We can't even pretend that we're really excited about this week's Virtual Console release, Double Dragon, or that we didn't play it a year ago in a sexy high-res remake on XBLA for the exact same price (500 points/$5). We love us some side-scrolling and punching, but even we have limits.

But maybe you've never heard of the legend of Billy Lee and his decision to risk his kidnapped girlfriend's safety in order to keep his karate secrets to himself. If so, feel free to buy away, if only to more fully appreciate the roots of the beat-em-up genre.

Microsoft got around to admitting today that, yes, Double Dragon is this week's release on XBLA, a tidbit that developer Empire Interactive let slip last week. Of course, Microsoft did get to break the news that it's the only release this week, which isn't nearly as much fun. It'll run you 400 points ($5) and includes original and high-definition graphics.

Perhaps in an attempt to get that old newsy thrill back, the release also mentions some other titles headed to the service, like Konami's Rush'n Attack (aka Green Beret), Solitro Solitare and Spyglass Board Games (chess, checkers, etc.). That's all very well, but Double Dragon fans will probably be a little busy beating some Abobo PopoZão this week to get too excited about the future.

The "enhanced version" of arcade classic Double Dragon is making its way to Xbox Live Arcade next week according to publisher Empire Interactive. Reported on back in January, this Botoxed version (seen above right), was expected in March, hopefully the extra time went into making this classic two-player game's online co-op work perfectly.

According to the release, dug up by GamingTalkHQ.com, Clive Kabatznik, CEO of Silverstar Holdings says, "This is another example of Empire updating a classic IP and bringing it to a brand new audience. Double Dragon will launch next Wednesday, and will be our first foray onto Xbox LIVE Arcade. Our announcement of Speedball 2 demonstrates our continued intention to bring high quality classic titles to a broader market."

The same release announced that Empire Interactive is also working on Speedball II for XBLA. We wonder how long it'll be before the classic library is exhausted and we start having random titles show up. Maybe we'll finally get that update of Hunt the Wumpus.

[Thanks Alex]

Castle Crashers is a chaotic storm of spinning swords, overly aggressive primary colors and the occasional (but never displeasing) decapitation -- which is why we like it. Though the GDC demo boasts only a few notable changes from previous iterations, it still warrants a look. A long and loving look accompanied by a forlorn sigh and the formation of a gently sparkling tear.

One of the most interesting things about the game is the manner in which it draws your attention. It's even a little conflicting, as if two sets of fingers are snapping in your face in an alternating pattern. When you're not trying to spot your character deep within the colorful anarchy of battle, you're adopting a wider view of all the over-the-top action. It's like a tug of war, and one not too dissimilar from the battle between order and chaos that's at the core of the game.

According to the Netherlands' Xboxworld (via NeoGAF), Double Dragon is headed to Xbox Live Arcade in March, for 400 MS points. Like other aging classics before them, the Lee brothers and foes look to be receiving a visual touch-up. But as is often the case with real-life makeovers (and we're talkin' the scalpels, staples, and tubes kinda makeovers), the "enhanced" look just seems to always miss the mark. Never mind how jarringly flat the characters appear, just look at that "English Tear" sign, it's pristine! This is no longer a rumble through the ghetto, it's a prance around some sterilized ghost town infested with botox mutants. Can we get an "A-men!"?

We'd much prefer the time and resources be spent on tuning the online co-op, which continues to be a frustrating ordeal with each XBLA release.

As a game that is 26 years old and was given away for free with the original Xbox Live Arcade service, Ms. Pac-Man is quite the hard act to follow. Stepping up to the plate this week is PopCap games, provider of deliciously overpriced flash games that were also once available for free. And because Xbox Live Arcade was in serious need of some 8-way shooters, this week's game is none other than Heavy Weapon.

When the Red Star Nation attacks, it's up to you and your two analogs of fury to dish out justice -- America style! More tanks than Castlevania: Symphony of the Night! More stabs at tongue-in-cheek, retro chic humor than Worms! Sure, it lacks a sufficient number of dragons to compete with Double Dragon, but it supports two more players than Robotron! Isn't that, like, totally worth your 800 Microsoft Points?

Actually, no. No it isn't. Your 800 points nets you a mildly entertaining distraction that, like most shooters on XBLA, fails to provide a sufficient enough challenge to warrant more than a slight brow raise. It so wants to deserve the title "retro", but even games from the 16-bit era such as Total Carnage managed to nail the sense of humor better. The dual-analog shooter has been done to death on XBLA and Heavy Weapon may very well be the bottom of the barrel for the service.

We suggest saving your points for something with a bit more bite to it. Mutant Storm Empire and Castle Crashers come to mind.

OXM.co.uk is confident Double Dragon is headed to Xbox Live Arcade. Confident enough not to cite a source. Regardless, given XBLA's track record, this rumor is hardly far-fetched.

According to OXM, Double Dragon will weigh it at 12.56MB and feature online co-op. As with other XBLA retro entries, the game's graphics are said to be enhanced. No word was given on street date or price. But if Technos' coin-op classic does see release, Scott Wolf's epic can't be far behind.