We admit it. Our writeup of Wil Wheaton's PAX keynote didn't manage to capture the palpable energy of the crowd. And that's why we're happy to present you with this here audio file which should manage to better communicate the cheers of adulation and camaraderie. But don't go thinking audio is an infallible format! For example, can you hear the audience's fists pumping in the air during the speech's high energy moments? You may be able to feel it, but you can't hear it. So there.

Listen – Wil Wheaton's PAX keynote (.mp3 link)

The lights go out, and a phone call voice-over plays.


Wil Wheaton is calling his buddy, an audio producer at Rockstar, trying to figure out a way to make a memorable entrance. They settle on something epic, something Lord of the Ringsy. The music bellows and Wheaton takes the stage.

"My name is Wil Wheaton and Jack Thompson can suck my balls." The audience cheers.

"I should note that today's keynote has been rated MA by the ESRB and if you have a problem with that, you can go fuck yourselves." He rattles off his geek cred: he's played NightWatch, he had an original Gameboy, and he carries around every 2600 game on a USB key (a USB key? We had them embedded subdermally years ago). He sure knows how to get the crowd going, citing classic gaming one-liners each one resulting in a chorus of applause. He rattles off popular internet memes like "the internet is a series of tubes" and "we need more cowbell" and "Leeroy Jenkins."

His infectious preaching of "geek power" has a very rapt audience at PAX. He lays out his history as a geek, explains his manipulations, all geared towards giving him more time to play arcade games in between a busy school and audition schedule. One of his most endearing stories was about playing Wizard of War.

Wil Wheaton (yes, that kid from Star Trek) has a touching column on the slow death of the arcade over at Suicide Girls, of all places (page is safe for work, but links to NSFW content). Wheaton lays out some interesting historical analysis on what actually caused the game center's slow decline (endless fighting game clones might be as culpable as powerful home systems), but just as interesting are Wheaton's carefully laid out sensory memories from the gaming rooms of his youth.

More than the games themselves, the pizza-stained, Mountain Dew-infused social atmosphere of the old arcades are what give them a special place in many an old fogey gamer's heart. These young whippersnappers don't know what they're missing with their online deathmatches and Xbox Live Arcade downloads and what-not. In my day, we played standing up at a wooden cabinet in a dimly lit room... and we liked it, dagnabbit!