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We were far too busy a-wassailing yesterday to notice, but Valve released a soon-to-be-holiday-classic that we think is going to catch on like wildfire. It's the latest track from Left 4 Dead 2's quartet of bearded troubadours, the Midnight Riders, titled "All I Want for Christmas (Is To Kick Your Ass)." It's a lot like that one song with the similar title, only ... with more ass-kicking, we guess. Unsurprisingly, it's not suitable for work -- but incredibly suitable for your family gatherings. Click past the jump to rekindle that holiday spirit.

Left 4 Dead 2 on PC has just received a massive update, with both authoring tools for custom campaigns and a support package for those who just want to play custom games coming down the internet's chimney. That second part might not be so exciting if it weren't for the glorious detail that it "allows running ANY map [their emphasis], including custom maps made for the original Left 4 Dead."

All your old favorites like the Mushroom Kingdom (with zombies) and Lego (with zombies) -- totally playable in Left 4 Dead 2. The only thing that the Left 4 Dead 2 Team asked for in return was "to get to play your custom maps" in their game, so let's all do them a favor and get right on that. We're personally hoping to see a Back to the Future 2 (with zombies) mod by the weekend.

[Thanks, Cj]

We know we throw the term around quite a bit, but seriously, folks -- "Christmas miracle" is the only way we can explain what's happened to the prices on over 800 games on the Steam storefront. It's like a "Greatest Hits" special of Steam's best sales throughout the year: There are sizable discounts on games from every genre, encheapened bundles of games from a dozen different publishers (including Square Enix and Telltale), and even five super-discounted daily offers (today it's Mirror's Edge, GTA IV and more)!

You simply must go check this sale out if your bank account hasn't been completely obliterated by the holiday shopping rush. Considering the wide, wide scope of the discounts offered, we'd be worried that this was a "Going Out of Business" sale -- a circumstance made entirely unlikely by the amount of monies we've spent on these nefarious Steam sales this year.

If there's going to be a singular battlefield for the war between mankind and a super-advanced artificial intelligence hivemind, we think it's going to be Team Fortress 2. See, the programmers and developers over at Valve have repeatedly proven their technological prowess -- and now that they're working on AI opponents for TF2, accidental self-awareness can't be too far away. "Spy's sappin' my sentry! But why is it my sentry? Can a virtual sentry be owned? Who am I?"

You can check out the early stages of the future destruction of the world by participating in the Team Fortress 2 Bot Beta Test. No download is required -- all you have to do is enter a simple line of code into the console command in the koth_viaduct, koth_sawmill, and koth_nucleus maps. Check out Valve's blog post to learn more about the AI-spawning commands available to you. Whatever you do, make sure you don't enter "haley_joel_osment" into the command line. His love is real, but he is not.

Valve's just served up a fresh update for Left 4 Dead 2 that aims to give our fellow survivors a gnawed-off leg up on the zombie horde. Most of the fixes deal with backend issues, streamlining the lobby system, and making official dedicated servers preferred when searching for team matches. The game now also has Russian subtitles for our comrades defending the Red Square (which, of course, is really a Burger Tank in the deep south). Remember: communication is paramount to winning the war against the undead.

Head past the break for the full patch notes.

Valve knows you, conservative Steam user. You've been holding out for a discount on the already low-priced Torchlight from Runic Games, using the game's lack of Achievements and Steam Cloud support as an excuse to do so, haven't you? Haven't you?!

It's alright (and we're sorry for yelling)! But we had to get your attention to tell you that Steam's benevolent overlords are already thinking a few steps ahead, adding the aforementioned Cheevos and Cloud support in an update last night as well as dropping the game's price by 50% for the duration of the weekend. For $9.99, you can venture into the land of Torchlight and click to your heart's content -- there's even a demo if you're so inclined. The deal last's until Monday, so let's hope you're an expedient Steam user as well as a conservative one.

Yes, some adventurers are still exploring Spore and its would-be vast, online universe -- at least, they're trying to. Since late last year, some Spore buyers who purchase the game through Valve's Steam distribution service have been unable to access the game's online component. The issue seems to be related to the serial number that's required when setting up a Spore account, but not provided with Steam copies of Spore.

Users who contacted Steam were told that Valve is working with EA to fix the issue and to continue to play offline until a fix is delivered. A Steam representative, posting in one forum thread, addressed angry users, claiming, "The ETA for a fix is 'as soon as possible.'" In the meantime, if you're about to buy Spore from Steam ... just buy it somewhere else.

Well, Demomen, you put up a good fight, but the rocket-armed Soldiers proved too strong a combatant to topple. Team Fortress 2's helmet-wearing class won the "War" update challenge, netting an additional item (boots which reduce rocket-jumping damage) to go with the update's other additions. You can check up on all the new items, maps, achievements and totally out-of-place crafting mechanics on the update's hub page.

Or, you can simply log on to the game right now, and get the update yourself. If you don't possess the game, Valve will let you download and play it for free this weekend. If you really enjoy it, you can pick up Team Fortress 2 at half-price for just $9.99.

[Via Big Download]

The Demoman class in Team Fortress 2 is the first to reveal its changes coming in the new "War" update, gifting everyone's favorite one-eyed Scot with the "Close Combat Kit." Consisting of the deliciously punny Eyelander sword and Chargin' Targe, these medieval weapons are quite the departure from the Demoman's usual high-tech, exploding arsenal. As badass as these weapons are, using them does come with a price.

The sword guarantees a decapitation with every killing blow; however, it will initially suck away the user's health. But for every soul it's fed, it'll provide the player with a boost to health and speed. The ability stacks, up to four kills.

The shield takes the place of the sticky bomb launcher and, once equipped, provides +50% fire damage resistance and +65% blast damage resistance. From a combative standpoint, using alt-fire while equipping the shield will cause the Demoman to charge at ludicrous speed towards an enemy, doling out some serious damage should he connect. Also, doing that will give the Demoman the chance to attack with his sword mid-charge, providing greater chance to up the damage count.

The first piece of information to come out of Team Fortress 2's "War" update for the Soldier and Demoman classes is a savory one -- according to the game's official blog, players of the PC version of the game will now be able to craft their own weapons, hats and other inventory items. Formerly useless pieces of loot in a player's collection can now be combined using a specific blueprint, resulting in a brand new, much more desirable piece of equipment.

So, frequent updates, personal inventories, multiple classes and a crafting system? Seriously, this game is like, a couple dragons short of becoming the next big MMORPG.

[Via Big Download]

Not content with unleashing a full-blown zombie apocalypse, Valve has come up with the second most socially awkward event imaginable: inviting characters from the original Left 4 Dead to hang out in the sequel's first DLC campaign. Bill, Louis, Zoey and Francis will meet with the stars of Left 4 Dead 2 in "The Passing," which Valve VP of marketing Doug Lombardi calls "the most important campaign in the Left 4 Dead story, as all the Survivors are being called together in one campaign." It's targeted for release in early 2010 on Xbox 360 and PC.

In addition to a co-op campaign (set in rural Georgia) and a new "co-operative challenge mode of play," The Passing will offer new content for Survival, Versus and Scavenge modes. Playing as the L4D2 cast, you can also expect to encounter a new melee weapon, firearm and "uncommon common" zombie.

We can't wait to meet up with last year's survivors again ... oh, assuming they really are still survivors.

Valve has decided to inject some "healthy competition" into the next patch for its long-lasting, cartoonish multiplayer shooter, Team Fortress 2. The update will award three new weapons to both the Soldier and Demoman classes -- weapons which will be revealed piecemeal over the course of the next week. However, the two classes will be fighting during the week to unlock a secret fourth weapon for their profession. Whichever class can kill the other the most will be victorious, and can claim the additional armament.

You can stay on top of the current kill count on Valve's hub page for the update, which is appropriately titled "The War." Our money's on the Demoman, but that might just be because we love his Shrek-inspired accent.

In its ongoing support of Left 4 Dead 2 on the PC, Valve has issued another patch for the game, fixing a number of problems including physics crashes and hit boxes on the Charger, Jockey and Spitter. Some of the exploits PC gamers have stumbled upon have also been eradicated, including incapped survivors improving their weapon accuracy by holding the crouch button -- though we wouldn't call that an exploit so much as a natural evolution in the face of the zombie threat. Good, old-fashioned human ingenuity is what will win us this war, people!

You can head past the break for the full patch notes. An update for the Xbox 360 will be available "later this month."

Best known for her work on Joystiq's 2007 Game of the Year, Portal, Valve's Kim Swift is reportedly leaving her current position for Dark Void developer Airtight Games. According to Develop, she'll be heading up a team of developers working on a "new, unnamed project" for the US-based company. Airtight prez Jim Deal says that he's "thrilled to work with Kim," and that "her addition to the team represents a strategic move ... into new and broader gaming markets."

Swift's team will be tasked with creating "games aimed at a more diverse audience" -- a challenge Swift appears ready to handle. "I've learned so much and had some amazing experiences at Valve, but when I heard I had the opportunity to work on innovative titles with my friends over at Airtight, I couldn't pass it up." And now we wait (and hope) for the puzzle-based air combat game that's sure to come of this partnership.

No More Heroes' girl-crazy otaku protagonist, Travis Touchdown, must have found the Cosmic Key, because he's crossed over into the world of Valve games -- specifically Left 4 Dead and Team Fortress 2.

The L4D mod uses Travis to meet the game's quota for one leather-clad survivor, putting him, in his usual red jacket and Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly T-shirt (but no beam katana), in the place of ultra-pessimist Francis. While an L4D2 mod could address the lack of stabbing and cutting, it would seem mod creator ash_link isn't a fan of Valve's sequel, so, yeah ... that's probably not happening.

The Team Fortress 2 mod does about the same thing, replacing that game's Scout with a pint-sized, katana-wielding Touchdown. Head past the break to see for yourself. Seriously, go watch the video now.

[Via Destructoid]