While we like to think that we've played a lot of NES games, we never experienced the console's version of Dragon's Lair. And we're thankful for that, as a Nintendorks video (available after the break) shows what could possibly be the worst game ever made ever. Not only is the gameplay an issue, but it's so tough that getting past the first screen is on par with scoring a womp rat bullseye in your T17! How do you make this game and not stop to question it halfway through?

Oh dear reader, this gift of yours was completely unnecessarily, but appreciated all the same! How did you know that we wanted a Nintendo-on-a-chip handheld with 76 games built around a Super Joy III KIRF TV game with a 2.5-inch display?

And how did you ever get the dude who made it (Ben Heck forum member Brian Hender) to part with it? No, you're right, it's rude of us to ask. We're just happy you did it.

[Via Engadget]

We can't remember the last time we felt the pangs of gadget lust for something so utilitarian as a mouse. We know we've never wanted our mouse buttons to be more button-like and less flush with the surface of the device. This NES controller mouse is inspiring feelings in us we didn't even know we had -- as well as the quite familiar feeling of "loving NES controllers."

Too bad, then, that this mouse, the first to elicit an emotional response from us in recent memory, isn't real. It's a foam model made as a school project. Thanks a lot, brain. Try to like real things next time.

[Via Engadget]

This post is a little bit of a history lesson, but at the end you get to play a game, so stick with us. A few years ago, an unreleased Sunsoft game, called Sunman, was uncovered -- and it was pretty clearly a re-purposed Superman game. Now, an even earlier version of that same game (which actually features the Man of Steel!) has been discovered and made available for your perusal.

The gameplay is so-so, but there's an absolutely gorgeous version of John Williams' Superman theme that we just adore. It's worth it for the music alone, trust us.

Etsy user inhope has crafted a work of art. We say that not only because her enormous NES controller purse is aesthetically dreamy, but because we couldn't possibly imagine bringing it into the wild and reckless life we lead without worrying it'd be destroyed.

$39.99 nets you this beast of a bag that'll go perfectly with your NES-themed earrings and that Midna cosplay outfit you've been dying to break out again. But don't come running to us when your heart gets broken by that power-hungry desert thief again. If we've warned you once, we've warned you a thousand times: Don't get involved with dudes who have glowing faces!

[Via Engadget]

Back in 1988 or so, some guy working in an "authorized Nintendo repair center" saw this yellow cartridge as nothing more than a tool, just another part of his mundane everyday routine of testing the functionality of NES systems. In 2009, it's an extremely rare collectible being sold on eBay for $1,050.

This NES Joystick Test Cartridge is, functionally, a rather unexciting item: it merely responds on-screen to controller input, allowing the user to determine whether all of a controller's buttons work. It's the sheer scarcity of these items, as well as the lure of owning NES memorabilia that was never made available to consumers, that drives the price up.

If you buy this and decide you aren't done blowing cash, why not collect more NES test carts? There are cartridges for controller ports, Power Pads, an NTF2 cartridge that tests the various microchips, and even yellow-cartridge versions of Duck Hunt and The Legend of Zelda (which happens to be available for just $999).

[Via Engadget]

Each week Mark Methenitis contributes Law of the Game on Joystiq ("LGJ"), a column on legal issues as they relate to video games:

Fans of retro games or even just videos about retro games are familiar with the "unlicensed" games that existed on bygone systems like NES and SNES. These titles include a number of "Bible games" and more risque offerings like Bubble Bath Babes (box art pictured above). What's of particular interest to me, though, is how unlicensed games were ever "allowed" in the first place, and how more recent legal requirements more or less eliminate the possibility of new unlicensed titles in the retail marketplace.

We can trace unlicensed games back to the US game industry's so-called "crash" in the early 1980s. At the time, the console market was basically an open playing field. If you wanted to make a game for an Atari console, you just made it. This led to the widely publicized over-saturation of low quality titles, which killed consumer confidence in the home games market. Remember, back then, there was no Joystiq.com -- let alone the other copious resources used to research a game before purchasing. So, when Nintendo came to the US and almost single-handedly brought the video game industry back from the dead, the company decided to take certain quality control measures to prevent repeating Atari's mistakes.

We've suddenly been hit with a jellybean craving, thanks to Nintendo Power's reveal of a Boy and His Blob "reinvention" for Wii. The magazine teases an upcoming Wii preview with a pixelated image of the article, to be revealed March 5. The table of contents, however, features the unobscured Boy and His Blob artwork seen here.

We can only hope that this Wii reimagining of the classic David Crane-designed puzzle-adventure will fare better than the heartbreakingly cancelled DS game. The single piece of art is already more promising than the admittedly garish look of the DS game, at least.

[Via GoNintendo]

Gaming fans who managed to see The Wrestler will likely never forget Mickey Rourke's "Do you want to play Nintendo?" line. It resonated with us deeply, as we recalled our own childhood with the NES asking our own friends if they wanted to "play Nintendo." And those that have seen the film know they in fact do "play Nintendo," in the form of the NES game you see above: Wrestle Jam.

Wrestle Jam isn't actually a real game, but something made specifically for the film by motion graphics artist Kristyn Hume and programmer Randall Furino. If you're wondering why they would go through all of the effort, Aronofsky (the director) wanted "the actors to be able to play the game" instead of pretending, Hume recounted in an interview with Kotaku. So the two got to work and made Wrestle Jam entirely from scratch.

Check out a promo video of the 8-bit "classic" after the break.

Life Force (NES, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 500 Wii Points
We say: download it!

This week, we've only one Virtual Console game again, and it's another shmup. Thankfully, it's also a Gradius (reminder: Gradius is awesome) clone, which makes it all okay.

Today, we've got two new games. On the WiiWare side, there's Evasive Space, which is a shmup without all of the shooting. Then, on the Virtual Console, we've got ... a shmup. Man, they sure love flooding the Wii with shmups. If you want to try Evasive Space for free, remember we're giving it away for a few more hours.

WiiWare
Evasive Space (Yukes Company of America, 1-4 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 1,000 Wii Points): Players take on the role of Konki the Stellar Guardian, who is charged with recovering stolen Constellation Stones that make up the heavens. Dr. Dark Matter and his space thieves have nabbed them, and players must navigate 20 dangerous time- and collection-based missions to get them back. Check out some screens in our gallery below.

Virtual Console
Life Force (NES, 1-2 players, Rated E for Everyone – Mild Fantasy Violence, 500 Wii Points): An arcade shmup ported to the NES in 1988, players must navigate the inside of a giant alien that is infected by a strain of bacteria, shooting down enemies and grabbing power-ups when they can.

There's also a weird sort of riddle that Nintendo included in the press release this week. Find it after the break.

Nintendo's lawyers have finally done what countless children of the '80s only dreamed of: silenced the maniacal, mocking laughter of the Duck Hunt dog. ... Or at least they've quieted the canine on iPhones, having a clone of the classic removed from the App Store after only a month of availability.

Let this serve as a reminder to all who might try a similar stunt ... there's only room for one company in this industry to coast on the past successes of Nintendo.

Listen, we try not to take a hard line against any product on Joystiq. After all, everyone's got to make a living, especially in these troubled economic times. But we have to speak up against the above garment, now available from 80stees.com.

To sell a jacket emblazoned with the words "Muggers: Please Kick the Ever-Loving Crap Out of Me and Steal All My Money Because These Sleeves Aren't Hiding Anything But Bones and Translucent Skin" seems irresponsible. But to charge $200 for it? Shameful.

[Via Engadget]

Mega Man 9 brought authentic 8-bit style to WiiWare. It was totally great, and totally a unique presentation for a modern game. Since then, two more faux-retro games have been announced for WiiWare: the currently Japan-only Eventful Journey! Pole's Big Adventure, which combines Famicom parody with Japanese TV-style comedy; and Bit.Trip: Beat, which takes its visual inspiration from even older games.

Now that it's a genuine trend, how do you feel about the fake-retro thing? Do you like seeing direct references to the history of gaming like this? Do you like it more or less now that it's not just Mega Man (and Retro Game Challenge) doing it?