If, like us, you've recently had the urge to draw a blade and quietly assassinate someone in the dead of night, you should probably seek the assistance of a good or physically attractive psychiatrist as soon as possible. If, however, you've recently had the urge to draw a blade and quietly assassinate someone in the dead of night -- in a game -- you'll be pleased to note that Ubisoft is bringing Acquire's ninja sim, Tenchu 4, to North America and Europe in "early 2009."
Aside from offering two playable characters and the ability to "fight, dash, jump and kill like a true ninja," the Wii exclusive is almost certain to provide one of the most novel uses of the nunchuk yet -- you know, as a nunchuk. Probably.
Either way, Ubisoft is confident enough in Tenchu 4's merits to lay down a fairly specific prediction in the press release: "Tenchu 4 will come to a North American and European audience where it will be well-received by both fans of the series as well as Wii owners who have been looking for an edgy and exciting game." It will be well-received ... hmm, perhaps it's more of a command?
Ever since the passing of controversial anti-Ninja legislation, importing Japan's deadliest natural resource into the States is a near-impossible process. Luckily, the Federal Trade Commission has recognized that Ninja Gaiden II is not an actual ninja, but instead, a circular platter of polycarbonate encapsulated in a decorated box and an irritating plastic sheath. They also noted that the ninja on the cover is an illustrated ninja, who poses little to no risk of flipping out and killing you in your sleep.
Thus, Ninja Gaiden II was cleared to launch in North America just in time for its June 3 release date -- though it took Team Ninja much longer to convince the FTC that the game's demo was not some sort of digital assassin, sent to kill the internets. Luckily, that bit of confusion was resolved today, and the Ninja Gaiden II demo is now available on Xbox Live. Conveniently enough, we can think of no better way of venting our anger over the demo's North American delay than to dismember some minions with frightening bladed weaponry.
If you're a Tenchu seeker who, despite the franchise's decidedly clumsy plummet from grace, insists on having your ninjas murder enemies with elegance and discretion (sorry, Ryu), you'd best check out the latest issue of Japan's Famitsu magazine. According to IGN, its pages declare that Tenchu 4 is headed for the Japanese Wii on October 23rd. The game is said to be developed by Acquire, the same company that delivered the original Dimensional Ninja Action Movie: Tenchu. And not Tenchu Z.
Not much else is known at this time, so you're more than welcome to speculate about how you'll use the Wiimote as a sword and the nunchuk as a ... well, we're sure you'll think of something.
We can think of a lot of great things to sell our souls for, such as telekinesis, a swimming pool full of hundred dollar bills, or a seventh season of Mr. Belvedere. However, Xbox 360 Fanboy's Richard Mitchell (or as we like to call him around the office, Rich Mitch) recently showed his undying love for scarved ninjas by dealing with Beelzebub to get his hands on an early copy of the Ninja Gaiden II demo. Judging by the tone of his impressions as he plays the first seven minutes of the preview, it was totally worth it.
We strongly advise watching the above video -- not only will it get you totally pumped for the quickly approaching June 3 release date for the title, but you can also witness Rich Mitch's incredible proclivity for ninja flipping and henchman dismemberment.
Last year's Izuna: Legend of the Unemployed Ninja for the DS was an irresistible treat for fans of dungeon crawling, particularly those fond of roguelikes and their trademark randomly generated mazes. Now fans of the original -- all three of you -- will soon be able to re-step into the tabi boots of the game's arrogant teenage ninja, as Atlus has confirmed plans to release the aptly-titled Izuna 2: The Unemployed Ninja Returns for the DS on July 22.
Atlus promises that the sequel will include more content and options than the original, as well as a larger collection of those pesky random dungeons and the ability to use two party members at a time for combination attacks. The game still looks incredibly niche, though it will be interesting to see if these additions will be enough to push the series' fan base into uncharted territory -- perhaps even into double digits.
Here at Joystiq, we think Metanet's sadistic platformer N+ is one of the best original games we've seen on Xbox Live Arcade for a while. So maybe it's not too surprising that the game's developers feel the same way. What is surprising is their willingness to diss the entire download service in public.
Talking to Gamasutra, N+ creators Raigan Burns and Mare Sheppard railed against Xbox Live Arcade's bloated catalog of copycat games. "The real problem, I think, is that the same people who are deciding what retail games get greenlit are deciding what Live Arcade games get greenlit," Burns said. "Those decisions that are ruining Live Arcade... it's like, who greenlit Word Puzzle? Who greenlit that hoverboard game that's just shit?" It wasn't always like this, according to Burns. "When we started out ... there were 30 games on Live Arcade. If N was one of them, it would stand out. Now there's like a hundred games, and they're all shit. ... If I was a consumer, I could see not even looking at Live Arcade games anymore if I had downloaded 10 or 20 demos, because at a certain point, you're like, 'Whatever. Maybe there's a good game in here.'"
The full interview contains more thoughts on the Xbox Live certification process, the effect of game demos on buzz, and the stupidity of charging for gamerpics and themes. A word of warning: Microsoft fanboys should take their heart medicine before clicking the read link.
We've known it was coming for about a month now ... now we know exactly when it's coming. Metanet Software announced via their blog this morning that the Xbox Live Arcade version of 2D Ninja platformer N+ will be available for 800 MS points at 9 a.m. GMT (1 a.m. Pacific) on Wednesday, Feb. 20.
The Wednesday release will come with the obligatory Gamerpics and Dashboard themes which, unfortunately, will cost even more of your hard earned Microsoft points. Metanet also announced "one or two level packs coming in the future," although, really, if you manage to beat all 450 levels included in the main game, it's probably time to move on to another title. We're just saying ...
Four controllers, eight batteries, five gamers. How a pirate would deal with it:
"Yar, matey, I think we ortin' ta figure this ou' o'er a game o' cards or rock paper scissors. Best ou' o' three an' nay cheatin'. Monkey Kombat optional."
Conversely, how a Ninja would deal with it:
"...*fwip*.." [Translation: "I am dreadfully sorry, James, but it seems my katana has slipped and cut your head off and now I've gotten your nice shirt all dirty with leaking blood. Please accept my humblest apologies and know that I will be fighting this next round in your honor. Cheers!]
Can you think of any other situations? Let us know and check out our picks for the week's best webcomics. Be sure to vote for your favorite!
Blazing Lizard has decided to table all other discussions for the moment, and answer one burning question. Gone are the questions like "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" and "If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" and "Do you want fries with that?" Instead they're heading back to the basics of stealthiness vs. swarthiness ... "Ninjas or pirates?"
According to studio director Chris Stockton, "This is the ultimate in rivalries, and we aim to have them settle it with all out balls to the wall action." Nice! Although where will you be able to play this? No man, whether pirate or ninja, can say. The game "is poised to redefine consumer expectations of console downloadable games when it's released for a TBD platform in the first quarter of 2008." Very mysterious.
In the meantime, check out the screenshots and concept art in the gallery below, and sharpen your peg legs and shurikens.
This week, pirates are getting all the attention. Let's not forget, of course, who the real ultimate power is. Or who you can talk to for all of life's answers. Those rum-filled scallywags can struggle with a fleet of tea drinkers, the ninjas are just waiting to kill everyone left while flipping out. Just because they can.
Filler Important announcements aside, here are our picks for the week's best webcomics. Be sure to vote for your favorite!
You're probably already familiar with the lengths you'll have to go through to download an Xbox Live demo that hasn't been cleared for the U.S., a phenomenon we've covered fairlyextensively this week. But this time it's a Japanese demo for Tenchu Z, and it's one case in which we can whole-heartedly endorse the use of clandestine tactics. You see, this is a ninja game.
You know what ninjas do with regional barriers? They slice them with a katana. If they live in America and they want a Japanese demo, they don't even pretend to be from Japan when they make a dummy Gamertag. If you ever play Uno against someone named "ThisIsNotARealTagIJustMadeItToGetUnauthorizedDemos" be glad you made it out with your jugular intact. We know you're just a regular guy waiting for the Halo 3 beta to get rolling and it can be awfully scary getting illicit demos, but ask yourself ... WWND?
You're probably already familiar with the lengths you'll have to go through to download an 
