Sad news today for those among you that love ... functionality, as Microsoft's Xbox Live manager Marc Whitten revealed to Next Gen that there would be no spring dashboard update this year, debunking this rumor that circulated earlier this month. Whitten said that Microsoft instead focused on "building the proper infrastructure and scale for the service."

While we welcome updates and improvements to the infrastructure, we can't help but be a little disappointed. With Sony regularly evolving the PS3's functionality, a single update in a year for the (arguably more fully-featured) 360 dashboard seems a little paltry by comparison.

Other news to be gleaned from the Whitten interview: Underperforming XBLA titles will be delisted; the size/price limit of XBLA titles has been upped to 350MB and 1600 MS points, respectively; and a tool to fix the DRM 'fiasco' is due next month.

It's becoming increasingly difficult for us to shamble out of bed and avoid stubbing our toe on some unconfirmed list of Xbox 360 features, fixes, enhancements and/or tweaks meant for the system's Spring dashboard update. Though we usually avoid the ones promising "full compatibility with Metal Gear Solid 4" or "online racial slur filters," this latest one proved unavoidable. Thank you, dear tipster, for leaving a concrete block at the base of our bed.

You'll find the "incomplete" list of unconfirmed features after the break, though we'll draw your attention to two in particular. "Calibration options for motion sensor devices." That certainly brings to mind the numerous Newtonian rumors of a Microsoft waggle wand we've encountered over the last few weeks. As for allowing games to "store installation data on Storage Device for faster loading?" We'll go make a sandwich while you guys discuss.

Update: Microsoft says: "We don't comment on rumors or speculation, but what we can tell you is we've never seen this list before."

The next time you fire up your 360 you'll be prompted to do a system update and we hope you're sitting down when it happens, because after it's complete you need to be prepared for the thrill of performance identical to before said update. No, there's nothing. Don't try poking around, you're just going to get your heart broken.

Genie paramour and Microsoft spokesman Major Nelson said the code is solely to "prepare for future growth of the service." We're hoping the update is tantamount to a young girl getting a saddle the night before her thirteenth birthday, only the metaphorical pony is the Spring Dashboard Update, information on which has been unusually scarce. We'll let you know when we get some.

Official Xbox Magazine has the scoop on the Fall Xbox 360 dashboard update, and you better believe it's a doozy. UK-based CVG reports that the December 2 update will allow 360 owners to download and play Microsoft-published Xbox 1 games on their 360s.

Let's say that one more time: come December 2, you will be able to download full, original Xbox games to the Xbox 360. The initial list of available games includes Fable, Indigo Prophecy, Crimson Skies: High Road To Revenge, Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath Of Cortex, Burnout 3, and, of course, Halo: Combat Evolved.

Games will cost approximately 1200 Microsoft Points, or $15 USD. Microsoft plans on re-releasing as many Xbox 1 titles as possible through Marketplace. Look out, Virtual Console.

Update: The CVG source has been removed, but Eurogamer has posted a similar report, dating the update for December 4th.

Turns out those images of an Xbox 360 with IPTV were legit. In a statement issued by Microsoft, the Redmond-based company acknowledged that the IPTV features "were inadvertently exposed while the customer's console was being serviced and is unrelated to the Fall Update."

The IPTV features, according to the statement, are part of the Microsoft Mediaroom services and will be made available to service providers by the end of this year, adding that it will be up to them to decide when the service is deployed. We've posted Microsoft's complete statement after the break.

Several images of IPTV options being displayed in the Xbox 360's dashboard have made their way into the blogosphere, courtesy of our pals* at X3F. According to tipster Aaron, the console recently returned from the oft-visited Microsoft repair center, only to display several new and seemingly incomplete menu additions. Appearing under the Media and System blades, mentions of DVR storage, live television services and pause buffers all seem to imply that the Xbox 360's IPTV services are close enough for us to start using words like "impending."

If these images are indeed proof of premature tweaks to the console (which still shows an older dashboard version number), one can speculate that IPTV may be introduced with this Fall's dashboard update. We've already asked Microsoft to comment, but if they treat this anything like the Arcade SKU, we can expect them to deny it until well after everybody's started watching TV on their consoles.

*This status may change should those bastards fail to return our copy of American Ninja 4.