Reggie: Let's recall it!

Nintendo Exec: Good one Reg! Wow, I really see how you became so successful!

Reggie: Well, the way I see it, any man could make satisfying games, sell them for a reasonable price, and make an honest living, but why would you do that when you could just remake everything that has already been released (mario kart, animal crossing, metroid, dk jungle beat, pokemon, NEW super mario bros, new play control series, etc.), sell them for the same price they were when they were originally made, and then take it away just in time to sell the remaining stock for 3 times the price on ebay!

Nintendo Exec: Wait, Reg, are you saying you're going to resell the copies of metroid that haven't sold yet on ebay?

Reggie: YES! Why you might ask...?

Nintendo Exec: Sure... why?

Reggie: Because, in actuality I am... (dramatically rips away mask) TMAC!?!?!

Joystiq Readers: Bitch.

You mean... it's not actually like that... :'(

This kid should be a drummer... or maybe he's just a Kotick wanna be. Either way, that was pretty cool.

Either way, just thank god it's not a man.

All the characters have different colored eyes...
Green, brown, blue, red, purple, and no eyes.

No hate on the series... but that had to have been the shitiest trailer I've ever seen.

Oh, and I guess for all those other professions too...