Sorry, neither are you, Jimmy Woods. However, ten other virgins incredibly skilled gamers made it onto GamesRadar's "Ten of the godliest gamers" list, playing the games they've spent humbling portions of their lives mastering. From Street Fighter to Minesweeper, prepare to have your opinion of your own gaming skills blown to smithereens. Think you're good at Tetris? Can you play at the speed of light, with invisible blocks? We thought not.

Forgive us if we glance at these videos with apprehension. Don't get us wrong, the list is impressive; we're just a little hurt that we weren't included. We don't mean to brag, but we used to know a thing or two about a little game called Pokemon Snap. We've been told that seeing our photo of a newly-evolved Charizard bursting from the depths of a volcano, skin glistening from the polish of magma, is like feeling your soul stir deep within your chest. Please, if you have a moment, let us show you them.

If you're reading this at all, you're not playing Halo 3. ScrewAttack sees this as an opportunity instead of a problem, offering its list of the top ten upcoming games to buy that don't include Master Chief. The list includes few surprises, but we like having them all in one place. (Be warned that they swear a couple times, in case you work where that's frowned upon. And you don't have headphones. And you're watching game videos instead of working.)

Since it's a video, so you don't even have to concentrate on any more words. Well, no more words but these: see the video after the break.

GameTrailers does the "top ten" thing and rattles off their list of the "Top Ten Game Weapons." But they didn't just go around giving honors to any old weapon willy-nilly. They stipulated, "flaming fireballs and magic spells are out, but blowing things up is definitely in." Their understandably FPS-heavy list breaks down like this:

• 10. Cerebral Bore (Turok 2 & 3): Turok 3 was a bore, amirite?
• 9. Chainsaw (Doom): did they ever figure out why there was a chainsaw on Mars?
• 8. Spreadgun (Contra): you don't use the spreadgun, do you? Wuss ...
• 7. Railgun (Quake 2): the do-it-yourself super weapon of hobbyists everywhere.
• 6. Laptop Gun (Perfect Dark Zero): gets the "remember when this game was good?" nod.
• 5. Energy Sword (Halo 2): you cheap bastard.
• 4. Ice Beam (Metroid): the retro, non-FPS Metroid vote (not that Retro).
• 3. BFG (Doom): the granddaddy of all big fuckin' guns.
• 2. Red Turtle Shell (Mario Kart): the dark horse weapon of the list, and a proven way to destroy a friendship.
• 1. Gravity Gun (Half-Life 2): alright, we gotta give it to them, the gravity gun is some serious weaponry.
  

Undoubtedly, some of you are boiling over with rage that _______ wasn't included! Though the Joystiq staffers don't agree on much ("tastes great" ... "no, less filling") we did unite in our disappointment regarding the omission of Mario's mushroom-mushing derrière. Want to relive all those soft-focus memories with these weapons of mass enjoyment? Check out the full video embedded after the break.

[Via Evil Avatar]