We love the Xbox Live Arcade Service (fanboy placation: we love the PlayStation Network and WiiWare too), but it's a well-known fact that there are a number of hurdles a finished game has to clear before it can find its way onto the imponderable internets. One of said hurdles, labeled "the rating process" is actually three-hundred feet tall, covered in flaming, poison-coated spikes, and surrounded by a moat filled with bull sharks in mating season. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Thankfully, in an act of incredible vaulting prowess, Behemoth's upcoming racist multiplayer beat-'em-up Castle Crashers recently cleared said hurdle, receiving a decisive "Teen" rating (the German judges, obviously confused and unimpressed, gave the effort a 7.5). There are a number of other hoops the adorable brawler must jump through before attaining that coveted XBLA certification, but we're hopeful that we'll be storming cartoon strongholds relatively soon.

It seems like just yesterday that Alien Hominid creator The Behemoth first announced its upcoming XBLA release Castle Crashers. Well, that's an outright lie. It's been a near unbearable wait, but according to a post by artist extraordinaire Dan Paladin on the studio's blog that game is. finally. complete.

But don't take up your swords and shields just yet, as it appears that it could be a little while before the decidedly old school, not to mention stylish brawler is available for download. Writes Paladin, "It has to go through all the required hoops of certification/final testing & all that jazz before it will actually become available on the service." He adds that "it's a good feeling know that the crashers are working their way into the world," though with the company noting that it could be a "couple months" before we're finally able to play the game the only feeling we're left with is impatience.

[Thanks Obvious]

You'll need more than your fingers and toes when counting up the number of playable characters in The Behemoth's upcoming (and long awaited) XBLA opus Castle Crashers, as the devs have confirmed that the game's roster will pack in "about" twenty-two unlockable slots.

How exactly characters will be unlocked remains, much like the game's eventual release date, a mystery, with Behemoth blogger Emil teasing only that characters will be added "by various different means." However, given that since it was first announced some two years ago the heavily-stylized side scroller has remained near the top of a short list of titles we cannot wait to sink our thumbs into, it's just shy of hyperbole to say that we'd do anything Castle Crashers asked of us anyway.

[Via Xbox 360 Fanboy]

Do you see what you miss when you don't read X3F, the blog formerly known as Xbox 360 Fanboy? This Castle Crashers costume is about as awesome as it gets; view an entire gallery of the creation here. Check out the highlights for the weekend:

Joystiquery
Metareview -- BioShock (Xbox 360, PC)
Joystiq Podcast 013 - Unlucky edition
Podcast Rodeo for August 19: Ears - Where everybody knows your name
Reminder: Win BioShock Xbox 360 faceplate & T-shirt
Today's chiefiest sequel: Master Chief Sucks at Halo 2
Today's nerd-check video: D&D 4th Edition
Weekly Webcomic Wrapup: new and exciting edition

News
World of Warcraft's Spectral Tiger sells for $2000
Ratchet and Clank video dump with pretty colors
Jack Thompson files BioShock ad complaint with FTC
BioShock PC demo is really coming Monday
New games this week: BioShock edition
Super Metroid, Shinobi III, Neutopia hit Virtual Console
Xbox 360 gets European price drop on August 24
Timothy Olyphant talks about playing Agent 47
More freedom with EA, says Crysis developer
Too Human release date and demo 'coming soon'
Eidos' Crossfire is now Conflict: Denied Ops
This Wednesday: Space Giraffe and Street Trace light up XBLA
Metroid Prime 3's token feature a small taste of achievements
Upcoming John Woo film to become Chinese MMO
Dreamcast still strong, two new indie games at Leipzig
Paramount and Dreamworks ditch Blu-Ray for HD-DVD exclusivity
Keep a PlayStation Eye out for Trials of Topoq
Epic believes People Can Fly, acquires majority stake
Wednesday to bring new content, Folklore demo to the EU PSN
Lair dev calls ESRB 'bizarre', urges 'push the sex!'
Square Enix opening US merchadise store midnight tonight
Crysis Special Edition promises featurette, vignette and kitchenette sink
BioShock PC demo is now available

Rumors & Speculation
Pachter says PS3 outsold Xbox 360 in July
Rumor: Ninja Gaiden 2 for 360 to be at Tokyo Game Show

Culture & Community
Metroid retrospective: Part 4 -- DS games and Corruption
'Vast' memory card claims tool-less unlock for PlayStation 2

With the race to complete photorealism continuing at full tilt, it's kind of nice to see a game like Castle Crashers that still looks so ... gamey. We know it makes us sound like a cranky 80-year-old, but Behemoth's latest project seems to have been transported to us from a time when games were games.

Take a look at the above footage from the floor of Comic-Con and see if you don't agree that while you may swoon for the girls with the high-res faces, there will always be a place in your heart for a game that makes up for its lack of polygons with an abundance of panache.

[Via X3F]

It seems that Microsoft's decision to expand the size restriction of Xbox Live Arcade games has become a double-edged sword, especially to fans of sword-swinging, skull-crushing adventure, Castle Crashers. After congratulating The Behemoth's Dan Paladin on the team's IGF award win at the Wednesday evening's ceremony, we enquired about the game's release timeframe and were met with less than pleasing information.

Mr. Paladin noted that the XBLA title still had "about a year of development left," thus placing the completed Castle Crashers in 2008 at the earliest. Disappointing news, certainly, but not entirely without one of those consolatory silver linings that people love to point and stare at. When Joystiq asked about the length of the game, Paladin noted that the 100MB boost in the XBLA size limit had allowed The Behemoth to include even more content and features in the game, making it a fuller and more satisfying adventure overall.

Alright, 2008. Come over here please.

See also: Castle Crashers GDC '07 impressions

Castle Crashers is a chaotic storm of spinning swords, overly aggressive primary colors and the occasional (but never displeasing) decapitation -- which is why we like it. Though the GDC demo boasts only a few notable changes from previous iterations, it still warrants a look. A long and loving look accompanied by a forlorn sigh and the formation of a gently sparkling tear.

One of the most interesting things about the game is the manner in which it draws your attention. It's even a little conflicting, as if two sets of fingers are snapping in your face in an alternating pattern. When you're not trying to spot your character deep within the colorful anarchy of battle, you're adopting a wider view of all the over-the-top action. It's like a tug of war, and one not too dissimilar from the battle between order and chaos that's at the core of the game.

6:20 p.m.: The Joystiq crew walks the red carpet, because we're just that important.

6:33 p.m.: Gnarls Barkley's cover of the Violent Femmes' "Gone Daddy Gone" is blasting as we find seats in the press section. Cushy seats with recline-able chairs.

6:42 pm: Sam and Max introduce the start for the independent games festival. The mention of projectile vomiting is disturbing, but welcoming somehow.

6:43 pm: Jamil Moledina and Simon Carless march onto stage, noting that the show is being broadcast to the entire world. We sense somewhat sinister undertones.

At tonight's Game Developers Choice Awards, Epic Games' Gears of War took home three awards: best technology, visual arts, and the coveted Game of the Year award. On the independent side of things, Bit Blot's Aquaria won the Seumas McNally Grand Prize from the Independent Games Festival.

Okami picked up a win in one of the four categories it was nominated in (take that, AIAS). Unfortunately, Loco Roco did not pick up any awards despite two nominations (character design and audio). Independent game Everyday Shooter won two awards and a distribution deal from GameTap.

View the full list winners and nominees from both events below.

As a game that is 26 years old and was given away for free with the original Xbox Live Arcade service, Ms. Pac-Man is quite the hard act to follow. Stepping up to the plate this week is PopCap games, provider of deliciously overpriced flash games that were also once available for free. And because Xbox Live Arcade was in serious need of some 8-way shooters, this week's game is none other than Heavy Weapon.

When the Red Star Nation attacks, it's up to you and your two analogs of fury to dish out justice -- America style! More tanks than Castlevania: Symphony of the Night! More stabs at tongue-in-cheek, retro chic humor than Worms! Sure, it lacks a sufficient number of dragons to compete with Double Dragon, but it supports two more players than Robotron! Isn't that, like, totally worth your 800 Microsoft Points?

Actually, no. No it isn't. Your 800 points nets you a mildly entertaining distraction that, like most shooters on XBLA, fails to provide a sufficient enough challenge to warrant more than a slight brow raise. It so wants to deserve the title "retro", but even games from the 16-bit era such as Total Carnage managed to nail the sense of humor better. The dual-analog shooter has been done to death on XBLA and Heavy Weapon may very well be the bottom of the barrel for the service.

We suggest saving your points for something with a bit more bite to it. Mutant Storm Empire and Castle Crashers come to mind.

GameTrailers recently received an alarming phone message referencing a Castle Crashers clip that the site had posted during PAX 06. A babbling voice was insisting that The Behemoth's upcoming Xbox Live Arcade title was racist, depicting "brown and black characters" being slaughtered by "pure-white characters." It sounds absurd -- it is absurd. But for someone who seems so obviously removed from mainstream gaming culture and the intentions of The Behemoth, could Castle Crashers be rationally interpreted as racist?

The message has since been overlaid on top of gameplay footage (see embedded video), giving us a chance to inspect its claim. Interestingly, if we suspend our understanding of the game -- that is, if remove this clip from the context of mainstream gaming culture -- we see what appears to be white figures mercilessly butchering brown and black characters. If we also take into account that a history of racist media and entertainment exists (often guised in cartoonish fashion), than the interpretation in question is actually not absurd. But the interpretation is, we must contend, inaccurate.

On Sunday we asked you to leave a comment with your feedback on Castle Crashers for a chance to win an adorable Castle Crashers tee. 210 of you did and, after running the numbers at random.org, our first result was #76. The seventy-sixth comment was posted by one Mr. Franky Digital, who wrote, "This could very well resurrect the side-scrolling beat-'em-up genre for a new generation. Every generation should have a Turtles in Time."

That got us thinking. We have another Castle Crashers tee to hand out (size XL), but who to give it to? All you have to do is leave a comment telling us what your favorite side-scrolling beat-'em-up is/was and why. Hate side-scrolling beat-'em-ups? We'd like to know that also (but you better have a good reason why). We'll select one at random and award them the final tee. Good luck!

[Upate: A quick roll of the random.org die and we've got comment 96, in which Kiey chose Konami's classic Genesis beat 'em up Sunset Riders. Congrats Kiey, you won the tee!]

One of the greatest parts about meeting The Behemoth's Tom Fulp at PAX (hi Tom!) was hearing how he read and incorporated our reader's feedback into the Castle Crashers' PAX build, specifically Psaakyrn's comment that enemies appeared to get stuck outside the screen. In the footage from the PAX build you'll notice a dearth of such behavior, with most of the action concentrated towards the center of the screen.

In the spirit of continuing this line of communication, we'll be giving away two of these super sweet Castle Crashers tees to a randomly selected comment containing feedback. Do you like the graphics? How much would you pay for a title like this? Did you manage to acquire the coveted "first post"? Just kidding, that last one doesn't count. Let us, and The Behemoth, know what you think of their latest effort and you could win a tee (continue reading for the rules). Get to it, we'll give you another chance tomorrow.

P.S.- Tom agrees with us, the world would be a much better place with a Pirate Baby's Cabana Battle Street Fight 2006 game. He didn't say they're making one, he was just saying. We're gonna puff up our cheeks and hold our breath until PBCBSF2006 climbs out of its animated grave and into our interactive world. Starting. Now.

The exhibition space at PAX was a bit cramped, but that didn't stop Redmond neighbors Microsoft and Nintendo from representing, Guitar Hero II from rocking out, game import shop extraordinaire Pink Godzilla from selling, and The Behemoth from having one of the most popular games at the show. Who are The Behemoth? They're the small game studio responsible for the adorable Alien Hominid and the delicious Castle Crashers, both headed to Xbox Live Arcade.

The line around Castle Crashers was continuously full -- all four controllers being put to the singular use of button mashing the baddies and quaffing all one could quaff -- while programmer (and Newgrounds chief) Tom Fulp watched on, paternally. One thing he heard continuously through the show, and I corroborated several times, was the repeated claim that players would "buy" an Xbox 360 "just for this game." Seriously, I heard the claim about four times within a half hour, and Tom said he'd been hearing it incessantly since the show floor opened. It was a sort of test. Will this game -- a throwback to the arcade 4-player beat-em-ups of yore dolled up with high-def graphics and (hopefully) an online multiplayer component -- sell next-gen systems to an audience that Gears of War can't?

Don't have an Xbox 360 but still want to play Castle Crashers? I overheard Tom saying there's no reason the title couldn't come out for whatever platform Sony has up their sleeve ... although we have a hard time imagining rows of people proclaiming a similar purchasing intent for the pricier PlayStation 3. Check out GameTrailer's shakycam footage of Castle Crasher's PAX build after the break.

After seeing this video it was clear that The Behemoth's new XBLA offering Castle Crashers needed more than just a one line nod at the bottom of an Alien Hominid post. We've been doing the retro arcade thing long enough; now it's time to bring the multiplayer fun of arcade side-scrollers to Xbox Live Arcade. Forget about porting Golden Axe (though we'd take that too), Castle Crashers promises high-def resolutions with their old-school, beat 'em up action. Let's review, from 1UP:

"What [an XBLA release] means for players is a much cheaper price, as well as overhauled visuals that -- when combined with the game's widescreen capability -- allow a lot more to take place on the screen at once. With any four-player game where all the characters are on the screen at the same time, there's a risk of too much going on and players getting confused, so the visual overhaul makes the game much easier to follow than it was in the version we saw last year."

This is the sort of mindless arcade fun we need! Now if these guys would go ahead and secure the rights to Pirate Baby's Cabana Battle Street Fight 2006 we'd die happy. Very happy, indeed.

[Via Xbox 360 Fanboy]