Downtrodden DS Phat owners: here comes more ammo for insults from the elitist Lite crowd. It seems that Nintendo doesn't think there are enough of you out there who refused to "upgrade" to redundant systems, and has chosen not to release the Phat-compatible version of the Opera browser (which includes a GBA-cartridge-size memory pack and would thus bulge from a DS Lite) in stores.

Not to worry, however-- much like Electroplankton, you'll still be able to buy it from Nintendo's website and from other online retailers. That's fine with us. If we had any interest in talking to people in real life, we'd have less use for a Web browser.

(We tease the DS Lite adopters, but really, if you've got a DS, you're cool with us.)

[Thanks, zshadow!]

Though the extra cost to paint an industrial-strength sticker is probably minimal, it's not like Nintendo needs any help selling the consoles in Japan. A release outside of Japan is very unlikely for the limited edition console, so those desperate for a unit will have to import. However, we have a better suggestion: wait for someone to post a high-resolution image and then make your own sticker to put on that DS Lite (or DS Phat) you're already using.

It looks like the Pokemon weren't enough to keep the DS Lite's sales numbers anywhere near what they were last week. However, this week wasn't kind to any of the hardware as the top five systems each dropped in sales numbers compared to what they were a week earlier.

- DS Lite: 124,137 150,252 (54.76%)
- PS2: 28,264 3,728 (11.65%)
- PSP: 21,050 4,269 (16.86%)
- Xbox 360: 2,101 94 (4.28%)
- GBA SP: 1,532279 (15.41%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,273 170 (15.41%)
- Gamecube: 488 35 (6.70%)
- DS Phat: 260 7 (2.77%)
- GBA: 12 2 (20.00%)
- Xbox: 8 5 (166.67%)

The DS Lite still gave the PSP a good spanking, outselling it by more than 100,000. But hey, look on the bright side, the PSP kicked the DS Phat's ass!

[Source: Media Create]

Select and now less popular members of the Joystiq staff traveled to Japan this week in order to cover the annual and frequently spectacular Tokyo Game Show -- at least, that's what you've been led to believe. Though the opportunity to play the latest games and to attend dull press conferences could certainly be considered a pleasant side-effect, the true reason for the team's journey to the East is far more striking. Indeed, the time has finally come to capture and imprison the elusive answer to the question that arises with every single edition of the sales chart. Observe this week ranking according to the number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 134,885 21,045 (18.49%)
- PS2: 34,189 14,307 (71.96%)
- PSP: 26,995 2,146 (7.36%)
- GBA SP: 2,330 226 (10.74%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,244 557 (30.93%)
- Xbox 360: 928 166 (15.17%)
- Gamecube: 630 66 (9.48%)
- DS Phat: 478 580 (54.82%)
- GBA: 27 14 (107.70%)
- Xbox: 7 2 (40.00%)

Who bought those Xbox consoles? The truth and subsequent interview, after the break.

[Source: Media Create]

Well, look how the mighty have fallen. The Nintendo DS Lite, which is the PSP's biggest competitor, saw a 50-percent decline in hardware sales last week. Never mind sales numbers ... who cares about those anyway? It's all about percentages, baby.

The PSP surged on with a six-percent jump in sales that can most likely be attributed to Tales of Phantasia Full Voice Edition's total domination in the software sales chart.

- DS Lite: 113,831 115,108 (50.28%)
- PSP: 29,141 1,642 (5.97%)
- PS2: 19,882 2,821 (12.43%)
- GBA SP: 2,104 647 (23.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,801 10 (0.56%)
- Xbox 360: 1,094 156 (12.48%)
- DS Phat: 1,058 738 (230.63%)
- Gamecube: 696 159 (18.60%)
- GBA: 13 9 (40.91%)
- Xbox: 5 5 (infinite%)
- Wii: 0 0 (0%)

The PSP needs to keep looking in its rear-view mirror, however, because the DS Phat also saw a big spike in its percentages with a whopping 230-percent increase. But, I expect this to be short lived due to its "teh suck."

Also, look at how crappy the Wii is selling. Hah hah, it's being outsold by the original Xbox and hasn't even sold a single unit! Those percentages look pretty bad.

(Via Joystiq)

Shocking reports from Japan indicate that Nintendo's entry into the next-gen console wars (with Xbox 360 and Japan itself being the only combatants thus far) has shown absolutely no progress in the closely monitored sales ranking.

- DS Lite: 113,831 115,108 (50.28%)
- PSP: 29,141 1,642 (5.97%)
- PS2: 19,882 2,821 (12.43%)
- GBA SP: 2,104 647 (23.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,801 10 (0.56%)
- Xbox 360: 1,094 156 (12.48%)
- DS Phat: 1,058 738 (230.63%)
- Gamecube: 696 159 (18.60%)
- GBA: 13 9 (40.91%)
- Xbox: 5 5 (infinite%)
- Wii: 0 0 (0%)

Esteemed analyst, Excelsior Bluffington, pointed out that "the Wii has shown little to no sales growth in the past few weeks. It's even been bested by the Xbox, and people only buy that thing to mess with the charts. Judging by my elaborate series of pie charts and lucid, LSD-induced dreams, it becomes painfully clear that the Wii will only see a marked improvement sometime in December."

A local psychoanalyst was quick to refute these claims, however, calling Bluffington a "delusional psychopath." With experts in conflict, we felt it best to enquire directly with Nintendo president, Satoru Iwata. His entirely cryptic response suggested that "Nintendo hasn't launched the system yet, you freaking [sic] imbeciles." A likely story. A likely story indeed.

[Source: Media Create]

Reader Kirk Winters has a problem. His DS Phat has succumbed to crack. As we previously reported, those of us who were still clinging to our Phats lost the high ground when they began to suffer the slings and arrows of cracked hinges, but we never thought it would come to this. Nintendo, it seems, is not repairing the Phats for free, as they are with the DS Lite.

Ninty, where's the love? We thought we had something special.

Kirk was heartbroken when his DS developed the same crack that raised such a stink with the Lites, but when he called Nintendo, he expected to get the same deal. No dice -- they'll haggle, but it's still not going to be a free ride if you end up in the same boat. But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. At first, Nintendo planned to charge for Lite repair, so maybe if we raise enough stink, we'll get the same treatment for the Phat.

[Thanks for tipping us off, Kirk!]

Much like a used car purchased from a licentious and overbearing salesman, people often come with their own set of inherent, sometimes unpredictable quirks and predilections. It's part of being human and, in most cases, can be kept under control. Unfortunately, that's not how things regularly work in the realms of video games, internet communication and poorly constructed vehicle metaphors.

Some people are driven mad by the desire to travel down the road of their favorite console manufacturer, logic chicanes and reality potholes blissfully ignored in pursuit of victory over those driving in the opposite direction (or in the case of the Wii, avoiding the road entirely and taking to the sky in a Da Vincian flying contraption). This week, we ponder what it would be like if such a person wrote Joystiq's weekly Japanese sales recap.

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 74,495 122,224 (62.13%)
- PSP: 41,535 246 (0.60%)
- PS2: 26,833 286 (1.08%)
- GBA SP: 3,823 772 (25.30%)
- Game Boy Micro: 2,266 235 (11.57%)
- Xbox 360: 1,493 289 (24.00%)
- Gamecube: 922 18 (1.91%)
- DS Phat: 712 222 (23.77%)
- GBA: 20 3 (13.04%)
- Xbox: 7 1 (16.67%)

Those damn Japanese are at it again with their never-ending obsession with the Nintendo DS Lite. Last week, it seemed the PSP was possibly staging a comeback, but a surge in DS Lite sales that almost topped 200,000 nipped any thought of that in the bud.

- DS Lite 196,719(19,866)
- PSP: 41,289(1,315)
- PS2: 26,547 (96)
- GBA SP: 3,051(822)
- Gameboy Micro: 2,031(265)
- Xbox 360: 1,204(1,042)
- Gamecube: 940(99)
- DS Phat: 934(596)
- GBA: 23(14)
- Xbox: 6(5)

I'm tired of thinking of reasons to why the DS Lite is handing the PSP its ass. Sony is going to have to do something to turn the momentum back in its favor very quickly, or any thought of winning in Japan will be lost. Maybe Sony can start by getting some games on its system that will compete with the DS Lite's. Oh well, there's always next week, right?

(Via PSP Advanced)

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 196,719 33,147 (20.26%)
- PSP: 41,289 8,063 (16.34%)
- PS2: 26,547 560 (2.15%)
- GBA SP: 3,051 267 (9.59%)
- Game Boy Micro: 2,031 103 (5.34%)
- Xbox 360: 1,204 185 (13.32%)
- Gamecube: 940 36 (3.98%)
- DS Phat: 934 225 (19.41%)
- GBA: 23 11 (32.35%)
- Xbox: 6 8 (57.14%)

[Source: Media Create]

1. first post!!! lol

Posted at 10:01PM on Aug 18th 2006 by tention0 STARS

2. I see the DS Lite had a pretty notable increase this week, whereas the DS Phat continues its downward spiral. The PSP also took a bit of a dive. I wonder why?

Posted at 10:03PM on Aug 18th 2006 by fun_read3 STARS

3. Joystiq I don't live in JAPAN! Why do you keep posting these numbers?! Why don't you post American sales, please?

Posted at 10:06PM on Aug 18th 2006 by grogme0 STARS

4. Grogme, the Japanese sales numbers are tracked much more meticulously than the American ones. These charts become available each week, whereas the NPD only published data once a month. Joystiq usually posts NPD information whenever it becomes available.

Posted at 10:11PM on Aug 18th 2006 by heap o' beers8741 STARS

5. Wow. <_< People still buy the Xbox?

Posted at 10:12PM on Aug 18th 2006 by sixpoundsplusgravity1 STAR

6. Gawd, Joystiq is so biased. They put the DS Lite at the top of the list EVERY TIME.

Posted at 10:14PM on Aug 18th 2006 by wiicked0 STARS

7. Ludwig, I know you like to make your posts "wacky" and "sarcastic" or whatever, but this is *ridiculous*. I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go.

Posted at 10:15PM on Aug 18th 2006 by C. Grant0 STARS

Though we may frequently appear to be aloof, apathetic or altogether addicted to awe-inspiring alliteration, the Joystiq crew is actually attentively attuned to the needs of its readers and commenters. We know what you want, and what you want is what we know -- that is to say, we'll teach you how to make an official Joystiq Japanese sales chart post in the comfort of your very own home!

Step 1: Create a terrible introductory paragraph

The introductory paragraph helps ease the reader into the wealth of information provided by one of these posts. It functions like a soft mattress placed in-between the reader and the pit of rusty nails that is the weekly onslaught of numbers. Make sure that the introductory paragraph is self-referential, wildly incoherent and not even remotely related to the actual sales numbers. You may introduce a second paragraph if you feel the mattress needs to be thicker, though it's recommended that you implement a silly allegory to maintain interest and "humor."

A third paragraph, however, is most certainly not recommended. It will only serve to anger those that are eager to reach the actual information.

Step 2: Insert the sales information obtained from Media Create:

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 163,572 13,281 (7.51%)
- PSP: 49,352 6,748 (15.84%)
- PS2: 25,987 464 (1.75%)
- GBA SP: 2,784 555 (24.90%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,928 162 (9.17%)
- Xbox 360: 1,389 857 (38.16%)
- DS Phat: 1,159 371 (24.25%)
- Gamecube: 904 135 (12.99%)
- GBA: 34 25 (277.77%)
- Xbox: 14 3 (27.27%)

Step 3: Create a final paragraph (must be worse than introductory paragraph)

In your final paragraph, you may opt to analyze the week's sales trends (the Xbox is always a hilarious topic), possibly referring to coinciding NPD reports or pointing out how the DS Lite outsells everything, in the universe, ever. Alternatively, you may use it as a denouement to any running jokes you regrettably started in Step 1.

[Source: Media Create]

Though we may frequently appear to be aloof, apathetic or altogether addicted to awe-inspiring alliteration, the Joystiq crew is actually attentively attuned to the needs of its readers and commenters. We know what you want, and what you want is what we know -- that is to say, we'll teach you how to make an official Joystiq Japanese sales chart post in the comfort of your very own home!

Step 1: Create a terrible introductory paragraph

The introductory paragraph helps ease the reader into the wealth of information provided by one of these posts. It functions like a soft mattress placed in-between the reader and the pit of rusty nails that is the weekly onslaught of numbers. Make sure that the introductory paragraph is self-referential, wildly incoherent and not even remotely related to the actual sales numbers. You may introduce a second paragraph if you feel the mattress needs to be thicker, though it's recommended that you implement a silly allegory to maintain interest and "humor."

A third paragraph, however, is most certainly not recommended. It will only serve to anger those that are eager to reach the actual information.

Step 2: Insert the sales information obtained from Media Create:

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 163,572 13,281 (7.51%)
- PSP: 49,352 6,748 (15.84%)
- PS2: 25,987 464 (1.75%)
- GBA SP: 2,784 555 (24.90%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,928 162 (9.17%)
- Xbox 360: 1,389 857 (38.16%)
- DS Phat: 1,159 371 (24.25%)
- Gamecube: 904 135 (12.99%)
- GBA: 34 25 (277.77%)
- Xbox: 14 3 (27.27%)

Step 3: Create a final paragraph (must be worse than introductory paragraph)

In your final paragraph, you may opt to analyze the week's sales trends (the Xbox is always a hilarious topic), possibly referring to coinciding NPD reports or pointing out how the DS Lite outsells everything, in the universe, ever. Alternatively, you may use it as a denouement to any running jokes you regrettably started in Step 1.

[Source: Media Create]

Just as several wily commenters predicted last week, the original Xbox suddenly (and quite mysteriously) experiences a sales increase over its impressive tally of zero this week. The resulting percentage rise is so incredibly gargantuan and intimidating that it simply cannot be comprehended by the human mind, at least not without the aid of divine omnipotence or persistant alcohol poisoning. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 176,853 85,600 (32.62%)
- PSP: 42,604 6,666 (18.55%)
- PS2: 26,451 4,163 (18.68%)
- Xbox 360: 2,246 774 (52.58%)
- GBA SP: 2,229 724 (24.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,766 356 (25.25%)
- DS Phat: 1,530 4,814 (75.88%)
- Gamecube: 1,039 37 (3.44%)
- Xbox: 11 11 (infinite)
- GBA: 9 11 (55.00%)

Other points of interest this week include the Xbox 360's flirtation with the fourth position in the charts (and the huge gap between it and the PS2), the DS Phat's return to unpopular status and the vaguely demonic number of new PSP owners.

[Source: Media Create]

Just as several wily commenters predicted last week, the original Xbox suddenly (and quite mysteriously) experiences a sales increase over its impressive tally of zero this week. The resulting percentage rise is so incredibly gargantuan and intimidating that it simply cannot be comprehended by the human mind, at least not without the aid of divine omnipotence or persistant alcohol poisoning. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 176,853 85,600 (32.62%)
- PSP: 42,604 6,666 (18.55%)
- PS2: 26,451 4,163 (18.68%)
- Xbox 360: 2,246 774 (52.58%)
- GBA SP: 2,229 724 (24.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,766 356 (25.25%)
- DS Phat: 1,530 4,814 (75.88%)
- Gamecube: 1,039 37 (3.44%)
- Xbox: 11 11 (infinite)
- GBA: 9 11 (55.00%)

Other points of interest this week include the Xbox 360's flirtation with the fourth position in the charts (and the huge gap between it and the PS2), the DS Phat's return to unpopular status and the vaguely demonic number of new PSP owners.

[Source: Media Create]

The most interesting parts of this week's chart reside at the very top and at the very bottom, much like a decapitated body with Lamborghinis for feet. Nintendo's magical, dual-screened device continues to dominate Japan, raking in the cash like a pickpocket with eight magnetic arms. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 262,453 121,595 (86.32%)
- PSP: 35,938 655 (1.86%)
- PS2: 22,288 1,639 (6.85%)
- DS Phat: 6,344 5,477 (46.33%)
- GBA SP: 2,953 334 (12.75%)
- Xbox 360: 1,472 367 (33.21%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,410 171 (10.82%)
- Gamecube: 1,076 148 (15.95%)
- GBA: 20 8 (28.57%)
- Xbox: 0 10 (100.00%)

It's as clear as Daniel Day-Lewis' acting ability -- while the DS Lite enjoys brisk sales that trump the rest of the chart combined more than three times over, the Xbox finally languishes in the lowest point possible. Its performance in this part of the world may not have been entirely deserved, but it still turned out to be more embarassing than a discus-throwing competition where each disc has been replaced by a custard pie.

(Worst. Comparisons. Ever.)

[Source: Media Create]