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Following the generous upgrades given to Team Fortress 2 Medics earlier this year, it now appears that the Pyro class is next to be doused in flame-retardant achievements and fiery, unlockable weapons. Citing the latest issue of PC Gamer, CVG also reports that Valve plans similar additions for the game's remaining classes, though the timing of these future updates has not yet been revealed.

Likewise a mystery is what Pyro players can expect from the new achievement-fueled equipment roll out, though we expect it to mirror what was given to Medics, only with less healing and more toasting anything that moves.

[Via Big Download]

We absolutely loved the short vignettes put together by Valve to advertise the different classes featured in The Orange Box's online multiplayer offering, Team Fortress 2. The scotch-slurping demoman, the six-string pluckin' engineer -- not only did they get us hyped up for one of our favorite first person shooters of last year, they brightened our otherwise dreary existences. Now, we know that most of you are familiar with the whole crew since the release of Orange Box, but in honor of last week's release of a standalone version of TF2 for the PC, Valve released what we assume will be the last of their advertisements for the game -- introducing the Scout, who apparently has the social graces and equipoise of a Real World cast member. Enjoy!

Perhaps you've been burnt by digital distribution in the past, and now refuse to even touch the likes of Steam. Perhaps you found one or more of the games in Valve's critically acclaimed Orange Box to be lacking in a peel. Perhaps you'd like us to stop with the excruciating puns you jerks and report the news already geez.

So, have at it: Valve has confirmed to Joystiq that the individually boxed Orange Box PC games are due to hit physical shelves on April 9th. The separate SKUs, which will be available worldwide, consist of first-person puzzler Portal, caricatured multiplayer romp Team Fortress 2, and a crowbar double-whammy in the form of Half-Life 2: Episode One and Two. Valve has yet to officially announce pricing details, but retailers currently list Portal at $19.99 and the other two packages at $29.99 each. Expect more details soon.

We've been hearing a lot less about Valve's cel-shaded, humor-tinged multiplayer shooter since the release of another wildly popular FPS of a more serious nature. Thankfully, Valve isn't using their lighter server load as an excuse to let Team Fortress 2 go to the dogs -- they just released a patch upon an unsuspecting populous of TF2 junkies, adding a number of new matchmaking features and tweaking a few minor gameplay quirks.

We've got a complete list of changes after the jump, but here's a few highlights: A Tournament mode has been added, complete with a team creation UI and win/loss tracker. Sorting through custom games is now easier, as server hosts can now add searchable description tags to their rooms. Most importantly, players who tire of being on the receiving end of high explosive weaponry will be pleased to hear that the maximum ammo capacities for the Soldier and Demoman classes have been sharply reduced (much to the chagrin of rocket-jumpers and Scotsmen, no doubt).

If you believe that Zero Punctuation's only reason for playing SimCity Societies was to make a totalitarian government in the vein of the Nazi regime -- well, you'd be right. This week Yahtzee takes on the fantastically average game and ends up complaining about it more than making fun of it. In the end he says that SimCity Societies isn't worth the player's time, but then anybody who actually bought SimCity Societies probably already knows that.

After the break you'll find this week's NSFW review of SimCity Societies, with special Team Fortress 2 homage to the love which dare not speak its name.

We find the Team Fortress 2 Pyro papercraft hilariously ironic, given how flammable we suspect him to be. (Disclaimer: Joystiq advises against the use of flames. There is no respawn in real life.) Check out the highlights for today:

Joystiquery

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Though we'd be GlaDOS can be to have another slice of Portal's topsy-turvy displacement gameplay, we'd almost certainly be unsatisfied with a quick 'n dirty content boost to our 2007 game of the year. Thankfully, Valve's Doug Lombardi has told Eurogamer that the developer isn't looking to simply throw a handful of new puzzles at us. "There'll be more Portal, for sure," he said. "But the details of that, to be honest, we're still working out."

Also being worked out at Valve headquarters are the continuing adventures of crowbar-wielding physicist, Gordon Freeman, who's due to appear in Half-Life 2: Episode Three. "With Episode Three we want to live up to the promise of where we are taking things to; there's a lot of work being done to make sure we deliver on that promise." If you're dying to learn more about where said things are being taken to, you're going to have wait a bit, "probably months not weeks." And don't even get us started on how long you might have to wait for the actual game.

At least you'll have some upcoming Team Fortress 2 content to keep you busy which, as per Valve's desire for all its additional content, will be free.

We love those image manipulating wizards at Something Awful. Their latest project is new (and much needed) achievements in Team Fortress 2. Enjoy the four pages of photoshoppery and check out the highlights for today:

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Valve Software has updated Team Fortress 2, introducing a new (sort of) official map for the game, a capture the flag variant of Well (currently available as a control point game mode). The update also provides fixes for SourceTV demo recording and various Gravel Pit exploits, among other patchwork.

The updated is currently for PC users only via Steam; we've sent Valve an email asking when it expects the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions of TF2 to receive the update. We're still awaiting the upcoming Badlands map remake and the unlockable weapons coming first to the medic class.

[Via Primotech]

The PC Gamer blog has shed some light on the changes Valve has planned for Team Fortress 2. The "large scale modification" is actually quite big -- new weapons unlocked via achievements earned in the game. The arsenal can be swapped out via a new Loadout menu, though we're not sure if that means configuration can be done mid-game, between rounds, or only from the main menu.

As previously stated, the medic will be first to receive the upgrades. The first earned weapons is the Overhealer. Unlocked by earning 35 achievements, the "gun" can permanently raise an ally's health to 200% (the current medic tool temporarily boosts health to 150%). Citing balance concerns, Valve said they may remove the invulnerability-granting Ubercharge from the Overhealer. The second unlockable weapon is also a healing ray (what? No shotgun?), but no details were given except that you have to earn all medic class achievements to unlock it.

A new game mode will be introduced with the map Goldrush, the second map due out (alongside the Badlands remake). In Goldrush, the blue team must escort a mining cart through tunnels. The cart moves faster with more blue team members nearby, but stops completely if a red player gets near. According to previous statements from Valve, the maps and medic updates are due out within the next two months.

[Image credit; thanks, Fortyseven]

We knew some changes were headed to Team Fortress 2, namely to the Medic, but CVG is now reporting some of the planned changes for other classes as well. Specifically, we're talking about the Pyro and Soldier classes. So far, the only change announced for the Pyro has to do with scoring. Basically, Pyros will now be rewarded with points when they successfully light an enemy on fire. The idea, according to Valve's Robin Walker is to reward the player for foiling enemy plans even when doing so didn't necessarily end in their death. The Soldier class is due for an interesting change as well, as Walker notes that Valve "is focused on making Soldiers a little more careful firing their rockets at point blank targets." We're not exactly sure what that would entail, especially when factoring in rocket jumps, so we'll just have to wait and see. The changes should be rolling out within the next two months.

[Via Joystiq]

Though all the pretty colors and No One Lives Forever-esque art direction is enough to keep commoners like us entertained by Team Fortress 2, it's what's going on under the hood that's really important to the hardcore legion of fans. In an email to one member of that community, Valve's Robin Walker reveals a few changes incoming for the pyro and soldiers classes, part of the "large scale modification to the core of the game" Walker talked about earlier this month.

For the pyros, they're going to be receiving points for every enemy they ignite, making mass burnings not just fun, but profitable. Walker's a little more vague about soldiers, saying the team wants them to be "a little more
careful firing their rockets at point blank targets." As TF2 newbs we have no idea what she means, but we imagine some of you commenters will have a few ideas.

[Via CVG]

As much as it pains us to be on the receiving end of online gaming skullduggery, we can't help but admire Team Roomba for elevating the practice to an art form. This ain't your Pap Pap's griefing; team-killing and name calling are far below the maleficent minds of Team Roomba. In their latest highlight reel from Team Fortress 2, they transform the doldrum process of respawning into a quiz show, where right answers put you back on the battlefield -- accidentally creating the most amazing supergenre we've ever witnessed: the Online Multiplayer First Person Shooter and Trivia Game (OMFPSaTG, for short).

The video is safely contained after the jump, and is extremely NSFW due to foul language, blurry gay porn, and a number of Legends of the Hidden Temple references.

(Thanks, Perko.)

December is looking to be a most excellent month for PlayStation 3 owners keen on shooting things from a first-person perspective, with both Unreal Tournament III (shipping December 10th) and The Orange Box stepping onto the platform, albeit a bit later than expected. An EA press release politely reminds us that the latter will be released on December 11th in both the US and Europe, with French and German versions following in 2008.

In the unlikely case that you've not been exposed to Valve's Orange Box and currently envision it as a crate full of citrus fruit, allow us to point out that it contains Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2: Episode One, Half-Life 2: Episode Two, Team Fortress 2 and Portal... too. One can only hope the tech people at EA used their 11th hour to rid the port of its alleged framerate issues.

You'll forgive us for missing this tidbit of news this weekend, as we (along with some of you, no doubt) were much too enthralled by the other, other, other, other Game of the Year, this one nestled in Valve's sumptuous Orange Box. If you wanted to add Team Fortress 2 to your list of yearly praise but felt that lag ruined the experience, perhaps the title update for the Xbox 360 version will do away with your doubts. The following technical alterations to the charming multiplayer romp should take effect the next time you load up the game whilst signed in to Xbox Live:

• Reduced network bandwidth usage in multiplayer.
• Improved overall game performance.
• Arranged search results to favor preferred host conditions.
• Improved searching for ranked games.
• Addressed a possible false report of too little storage space on larger hard drives (not this again!)

[Via press release