We have to admit that the first time we saw the elegant, though not particularly guitar-like peripheral Activision had created for the DS' Guitar Hero: On Tour, we were concerned. It wasn't the missing orange button (we're fans of anything getting easier, whether it's fake guitar playing or cutting things), no, we were more worried that owners of the original DS (the DS Phat, on the streets) would be excluded from the fun by their system's girth.

But now, Activision has dispelled our fears with the announcement that the Guitar Grip will work with both of the models. Now, Phatties, as for actually being able to see the notes in anything but perfect lighting, we're afraid you're on your own on that one.

[Thanks, Kaelora]

If you have a DS Phat but not a DS Lite, you probably won't mind the news that the $35 Opera-based DS Web browser hitting June 4 for your system won't be available in stores. You're probably just the sort of rebellious, go-it-alone type that will get what you want by any means necessary, even if that means purchasing online. But you're probably also the sort of mind-bogglingly cheap skinflint that would sooner flush their sister's asthma inhaler down the toilet before spending money on shipping. So we find ourselves at an impasse.

Nintendo isn't releasing names of all the online shops that will carry the Phat browser, but did point out that it will be available on its own Web site. We don't know if many Phat owners will be willing to part with the cash, but those who will probably appreciate being able to do so in the privacy of their own home, far from the whispers and quiet giggles of the Lite enthusiasts. Do they not realize that their stares are daggers?

Though the extra cost to paint an industrial-strength sticker is probably minimal, it's not like Nintendo needs any help selling the consoles in Japan. A release outside of Japan is very unlikely for the limited edition console, so those desperate for a unit will have to import. However, we have a better suggestion: wait for someone to post a high-resolution image and then make your own sticker to put on that DS Lite (or DS Phat) you're already using.

Select and now less popular members of the Joystiq staff traveled to Japan this week in order to cover the annual and frequently spectacular Tokyo Game Show -- at least, that's what you've been led to believe. Though the opportunity to play the latest games and to attend dull press conferences could certainly be considered a pleasant side-effect, the true reason for the team's journey to the East is far more striking. Indeed, the time has finally come to capture and imprison the elusive answer to the question that arises with every single edition of the sales chart. Observe this week ranking according to the number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 134,885 21,045 (18.49%)
- PS2: 34,189 14,307 (71.96%)
- PSP: 26,995 2,146 (7.36%)
- GBA SP: 2,330 226 (10.74%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,244 557 (30.93%)
- Xbox 360: 928 166 (15.17%)
- Gamecube: 630 66 (9.48%)
- DS Phat: 478 580 (54.82%)
- GBA: 27 14 (107.70%)
- Xbox: 7 2 (40.00%)

Who bought those Xbox consoles? The truth and subsequent interview, after the break.

[Source: Media Create]

Shocking reports from Japan indicate that Nintendo's entry into the next-gen console wars (with Xbox 360 and Japan itself being the only combatants thus far) has shown absolutely no progress in the closely monitored sales ranking.

- DS Lite: 113,831 115,108 (50.28%)
- PSP: 29,141 1,642 (5.97%)
- PS2: 19,882 2,821 (12.43%)
- GBA SP: 2,104 647 (23.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,801 10 (0.56%)
- Xbox 360: 1,094 156 (12.48%)
- DS Phat: 1,058 738 (230.63%)
- Gamecube: 696 159 (18.60%)
- GBA: 13 9 (40.91%)
- Xbox: 5 5 (infinite%)
- Wii: 0 0 (0%)

Esteemed analyst, Excelsior Bluffington, pointed out that "the Wii has shown little to no sales growth in the past few weeks. It's even been bested by the Xbox, and people only buy that thing to mess with the charts. Judging by my elaborate series of pie charts and lucid, LSD-induced dreams, it becomes painfully clear that the Wii will only see a marked improvement sometime in December."

A local psychoanalyst was quick to refute these claims, however, calling Bluffington a "delusional psychopath." With experts in conflict, we felt it best to enquire directly with Nintendo president, Satoru Iwata. His entirely cryptic response suggested that "Nintendo hasn't launched the system yet, you freaking [sic] imbeciles." A likely story. A likely story indeed.

[Source: Media Create]

Much like a used car purchased from a licentious and overbearing salesman, people often come with their own set of inherent, sometimes unpredictable quirks and predilections. It's part of being human and, in most cases, can be kept under control. Unfortunately, that's not how things regularly work in the realms of video games, internet communication and poorly constructed vehicle metaphors.

Some people are driven mad by the desire to travel down the road of their favorite console manufacturer, logic chicanes and reality potholes blissfully ignored in pursuit of victory over those driving in the opposite direction (or in the case of the Wii, avoiding the road entirely and taking to the sky in a Da Vincian flying contraption). This week, we ponder what it would be like if such a person wrote Joystiq's weekly Japanese sales recap.

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 74,495 122,224 (62.13%)
- PSP: 41,535 246 (0.60%)
- PS2: 26,833 286 (1.08%)
- GBA SP: 3,823 772 (25.30%)
- Game Boy Micro: 2,266 235 (11.57%)
- Xbox 360: 1,493 289 (24.00%)
- Gamecube: 922 18 (1.91%)
- DS Phat: 712 222 (23.77%)
- GBA: 20 3 (13.04%)
- Xbox: 7 1 (16.67%)

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 196,719 33,147 (20.26%)
- PSP: 41,289 8,063 (16.34%)
- PS2: 26,547 560 (2.15%)
- GBA SP: 3,051 267 (9.59%)
- Game Boy Micro: 2,031 103 (5.34%)
- Xbox 360: 1,204 185 (13.32%)
- Gamecube: 940 36 (3.98%)
- DS Phat: 934 225 (19.41%)
- GBA: 23 11 (32.35%)
- Xbox: 6 8 (57.14%)

[Source: Media Create]

1. first post!!! lol

Posted at 10:01PM on Aug 18th 2006 by tention0 STARS

2. I see the DS Lite had a pretty notable increase this week, whereas the DS Phat continues its downward spiral. The PSP also took a bit of a dive. I wonder why?

Posted at 10:03PM on Aug 18th 2006 by fun_read3 STARS

3. Joystiq I don't live in JAPAN! Why do you keep posting these numbers?! Why don't you post American sales, please?

Posted at 10:06PM on Aug 18th 2006 by grogme0 STARS

4. Grogme, the Japanese sales numbers are tracked much more meticulously than the American ones. These charts become available each week, whereas the NPD only published data once a month. Joystiq usually posts NPD information whenever it becomes available.

Posted at 10:11PM on Aug 18th 2006 by heap o' beers8741 STARS

5. Wow. <_< People still buy the Xbox?

Posted at 10:12PM on Aug 18th 2006 by sixpoundsplusgravity1 STAR

6. Gawd, Joystiq is so biased. They put the DS Lite at the top of the list EVERY TIME.

Posted at 10:14PM on Aug 18th 2006 by wiicked0 STARS

7. Ludwig, I know you like to make your posts "wacky" and "sarcastic" or whatever, but this is *ridiculous*. I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go.

Posted at 10:15PM on Aug 18th 2006 by C. Grant0 STARS

Though we may frequently appear to be aloof, apathetic or altogether addicted to awe-inspiring alliteration, the Joystiq crew is actually attentively attuned to the needs of its readers and commenters. We know what you want, and what you want is what we know -- that is to say, we'll teach you how to make an official Joystiq Japanese sales chart post in the comfort of your very own home!

Step 1: Create a terrible introductory paragraph

The introductory paragraph helps ease the reader into the wealth of information provided by one of these posts. It functions like a soft mattress placed in-between the reader and the pit of rusty nails that is the weekly onslaught of numbers. Make sure that the introductory paragraph is self-referential, wildly incoherent and not even remotely related to the actual sales numbers. You may introduce a second paragraph if you feel the mattress needs to be thicker, though it's recommended that you implement a silly allegory to maintain interest and "humor."

A third paragraph, however, is most certainly not recommended. It will only serve to anger those that are eager to reach the actual information.

Step 2: Insert the sales information obtained from Media Create:

The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 163,572 13,281 (7.51%)
- PSP: 49,352 6,748 (15.84%)
- PS2: 25,987 464 (1.75%)
- GBA SP: 2,784 555 (24.90%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,928 162 (9.17%)
- Xbox 360: 1,389 857 (38.16%)
- DS Phat: 1,159 371 (24.25%)
- Gamecube: 904 135 (12.99%)
- GBA: 34 25 (277.77%)
- Xbox: 14 3 (27.27%)

Step 3: Create a final paragraph (must be worse than introductory paragraph)

In your final paragraph, you may opt to analyze the week's sales trends (the Xbox is always a hilarious topic), possibly referring to coinciding NPD reports or pointing out how the DS Lite outsells everything, in the universe, ever. Alternatively, you may use it as a denouement to any running jokes you regrettably started in Step 1.

[Source: Media Create]

Just as several wily commenters predicted last week, the original Xbox suddenly (and quite mysteriously) experiences a sales increase over its impressive tally of zero this week. The resulting percentage rise is so incredibly gargantuan and intimidating that it simply cannot be comprehended by the human mind, at least not without the aid of divine omnipotence or persistant alcohol poisoning. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 176,853 85,600 (32.62%)
- PSP: 42,604 6,666 (18.55%)
- PS2: 26,451 4,163 (18.68%)
- Xbox 360: 2,246 774 (52.58%)
- GBA SP: 2,229 724 (24.52%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,766 356 (25.25%)
- DS Phat: 1,530 4,814 (75.88%)
- Gamecube: 1,039 37 (3.44%)
- Xbox: 11 11 (infinite)
- GBA: 9 11 (55.00%)

Other points of interest this week include the Xbox 360's flirtation with the fourth position in the charts (and the huge gap between it and the PS2), the DS Phat's return to unpopular status and the vaguely demonic number of new PSP owners.

[Source: Media Create]

Nintendo certainly struck the jackpot with their little dual-screened device, didn't they? With 21 million DS units having been sold worldwide, you can bet that the Japanese giant is enjoying every last penny spilling forth from the one-armed consumer. In the celebratory press release, Nintendo points out that what they've accomplished in under two years easily trumps the 1 million iPods Apple shifted in 19 months. Apparently, that equates to 23 DS systems sold per minute ever since the November 2004 launch.

As you may vengefully recall, we accused Nintendo of having suspiciously puffy sleeves in our last game of marketing poker. You'll be happy to learn then that there are no such shenanigans here and that the numbers check out based on a 24-hour business day. We suspect that if the day were any longer, Nintendo would make such a huge amount of money that they'd be taken into a back room, sternly questioned by Joe Pesci and ... this casino allegory is going nowhere.

It seems Japanese gamers are still maliciously toying with the original DS, kicking it to the bottom of the charts one week and hoisting it back up again the next. Shortages and a shifting focus to the Lite are likely to blame, but we can't help but picture a somewhat nervous and haggard DS Phat staring into a cracked mirror, contemplating whether people want him ... or just want him dead. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 140,858 8,596 (5.75%)
- PSP: 35,283 3,324 (10.40%)
- PS2: 23,927 595 (2.55%)
- DS Phat: 11,821 10,812 (1071.56%)
- GBA SP: 2,619 199 (7.06%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,581 202 (14.65%)
- Xbox 360: 1,105 505 (31.37%)
- Gamecube: 928 6 (0.64%)
- GBA: 28 8 (40.00%)
- Xbox: 10 3 (23.08%)

The PSP continues to do well this week (despite boasting only half as many screens as its main competitor) while the Xbox 360 takes a bit of a tumble. The latter system's fortunes continue to look glum in Japan, a situation that could easily be reversed by one ingenious move -- releasing the console in pink. What else have they got to lose?

[Source: Media Create]

There are times when reading the Japanese sales charts can be a decidedly odd and disturbing experience, as if your mind suddenly becomes aware that all is not right in the universe. Like a homicidal clown lurking in a dark corner, this week's situation is certainly amusing, but it's not something you want to come into contact with on a regular basis. It's just wrong. The ranking, according to number of units sold:


- DS Lite: 149,454 4,112 (2.68%)
- PSP: 31,959 6,024 (23.23%)
- PS2: 23,332 199 (0.86%)
- GBA SP: 2,818 101 (3.46%)
- Xbox 360: 1,610 287 (15.13%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,379 64 (4.44%)
- DS Phat: 1,009 2,495 (71.20%)
- Gamecube: 934 68 (6.79%)
- GBA: 20 3 (17.65%)
- Xbox: 13 5 (62.50%)

Looking at the opposite ends of the list is like glancing into the cackling face of madness (it bears a vague resemblance to Groucho Marx). The DS Lite endures a minor slip, its older sibling takes a complete fall down a set of stairs and the original Xbox experiences the biggest improvement percentage-wise out of the whole lot. Did we enter into some sort of zone where normal things don't happen very often?

[Source: Media Create]

Oh, the horror. Be sure to keep angry fanboys and dubiously trained pet bulls away from the monitor this week, as it displays an awful lot of red. Even the mighty DS Lite experiences the strange sensation of slipping, possibly caused by the tight grip of an overweight sibling. The ranking, according to number of units sold:


- DS Lite: 153,566 3,456 (2.20%)
- PSP: 25,935 1,198 (4.84%)
- PS2: 23,133 2,334 (9.16%)
- DS Phat: 3,504 6,628 (65.42%)
- GBA SP: 2,919 829 (21.91%)
- Xbox 360: 1,897 728 (62.28%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,443 59 (3.93%)
- Gamecube: 1,002 195 (16.29%)
- GBA: 17 8 (32.00%)
- Xbox: 8 2 (20.00%)

As a commenter jokingly suggested last week, it's awfully difficult to resist the temptation of traveling to Japan and purchasing 10,000 Xbox consoles, just to ... exacerbate things.

[Source: Media Create]

... the harder they fall. The Japanese population's brief rekindling of their romance with the DS Phat, showing a massive 1559% increase in sales last week, seems to have died out for now. Our obese friend takes the sharpest fall this week, with slimmer, trimmer machines like the Game Boy Micro and DS Lite faring better. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 157,022 15,535 (10.98%)
- PS2: 25,467 4,730 (22.81%)
- PSP: 24,737 84 (0.34%)
- DS Phat: 10,132 12,616 (55.46%)
- GBA SP: 3,784 858 (18.48%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,502 208 (16.07%)
- Gamecube: 1,197 195 (19.46%)
- Xbox 360: 1,169 238 (16.92%)
- GBA: 25 5 (25.00%)
- Xbox: 10 5 (33.33%)

The rest of the chart seems intentionally unremarkable, with the Lite reigning on top and the spinless Xbox sweeping the ground floor. Very soon, it will be expected to clean up the explosion of confetti and glitter accompanying the launch of the Noble Pink DS Lite.

[Source: Media Create]

Quite possibly the only sane thing we've received from Japan this week, the Japanese hardware sales charts show it like it is -- no silly comparisons, half-truths or fuzzy mathematics in sight. The ranking, according to number of units sold:

- DS Lite: 141,487 9,460 (7.17%)
- PSP: 24,653 2,997 (13.84%)
- DS Phat: 22,748 21,377 (1559.23%)
- PS2: 20,737 1,756 (9.25%)
- GBA SP: 4,642 526 (12.78%)
- Xbox 360: 1,407 307 (27.91%)
- Game Boy Micro: 1,294 360 (21.77%)
- Gamecube: 1,002 41 (4.27%)
- GBA: 20 10 (33.33%)
- Xbox: 15 5 (25.00%)

Aside from the soothing abundance of green, the most noticeable aspect of this week's chart is undoubtedly the DS Phat's performance, indicating either a surge in its popularity or a surge in desperation amongst those who couldn't track down a DS Lite. Perhaps it's time to import a black one from Europe?

[Source: Media Create]