A Kotaku tipster seems to have stumbled upon a casting call for "a character for a new game in the Portal series from Valve Software" on subscribers-only actors resource Breakdown Express. The posting is loaded with character details for the game's "principal antagonist," including his history, demeanor and general outlook on life. The posting even details how the character's psychology changes as the story progresses, hinting at some intriguing story possibilities for the sequel to our top game of 2007.

If you don't mind having such important details spoiled at least seven months before the game is released, follow the read link and, er, read all about it. Or, if you're a voice actor who can handle "dark comedy ... with occasional dramatic moments" starting next month, why not try out for a piece of video game immortality?

Perhaps you've been burnt by digital distribution in the past, and now refuse to even touch the likes of Steam. Perhaps you found one or more of the games in Valve's critically acclaimed Orange Box to be lacking in a peel. Perhaps you'd like us to stop with the excruciating puns you jerks and report the news already geez.

So, have at it: Valve has confirmed to Joystiq that the individually boxed Orange Box PC games are due to hit physical shelves on April 9th. The separate SKUs, which will be available worldwide, consist of first-person puzzler Portal, caricatured multiplayer romp Team Fortress 2, and a crowbar double-whammy in the form of Half-Life 2: Episode One and Two. Valve has yet to officially announce pricing details, but retailers currently list Portal at $19.99 and the other two packages at $29.99 each. Expect more details soon.

Though we'd be GlaDOS can be to have another slice of Portal's topsy-turvy displacement gameplay, we'd almost certainly be unsatisfied with a quick 'n dirty content boost to our 2007 game of the year. Thankfully, Valve's Doug Lombardi has told Eurogamer that the developer isn't looking to simply throw a handful of new puzzles at us. "There'll be more Portal, for sure," he said. "But the details of that, to be honest, we're still working out."

Also being worked out at Valve headquarters are the continuing adventures of crowbar-wielding physicist, Gordon Freeman, who's due to appear in Half-Life 2: Episode Three. "With Episode Three we want to live up to the promise of where we are taking things to; there's a lot of work being done to make sure we deliver on that promise." If you're dying to learn more about where said things are being taken to, you're going to have wait a bit, "probably months not weeks." And don't even get us started on how long you might have to wait for the actual game.

At least you'll have some upcoming Team Fortress 2 content to keep you busy which, as per Valve's desire for all its additional content, will be free.

If you've ever needed concrete proof that children are, indeed, our future, look no further than Half-Life: Full Life Consequences, an awesome piece of classic fan fiction written by a nine-year-old and then animated by a group of evil geniuses.

By the way, if you need to win an internet argument any time soon, we're willing to bet that "zombie goasts leave this place!" and "BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAB ZOMBIE" are pretty much going to be the trump card of choice for the foreseeable future.

[Thanks, Cavalorn]

Joystiq reader James has a wonderful sister Katherine who knitted him the above presents. Obvious on the left is the Weighted Companion Cube. Our friend on the right, who hasn't promised not to stab you, is the Fighter from Final Fantasy I ... wait, are those sword-chucks? That must be from 8-bit theater! Check out the highlights for today:

Joystiquery
Off the Grid: Long-distance gaming
Today's most bizarre self-grenade video: Halo 3 'epic suicide'
X3F Week in Review: December 21, 2007 - December 27, 2007

News
Sega taking Phantasy Star Online offline in Japan
Midway looks to Hollywood tie-ins in 2008
Devil May Cry 4 Xbox 360 bundle hits Japan in January
GameFly's year-end used game sale
Star Ocean IV trailer comes courtesy Star Ocean PSP disc
Amazon sold 17 Wiis a second (while in stock)

Rumors & Speculation
Nasdaq: Atari could be delisted, market value too low

Culture & Community
How-To: Build a MAME cabinet, a video in 5 parts
NPR covers 2007's games that got away
BioShock, Portal, and friends as grocery cart warnings
The best thing you'll see today: LEGO Portal
Forget Putin: Gaming icons Photoshopped as Persons of the Year

Valve's Steam service is having a last-minute holiday sale from today until January 1, with everything on the online store reportedly 10% to 50% off. While all they have to do is make one game 50% and the rest 10% to make that statement valid, there are some good deals going on. Highlights include:

• Orange Box - $37.45 (25% off)
• BioShock - $37.45 (25% off)
• S.T.A.L.K.E.R. - $22.45 (25% off)
• id Software Super Pack - $52.45 (25% off)
• Psychonauts - $9.95 (50% off)

There are very few hours until Christmas. On this coast, most stores are closing down. Wouldn't be great if you could find the perfect gift for the ones you love? How about a downloadable copy of Psychonauts (no, we don't shut up about this game) for only $10? And while we're at it, you can afford to purchase Rag Doll Kung Fu ($13.45) and Bookworm Adventures ($17.95).

In perhaps an over-exaggeration of the term "world exclusive", StuffWeLike.com has revealed that Valve intends on continuing the Half-Life series after Half-Life 2: Episode Three. Big news, we know.

When Stuff We Like asked Valve's Doug Lombardi about the possibility of a Half-Life 3, he responded that nothing has been announced, but that Half-Life "won't end at Episode Three." Originally, Stuff We Like reported this news as "OMG WORLD EXCLUSIVE HALF-LIFE 3 CONFIRMED" (we're paraphrasing, of course), but has since recanted, admitting that all this means is that the series will not conclude with the third piece of episodic content.

We're curious to see whether Valve intends on continuing to release episodes connected to Half-Life 2, or whether they will in fact move forward with a third title in the series (episodic or otherwise). No release date has yet been confirmed for Episode Three.

We had two people over the weekend send us pictures of real-life Portal occurrences - a blue portal and Glados, respectively. We want to remind people that the events of Portal were just dramatizations of real-life, and as such, no one should worry about anything out of the ordinary. Thank you and enjoy your cake. Check out the highlights for the weekend:

Joystiquery
Japanese hardware sales, Dec. 3 - Dec. 9: Saturday morning shame edition
Joystiq hands-on: echochrome (PSN)
Joystiq hands-on: God of War: Chains of Olympus
Joystiq hands-on: Patapon (PSP)
PS Fanboy Week in Review: 12/9 - 12/16
Metareview: Unreal Tournament III (PS3, PC)
Weekly Webcomic Wrapup gets introspective

News
Guitar Hero III gets rock 'n' roll patch
Street Fighter III: Third Strike on GameTap Dec. 20
Extended trailers for Final Fantasy XIII and XIII Versus on Japanese DVD
PS2 version of Rock Band lacks online play, world tour mode
Script for animated Castlevania film nearly complete
PSP God of War's boosted clock speed comparison
Strange Xbox 360 signal might affect wireless LANs
Sony CEO expects expansion in PS3 connectivity, PSN
Make like Pelé with Wii Fit soccer
New games this week: NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams edition
Cybernator, Alien Storm, Monster Lair coming to Virtual Console today
Castle of Shikigami III shoots up Wii next spring
BBFC seeks to keep Manhunt 2 banned
Take-Two opens 2K Marin, former BioShock devs reportedly on staff
PS3 firmware 2.10 coming tomorrow, features DivX support
Crisis Core coming to the U.S. March 25
Resident Evil: Degeneration trailer
This Wednesday: Sensible World of Soccer, Tempest come to XBLA
New Bionic Commando trailer whips it, whips it good
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. creators 'seriously considering' a MMOG
Tretton: 'Not appropriate' for publishers to suggest hardware price cuts
Huxley returns from the abyss with video
Rock Band devs answer for niggling problems
Sex Worker Alliance: GTA normalizes violence against sex workers
BioShock kindly receives AP's game of the year award
Halo 3 bought by 52% of US Xbox 360 owners
Mercury Meltdown pub expands, promises new next-gen IP

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: Killzone 2 and LittleBigPlanet coming Fall 2008

Culture & Community
FSU student receives misdemeanor charges after making threats on Xbox Live
A very Jenga-esque Crysis physics demonstration
WoW Insider interviews Ed Fries on avatar figurines
Rock Band bar night in Manhattan tonight
Looking back at the PlayStation 2 in 2007
Just saw a wooden SNES

Curious how the two Orange Box versions stack up? GameVideos have put the PS3 and Xbox 360 next to each other side-by-side - literally, it's a pretty impressive split-screen effort - of Portal and Half-Life 2. In fact, the visuals look very similar.

The major difference, where one might consider the PS3 version "downright unplayable," is the load times. For video HL2, the loading difference shown is not as great, but Portal's comparative load time shown is rather drastic. See for yourself after the break.

We feel for you, PlayStation 3 owners. We really do. No, we're not knocking the scrappy, gargantuan console - we literally feel bad about the system's history with game delays. Not just delays on PS3 exclusives, like MGS4, Haze and Home, but the games that other platforms have been enjoying the company of for a while. When we PC and 360 owners sit down to enjoy the frivolous exploits of Gordon Freeman in The Orange Box, we feel pangs of guilt for enjoying the bounties which you have not yet received, like we're eating a 40 oz. rib-eye in the middle of a welfare soup line.

To add insult to injury, and then to pour a salt and lemon juice cocktail into said injury, the PS3 version of Orange Box has received the developmental shaft, according to a recent preview on 1UP. While the PC and 360 versions of the game were largely managed by Valve, the PS3 version was apparently the responsibility of a team at EA. This has led to a number of framerate hiccups and other technical issues which "at best merely hinder game play and at worst make the experience downright unplayable."

Gabe Newell, Valve's co-founder, has never been a huge fan of the PS3, calling the system "a waste of everybody's time." Let's hope that the issues facing Orange Box are just small oversights, and not the results of a software tycoon's maniacal personal vendetta. (We think it's the first one, for what it's worth.)

[Via NextGen]

By quite a large margin, Scott Ramsoomair's VG Cats took the top spot in the webcomic wrapup this week -- but is it a love for Valve's amazing game Portal or a fascination with endangered infants that drove our readers en masse to vote?

Second and third place go to Penny Arcade and 2P Start, respectively. Thanks to everyone who voted; be sure to let us know of any game-related webcomics you stumble upon this week!

Are you the type of person that could care less about narrative? Did you skip Half-Life, pick up The Orange Box, skip Half-Life 2, and go straight for the episodes? Still want to know what happened in the non-episodic games? If so, and you just can't be bothered to go and actually play them, above we have a 60-second version of everything you need to know about the series.

Created by Simon Krãtschmer and Jakob Rompkowski, the little vignette seems to sum up Half-Life quite nicely. We know it's really nothing special, but the sprinkles of German are what really make it pop. We actually wouldn't mind seeing more by Krãtschmer and Rompkowski in the future -- plus, those two names strung together sound cool.

Congratulations to Valve on finally getting some cake to eat. Perhaps it had miniature figurines of the Weighted Companion Cube and Big Daddy on top (getting married - okay, we're taking it too far now). Check out the highlights for this weekend:

Joystiquery
Japanese hardware sales, Oct. 1 - Oct. 7: Best served cold edition
Joystiq hands-on: Advance Wars: Days of Ruin (DS)
Joystiq hands-on: Link's Crossbow Training (Wii)
Joystiq hands-on: Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games (Wii/DS)
Joystiq hands-on: Master of Illusion (DS)
Last week in Warcraft: October 6th - Oct 12th
PS Fanboy Week in Review: 10/8 - 10/14
Second Life Insider Weekly Roundup
Today's most horrific video: Final Fantasy Cosplay Lip-synching
Today's most vertigo-inducing video: Portal Lvl. 13 Time Challenge
Weekly Webcomic Wrapup: Stink-O Man edition

News
New games this week: Tony Hawk's Proving Ground edition
Metal Marines, Ninja Gaiden II, Gate of Thunder on Virtual Console
Rock Band in bundle only until 2008
Wii Intercooler blows hot air
Wright rocks the Enterprise in Spore video
Xbox 360 Arcade unboxed (and still unannounced)
Lil' Reggie digs Super Mario Galaxy in new trailer
This Wednesday: E4, Speedball II, and discounted Lumines
Will Wright honored with BAFTA Fellowship
Nintendo market cap at $85bln, "almost double" Sony's
Nintendo's Kaplan says 'Gamers were bored before Wii'
PSN EULA update not affiliated with firmware upgrade
Metal Gear Solid 4 has over 200 developers
Call of Duty 4 playable at Gamestop this Wednesday
Kingdom Under Fire: Circle of Doom dated ('08 for most)
Capcom reveals Bionic Commando for PS3, Xbox 360, PC

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: 360's next big thing is Perfect Dark 2
Pachter says Xbox 360 will beat Wii in September
Another analyst: Wii will beat the other things this holiday

Culture & Community
Wii vs. Vii: Sincere flatterii
Haloid creator mashes up Final Fantasy and Dead or Alive
Sony unveils the chocolate PS3

For Halloween, Valve forum poster janvitos is going as the Heavy Weapons guy from Team Fortress 2 -- and judging by the pictures, he couldn't be happier! According to the post, he's got friends working on Pyro, Scout and Engineer (hopefully with a turret). Help us keep track of the other costume pictures he posts, and check out the highlights for the weekend:

Joystiquery
Joystiq hands-on: Crysis (PC)
Joystiq hands-on: Medal of Honor Heroes 2
Joystiq interview: Spider-Man: Friend or Foe producer Jamie Bafus
Joystiq Podcast Roundtable: Bungie jumps
Joyswag: Win a brand-new Darth Vader PSP-2000 (Day 1)
New games this week: Orange Box edition
Podcast Rodeo for Oct. 7: Earhead
PS Fanboy Week in Review: 10/1 - 10/7
Today's resold meme video: WoW Toyota commercial
Today's shredingest video: Guitar Hero III victor
Weekly Webcomic Wrapup: ninja, pirate scenario edition
Why the PS3's lack of backwards compatibility is upsetting

News
Writer drops details about Gears of War movie
Half-Life 2 on the Mac? Give Valve one million dollars!
Puzzle Quest this Wednesday on XBLA
Turbine gets new CEO, but what happened to the old one?
Insomniac 'flattered' by Mario Galaxy concept
Church of England offended by Resistance BAFTA nomination
Manhunt 2 still not OK for UK, says British ratings board
Neo Geo games arrive on Virtual Console today
Simpsons, Conan on Xbox Live Monday, Monday, Monday
New Xbox 360 bundles arriving end October
Speedball II on XBLA next week
Assassin's Creed comic provides more questions, few answers
New Wii UPC linked to Play N' Learn product
SCEE: No plans to offer PS2 backwards compatibility later as DLC for 40GB PS3
Too Human clip gives us best idea of game in years
Rockstar to appeal second British Manhunt 2 ban
Orange Box unlocking 'just after' midnight Wednesday
This Wednesday: Puzzle Quest and Toyota advergame hit XBLA
Atari board axed, CEO believes Atari name means something good
Ubisoft looking for Jam Sessions musicians
Nintendo dethrones EA from Game Developer's 'top publishers' list
Viva Piñata toys are latest spawn from Microsoft, BK love in
Tori-Emaki: Better known as 'that Okami-lookin' PS3 screensaver'
Everquest movie moving forward (directly to video we presume)

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: 40GB PS3 releases in US on Nov. 2 -- same issues as Euro model

Culture & Community
Red vs. Blue crew discusses their roles in Halo 3
Religion of Halo helps churches find young congregants
Wii tops Amazon wedding gift registry
Frag Dolls, Seagate collaborate for game competitions, mall tour
Xbox 360 gets left on stove, melts, still works
World's oldest Halo 3 player found

[Thanks, Einhanderkiller]

Politely telling naysayers who expected the games to miss their 2007 launch to eat crowbar, Valve has confirmed to Chris Remo of Shacknews that its upcoming Source trio will ship for all intended platforms on October 9th. The suite is comprised of warped puzzler Portal, stylized multiplayer shooter Team Fortress 2, and continued scientist savior sim Half-Life 2: Episode Two. The collection will be sold through Valve's online Steam service as well as in a retail package.

The EA-distributed Half-Life 2: The Orange Box, which also contains Half-Life 2 and Half-Life 2: Episode One, will be available on PS3 and Xbox 360 for $59.99, with the PC version priced at $49.99. There once existed a Black Box (containing the three new titles only) for those PC gamers unwilling to take the digital distribution route, but it was promptly buried in the hope of fostering a strange sort of philanthropy amongst gamers. Still, in featuring five games -- two of them proven classics -- there's little question that the Orange Box offers great value, especially if you're a newcomer to Valve's first-person shooters.

[Thanks, Gogandantis]