Phantos

Dear Mr. Tim Schaefer,

We regret to inform you that we will not publish your game. We do not feel confident at this time that anyone would be willing to pay for it. People only want brown and gray first-person shooters with chest-high walls and Madden. Nobody wants fun or creativity. Consumers would much rather have shitty sequels, movie tie-ins and intrusive DRM.

While it is true that you have maintained a level of trust with your audience, a transparent relationship of trust between a developer and the consumer has never equated to profitable business.


...Except for the 17,000 people who completely paid off your kickstarter project within 9 HOURS, with over a month still left to donate. This in turn raising over $800,000.

But other than THAT, clearly there is no demand for your work in this economic environment, Mr. Schaefer.


~Sincerely,

The Morons In Charge Of AAA Game Studios, DNR.

Wait, so it's okay for "violent games to contribute to societal problems", so long as people can profit from it?

Oklahoma, ladies and gentlemen...

@jobocan

It seems I was mistaken. It IS a new episode. I thought Joystiq was just late to the party as usual. The Castlevania in the title made me think they were posting the first episode he did a year ago.

It's too bad we won't get another one in a long time. It was months between the first two episodes, and now Egoraptor's busy being on The Tester.

I can't comment on the game itself, but I've heard the soundtrack in its entirety. And it was about when he called the music "abominable" that I stopped taking this review seriously.

Another week, another time to decide which of the worst webcomics on the internet sucked the least.

I notice CAD isn't loading, so I can't confirm if Ross Miller didn't notice he had to go through the archive to get to a 2-week old comic to post for THIS week's poll. Well, what does load up looks like the kind of screen that is displayed when you enter the name of a domain that doesn't exist. Maybe Tim finally decided to stop shitting on the internet with his brand of "humour" that makes Jim Davis look like freaking Dave Chappelle? And this is coming from a guy who also makes a terrible webcomic. I know something about shitting on the internet, folks. This guy turns it into an art-form.

Other than that, this has been a pretty dull week. The Paper Mario comic at least tickled my sense of humour, even if it didn't inspire so much as a giggle, so it gets my vote.

I'm also surprised at the number of posters here who only voted for RPG-TV because a character from that show they know was featured. When that comic didn't even draw the character in their own style, or commented on him in any way. They just made a pop-culture reference and hoped everyone would clap like trained seals. I wonder how well it would have done if the punchline was just "Chuck Norris".

~A.H.

This week I nominate Cartridge Comics.

http://cartridgecomics.com/view.php?date=2007-05-28

I figure since people LOVED the Dueling Analogs punchline where the guy finally scores anal sex accompanied by an "achievement unlocked" graphic at the bottom of the screen, I naturally assume people will eat this one up too. What? People like seeing the same joke over and over, don't they? Lord knows how many times CAD and VGCats get on this list.

~A.H.

It's easy to comment on how lame CAD and DA are in every single Wrapup. And rightly so. They're not particularly well-written or even visually interesting. But their greatest sin is just being unremarkable.

But how in the heck did a Mighty Vikings strip manage to get in this week? Really, Joystiq? We just have to make a horrible doodle in photoshop in the space of 2 minutes, then parrot a meme to get featured? Instead of putting in any real effort to make something funny and visually appealing in any way? All of those wasted nights TRYING...

I don't think they're looking hard enough for decent gaming webcomics. Need help?

http://slimeculture.tv/comics/games/metroid-tmnt-fusion

There. Slime Culture TV. That's a better gaming parody webcomic than The Mighty Vikings. Too good? Here's some inane Canadian-Microsoft drivel:

http://www.xbox.com/en-CA/community/360prophecy/past.htm

Still not crappy enough to be in the Weekly Webcomic Wrapup? Well, there's always my comic:

http://halfmasked.pixelatedempire.net/comic.php?comicID=123

Really, guys. There's an entire list of gaming webcomics categorized at The Webcomic List. I'm sure there's a better punchline in there than "DAAAA!". Putting in a comic like The Mighty Vikings but leaving out Awkward Zombie isn't just casually missing the mark. It's undermines the concepts and practice of artistic quality and presentation. It's only a stone's throw away from a bad Bob and George sprite comic clone with bright MSPaint two-toned backgrounds and jokes about xbox controllers being large. Is this the kind of crap that passes off for entertainment these days? Well, American Idol is still on the air, so ask a stupid question...

If you're going to list webcomics each week for us to vote on, I don't ask that they all be excellent. They can't all be, and I'm not asking them all to be winners. This poll should just be for fun. But is it so much to ask that Ross Miller not make claim that a turd is actually a brick of gold? Did anyone find that Mighty Vikings strip funny?

~A.H.

...Would someone please explain to me how the Martha Stewart comic is supposed to be entertaining on any level? Let alone funny? I just can't wrap my head around it. Even Dueling Analog's predictable punchline and pop-culture referencing trumps that.

Other than that, 'twas a good selection this week. The PA strip was pretty decent, but I think I favour the Extra Life and the Purple Ninja vs. Hanta Virus comics moreso.

And now, for something retarded(though still slightly video game-related):

http://halfmasked.pixelatedempire.net/comic.php?comicID=107

Gears of War winning top honours over Okami, Twilight Princess and Oblivion? Really? Wow. I...

Wow...

That's the kind of thing I'd expect from the Spike VGA Awards. But then, that it why it is called a crappy award show. But from the people who looked past God of War's extravagant violence in lieu of Shadow of the Colossus last year? A game which actually comments on the human condition in a fantastical way(or any way at all)?

Wow. That blows my mind.