Joystiq

April Fools: Use Razer Venom for those extended play sessions

Alexander Sliwinski — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 04:00:00 EST

Peripheral manufacturer Razer is taking on the brave new world of "gaming grade stimulant and nutritional supplement." Razer's new product, Venom, can keep gamers awake and going for over 100 hours -- however, if you do "yawn," just refuel with more and you'll be good to do.

If you're into mainlining your stimulants, a three-pack of Venom costs $40 and comes with a gold-plated needle -- apparently, it's reusable and classy. If you're not into needles, there's the wussy option of purchasing for $100 a Venom nebulizer to inhale the product. Not sure if Venom is right for you? Well, listen to what one beta tester said, "If an energy drink gives you wings, then this gives you a scram-jet!" That's endorsement!

April Fools: Use Razer Venom for those extended play sessions originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 02 Apr 2010 04:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: 'AaaAAAaaa' dev announces '14. Drunken Robot Pornography'

Alexander Sliwinski — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 02:00:00 EST

Dejobaan Games is giving into the financial realities of being an indie developer and has announced its next project: 14. Drunken Robot Pornography. The developer of AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! -- A Reckless Disregard for Gravity will have 14DRP revolve around an idea that gamers can really support, thus, making the small studio buckets of moolah.

Players take control of a giant robot designed to destroy humanity, but, because this is an indie title, you know there has to be some academically-pretentious niche twist. Sure, you destroy buildings and kill people, but the idea is to ruin the life of Penelope Raindance, "a young girl who wants to grow up to be a neurosurgeon. She's a promising young first grader, now -- but if you do things right, you can do away with her nuclear family, leaving her homeless and starving. Don't crush her. Crush her dreams. ... You win!"

The game will release in the third quarter of 2015 on PC and requires Windows 2K/XP/Vista; a 3.5GHz processor; 6GB system memory; a 3D card with 16MB video memory; and Microsoft DirectX 12.0.

April Fools: 'AaaAAAaaa' dev announces '14. Drunken Robot Pornography' originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 02 Apr 2010 02:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Alan Wake Wars

Richard Mitchell — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 23:30:00 EST

Throw another gag on the April Fools' Day fire, Remedy has entered the fray. Up for offer is Alan Wake Wars, a game that takes the taut, suspenseful bent of Alan Wake and tosses on a layer of real-time strategy. The game contains 17 maps, 24 unit types and a staggering 18 tech trees. Lots of different units are showcased in the video, including local militia, trucks and, our favorite, deadly lumberjacks. Honestly, as "real time psychological film noir action love story" games go, Alan Wake Wars looks to be on top of the pack. Check out the trailer after the break.

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April Fools: Alan Wake Wars originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 23:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Romancing an elcor in Mass Effect 2

Richard Mitchell — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 22:30:00 EST

[INVITINGLY INQUISITIVE] Did you enjoy playing through Mass Effect 2 and participating in its mature, emotional story?

[SMILINGLY CLANDESTINE] If so, you might like to hear about a secret love scene that can only be accessed as a female Commander Shepard.

[PROVOCATIVELY JOURNALISTIC] We have obtained a video of this secret sex scene that takes place between Shepard and a devilishly handsome elcor.

[ALARMINGLY CHEERFUL] The video can be seen after the break. We hope you enjoy it.

[DISTURBINGLY TITILLATED] We certainly did.

[PRANKISHLY TRIUMPHANT] This was all a sham. It is only an April Fools' Joke. We totally got you. Ha ha. Ha ha.

[APOLOGETICALLY SOLEMN] But seriously, enjoy the video.

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April Fools: Romancing an elcor in Mass Effect 2 originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 22:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Bungie introduces Halo: Reach's 'Battle Chess'

David Hinkle — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 20:30:00 EST

Bungie set the bar pretty high last year on April 1 and, today, we feel like it has at least met or exceeded it -- we'll leave the final determination up to you. As Bungie would describe Halo: Reach's included minigame, Battle Chess, it's a variation on the "longest-running competitive multiplayer game in the world" and just felt like a natural fit for the franchise. Frankly, even though it's April 1st, we wholeheartedly support this new game mode and if we don't at least get a special playlist, we're probably going to throw a tantrum and buy Halo: Reach anyway.

April Fools: Bungie introduces Halo: Reach's 'Battle Chess' originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 20:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: BlizzCon already sold out ... before tickets go on sale

Ben Gilbert — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:00:00 EST

In a surprise announcement this morning via IncGamers, Blizzard has revealed that tickets to the just-announced BlizzCon 2010 sold out earlier than ever before -- before the tickets even went on sale, in fact. Apparently, due to a high rate of calls on Blizzard's tech support line suffering from "3 - 4 hour wait times," the company released early tickets to some customers. "We didn't intend to sell all of them already, but I guess the vast, password-losing World of Warcraft community spread the word, and one thing led to another," CEO Mike Morhaime said.

He added that he's "looking forward to another great show, with some of our most passionate, patient, credit card-possessing fans," speaking from a recently purchased yacht, allegedly. You can check out the full press release right here, which you might have realized by this point is not legit.

April Fools: BlizzCon already sold out ... before tickets go on sale originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 18:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Smell your PS3 games with PlayStation Scent

David Hinkle — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 17:00:00 EST

Move over Move, Sony's taking gaming into an all-new dimension: scent. Remember Smell-O-Vision? Of course you don't -- you're not that old. Well friends, the crack technology featured in the 1960 film Scent of Mystery is the future again, as Sony has announced "PlayStation Scent" with OXYtracking -- head past the break for the video press conference. Just affix the PlayStation Scent to your nose and start playing. At key moments, scent information embedded in the Blu-ray game disc will be transmitted to your nose!

The "Odorama" begins with a re-issue of Naughty Dog's Uncharted 2. Finally, you can smell the tucked in part of Drake's half-tuck. Then, experience all the sweet nose candy of upcoming releases Gran Turismo 5 (burning rubber) and SOCOM 4 (burning flesh!) -- now with PlayStation Scent support. Order yours today from Webhallen.com!

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April Fools: Smell your PS3 games with PlayStation Scent originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 17:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Halo film finishes the fight for love

David Hinkle — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 15:30:00 EST

Of all the April Fools jokes created for today, IGN may have just unleashed the best. It's the missing trailer for the once-was-gonna-happen Halo film. We don't want to ruin it for you, but let's just say that Master Chief is uniquely able to straddle the line between being a fighter and a lover. Where else did you think all of that Spartan research money went?

Anyway, hit up the Man Cannon and fly past the break to finally see the face of Master Chief!

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April Fools: Halo film finishes the fight for love originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 15:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Civilization V to feature 'Extreme Diplomacy'

Alexander Sliwinski — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 11:55:00 EST

Firaxis and 2K Games today announced "Extreme Diplomacy," a new feature for Civilization V, the upcoming installment of the tired strategy series. In an attempt to get the masses playing the turn-based snore fest, the series will add a fighting game death match arena: "two world leaders enter" ... "one world leader leaves." The victor is said to gain control of the defeated's empire.

The publisher has also announced an Über Edition of Civ V, which includes an 8-button joystick "to bring the classic fighting arcade game feel to these Extreme Diplomacy battles." Each faction leader will also have a super move, and we've listed the first six moves to be revealed after the break. Finally, Civilization will have some action!

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April Fools: Civilization V to feature 'Extreme Diplomacy' originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 11:55:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Ace Attorney Saga for Wii

Justin McElroy — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 10:29:00 EST

The hardest April Fools' gags to handle are the ones that trick our hearts, but not our brains. Intellectually, we know that the trailer for Ace Attorney Saga from Brazilian site Hadouken is a gag. Of course it is. But somewhere deep deep down in the secret part of our heart where wishes are stored, we need it to be real.

So, how about, just for today, we all just watch the video after the break and pretend it's real? That won't hurt anybody, right? There wouldn't be any ... objections to that, would there?

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April Fools: Ace Attorney Saga for Wii originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 10:29:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Blizzard announces Blackthorne 2, Queen's Quest, Snuggie

Griffin McElroy — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 09:10:00 EST

There's really no point in writing up other April Fools' Day jokes after this one -- Blizzard pretty regularly knocks this holiday out of the park. For instance, the company's recently added mobile page has announced two new titles for cell phones: Blackthorne 2: Thorne Harder, which will feature an "epic hard rock soundtrack" and "some sort of arbitrary Twitter and Facebook integration," and Queen's Quest, an old-school text adventure starring Starcraft's Queen of Blades, which plays host to a "revolutionary Digital Rights Management (DRM) scheme."

That's not all -- three new items will soon (not) be added to the Blizzard storefront: a Deckard Cain Snuggie, a Diablo 3 body pillow and a Deckard Cain GPS voice module. Also, World of Warcraft announced a new "Equipment Potency EquivalencE Number" (E-PEEN) for comparing players' weapons and armor, and a $15,000 "Battle.net Neural Interface" peripheral. See, other companies? Don't try to roll up here with your fake expansions and announcements of romance novels based on your game's protagonist. Blizzard's putting you to shame.

April Fools: Blizzard announces Blackthorne 2, Queen's Quest, Snuggie originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 09:10:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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April Fools: Virtua Fighter parodies Street Fighter/Tekken

Richard Mitchell — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 01:00:00 EST

Have you ever pondered what it would be like to blend Sega's super technical Virtua Fighter series with Street Fighter or Tekken? Well, ponder no more, as Sega has provided us with an answer. The end result would look something like the video embedded after the break, in which the company unveils the super fictional fighter, Virtua Fighter 5: Final Showdown. The simple, precise combos of the series have gone out the window, replaced with massive damage, fireballs and even Ultra Combo finishers.

Alas, as fun (blasphemous?) as it looks, it's only an April Fools' joke (for now). Which reminds us: You're going to see a lot of April Fools' jokes in the next 24 to 48 hours. We'll do our best to catalogue them here on Joystiq.

[Via @jaredr]

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April Fools: Virtua Fighter parodies Street Fighter/Tekken originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 01 Apr 2010 01:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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