Tentative Somewhat Ne Sonic Fanperson

And this is how I make sure Joystiq can never hurt me again!

A.K.A. Testing, one, two, three..

Okay I had this amazing thing set up but then Joystiq sucked a lot so I will leave the essence of it, which was:

SPORE!

As someone who turned eighteen today, and having listened to just a tiny fraction of that recording, I wholeheartedly agree with the "seperate guild" sentiments. Not that I've played online with voice chat, but if I wanted to it definitely wouldn't be with prepubescent idiots like that. I remember how I was at that age, eager to prove that I was an adult, and I ended up making an ass of myself. The biggest barrier, I think, to this setup is that kids aren't supposed to be PLAYING games like Gears of War--"eighteen or over" should be the default. Seriously. And I don't think I would have said anything different yesterday, either.

Optimus Prime: I know you're a troll, but I'll respond just this once in an attempt to get some vestige of reality through your skull.

If you had ever bothered to read any of the reviews, watch any videos of Elebits being played, or indeed given any thought to the matter at all, you would know why Elebits could never be implemented as a Flash game. In fact, it couldn't be implemented with anything but something similar to the Wii's remote controls; it utilizes the motion sensitivity for, among other things, rotation, force and "pushing" and "pulling," the analog trigger for movement, and the sensor bar for tracking the capture gun itself. A video on Youtube that should not be too difficult to find demonstrates how, in the level editor, the tilt capabilities are used to position each object precisely in every direction, rotated however is necessary. Elebits even has a fairly advanced physics engine, which Flash isn't even close to being able to handle. Oh yeah, and it's 3D. Bet that slipped by you.

It's far from a "souped up, point-and-click, Flash game." In fact, I'd venture to say that applying that definition to more standard shooters like Gears of War would be far, far more appropriate if that's honestly what you believe (I'm assuming it isn't, and you're just trolling Nintendo, but correct me if I'm wrong). Elebits does things that could NOT be done with a normal computer, let alone in a Flash game; the closest comparison might be to Katamari, which also took advantage of unique controls and had a similar style of gameplay.

If you want to troll Wii releases, that's fine, and for that purpose there are many excellent candidates. You already seem to have picked up on one of them, Far Cry! Good job! But stop trashing creative games like Elebits that ACTUALLY demonstrate what the Wii is capable of when you obviously haven't put any effort into finding out what those things are.

(P.S. I heard that "fl0w" really IS a souped-up point-and-click Flash game! For the PS3! Crazy, huh?)

Yo. Dick. *Points at GameRankings.* Based on that and most other people's playing experiences, I think it's safe to say that your opinion is shared by a pretty small group of people.

Joystiq, when are you guys gonna do a metareview of Twilight Princess? When it has more than one review below 9.0, or just when it's not the second-highest-rated game on the site? I'm not seeing either happening anytime soon, personally... but hey, Vlad could always write his own review (6.5/10 "Good Stuff") and get it counted! Then he could include it in his own post! It'd be great!

Vlad, dude, did you read the review?

Nearly all his complaints were about the Wii. Specifically, he thought the speaker on the Wiimote DETRACTED from the sound (though it can be turned off), he thought the graphics weren't on par with what the Wii was capable of, he thought the sword-swinging was non-immersive and "gimmicky" (I may give him that), and he complained about shooting as well, even though that is also mappable to analog.

Most of all, though, the TONE of his review is so bored and contemptuous towards the game that it's just ridiculous. His brief review drops a spoiler or two and treats Twilight Princess like previous Zelda games were Genji--like it requires no deep analysis beyond, "it's kind of like Ocarina of Time, I guess. But I want MORE. But it's the best Zelda game. But Okami, an Zelda knockoff--a beautiful one, to be sure, but still a knockoff--is better. Oh, hell, I've been forced to play this game for four days STRAIGHT, I'll just drop a spoiler or two and go pimp my XBLA achievements. Like I do every week."

Seriously, the review was one of the worst I've read for such a high-profile title (Gamedaily's was pretty bad too, though). It touched on every point that people EXPECTED to be wrong based on the E3 demo. In fact, if he hadn't dropped that spoiler I'd be prepared to say that he hadn't actually played the game. I'm still not totally convinced that he finished it.

Is our overreaction silly? Of course. 8.8 is a fine score, no doubt about that. But the review itself ticks us off, because it sucks.

I am amazed that people are still up in arms about the motion sensing. Sony implemented it too, remember? Or are you just going to avoid all games that try, in their fumblingly endearing ways, to properly make use of it?

All right, final comment...

The whole point of this post was clearly to ignite the console graphic wars. It was successful.

Before I go to bed, I want to point out that as much of an asshole as Vlad is, it's we who are the real idiots, because we're perpetuating the idiocy.

People defending the Wii's graphics: we know it's a Gamecube game. Doesn't change the fact that the Wii's graphics are vastly inferior to those of the X360 and PS3. Shut up.

Growing minority of people defending Vlad for some miraculous reason: We know your graphics are THROUGH THE ROOF! Doesn't change the fact that Vlad's post was a load of crap, for a variety of reasons that have NOTHING TO DO with the Wii's graphical power, since he didn't touch on anything it couldn't do. You can shut up too.

'Kay, I'm done. Now go argue yourselves to sleep.

Anyone complaining about us Nintendo fanboys, yes. Of course we're annoyed. Vladmir just expelled more gas into the world, gas that we did not want or need. Gas in the form of a review that fails all the basic qualifications for making sense. I also note that nobody's really had much to say about the "clunky controls" for the final build. Oh, except maybe Vlad.

Come ON, dudes, even Summa likes the new Zelda, and he's about as far from a Nintendo fanboy as you can get. If you can't accept that the Wii has even one awesome game, you fail. Not just at this stupid console war, but at life.

I'd be surprised if this weren't a joke. If it isn't, god, Vladmir, you're even more of an idiot than I thought possible. In any case, look for the, "Haha lol u fanboyz I was just kidding! Lolz i give Zelda 5.6 / 3! JUST KIDDINGZ LOLZ did i mention i dont have a Wii yet? hahaha!" post. Possibly written more coherently.