UrethraAlfredo

More SNES...

Less Xbox 360...

...and this won't get you banned from the site?

How novel.

"As a young Jedi-in-training (or Padawan, if you speak nerd)..."

Considering that this is a review of a Star Wars video game, featured on a site that exclusively deals in video game information...can't we just assume that all readers are fluent in "Nerd."

Something tells me that the folks who made the delightful No One Lives Forever and the atmospheric Condemned will be able to capture the Tolkien spirit far more accurately than that bizarre Sierra/Vivendi game.

Remember that part where Bilbo steals the trolls pocketbook after collecting twenty gems??


Nobody does, Vivendi. Nobody.

@sweenish

Pfffffffffft.

Time zones? Yeah, whatever, Doctor Who.


There's American Standard Time and, like, a bunch of other time-stuff that nobody cares about.

I cannot wait to troll Notch's new galaxy, recruiting Korgan warlords, Saralian scientists, Dwell assassins, Tourian primarchs and Atari information brokers.

Oh, shit. That last one is actually, like, a thing. Damn it. Better call a lawyer.



In related news, Disney is prepping a lawsuit against BioWare for using Elcors as a means to rip off their trademark, clinically-depressed stuffed donkey...

@GuardianLegend2

Good Lord, they're not that bad.

In fact, Alpha Protocol was the only game they've made that wasn't worth a damn.

New Vegas was a bit of all right, and KotOR II was awesome.

The industry has seen enough bad news in the last two years...hell, there's been enough bad news in the last two weeks. I don't really think we need to start wishing decent developers into the cornfield.

@(Unverified)

I did. It was hard to not to pick it up for a mere Andrew Jackson, despite the ghastly reviews.

It was a deeply flawed game, on many levels (most of them technical). When the game wasn't crashing outright, I found myself tearing my hair out over God-awful collision detection and comically bad enemy A.I. There was a point where, in the middle of a heated firefight, three enemies stopped shooting me in order to...run around in circles. Indefinitely. Cue the Benny Hill theme.

Another time, an enemy ran straight for me, clearly ready to murder my face clean off...only to veer off towards a ladder and, uh, not climb it. He entered a looping "guy climbing a ladder" animation but just sort of...stayed there. After chuckling to myself, I decided to put him out of his misery but...uh-oh! The wonky collision detection decided that he was invincible, doomed to an endless existence of trying to climb a ladder awkwardly without the possibility of sweet, sweet death to end his waking nightmare.

It was like The Bourne Identity by way of Monty Python.

But what really killed me was that there was a lot of promise in the concept of a espionage RPG, and the first hour of gameplay really inspired a lot of hope.

But ultimately, the execution was so inept that it completely swallowed the game's otherwise interesting features whole.


It was a turd, dude. Let's move on, already.

Now, just hold on a minute, Obsidian.

You're hemorrhaging money at the moment, to the point where you're hiring people and firing them the next day. Why don't you just...take things nice and slow.

Let's finish up the South Park RPG (and make sure it isn't the disaster that Alpha Protocol was)...and THEN you can go ahead and start volunteering your workforce for outside projects.

You're like a kid in a candy shop, at this point...only the kid is bleeding profusely and refuses to go to the hospital because he JUST SAW SOME SNICKERS OVER IN THAT AISLE, OMG I WANT THOSE.


Baby steps, fellas. Just sayin'.