Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com Joystiq http://www.blogsmithmedia.com/http://www.joystiq.com/media/feedlogo.gif Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com en-us Copyright 2013 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/<![CDATA[Stride Gum pitching in to stop Uwe Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/stride-gum-pitching-in-to-stop-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/stride-gum-pitching-in-to-stop-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/stride-gum-pitching-in-to-stop-uwe-boll/#commentsFiled under:


Sometimes news comes across our digital desk that's just too odd not to pass along to you. This is just one of those stories: The makers of Stride Gum are putting 1 million packs of gum on the line to put a stop to Uwe Boll's directing career. In short, if this petition receives another 764,000 signatures or so by May 14, the company's going to give every one of the signers a free pack of gum on May 23.

Wait, this is a publicity stunt? Oh, yeah, we know. But you know what else we know? We love free gum. These are the kind of moral quandaries you get into every day as a video game blogger, but we're pretty sure we made the right call on this one.

JoystiqStride Gum pitching in to stop Uwe Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 07 May 2008 18:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>petitionstride-gumuwe-bolluwebollWed, 07 May 2008 18:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll confirms 'Boll vs. Bay' brawl, Michael Bay denies accepting Boll's challenge]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/03/uwe-boll-confirms-boll-vs-bay-brawl-michael-bay-denies-accep/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/03/uwe-boll-confirms-boll-vs-bay-brawl-michael-bay-denies-accep/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/03/uwe-boll-confirms-boll-vs-bay-brawl-michael-bay-denies-accep/#commentsFiled under:


Those who were wishing to actually witness a few rounds of fisticuffs between crummy filmmaker Uwe Boll and occasionally crummy filmmaker Michael Bay (following Boll's challenge last weekend) have certainly ridden a rollercoaster of excitement and disappointment these past few days. We admit, we got pretty pumped after viewing the above video, a supposed confirmation that Bay had accepted Boll's terms, and that the two would meet in the ring -- unfortunately, this directorial showdown isn't in the cards (much to Boll's chagrin, we're sure).

An administrator on Michael Bay's official forums recently talked to the blockbuster poster boy (currently doing post-production work for "The Horsemen") who denied accepting Boll's challenge, and claimed he'd never spoken directly with Boll in the first place. We can't help but wonder -- is this another publicity stunt for the antagonized franchise-wrecker in light of the May 23 U.S. release for "Postal", or has Uwe finally lost his damn mind? Little from Column A, little from Column B.

[Thanks, Fernando]

JoystiqUwe Boll confirms 'Boll vs. Bay' brawl, Michael Bay denies accepting Boll's challenge originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 03 May 2008 11:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>baybollbollvsbayboxingdirectormichaelbaypostalproducerthehorsemenuwebollSat, 03 May 2008 11:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll thinks Michael Bay 'sucks big time', wants to fight]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/27/uwe-boll-thinks-michael-bay-sucks-big-time-wants-to-fight/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/27/uwe-boll-thinks-michael-bay-sucks-big-time-wants-to-fight/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/27/uwe-boll-thinks-michael-bay-sucks-big-time-wants-to-fight/#commentsFiled under: ,


We were always taught to "use our words" to solve disputes between our peers and colleagues; but we guess if your words are ogreish and oft-incomprehensible, your fists will have to do. That's right -- Uwe Boll, much like the honor-bruised 1800 presidential candidate Aaron Burr, has officially donned the boxing gloves he wore in the Webcritic Massacre of 2006 (and while he wrote the script for "Postal", we assume) and challenged the king of summer blockbusters, Michael Bay, to twelve rounds in the ring.

No offense, Bay -- we loved "Bad Boys 2", but you'll forgive us for putting our money on Boll's massive ham-fists. What that guy lacks in movie making ability and social graces, he more than makes up with his pugilistic proclivities.

JoystiqUwe Boll thinks Michael Bay 'sucks big time', wants to fight originally appeared on Joystiq on Sun, 27 Apr 2008 11:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>boxingchallengemichael-baymichaelbaypostalringuwe-bolluwebollSun, 27 Apr 2008 11:30:00 EST<![CDATA[One million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/one-million-signatures-to-keep-uwe-boll-directing/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/one-million-signatures-to-keep-uwe-boll-directing/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/one-million-signatures-to-keep-uwe-boll-directing/#commentsFiled under: ,

We feel kind of dirty giving any sort of attention to the cancerous boil on film directing that is Uwe Boll, but when the guy is acting this freaking weird we just can't help ourselves. Boll has followed up his offer to stop directing if an online petition against him reached 1,000,000 signatures with a heavily-accented YouTube video that manages to insult Eli Roth, Michael Bay, George Clooney and practically all of Hollywood as "fucking retards" that don't understand that Boll is "the only genius in the whole fucking business."

While Tinseltown insults are all well and good, what really interested us was Boll's call for a "pro Boll petition" to counteract the anti-Boll forces. Boll said he "expect[s] a million votes, Pro Boll," and he's already well on his way, with a whopping 72 signatures so far on the Pro-Boll petition set up by FilmDrunk.com. That's a far cry from the 137,644 that have signed the anti-Boll petition as of this writing, but maybe it takes "the only genius in the whole fucking business" to understand the vagaries of the math involved.

Watch the video and read a transcript of Boll's rant after the break.

Continue reading One million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing

JoystiqOne million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>directorfar-crymoviemoviespetitionpostaluwe bolluwe-bolluwebollWed, 09 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EST<![CDATA[One million signatures to end Uwe Boll's directing career]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/06/one-million-signatures-to-end-uwe-bolls-directing-career/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/06/one-million-signatures-to-end-uwe-bolls-directing-career/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/06/one-million-signatures-to-end-uwe-bolls-directing-career/#commentsFiled under:


You'll never be able to get back those eight-and-a-half bucks you blew on your ticket for Uwe Boll's "Alone In The Dark", but those seeking revenge against the infamous German filmmaker will be pleased to know that a recent interview with FEARnet revealed a giant glowing weak point in his floundering directorial career -- amidst Nazi humor and PETA endorsements, Boll commented on a petition, currently at around 18,000 signatures, for him to forever put an end to his game franchise-defiling ways. It'll take more than that to derail his train of box office catastrophes, he claimed -- though one million signatures should do the trick.

We doubt one million people have even been exposed to Boll's unique brand of sensory torment -- but still, this remains your best chance to fulfill any vendettas you may hold against the pugnacious producer. With enough door-to-door campaigning and MySpace chain letters, this lofty goal may be attainable. If not, we can always hold out hope for the merciful release of bankruptcy.

JoystiqOne million signatures to end Uwe Boll's directing career originally appeared on Joystiq on Sun, 06 Apr 2008 21:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>aloneinthedarkfearnetmillionpetitionsignatureuwe-bolluwebollSun, 06 Apr 2008 21:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Travel channel's Bourdain hits EA Vancouver studio, lands role in Boll's Far Cry]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/26/travel-channels-bourdain-hits-ea-vancouver-studio-lands-role-i/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/26/travel-channels-bourdain-hits-ea-vancouver-studio-lands-role-i/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/26/travel-channels-bourdain-hits-ea-vancouver-studio-lands-role-i/#commentsFiled under:


Anthony Bourdain is probably the flyest guy you've never heard of -- he's a life long student of the culinary arts, star of the popular show "No Reservations" on the unpopular Travel Channel, and is smarter and better-traveled than a handful of Ernest Hemingways. On top of a stack of best selling books and a successful culinary career, Bourdain now has a few more feats to tack on to his resume following his show's recent trip to Vancouver -- he's a special guest in EA Sports' FIFA Street 3, and and extra in Uwe Boll's next box office train wreck, "Far Cry".

Yes, during his trip to the Great White North, Bourdain not only had the opportunity to have a (hideous) character modeled after him at EA Vancouver's swanky headquarters, he also got to drop by the Far Cry set (check it out after the jump), where it seems he received a fairly cold reception from Boll. That's okay, though -- before taking the stage as "Dr. Gets Shot in the Chest", Bourdain added his own commentary about Boll's burgeoning career -- "Perhaps you know his work from such films as 'House of the Dead' and 'Bloodrayne'."

"And then," he says with a smug grin, "maybe not."

Continue reading Travel channel's Bourdain hits EA Vancouver studio, lands role in Boll's Far Cry

JoystiqTravel channel's Bourdain hits EA Vancouver studio, lands role in Boll's Far Cry originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 26 Jan 2008 17:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>AnthonyBourdainBollBourdainFar-CryFarCryNoReservationsTravelTravelChannelUweUweBollSat, 26 Jan 2008 17:30:00 EST<![CDATA[LA Times: game narratives too 'weak' for movies, Uwe Boll agrees]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/25/la-times-game-narratives-too-weak-for-movies-uwe-boll-agrees/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/25/la-times-game-narratives-too-weak-for-movies-uwe-boll-agrees/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/25/la-times-game-narratives-too-weak-for-movies-uwe-boll-agrees/#commentsFiled under:

house of the dead
Los Angeles Times Magazine spent some time breaking down the rules of Hollywood, schooling would-be fortune-seekers and laying down some hard truth: "Hollywood can't win at video games." Filmmakers are advised to avoid video games as source material because games' "weak narratives" haven't transitioned to the big screen as well as comics - a sentiment echoed by Uwe Boll during a recent Fox News interview; the infamous director declares, "A lot of video games have no story." (Yeah, especially light gun games.) But even something as intricately devised as the Halo universe doesn't seem to hold much promise in the eyes of Hollywood. Halo script re-writer Josh Olson (A History of Violence) complains that video games "have aimless cycles. You go to A, shoot some monsters, then go to B, then start over and do it again." Why argue?

Historically, Hollywood has done a miserable job selecting games for film adaptation, while we've enjoyed plenty of strong narratives developed for and executed in games. We say: Why give Hollywood a chance to muck up the true gems? The game industry has nothing to prove to American cinema.

Read - LA Times (subscription required; try: bugmenot)
Watch - Uwe Boll on Fox News (warning: obnoxious)

JoystiqLA Times: game narratives too 'weak' for movies, Uwe Boll agrees originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>filmhollywoodla-timesuwe-bolluwebollFri, 25 Jan 2008 14:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Metareview - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/19/metareview-in-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-tale/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/19/metareview-in-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-tale/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/19/metareview-in-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-tale/#commentsFiled under: ,


We think it's safe to assume that everybody who's reading this is familiar with Uwe Boll and his auspiciously terrible body of work, which includes such gems as "Bloodrayne", "House of the Dead", and Rotten Tomatoes' second worst reviewed movie of all time, "Alone in the Dark". That's why it may surprise you to learn that Boll's latest (and possibly last) big-budget box office flop, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale", is actually ... wretched, of course! Don't be silly.

In this very special edition of Metareview, we're taking a look at the cream of the crop of the film's reviews, which have already provided us with more entertainment than the actual movie ever could. Join with us in our appreciation of these brave reviewers, who have unwittingly tacked their own names onto Boll's lengthy "to be punched in the face repeatedly" list.
  • Sam Adams - Los Angeles Times: "Uwe Boll isn't the worst director in the world, but In the Name of the King might be more enjoyable if he were."
  • Dustin Putman - TheMovieBoy.com: "[The movie] would be irredeemable if not for its near-brilliant ability to give the viewer douche chills for 127 solid minutes."
  • Jim Lane - Sacramento News and Review: "It's like a Florida dinner theater production of The Lord of the Rings, though it's not without enjoyment if you're in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 frame of mind."
  • Scott Weinberg - Cinematical: "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is."
  • Joe Leydon - Variety: "Doug Taylor's script, loosely based on the "Dungeon Siege" vidgame, is a lazy mash-up of cliched situations, grandiose speechifying and verbal anachronisms. But, then again, "In the Name of the King" is the sort of half-baked farrago that brings out the worst, or the least, in almost everyone involved."

JoystiqMetareview - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 19 Jan 2008 16:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>adungeonsiegetaledungeonsiegeinthenameofthekingrottentomatoesuwe-bolluwebollSat, 19 Jan 2008 16:15:00 EST<![CDATA[There's a new trailer for Postal]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/17/theres-a-new-trailer-for-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/17/theres-a-new-trailer-for-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/17/theres-a-new-trailer-for-postal/#commentsFiled under: ,


"A religious charlatan (Foley), his mild mannered nephew (Ward) and a gang of bosomy commandos face off against Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in an epic battle that will determine the fate of the world in Postal, the latest film from controversial director Uwe Boll (BloodRayne). Boll roasts an entire herd of sacred cows and smashes taboos to smithereens in this over-the-top and hilariously subversive critique of modern day America."

...We thought we'd kick off with the description of Postal straight from the site of this new trailer, just because there is literally no combination of consonants and vowels we could create that would be more entertaining than that. Also, we're happy for Uwe Boll's burning of sacred cows, but did one of them have to be Dave Foley? Dear, sweet Dave Foley! Where did things go so wrong?!

JoystiqThere's a new trailer for Postal originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>moviespostaluwe-bolluwebollThu, 17 Jan 2008 12:30:00 EST<![CDATA[No more big-budget bombs for Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/15/no-more-big-budget-bombs-for-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/15/no-more-big-budget-bombs-for-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/15/no-more-big-budget-bombs-for-boll/#commentsFiled under: ,

Bad news for Uwe Boll love-to-haters: the infamous German director and pouting pugilist will see his future endeavors financially constrained after his latest $70 million video game adaptation, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," set the box-office alight with all the effectiveness of two moist fish furiously rubbed together. The $3 million weekend opening marked the director's third consecutive failure to Boll audiences over, and with no more German tax shelter funds to rely on, it looks to be his last big-budget bomb.

Not willing to throw in the raggedy towel just yet, Uwe Boll (pronounce it correctly, please!) told The Hollywood Reporter that he plans to focus on smaller cinematic explosives. Like grenades. "These are films that represent my true passion, and they can be done with small budgets," said Boll. Bad movie lovers (or lovers of bad movies) need not fear -- if this director's proven adept at anything in the last few years, it's working around a complete deficit of worthwhile resources.

[Thanks, David]

JoystiqNo more big-budget bombs for Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Alone-in-the-darkBloodrayneDungeon-SiegePostalUwe-BollUweBollTue, 15 Jan 2008 14:00:00 EST<![CDATA[New Dungeon Siege movie trailer is incredible]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/12/12/new-dungeon-siege-movie-trailer-is-incredible/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/12/12/new-dungeon-siege-movie-trailer-is-incredible/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/12/12/new-dungeon-siege-movie-trailer-is-incredible/#commentsFiled under: ,


You may have seen an ad on this very site for Uwe Boll's upcoming In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Do yourself a favor: Head to the official website, go straight to the "Trailer" section and buckle in for the ride of your life. There's so much to enjoy here, we simply don't know where to begin. Should start by marveling at how Ray Liotta's main display of power seems to be making books spin around? Or is that too obvious?

Should we mention some of the classic lines like "Those who you fight, we will help you fight them" and "Tomorrow we gouge evil from its shell"? Or should we note that while cool in movies like The Transporter, seeing Jason Statham (who's name is misspelled on the "Cast" page, natch) using martial arts in a medieval fantasy setting is totally rad? Honestly, we don't even know what you're still reading this for: You're about to witness the edge of reality.

JoystiqNew Dungeon Siege movie trailer is incredible originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 12 Dec 2007 12:25:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>dungeon-siegein-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-talemoviesuwe-bolluwebollWed, 12 Dec 2007 12:25:00 EST<![CDATA[You can kill Uwe Boll in Postal 3]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/11/17/you-can-kill-uwe-boll-in-postal-3/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/11/17/you-can-kill-uwe-boll-in-postal-3/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/11/17/you-can-kill-uwe-boll-in-postal-3/#commentsFiled under: ,

We're not sure why you'd want to hurt Uwe Boll. Honestly, he's a dear, sweet man with a heart of gold. But apparently someone out there thinks that you've been hurt enough by his cinematic atrocities that you'd want to shoot his digi-version. The director will be placed into the upcoming Postal 3, according to developer Running With Scissors' president Vince Desi.

Between BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, you have plenty of reasons to want to off Boll. But is it enough to tempt you to play the third in a series of games that has scored averages between 55 and 62 percent?

JoystiqYou can kill Uwe Boll in Postal 3 originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 14:03:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>postalpostal3uwe-bolluwebollSat, 17 Nov 2007 14:03:00 EST<![CDATA[It's pronounced 'OOV-UH-BUHL' says 'EWW-BOHL']]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/10/09/its-pronounced-oov-uh-buhl-says-eww-bohl/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/10/09/its-pronounced-oov-uh-buhl-says-eww-bohl/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/10/09/its-pronounced-oov-uh-buhl-says-eww-bohl/#commentsFiled under: , ,


MTV's Multiplayer blog continues its helpful pronunciation guide, this week shifting from Nintendo's Reggie "FEEH-SUH-MAY" to notorious something-resembling-filmmaker, Uwe Boll. The German director notes that if you're going to bash his next anti-masterpiece (and let's face it, you almost certainly will), at least have the decency to get his name right. It's not "YEW-EE" or "EEE-VEE," it's "OOV-UH."

"OOV-UH-BUHL."

All that's left is to apply this knowledge to everyday conversation:
  • "I can't wait to see OOV-UH-BUHL's interpretation of Far Cry's thought-provoking plot!"
  • "I left a message on OOV-UH-BUHL's answering machine. I do hope it's spelled correctly."
  • "Wow, I was simply BUHLED OOV-UH by how bad that movie was."

JoystiqIt's pronounced 'OOV-UH-BUHL' says 'EWW-BOHL' originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Uwe-BollUweBollTue, 09 Oct 2007 05:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll making movie based on nonexistent Wii game]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/28/uwe-boll-making-movie-based-on-nonexistent-wii-game/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/28/uwe-boll-making-movie-based-on-nonexistent-wii-game/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/28/uwe-boll-making-movie-based-on-nonexistent-wii-game/#commentsFiled under:


Zombie Massacre is barely a glimmer in developer 1988 Games' collective eye. They've got a rocking concept-- you're driving into the center of a zombie-plagued city in a vintage convertible, attempting to drop off a nuclear weapon-- but no game at the time. No engine, no screenshots, just a concept. And controversial German "film director"/pugilist Uwe Boll is already after it.

That's fine, though. It would be impossible to ruin a silly, campy concept like that, even if you are the brains (braaaaains) behind the House of the Dead movie. It lends itself to light-hearted horror/comedy. "I want to make this movie more creepy than House of the Dead, which was intended to be funny and campy," said Boll. "I'd like Zombie Massacre to be a harsh zombie movie like 28 Days Later."

We stand corrected. Apparently it is possible to ruin that concept. The man is a master of what he does.

[Via Game|Life]

JoystiqUwe Boll making movie based on nonexistent Wii game originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 28 Sep 2007 17:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>uwe-bolluwebollzombie-massacreFri, 28 Sep 2007 17:15:00 EST<![CDATA[Army of Two trailer features 9-11 imagery]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/19/army-of-two-trailer-features-9-11-imagery/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/19/army-of-two-trailer-features-9-11-imagery/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/19/army-of-two-trailer-features-9-11-imagery/#commentsFiled under: , ,

We've got to be honest, when we heard that a new trailer for Army of Two featured imagery from the attacks of Sept. 11, we were a little nervous. After all, the last time gaming and 9-11 were mixed, the results were ... well, for fear of getting our lights punched out, let's say less than stellar. But after watching this trailer, we were actually kind of impressed.

In the first place, it's kind of nice to see the subject being dealt with. It's something we all know about, all experienced, why shouldn't the medium deal with it? But it's still pretty gutsy to bring it up. We're not sure why that's still the way of things, but kudos to EA for stepping up. Also impressive is how it's dealt with. Images don't smack you in the face, it's never sensationalized, it's just two guys (who just happen to be mercenaries) having the same experience that millions of us did that morning. It is (dare we say it?) tasteful.

... Now, about those tampons.

JoystiqArmy of Two trailer features 9-11 imagery originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 19 Sep 2007 17:56:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>911armyoftwoeaElectronic-ArtsPS3uwebollXbox-360Wed, 19 Sep 2007 17:56:00 EST<![CDATA[PAX 07: Uwe Boll's guest appearance on video]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/25/pax-07-uwe-bolls-guest-appearance-on-video/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/25/pax-07-uwe-bolls-guest-appearance-on-video/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/25/pax-07-uwe-bolls-guest-appearance-on-video/#commentsFiled under:


Don't say the guys at Penny Arcade don't love you. With a large auditorium full of fans, they really wanted to give everyone something special, something we'd all remember for a long time. So they invited a special guest. Apparently good buddy Jack Thompson wasn't available, so they opted for Public Enemy #2: "filmmaker" Uwe Boll.

First, we'd like to personally congratulate Uwe for climbing on stage in front of hundreds of people who ... dislike his films to present his side of the story. Sure, a lot of folks got right up and walked out (not unlike seeing his films in theaters!) and the clips he showed off didn't elicit an overwhelmingly positive fan reaction ... but we're still proud of Uwe for sticking to his clichéd guns without resorting to fisticuffs.

JoystiqPAX 07: Uwe Boll's guest appearance on video originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 00:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>PAXPAX07UweBollSat, 25 Aug 2007 00:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll calls up Chris Kohler -- hilarity ensues]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/16/uwe-boll-calls-up-chris-kohler-hilarity-ensues/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/16/uwe-boll-calls-up-chris-kohler-hilarity-ensues/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/16/uwe-boll-calls-up-chris-kohler-hilarity-ensues/#commentsFiled under:


What do you do for an encore after you've told a critic to go have sexual relations with his own mother? You agree to a follow-up interview and proceed to flip out. To say that Wired's Chris Kohler didn't enjoy Boll's latest film, Postal, is to say that smashing your toes with a hammer merely "tingles." The infamous director took it to Kohler earlier this week in a barrage of broken English and PR buffoonery that -- we thought -- couldn't be crazier if he tried.

Uwe Boll ... you sly dog.

Conducted via telephone, Boll opens the conversation by saying, "Whatever I say, you have to print it how it is, and correct the spelling." Kohler responds, "Well, there's no spelling on the phone. So, it's okay." Can you hear that? It's the sound of the lulztrain making a stop on your Internets.

JoystiqUwe Boll calls up Chris Kohler -- hilarity ensues originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:19:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>chriskohlerpostaluwebollThu, 16 Aug 2007 15:19:00 EST<![CDATA[Ben Kingsley explains why he did Bloodrayne]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/07/ben-kingsley-explains-why-he-did-bloodrayne/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/07/ben-kingsley-explains-why-he-did-bloodrayne/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/07/ben-kingsley-explains-why-he-did-bloodrayne/#commentsFiled under:

While sifting through the latest issue of Time magazine, we stumbled upon a ten question mini-interview with actor Ben Kingsley. One reader-submitted question, from Shane O'Sullivan of Auckland, New Zealand (thanks, Shane!) asked what we've all wanted to know. We've reprinted it here, because there's no way to say it better:

What were you thinking when you accepted a role in Bloodrayne? It's so hard to imagine someone so gifted not realizing what a terrible film that would be!

"I don't know whether to be upset or flattered by that question," read his response. "To be honest, I have always wanted to play a vampire, with the teeth and the long black cape. Let's say that my motives were somewhat immature for doing it."

JoystiqBen Kingsley explains why he did Bloodrayne originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:11:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>benkingsleybloodraynefilmmovietimeuwebollTue, 07 Aug 2007 23:11:00 EST<![CDATA[NY Post sues Uwe Boll for infringement]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/01/ny-post-sues-uwe-boll-for-infringement/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/01/ny-post-sues-uwe-boll-for-infringement/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/08/01/ny-post-sues-uwe-boll-for-infringement/#commentsFiled under: , ,

German filmmaker Uwe Boll, well known in gamer circles for his film adaptations of video games, is being sued by the New York Post for "stealing the newspaper's trademark Web site and logos," according to The New York Sun.

The situation effectively began when the Post ran a story criticizing "pariah" Boll on his use of the September 11 tragedy in the film, seen in a trailer. Boll then set up a website similar to the New York Post for use in promoting the film.

The NY Post is asking that Boll discontinue use of the websites, that ownership of the domain names be transferred to the newspaper and the ever-popular "unspecified damages."

JoystiqNY Post sues Uwe Boll for infringement originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:57:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>newyorkpostnypostpostaluwebollWed, 01 Aug 2007 14:57:00 EST<![CDATA[You are not worthy of this Dungeon Siege trailer]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/07/19/you-are-not-worthy-of-this-dungeon-siege-trailer/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/07/19/you-are-not-worthy-of-this-dungeon-siege-trailer/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/07/19/you-are-not-worthy-of-this-dungeon-siege-trailer/#commentsFiled under:

Oh sweet mother of mercy. How hard are you going to see this movie? Like Richter-scale hard? Though the end of the trailer says December, 1UP says that In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale has been moved to January, thereby guaranteeing that 2008 will be the greatest year ever.

Honestly, if the whole thing was two minutes of Ray Liotta slo-mo backwards leaping, we would have already pre-purchased our tickets. But there's so much more to enjoy! There's Claire Forlani looking gorgeous! There's Jason Statham air kicking! There's John Rhys-Davies reminding us that, although he was in Lord of the Rings, he was also in 41 episodes of Sliders! We are left with just two questions. When, exactly, in January is this gem coming out, and where can we get a Ray Liotta "Life...has never been so exciting!" ringtone?

[Via 1UP, Thanks, EternityInBlack]

JoystiqYou are not worthy of this Dungeon Siege trailer originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 19 Jul 2007 10:33:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>dungeonsiegeuwebollThu, 19 Jul 2007 10:33:00 EST<![CDATA[Head for the hills: Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark sequel has been cast]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/06/28/head-for-the-hills-uwe-bolls-alone-in-the-dark-sequel-has-been/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/06/28/head-for-the-hills-uwe-bolls-alone-in-the-dark-sequel-has-been/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/06/28/head-for-the-hills-uwe-bolls-alone-in-the-dark-sequel-has-been/#commentsFiled under:

Not to be confused with the upcoming Alone in the Dark game we're anticipating like a Pit cosplayer on Valentine's Day, Bloody-Disgusting is reporting that Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark 2 film has, unfortunately, been cast. Rick Yune (Fast and the Furious, Die Another Day), Lance Hendriksen (Pumpkinhead, Aliens) and Ralf Moeller (Far Cry, Postal, Seed) will star in the film centered around a group of witch hunters tracking down a witch named Elisabeth Dexter.

Sounds ... exciting? Alone in the Dark 2 will begin shooting August 6 in LA and New York. Gather your torches and pitchforks.

JoystiqHead for the hills: Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark sequel has been cast originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 28 Jun 2007 12:28:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>aloneinthedarkmovieuwebollThu, 28 Jun 2007 12:28:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll lands distribution deal for trio of films]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/06/07/uwe-boll-lands-distribution-deal-for-trio-of-films/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/06/07/uwe-boll-lands-distribution-deal-for-trio-of-films/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/06/07/uwe-boll-lands-distribution-deal-for-trio-of-films/#commentsFiled under: ,

Confrontational and often criticized film director Uwe Boll, known for such stellar standouts like Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne adaptations, has signed with Freestyle Releasing for the distribution of three films: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Postal and Seed, the latter notable for not being adapted from a video game.

The Dungeon Siege adaptation is due out January 18 in 2,500 theaters across North America, which means you'll likely have a chance to witness it, should you honestly choose to pay for it. (Given Boll's history and the film's long-delayed release, we're not expecting much.) Postal will actually beat Dungeon Siege to theaters, slated for September 28. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Boll said that "the film likely will open on 500 screens and grow from there based on box office."

When the games come out, you'll finally be able to judge for yourself. Be careful what you say, however: you might end up on the other end of a directorial uppercut.

JoystiqUwe Boll lands distribution deal for trio of films originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 07 Jun 2007 01:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>dungeon siegeDungeonSiegepostaluwe bollUweBollThu, 07 Jun 2007 01:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Nintendo looking for the next Uwe Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/15/nintendo-looking-for-the-next-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/15/nintendo-looking-for-the-next-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/15/nintendo-looking-for-the-next-uwe-boll/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Have you ever watched the 1993 film Super Mario Bros. and thought "Hey, I could make a better Nintendo movie than that!"? You're not alone. Studies show that a majority of humans who have ever lived have had that thought at some point, including a young Uwe Boll (we all saw how that turned out) and Ed Wood, which is scientifically silly. Now, Nintendo's giving amateur filmmakers the chance to show that they can do justice to the Nintendo brand ... as long as they can do it in under 5 minutes.

The top three entries in the Nintendo Short Cuts Showcase will be screened at Rockefeller Center next month and the pick of the litter gets its maker a trip to NYC, $10,000 and a meeting with Craig Hatkoff, co-founder of the Tribeca Film Festival, who promises to listen intently show up. All you need to be considered is a 3-5 minute movie that in some way relates to Nintendo and is submitted to them by June 6. Oh, and you have to be better than this guy, which is impossible. Good luck!

JoystiqNintendo looking for the next Uwe Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 15 May 2007 21:29:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>DSfilmnintendoshortcutsuwebollWiiTue, 15 May 2007 21:29:00 EST<![CDATA[First Postal III screens emerge, bore]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/09/first-postal-3-screens-emerge-bore/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/09/first-postal-3-screens-emerge-bore/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/09/first-postal-3-screens-emerge-bore/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

If you're Running With Scissors, and you're dropping the first images of the next iteration of your controversial yet uniformly bad Postal series, would you go with barren city streets? Or would you put out screens of Gary Coleman humping a zebra being ridden by Osama bin Laden, or whatever it is exactly that happens in Postal games? Well, we hope you chose the first option, because that's what you're getting.

Maybe we're just not looking close enough. Do you see anything shaped like a racial stereotype, even if you squint? No, neither do we. Well, hey, maybe the Postal brand is being moved away from clumsy attempts at "edginess" or mediocrity? Nope, negative on both counts. Wait, that's it! Maybe the most surprising thing that Running With Scissors can do at this point is not depict a gun barrel being put in a cat's anus! Maybe to be truly offensive is to defy our expectations. Or, you know, maybe they're just early shots. It's one of the two.

JoystiqFirst Postal III screens emerge, bore originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 09 May 2007 20:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>pcpostalpostal3runningwithscissorsuwebollXbox-360xbox360Wed, 09 May 2007 20:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Warren Ellis planning on three Castlevania films]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/07/warren-ellis-planning-on-three-castlevania-films/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/07/warren-ellis-planning-on-three-castlevania-films/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/05/07/warren-ellis-planning-on-three-castlevania-films/#commentsFiled under: , ,


The official blog of the straight-to-DVD animated Castlevania film that Warren Ellis is writing has become a veritable minefield of information for fans to stagger across and then be blown up by. For example: Ellis (the genius behind comics like Planetary and Transmetropolitan) feels that the story of the film, which is based on Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse, should be broken into three chunks. Also, pirate Grant DeNasty won't be included, or at least not in the first 80-minute film.

There's a lot of encouraging info here, especially the post about making a film for adults, and it's well worth poring over. While there's still not a really clear picture of what sort of film this will be, it's already looking better than any videogame adaptation Uwe Boll has ever made. Of course, the same could be said of The Garbage Pail Kids Movie and it was based on trading cards. So hopefully Ellis has set his sights a bit higher than beating Boll.

[via GameSetWatch]

JoystiqWarren Ellis planning on three Castlevania films originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 07 May 2007 16:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>castlevaniadraculascurseuwebollwarrenellisMon, 07 May 2007 16:15:00 EST<![CDATA[NY Post: "Pariah" Uwe Boll unapologetic over 9/11 clip]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/04/16/ny-post-pariah-uwe-boll-unapologetic-over-9-11-clip/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/04/16/ny-post-pariah-uwe-boll-unapologetic-over-9-11-clip/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/04/16/ny-post-pariah-uwe-boll-unapologetic-over-9-11-clip/#commentsFiled under:

The mainstream press, represented here by the New York Post (New York's other paper), is talking about the desperately controversial trailer for Uwe Boll's latest "low-rent shock-value ploy" (thanks, Cinematical), Postal, and they don't seem to have much nice to say about it. Coupled with responses from 9/11 victim's family members is Uwe's trademark bravado, making for an awkward (yet unnervingly satisfying) juxtaposition.

Our favorite part? When Uwe says the 9/11 crash clip was being viewed "out of context." Wait, you mean to tell us that 24 second teaser for a movie that isn't even in theaters was somehow viewed out of context? Well, how'd that happen?

[Via GamePolitics]

JoystiqNY Post: "Pariah" Uwe Boll unapologetic over 9/11 clip originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 16 Apr 2007 18:58:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>moviesNYPostPostalUweBollMon, 16 Apr 2007 18:58:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll responds to 9/11 'Postal' criticism, pats himself on back]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/04/11/uwe-boll-responds-to-postal-criticism-pats-himself-on-back/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/04/11/uwe-boll-responds-to-postal-criticism-pats-himself-on-back/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/04/11/uwe-boll-responds-to-postal-criticism-pats-himself-on-back/#commentsFiled under: ,

The internet went ballistic over a teaser clip from schlock director Uwe Boll's coming film adaptation of schlock video game Postal. The clip seems to poke fun at the 9/11 attacks in a hamfisted, stupid way. A truly talented person can find humor in any tragedy. But is Boll, who directed the film versions of BloodRayne and House of the Dead, that kind of talent? The answer, clearly, is no. Boll disagrees.

In his response to criticism over the clip, Boll self-righteously calls his film a "necessary wake-up call" and compares it to Monty Python's masterpiece, Life of Brian. That's right, a movie based on an utterly boring video game is in the same league as one of the greatest comedy touchstones in history.

To call Boll a "bloviating hack" is to insult the English language by referring to him with words and not a series of guttural grunts, obscene gestures, and bodily excretions. But excretions don't really come across that well in a blog. Maybe this "Web 2.0" we keep hearing about will remedy that.

JoystiqUwe Boll responds to 9/11 'Postal' criticism, pats himself on back originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 11 Apr 2007 12:26:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>9/11moviespostalschlockUweBollWed, 11 Apr 2007 12:26:00 EST<![CDATA[Anti-masterpiece theater presents: Postal]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/01/31/anti-masterpiece-theater-presents-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/01/31/anti-masterpiece-theater-presents-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/01/31/anti-masterpiece-theater-presents-postal/#commentsFiled under:

Critically bashed, critic-bashing and chronically inept filmmaker, Uwe Boll, has once again edited together a sequence of disparate and decidedly amateurish sequences into something loosely resembling a movie. No doubt risking some sort of infection, the folks at 1UP have embedded a NSFW and NSFH (Not Safe for Humanity) trailer of his latest videogame adaptation, Postal, into one of their pages. They're certainly a brave lot.

Powered by Z-grade star power and disturbing nudity, the trailer boldly declares the film's intention to be the most disgusting and most offensive piece of celluloid known to man.

So, just the usual Boll film then.

[Thanks, Jonah]

Watch -- Postal Trailers (yes, plural)

JoystiqAnti-masterpiece theater presents: Postal originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>GarbagePostalUwe BollUweBollWed, 31 Jan 2007 18:15:00 EST<![CDATA[Kristanna Loken dumps Uwe Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/11/09/kristanna-loken-dumps-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/11/09/kristanna-loken-dumps-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/11/09/kristanna-loken-dumps-uwe-boll/#commentsFiled under:

Infamous video game director Uwe Boll is going to have to find a new "star" to drag through the mud. Kristanna Loken, star of two Boll films -- BloodRayne and the as-of-yet unreleased In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- has thrown the "engaged to be engaged" ring back in Uwe's face and has decided to move on to bigger and better things. BloodRayne 2 is just not in the Hollywood stars for Loken. Good move, Ms. Loken, Uwe just isn't good enough for you.

Loken's official statement is that she's too busy working on Painkiller Jane, a Sci-Fi series. Replacing Loken as Rayne (and Uwe's next "fling") in BloodRayne 2 (the first one warranted a sequel?) is Natassia Malthe. After checking IMDB, we discovered that Malthe doesn't exactly have a stellar career of her own. We have to respectfully inform Ms. Malthe that those "Oscars" in Uwe's office are made of Papier-Mâchè.

Loken's excuse for not working on a third Boll movie and reprising her role as Rayne is questionable. Maybe Loken decided it was about time to get out of the acting gutter and start working on some better projects? In any case, that hasn't stopped Boll from wasting other people's money; working on future flops such as Postal, Far Cry, Alone in the Dark 2 (again with the sequels) and non-gaming IP Seed. Who knows, maybe BloodRayne 2 will turn out like Superman Returns as Uwe claims; a dull movie that somehow managed to make a profit.

(We are proactively denying any future boxing challenges Uwe Boll may deliver ... you fight too dirty, bro.)

JoystiqKristanna Loken dumps Uwe Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 22:40:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Blood RayneBlood Rayne 2BloodRayneBloodRayne 2Bloodrayne2BollDungeon Siegedungeon siege taleDungeonSiegeDungeonSiegeTalefailureFar CryFar Cry movieFarCryFarCry movieFarCryMoviehack directorHackDirectorIn the name of the kingin the name of the king: a dungeon siege taleInTheNameOfTheKingInTheNameOfTheKing:ADungeonSiegeTalekristianna lokenKristiannaLokenlokenpostalpostal moviePostalMovieRayneSeedSeed movieSeedMovieUweUwe BollUweBollThu, 09 Nov 2006 22:40:00 EST<![CDATA[Vince Desi is a giant prick in Postal]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/10/26/vince-desi-is-a-giant-prick-in-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/10/26/vince-desi-is-a-giant-prick-in-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/10/26/vince-desi-is-a-giant-prick-in-postal/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Game Set Watch has managed to obtain a handful of images of Postal creator Vince Desi filming his cameo for the upcoming Uwe Boll adaptation. Desi plays Krotchy, a giant penis, and it appears he will be in a penis suit for the duration of his screen time.

Gamasutra also netted an interview with Desi. Where he talks about Postal 3, the decision to use the Source engine, and his reasons for going with Uwe Boll for the movie. Postal 3 is scheduled for an Xbox 360 release sometime in 2008.

JoystiqVince Desi is a giant prick in Postal originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:20:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>postaluwe bollUweBollvince desiXbox-360Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:20:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll to make BloodRayne 2, anger more gamers]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/10/04/uwe-boll-to-make-bloodrayne-2-anger-more-gamers/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/10/04/uwe-boll-to-make-bloodrayne-2-anger-more-gamers/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/10/04/uwe-boll-to-make-bloodrayne-2-anger-more-gamers/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Someone, for the love of every video game ever made into a movie, PLEASE stop Uwe Boll. We mean physically stop the guy. Find out where he's shooting, go out there, and take the camera away from him. Be sure to destroy any writing utensils or anything he might use to draw with as well.

Why? Because he's recently announced that he's making BloodRayne 2. That's right, a sequel to what people have been calling one of the worst films of the past few years. Don't forget, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith came out in the last few years and so did Aeon Flux, Elektra, Son of the Mask, and The Pacifier.

The movie, like the first one, will no doubt have nothing to do with the game, but will have everything to do with sucking. That's despite the presence of Kristanna Loken, who really needs to take Uwe's number out of her cell phone.

JoystiqUwe Boll to make BloodRayne 2, anger more gamers originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 04 Oct 2006 11:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>BloodRayneKristanna LokenmovieUwe BollUweBollWed, 04 Oct 2006 11:15:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll does something awful to another critic]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/25/uwe-boll-does-something-awful-to-another-critic/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/25/uwe-boll-does-something-awful-to-another-critic/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/25/uwe-boll-does-something-awful-to-another-critic/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Anti-filmmaker Uwe Boll has beaten another one of his critics completely senseless -- and this time it was in a boxing ring, not a darkened cinema. Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka of Something Awful infamy was the second to fall to the raging Boll's flying fists in a PR-driven series of boxing matches. Like any dignified artist, Boll vowed to silence critics by punching them in the face, proving once and for all that ... well, we're not sure what exactly this proves. We know he's a good boxer, at least.

In a video interview after the match, Kyanka amusingly points out that he now detests Uwe Boll not as a movie misdirector, but as a human being. According to the pummeled pundit, Boll offered to give his victims training beforehand and promised that his punches would be just for show. Quite apparently, that was not the case (video embedded after the break). Regardless, it now becomes clear that critics played right into Boll's gloved ham-hands. The selected participants arguably never stood a chance, something the video game violator well aware of in his struggle for Pyrrhic victory. Punching out a critic does not make his films any less craptacular and the whole fiasco has made him look like a fight-makes-right psychopath.

1UP contributor, Albert Art, snapped some pictures at the event and even conducted a brief interview with Boll. When asked why he continues to make video game films, Boll responds with an enlightening, "I keep doing video game based movies because look why not, all the comic-book get made into movies, even comics that sold 2000 copies there are movies out from it, why like big famous videos games shouldn't turn into movies." That about says it all.

[Thanks, albertart and VGM!]

Read - Something Awful's forum responds
Read - Albert Art's event coverage and interview
Watch - Video interview with Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka after the match
Watch - Boll's previous boxing match

Continue reading Uwe Boll does something awful to another critic

JoystiqUwe Boll does something awful to another critic originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 25 Sep 2006 21:55:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Alone in the DarkAloneInTheDarkboxingEd WoodEdWoodHouse of the DeadHouseOfTheDeadLowtaxSomething AwfulSomethingAwfulUwe BollUweBollMon, 25 Sep 2006 21:55:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe "I make crappy game movies" Boll silences his first critic]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/06/uwe-i-make-crappy-game-movies-boll-silences-his-first-critic/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/06/uwe-i-make-crappy-game-movies-boll-silences-his-first-critic/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/06/uwe-i-make-crappy-game-movies-boll-silences-his-first-critic/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Uwe Boll (the man responsible for making a mockery of video game movies -- all three of his video game movies appear on IMDB's Bottom 100 list) finally managed to silence one of his critics yesterday. He didn't do it by making a movie worth squat, but by applying his fists to the mouth of Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello, webmaster of Cine Cutre.

Despite his inability to satisfy film critics (or perhaps because of it) Boll's no idiot. First, he knows how to box. Second, he's selected a bunch of pudgy web geeks (not unlike yours truly) to face him in the ring. Of course he's going to win.

At least Boll's good at something.

JoystiqUwe "I make crappy game movies" Boll silences his first critic originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 06 Sep 2006 19:55:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>bolluwe bollUweBollWed, 06 Sep 2006 19:55:00 EST<![CDATA[Alone in the Dark pics, unbelievably scary]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/24/alone-in-the-dark-pics-unbelievably-scary/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/24/alone-in-the-dark-pics-unbelievably-scary/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/24/alone-in-the-dark-pics-unbelievably-scary/#commentsFiled under: ,


Alone in the Dark 5 looks gorgeous. That's really all there is to say about these images. Well, that, and they're really scary -- almost as scary as Uwe Boll. After all, the game is set in Central Park, the scariest place on earth. If you haven't looked into this game yet, be sure and check out the official site for more creepy goodness. We have to ask, who wants this game, and who wants it right now?

JoystiqAlone in the Dark pics, unbelievably scary originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 24 Aug 2006 12:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>alone in the dark 5AloneInTheDark5ataricarnbycentral parkCentralParkuwe bollUweBollxboxydeThu, 24 Aug 2006 12:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Internet casino sponsoring "Raging Boll" event]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/23/internet-casino-sponsoring-raging-boll-event/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/23/internet-casino-sponsoring-raging-boll-event/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/08/23/internet-casino-sponsoring-raging-boll-event/#commentsFiled under: ,

Widely known for his anti-masterpieces, House of the Dead, Bloodrayne and Alone in the Dark, German film director Uwe Boll drew plenty of internet ire in June by sending out a public challenge to his (many, many) detractors. Like any civilized and intelligent human being, Boll decided that the best way to deal with those that disagreed with his artistic vision for videogame adaptations was to punch them in the face, grr! The invitation urged haters to fly to Vancouver and meet the German in the boxing ring for a one-on-one session of metaphorically rich pummeling. Internet casino Goldenpalace.com has issued a press release stating that they will be the ones to sponsor the event, now dubbed "Raging Boll."

Naturally, the prestige gained from having your event backed by an internet casino cannot be overstated. The joint's CEO, Richard Rowe, notes that Boll's attention grab is refreshingly ridiculous. "We receive so many outlandish offers for advertising exposure that it is refreshing to see something that surprises even us. That is why we decided to get involved. This has gotten so much attention so far, and we can't wait to see how it will turn out." Before starting proper on 23 September, Uwe will stop off in Spain to battle Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello, a critic who has already vowed to Kill Boll (challenge video embedded in the latter section of the post). After that bout, Boll will face Something Awful's Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, Jeff Sneider from Ain't It Cool News, Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue and Nelson Chance Minter from Website Critic.

All the fights will be filmed for inclusion in Boll's Postal film, no doubt rendered vaguely entertaining by showing his face deteriorating over the course of the event. It may even prove to be beneficial to his career -- a few brutal blows to the head might be just the thing to bring him to his senses. Perhaps then he'll realize how difficult it is to hold on to credibility when you've got boxing gloves on your hands.

[Via GameSetWatch]

Continue reading Internet casino sponsoring "Raging Boll" event

JoystiqInternet casino sponsoring "Raging Boll" event originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 23 Aug 2006 21:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Alone in the DarkAloneInTheDarkBloodrayneBoxingDungeon SiegeDungeonSiegeEd WoodEdWoodHouse of the DeadHouseOfTheDeadPunch-OutUwe BollUweBollWed, 23 Aug 2006 21:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Boll adds Something Awful to punchout list]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/20/boll-adds-something-awful-to-punchout-list/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/20/boll-adds-something-awful-to-punchout-list/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/20/boll-adds-something-awful-to-punchout-list/#commentsFiled under:

The man every gamer loves to hate has accepted an application to knock out (or get knocked out by) one of his many critics: Something Awful's Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. Like a man of his word, Uwe Boll will not back down from those who seek to knock him from his throne of cinema la crap.

So, unrelenting in their constant Boll-bashing, Something Awful is ready to step up to the plate and take one for the team: "I sent Mr. Boll an email, asking him if his offer still stood. Would he still fly me up to participate in one of his unintentionally horrific non-horror films, this time with the lure of physically kicking the snot out of me on film? Well folks, I'm proud to say the answer was 'yes.'"

I wonder if Boll truly knew what he was getting into when he opened his big mouth. Perhaps he wouldn't be as hated around the Internets if he wasn't so outspoken about everything. Mr. Boll, please do us all a favor, shut your trap and try your hardest not to make movies that make us feel abused and insulted.

[Via Destructoid]

JoystiqBoll adds Something Awful to punchout list originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 20 Jun 2006 12:28:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Something AwfulSomethingAwfulUwe BollUweBollTue, 20 Jun 2006 12:28:00 EST<![CDATA[Now's your chance to throw down with Uwe]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/13/nows-your-chance-to-thrown-down-with-uwe/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/13/nows-your-chance-to-thrown-down-with-uwe/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/13/nows-your-chance-to-thrown-down-with-uwe/#commentsFiled under:


Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, unless that fiction is the work of German film-butcher Uwe Boll, in which case its ability to destroy brain cells while melting your ocular receptors is pretty darn strange in and of itself. Otherwise, truth is stranger. Like when Sir Uwe released a press statement urging his critics to "put up or shut up!" Seriously.

If you published at least two negative reviews of any of Uwe's films before 2006, either online or in print, submit proof to info@boll-kg.de and (if yours were especially mean) you could be selected as one of five lucky winners to throw down with Uwe in a 10-bout match. There are some caveats: you can't have two X chromosomes (sorry ladies); you have to be between 140 and 190 pounds (sorry skinny kung-fu guys); you can't ask for money (sorry opportunists). All you get is a hotel room in Vancouver and the possible lifelong satisfaction of knowing that the entire gaming community was living through you, vicariously, while you pounded on Uwe.

JoystiqNow's your chance to throw down with Uwe originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 13 Jun 2006 13:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>MoviesPostalUwe BollUweBollTue, 13 Jun 2006 13:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Pac-Man: The Movie, not coming to any theaters near you]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/01/pac-man-the-movie-not-coming-to-any-theaters-near-you/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/01/pac-man-the-movie-not-coming-to-any-theaters-near-you/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/06/01/pac-man-the-movie-not-coming-to-any-theaters-near-you/#commentsFiled under: ,

In my opinion, the concept behind this home-made trailer for a fictional Pac-Man movie surpasses that of any other full length movie based on a game. Not that it's got much competition. Choice quote: "It looked like some kind of man, some kind of... Pac-man."

[Thanks, Justin]

JoystiqPac-Man: The Movie, not coming to any theaters near you originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Jun 2006 18:10:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>CinemaGameshome madeHomeMadeHumorHumourMovieMovies on gamesMoviesOnGamesPac-MantheaterUwe BollUweBollYouTubeThu, 01 Jun 2006 18:10:00 EST<![CDATA[Metal Gear Solid movie confirmed definitively]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/05/15/metal-gear-solid-movie-confirmed-definitively/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/05/15/metal-gear-solid-movie-confirmed-definitively/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/05/15/metal-gear-solid-movie-confirmed-definitively/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Metal Gear Solid creator, Hideo Kojima, has already ruled out Uwe Boll ("it's impossible") as a directorial candidate of a possible cinematic adaptation of the celebrated series, without confirming that such a project was even under way ... until now, that is. Gamespot reports that the Kojima Productions spoof of the E3 Show Daily, dubbed "Show Maybe," teases, "In a late-breaking surprise announcement, director Hideo Kojima revealed that his most famous creation -- Metal Gear Solid -- is getting the live-action treatment."

On the back page Kojima writes, "I have received many offers to adapt Metal Gear Solid. It has taken a long time, but we have finally settled on an arrangement ... False facts aside, a movie project is underway. I have finalized a Class-A contract with a party in Hollywood." Now that the cat's out of the bag, expect periodic updates leading up to the 2007 release of Metal Gear Solid 4. Who's directing? Whose starring? For once, fans can't complain about lengthy cut scenes!

JoystiqMetal Gear Solid movie confirmed definitively originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 15 May 2006 19:27:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>E32006Hideo KojimaHideoKojimaMetal Gear SolidMetal Gear Solid 4MetalGearSolidMetalGearSolid4MGSMGS4MovieMoviesPS2PS3PSPUwe BollUweBollMon, 15 May 2006 19:27:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe leaves Razzies empty-handed]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2006/03/06/uwe-leaves-razzies-empty-handed/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/03/06/uwe-leaves-razzies-empty-handed/http://www.joystiq.com/2006/03/06/uwe-leaves-razzies-empty-handed/#commentsFiled under:

Now that the Oscars have come and gone, we cannot help but recall the "winners" of this year's Golden Rasberry Awards. Last month, director Uwe Boll had decreed that "it is a great honour" to be nominated for a Razzie...under the category for "Worst Director." As Mr. Boll put it, "I take every prize I get."

Sorry, Mr. Boll, but unfortunately you could not even win that prize. Instead, director John Asher took home the dubious award for his picture Dirty Love, starring girlfriend Jenny McCarthy. While he may have gone home empty-handed, Uwe Boll might feel more comfortable knowing that his thriller Bloodrayne is #20 worst film (according to IMDB), while Dirty Love isn't even in the bottom 100. Better luck next year!

JoystiqUwe leaves Razzies empty-handed originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 06 Mar 2006 20:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>BloodrayneRazziesUwe BollUweBollMon, 06 Mar 2006 20:30:00 EST