Boy, that's kind of a weird headline, huh? Sort of sounds like a dream you'd try to describe to your friends for a few minutes before they'd start getting bored and asking if you, in fact, brought the Mike's Hard Lemonade or if you just came to jibber-jabber.

OK, you got us, we're stalling. We just don't have a lot to add here: Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane made a cartoon for Burger King about Mario. That's the whole story. But, hey, it's really funny and a lot of you guys tipped us to it, so we thought we should pass it along. Check it out after the jump.

It's the moment that every decent man that brings pizza and Smirnoff Ice to the home of a teenage girl he met on the internet just so he can actually have a legitimate, heartfelt discussion with her about her hopes and dreams is afraid of: Opening the door to find Dateline's Chris Hansen, gathering up the wicked in his giant, ratings-grabbing To Catch a Predator net. Most of the guys you see on TCAP look like ... well, child predators, so you can imagine our shock to find Mario Mario in Hansen's (brother's) clutches.

The account of what happened (which you can find after the break) has been on the net for a while, but has yet to reach this kind of fervent popularity we as internet taste mavens think it deserves. We've now officially done our part.

Well, this is certainly a great surprise for Labor Day. We're pretty sure one of these Virtual Console games needs no introduction or description. It just needs your money.

• Clu Clu Land (NES®, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): Obviously the greatest game about a sea urchin ever conceived. Obviously.
  
• Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars (Super NES, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): A little-known collaboration between small developer Square Enix (at the time an even tinier Squaresoft) and struggling console maker Nintendo. The game is virtually unknown in all parts of the world.
  

Right, so the Mario Bros. remake below the jump -- by former Joystiq writer Jared Rea -- might be just the slightest bit offensive (and not in a NSFW way). But, it's also very funny, which has always trumped offense in our book. He says it's the result of a Twitter joke gone too far, but in our book it's gone just far enough.

Mr. Rea does provide some additional explanation for the gag on his blog, but we hope you don't need it (you're not that removed from the outside world, are you?).

You wanna know how we know that cannonball jumping (cannonballing?) is going to be an Olympic sport soon? Not because 29-year-old Doug Bermann said, "This is going to the Olympics, baby," after splashing his way to victory at the Trident Splash National Cannonball Championship in Canada. No, because he did so in a Mario outfit (seen right).

Here's what we know: Olympic aquatic gold medalists play Mario games; cannonball champ Doug Bergmann dresses up like Mario sometimes; ... actually, that's it. But really, what more do you need to know? London. 2012. Cannonballs.

[Thanks, Kspraydad]

It may come as a surprise, but there are a few Olympic gold medals that Michael Phelps forgot to nab, magpie-like, for the gold medal throne we imagine he's begun constructing. One of those, the gold for the men's 100m breaststroke, was won by Japan's Kosuke Kitajima. How did he best longtime rival Brendan Hansen? Why, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, of course.

"See, Mario does the breaststroke," he recently told Yomiuri Sports. "And thus, it's perfect mental training for envisioning the actual Olympic hall."

... Let's, umm ... let's try to keep this from Jack Thompson, OK?

[Via Kotaku]

Here's a way to show you care: an Atlanta, GA schoolteacher (and obsessive knitter) is recreating World 1-1 in scarf form (based on this map from Ian Albert). The plan is, once she finishes, she and her boyfriend will get engaged. You can follow along with her progress at the aptly-titled The Mario Scarf Blog, with an FAQ found here. Now, if only there was a World 1-2 belt to go along with it ...

[Via metal_floss; thanks, William N]

Joystiq reader Kevin V sent this in (big thanks!), and we really wish we had shown this to you guys earlier: "This delicious masterpiece was HUGE and pieced together delicately by a 2D array of cupcakes; some might even call them cupcake pixels. Yes it was a tasty and it looked. In addition, my fiance's uncle surprised me with a green "Game Over" t-shirt. My affinity for digital simulations is apparently well known in her family. It helps, too, that your future father-in-law is more concerned about playing the Wii together than whether or not your longstanding attempt in the CompSci graduate program, in conjunction with your broken tetris ports, will ever be enough to support a family!"

We still laugh at the thought of choosing "quit" in the option menu. For those not interested in gaming cakes, have a lolWaits instead. Check out the highlights for today:

Joystiquery
Guitar Hero / Rock Band guitar compatibility matrix v2
Sony's E3 2008 press conference: let's play bingo!
Law of the Game on Joystiq: Time for Trademarks
Zero Punctuation whips it good with Lego Indy
Wii Fanboy Weekly: July 3 - July 9

News
Mercenaries 2 delivers the goods with 'Improvise' trailer
New pics, new perks and no traits for Fallout 3
Brütal Legend will not make E3 appearance
Fallout 3 refused classification in Australia
Famitsu: Patapon 2 marches on Japan PSPs this Winter
1942: Joint Strike set to deploy 7/23 to XBLA, 7/24 to PSN
BioWare to combat piracy through customer loyalty
Rock Band 2 details: wireless instruments, playlists, drum trainer
Square Enix E3 lineup loaded with sequels, remakes
Introversion working on Chronometer with Channel 4
GameStop memo details Xbox 360 price drop
Activision puts Wii first with 'Wee 1st' program
Google goes MMO-ish with Lively
Nintendo sued over DS touchscreen patent
Bully ad complaints dismissed by ASA
Mega Man 9 priced 1000 Wii points in Japan
Microsoft: 'no truth' to Banjo-Kazooie motion control speculation
See Quantum of Solace in action
Beer Pong becomes Pong Toss for T rating
Judge recommends permanent disbarment for Jack Thompson
See how Wario Land Shake's using the Wiimote
Tilted Mill turns with Steam power
Castlevania Judgment screens beg to be judged

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: Leaked pics of Duke Nukem 3D on XBLA
Rumor: Target ad shows $299 Xbox 360; includes $25 gift card
New Banjo-Kazooie vid fuels Xbox 360 motion controller speculation
Rumor: Wolfenstein will likely appear at E3

Culture & Community
Pre-order Mirror's Edge, and it's in the bag
Star Wars Retrospective: Episode VI siths through the FPS titles

Nineteen-year-old German homebrew programmer "Fuzzy" recently revealed his latest project for Nintendo's dual-screened handheld; a portable port of Nintendo's franchise mash-up brawler, titled Super Smash Bros. Rumble. The above shakycam video reveals the early fruits of his labor -- so far, only three levels and one character (Mario) are available. It obviously needs a massive amount of work, particularly in the character design and animation departments, but it's a wicked idea. We hope that Fuzzy will continue working on this inspired project, provided that Ninty's legal juggernauts abide.

A Mario themed set of Russian dolls, also known as Matryoshka. We're sure there's a better pun here than just Mario-shka, but that seems to be the best fit. Click here for more pics of Corey S.'s awesome birthday gift. Check out the highlights for this weekend:

Joystiquery
The Best Of Big Download: June 15-21, 2008
Japanese hardware sales, June 9 - June 15: C-C-C-C-Combo breaker edition
Weekly Webcomic Wrapup: T is for Timely

News
Here's the Call of Duty: World at War trailer
Battlefield: Bad Company trailers parody Gears of War, Rainbow Six
Lord of the Rings: Conquest debut trailer depicts battles, oliphant violence
Two Worlds publisher obtains $12.9m in funding
Twilight Hack reinstated, new patch for Wii menu 3.3
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows combat preview looks astonishing
Riccitiello: Warhammer won't rival World of Warcraft
UFC 2009 Undisputed trailer shows advances in sweat rendering
Lara Croft to visit the Norse underworld this November

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: Infinity Ward giving Call of Duty 6 a sci-fi setting
Rumor: Retail chains showing December 3 release date for Starcraft II

Culture & Community
Zero Punctuation makes war, not love with Haze
Marcus' Corner signs off with Geoff Keighley
McCain campaign releases facebook game: Pork Invaders
Wear your Kojima-love on your wrist with a limited edition MGS4 watch
Star Wars Retrospective: Episode V marches off to war

It's absolutely amazing what you can make with balloons, but we dare ask why it's so hard to find a balloon-made statue of William Howard Taft? We'd buy that. Check out the highlights for today:

Joystiquery
The best of WoW Insider: June 3-10, 2008
Massively Week in Review: June 4-10
Metareview (UK Edition) -- Metal Gear Solid 4 (PS3)
Meet the Team: James Ransom-Wiley
PS Fanboy covers the 10 best PlayStation ads
The (Big) Bosses of Metal Gear Solid

News
'Star Ocean: The Last Hope' announced for Xbox 360
Tales of Vesperia slated for August release, demo on the way
Infinite Undiscovery unreleased in Europe until Sept. 5
The Last Remnant hitting Xbox 360 first this Winter
Bushnell is 'thrilled' to be played by DiCaprio
Vid-splosion of Metal Gear Solid 4 gameplay
Crytek: No more PC exclusives ... after this one last PC exclusive
Prince of Persia co-op: 'possibility' being explored
Crisis Core PSP bundle heads to Europe June 20
Sid Meier: We're not turning our backs on Wii
Ubisoft still 'strongly supports' PSP
Realtime Worlds hires community manager, APB-eta mentioned
Summer movies raise demand for associated classic games
Spore's system requirements
Jack Black: Brütal Legend coming 'someday'
Game inFORMER covers inFAMOUS
EA: Nobody 'better suited' to do Alpha Centauri II than Meier
NVIDIA on the supposed 'death' of PC gaming
Rejoice, PvPers: WoW Arena Season 4 starts June 24

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: Ironside no longer voicing Splinter Cell's Sam Fisher
Rumor: Turbine to bring Dungeons & Dragons Online to consoles...maybe
360-esque achievements could head to World of Warcraft
Forbes details Take-Two's EA alternative: Ubisoft
Voice actor job posting hints at potential Portal 2 details

Culture & Community
Mega64 does Assassin's Creed
Infinity Ward to LucasArts: We're hiring

"We had two bags of 1-up mushrooms, seventy-five pellets of fire flower, five sheets of high-powered stars, a saltshaker half-full of raccoon tail, a whole galaxy of multi-colored turtle shells, hammers, POW blocks, laughers... Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious power-up collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

"The only thing that really worried me was the Lakitu cloud. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an misting binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon." (Via PixelGen; thanks, Jose) Check out the highlights for today:

Joystiquery
DS Fanboy Lite: May 17 - May 23
Microsoft Game Studios' 2008 in Gaming: A Yearbook
Joystiq hands-on: Spore Creature Creator and the birth of Sporky
Joystiq interview: BioWare's Ray Muzyka talks Mass Effect 2, DLC and his favorite interface
Joystiq Podcast 050 - Self-congratulatory edition
This Week in Review is still in love with Sporky

News
Phil Harrison talks Alone in the Dark, spotlight shines on game footage
Sam & Max Season 3 coming early 2009, Telltale interested in XBLA, PS3
No Windows? Use Linux, Intel Macs for PC Gaming with CrossOver
Breaking: Metal Gear Solid 4 to have really long cutscenes
Hideo Kojima signing MGS4 at Virgin MegaStore in Times Square June 11
SingStar Vol. 2 hitting June 20 in Europe, June 19 in Aussieland
Capcom's statistical explosion: life-to-date series and games sales
Battle of the 'Bams!': Resistance 2 vs. Killzone 2
id Software leaves ESA
Harrison: Infogrames & Atari done with 'huge-budget, single-player games'
Devo songs coming to Rock Band (no, we're not sure about 'Whip It')
PSP is 'gateway drug' to other Sony hardware
PlayStation Blog shows off PixelJunk Eden
Capcom considering Marvel-esque movie deals
Behold: Kristin Kreuk as Chun-Li

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: Resident Evil 5 features co-op and cover system

Culture & Community
Nintendo not attending Leipzig, may return for Cologne '09
Mega64 puppet Marcus hits up the Castle Crashers

Some death sequences hit the mark just right. Vito Corleone in The Godfather, Wadsworth the Butler in Clue, Pac-Man in Pac-Man ... all beautiful and masterfully orchestrated demises. Witness in the video above a compilation of death sequences that should never be used for Mario. Not all of the games referenced are listed in the video, so peep after the break for a full list.

[Via Digg]

It's been a very long day, so we won't fault you if you missed any of these posts ... so long as you read through them now, of course. Eastern-European reader Ilya sent us word of this "Slavic MarioCar" (more images here). Check out the highlights for today:

Xbox 360 Spring Showcase (screenshot roundup)
Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts due in November
New MS leak shows Too Human co-op
Too Human dated August 19 for North America, Aug. 29 for Europe
Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise adds camera, co-op, September release
Penny Arcade Adventures hitting XBLA on May 21
See Gears of War 2, Too Human, Viva Piñata 2, Banjo-Kazooie 3 in new video
See tons of new Fable 2 screens
Too many Too Human screens (and a video!)
New Ninja Gaiden II screens are bloody, marvelous
Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise screens
Gears of War 2 'Assault' screens, plus weapon-specific executions announced

EA Spring Break 2008
Joystiq hands-on: Battlefield Heroes
Joystiq hands-on: Left 4 Dead
Joystiq hands-on: Skate It

Joystiquery
An evening with Uwe Boll's Postal
Joystiq interview: Holy crap! Telltale talks Strong Bad
Massively Week in Review: May 6-12, 2008
Meet the Team: Ross Miller
The best of WoW Insider: May 6-13, 2008
Wii Fanboy reviews the WiiWare launch lineup

News
European WiiWare launch lineup
Vigil Games details Warhammer 40K MMO
LostWinds sequel already in the works
See first vids of Platinum's MadWorld and Bayonetta
Fable 2 'content complete,' 3 more Fables planned, Danish site reports
Metal Gear Solid 4 intro video sneaks out
SOE president sees more MMOs on PS3
Lego Indiana Jones demo now available for PC
Kojima: Altair costume unlockable in MGS4
Alone in the Dark shows off driving gameplay
EA records $454 million loss, despite sales of $3.6 billion in fiscal 2008
Mock TV downloads spotted in US PS3 ad
Nintendo sells 6 million Wii units in Japan

Rumors & Speculation
Rumor: Sony may update PS3 firmware for GTA IV problems
Analyst: US software sales up 70% in April
Kojima's next project hinted at during MGS4 press event
Rumor: 360 slimming down in 2009

Culture & Community
Mario spotted in new Banjo-Kazooie trailer

In case you missed it, check out the Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts trailer one more time. Watch closely, especially at the 1:45 mark. Yep, that's an 8-bit Mario in all his planar glory, as both a testament to the user-generated nature of the game as well as we suspect a not-so-subtle nod to their former publishing partner.

[Thanks, Michael]