Don't misinterpret that headline -- David Hayter, who has voiced the role of Solid Snake since ... well, since Solid Snake could speak, doesn't need you to submit your fan fiction to help piece together the plot of the supposedly upcoming Metal Gear Solid movie (though we're sure he would find your homemade Otacon/Sniper Wolf erotic literature wildly fascinating).

According to a recent IMDB post from Hayter himself, he needs fans of his work and of Kojima's epic series to email a certain Sony Pictures rep and politely suggest that Hayter be the one to pen the film's script. He's got the credentials to do so, having written screenplays for the first two X-Men movies and the upcoming adaptation of Alan Moore's Watchmen. We can also assume that he's played the game he would be adapting, giving him a significant edge over most screenwriters of ludologically-inspired films.

While he'll be reprising the role of world-weary genetically altered supersoldier-cum-poet, Solid Snake, in Metal Gear Solid 4, David Hayter will not be playing a role -- either in front of or behind the camera -- in the upcoming Metal Gear Solid movie.

According to an exclusive report by IGN, the screenwriter slash actor pitched his treatment to the fat cats at Konami who, in their infinite and no doubt genetically enhanced wisdom, decided to pass. His take: "Metal Gear as the Apocalypse Now of the digital age, with Snake at the center of a swirling whirlpool of Genomic/military madness." Toss in a couple large-breasted villainesses, some gun-twirling cold war relics, and the requisite long-winded exposition on the swirling whirpool of genomic and military madness and it smells like ... victory.

[Thanks, Paul; via MGS: TM]

As if hearing the collective cries of those tossing and turning in their beds, gripped by the nightmare of having the English Metal Gear Solid 4 cast be comprised of Pauly Shore, Gilbert Gottfried and Macy Gray, comes Konami and their announcement of the game's core voice cast. David Hayter, whose vocal chords can effortlessly grind cinder blocks to dust, unsurprisingly reprises his role of Solid Snake, lending some world weariness to the protagonist as he strangles inept soldiers, babbles into his codec and asks why nobody is telling him the damn truth. (You can sample the man's voice for yourself in the latest Kojima Productions Report podcast.)

Returning as Roy Campbell is Paul Eiding, who will once again regale you with tales of "the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork," as well as mention his unusual and unexpected desire for scissors. Rounding out the core cast is Christopher Randalph playing Hal "Otacon" Emmerich and Quinton Flynn portraying the widely reviled, androgynous nudist-turned-ninja, Raiden.

With Metal Gear Solid 4's over-the-top plot still a closely guarded secret, no other English character voices have been announced. Cam Clarke ("Liquid?") seems a sure bet, as do most of the great actors from the previous games. After all, there's no indication that Hideo Kojima's PS3 game ("so far") will be anything less than an "expertly crafted and customized" experience.

(See? Our clever choice of video still leaves us in the clear in case it's a disappointment.)

[Via press release]