Please ignore the noise coming from the kitchen, dear readers. That's just a little pot called 3D Realms calling next month's kettle of a conference, the E3 Media and Business Summit, black. Scott Miller, the head honcho at the Texas-based dev, recently spoke out against the annual event in hilarious fashion, calling the gathering "irrelevant" while confirming that 3D Realms' perpetually-delayed Duke Nukem Forever would not be shown. Shocking!

"In fact," he added. "I wasn't even aware it was coming up." On the one hand, we're left agape at the sheer irony of his words. On the other hand, however, this is coming from a company whose primary contribution to the industry is the poster child for inconsequential flotsam so – keeping that in mind – it seems reasonable that 3D Realms knows 'irrelevant' when it sees it.

Oh that crazy Duke has popped up yet again, kicking ass and chewing bubblegum as only he can. At least, that's what we think he's doing. Truthfully, it's pretty hard to tell from the latest tiny screenshot to emerge from the ever-elusive Duke Nukem Forever, which has surfaced on 3D Realms' site as part of a plea for developers to join the company's cause.

As for the Duke, looking at the screenshot we like to imagine that he's running to the grocery store, probably to pick up a pack of Stride. After all, the ridiculously long lasting flavor will serve our hero well while he, like the rest of us, continues to wait.

"Duke Nukem Forever confirmed for 2008," heralds an unlikely source in Dallas Business Journal. What the modest, Texas newspaper actually seems to suggest is that 3D Realms is "on target" to release the mythical sequel sometime this year, though company co-owner Scott Miller adds, "we may miss the mark by a month or two" (wink, wink). Miller also hinted that "hitting the big three" (in this case, PC, Xbox 360 and PS3) is the obvious development strategy, but he continued to stress that 3D Realms has not "formally announced any platforms for DNF."

3D Realms informed Shacknews that any suggestion by Dallas Business Journal that DNF's release date and platforms have been confirmed is erroneous. Expect an official statement from 3D Realms later today. Update: 3D Realms president George Broussard lays it out loud and clear in the follow-up statement issued today. "The release date is still 'when it's done,' and will be until the appropriate moment. Platforms have not been finalized or announced. You can rest assured that we are moving toward a goal and that the recently released teaser trailer is the start of that process and seeing more of the game, sooner than later."

We should also note that Dallas Business Journal seemingly confirms ongoing rumor that Duke Nukem 3D is bound for Xbox Live Arcade and will include online multiplayer and co-op support. "We're really excited about bringing classic Duke to the 360," Miller allegedly told the paper, "We're talking to Microsoft about getting a release slot sometime this year."

We knew that there were talks about bringing Duke Nukem 3D to Xbox Live Arcade, but now there's even more talk. Shacknews confirmed that 3D Realms would be interested in bringing the Nukem's 3D outing to XBLA if Microsoft is interested. But, like they said last year, it's not as easy as shipping over the code and getting a nice check. 3D Realms says they have "some people that would port it" and they are just waiting "on the good word from Microsoft to continue."

This would typically be the part where we go into a discussion of when Duke Nukem Forever is coming out and wonder openly if it will ever happen. But we'll simply give you this handy-dandy little link to our Duke Nukem Forever happy 10th un-birthday post and let you think about what you were doing ten years ago when the game was first announced. With any luck, by the time you snap out of thinking back ten years, the XBLA version of Duke Nukem 3D will be ready.

3D Realms has some big announcements coming in the next six months, but nothing about Duke Nukem Forever, according to new creative director Raphael Van Lierop.

"I can say that we have a big announcement coming in the next four weeks, and I'm not sure, but I believe we have another major announcement coming in the next four to six months," he said in an interview with Gamasutra. "While I can't say exactly what these are, are they about Duke Nukem Forever? No."

Since beginning the DNF project just over a decade ago, the company has managed to release 12 titles, which can be summed up as Prey, two Max Paynes and nine Duke Nukem iterations. Van Lierop said that their business model benefits from a "very collaborative relationship" with other developers.

If DNF isn't one of the company's next two big announcements, then we'll likely see another partnership, perhaps the Prey sequel that 3DR's CEO Scott Miller told Firing Squad in February was already mapped out from a "high-level story standpoint." The first big announcement will coincide with this year's E3 Media and Business Summit.

Fun fact: In the span of two questions, or 521 words, in the interview, there are 9 mentions to Duke Nukem Forever, totaling 27 words (with only one of those references by the interviewer). That's over 5% of the words used in that section!

Hold on, Wii! Your name isn't the only thing celebrating a birthday today! Well, it's not so much a "birth" day in this other case, seeing as how we're still waiting for the baby to drop ...

So, happy 10th un-birthday Duke Nukem Forever! CVG reminds us that ten years ago, on this very day, you were conceived and hurriedly scribbled into tiny notebooks (computers weren't even invented yet!) and from there typed up into magazines (remember them?) the world over. Sure, a lot of things have happened in the last ten years (no, seriously, A LOT) -- including some awards, you assiduous devil -- but we still remember where we were when you were announced to the world. Find out where after the break:

It sounds like brothers Jeremy and Julian Soule will bring music to 3D Realms' Duke Nukem Forever. 1UP believes so, and lays out its case with two intertwining pieces of evidence:

1. 3D Realms developer Raphael Van Lierop discussed in his blog about a recent visit from Julian Soule.
2. In an Insiders-only interview with IGN, Jeremy left one hint about his secretive upcoming project: "When it's done!!!" Okay, that alone would be enough of a confirmation since Duke Nukem Forever, still one of the most ironic titles in the history of entertainment, has kept to a release date of "when it's done."
   

Add to that previous relations when Jeremy Soule composed the soundtrack for 3D realms' Prey. Is Duke Nukem Forever really in full production? Minuscule screenshot notwithstanding, we'll have to see to believe it.

It's very small, you see. Spotted in a Gamasutra job listing and then discussed in a Shacknews forum, a puny proof of life for 3D Realms' perpetually unreleased Duke Nukem Forever has now been placed under the internet's collective microscope. "That's an in game, real-time shot of Duke standing in a random hallway," says George Broussard, posting on the official 3D Realms forums. "I'm glad some of you enjoyed it, and we'll show more later as we start to wake from our slumber and decide how best to show the game off."

For a start, bigger screenshots would be nice.

[Via Game|Life]

Wired News racks up its annual list of the top 10 vaporware products -- items that have been promised but haven't shipped -- with almost half of them being long-delayed games. Stalker: Shadow of Chernobyl, Gran Turismo 4 Mobile, and Spore earn spots nine, seven, and four, while Duke Nukem Forever clocks in at number one. Again. Duke's nearly 10-year development time have earned it six mentions in the nine-year history of the list, including this year.

We've lost track of DNF and are holding our interest until its launch, but we did want Spore. Which games have you missed this year?

Although the title should be Duke Nukem Forever (in the Making), is it finally coming out? It was announced way back in 1997, meaning that there are tons of young gamers out there who have never even seen a Duke Nukem title, so they have no idea what all this about anyhow. Best Buy is listing it for sale now on January 2nd, 2007 for $59.99. They also claim that, "Duke Nukem is an action hero for the ages, with his big muscles, big guns and an even bigger sense of humor." For the ages. Yep, they sure would have appreciated this guy back in 1300 AD. He could've teamed up with Ash, ftw.

The listing is probably pure crap, especially since both the Take 2 and 3D Realms sites say nothing about a final release date. But, it sure makes us wonder. Is this thing ever going to see the light of day? Several key members of the Duke development team left 3D Realms in August, which surely hurt the work on this title. Your guess is as good as any if this listing is real or not. But for the adventurous readers out there, pre-order and cross your fingers.

Of course, if it doesn't come out, we're pretty much used to waiting at this point, as evidenced by a similar situation last year. However, if a miracle happens and it hits the shelves, where will we point to as the longest game in development from now on? Does anyone still care about Duke at this point?

[Thanks, Kurt & Tim]

"Mr. Broussard, do you have a minute?"
"Make it quick, I'm in the middle of a WoW raid."
"I'm sorry ... quick?"
"You know, the opposite of slow?"
"Right! Well, Doom was released on Xbox Live Arcade just recently."
"Oh, I know, I was playing it all day yesterday. Good stuff."
"That's the general consensus, yes. Which is probably why every gamer ever now wants a port of Duke Nukem 3D as well."
"Hmm, I like that idea. Provided Microsoft wants it too, I'm sure we could make that happen ... right after I level up some more."

At least, that's how we imagine such a discussion to go down within the finely decorated offices of 3D Realms. Following Doom's successful outing on Xbox Live Arcade, fans have already begun a clamorfest (not an actual word) for an Xbox 360 port of that other FPS classic, Duke Nukem 3D. Commenting on the official 3D Realms forums, staff member Joe Siegler assured visitors that the idea had been favorably considered, but that getting a game onto Microsoft's service wasn't as easy as e-mailing them the original code.

"I talked about this yesterday with George, he's all up for the idea, but we don't have the time to do the port ourselves, plus there's the issue of whetther [sic] Microsoft would really want it. Don't just assume they would, there's a big submissions procedure to go through. Plus their release schedule is booked solid for quite awhile now, even if we delivered it to them today, I would imagine it wouldnt' [sic] come out for awhile anyway."

Imagine that. Still, if Microsoft were to eventually give the game their stamp of approval and a developer like Nerve were tasked with porting the game, it would probably be well worth the wait.

[Via Xbox 360 Fanboy]

CNET defines vaporware thus: "Vaporware n: Any piece of technology with equal and excessive numbers of promises and delays. It might be awesome, but you probably won't actually see it."

The all-star angle precludes many of the criticisms we'd be prone to throw at their selections, but some still need to be addressed, namely the PS3. Hey, we were just as frustrated as the next blog over Sony's obvious equivocation and the steadfast Spring 2006 website, but you can hardly say it's vaporware. It was only delayed once and, even then, the only people that (purportedly) believed the original date were Sony themselves! Now the Phantom ... that's some primo, grade-A vaporware.

11. Earthbound64 / Mother 3
10. S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
9. Fallout 3
8. Team Fortress 2
7. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
6. Playstation 3
5. Sam & Max: Freelanc Police
4. Starcraft Ghost
3. Prey
2. Phantom Gaming System
1. Duke Nukem Forever

Of course vaporware bullies like Duke Nukem Forever and the Phantom dominate the top spots, while the recently released Prey makes a strong showing, encouraging all those titles that are still in development that they too can see a retail shelf someday. It's glorious!

We all know what George Broussard and his team at 3D Realms have been up to since they officially announced development of Duke Nukem Forever: they've been switching engines, winning awards, and remaining mum on when (though always insisting that it is coming) we'll get to see something -- anything -- about their increasingly long-in-the-tooth FPS.

Now that another E3 has come and gone with nary a Bruce Campbell-cribbed peep from our favorite (at least he used to be ... I think) video game protagonist, one dedicated gamer decided to update "The List" of things that have happened since DNF was announced. Included in "The List":

"When Duke Nukem Forever was announced, the fastest processor available to consumers was a 233Mhz Pentium. Since then the clock speed of consumer processors has increased over 16 times (32 times counting dual cores), and the fabrication process has decreased from 250nm to 65nm."

But that's not all folks! Just to pour salt into that open wound, they've added a list of things that have taken less time than DNF has been in production, like: "The Beatles formed, released every single one of their albums and broke up. During this time they also toured the world several times."

No pressure, guys. I'm sure these past ten years have been well spent, right? Right?!

[Thanks, Eli]

In an SEC filing, Take-Two brought up a rather sore (yet infamous) subject: Duke Nukem Forever. The uber-delayed project, in development since 1997 (remember 1997? Titanic won an Oscar) has been given some incentive to complete and release the game by December 31, 2006 -- $500,000 worth of incentive. While it may not seem like much (most commercial video games have multimillion dollar budgets), 3D Realms is currently being offered $4.25 million from Take-Two for the title's eventual release, down from the $6 million promised in their original -- apparently lapsed -- deal. See update 3 for the skinny on this mess.

Does this mean we'll see Duke before 2007? Doubtful, but we could be wrong ...

[update 1: where there was confusion, there is now clarity]

[update 2: silly Gamespot, the actual SEC filing says dollar amounts are listed in thousands, so their figure of $4,250 is off by a factor of, you guessed it, one thousand. With the $500,000 promissory, that means 3D Realms can still collect nearly 80% of their original contract ... if they manage to finish this thing. Thanks, nonpareil.)

[update 3: newish games blog Metafuture has gotten to the bottom of this little mess. It wasn't just the figure that we had wrong, it was the payee as well. Indeed, Gamasutra reported on this over two months ago writing:

"One other notable payment was the renegotiation of a $6 million charge due [to former publisher GT Interactive, now owned by Atari] upon delivery of the final PC version of Duke Nukem Forever back in March 2005. The epic delay of 3D Realms' shooter has meant that $4.25 million of the final milestone payment has already been paid, alongside the promise of a final $500,000 upon the commercial release of Duke Nukem Forever prior to December 31, 2006."

So the $4.25 million has already been paid to Atari and the $500,000 is being offered to Atari and not 3D Realms. Got it? I think we do now. Apologies for the confusion.]

If you're anything like us, you're at least five years past caring about what 3D Realms has to say regarding its Duke Nukem Forever project. Even 3D Realms' George Broussard knows this: in the company's latest statement on the subject of the definition of vaporware, George says that "the problem is that when we show it, people are going to be like, 'Yeah, whatever'." George can hardly blame "people" for not caring about a game that's been in development for nearly ten years, but at least he's being realistic about the situation.

At the moment the game's publisher, Take Two, seems to be the only group at all interested in the game. The company has paid out a total of US$4.25 million in the hope that they may see some sort of return. Good luck to them (and their dwindling stock) we say!