As we bid adieu to this All Fools' Day, it's time to take a broom to the leftover balderdash and sweep it out of the house so we can start fresh and clean tomorrow.

• Straightgamer.net -- OH NO! The boys over at GayGamer.net went to "therapy" and are now devout heterosexuals. Now all they can talk about is boobs, beer and babes. That's so not fierce!
• Lego Halo -- 1Up reposted EGM's April issue gag for the internets.
• Wii Want More -- A Wii downloadable content service?! ROFLCOPTERBBQ
• Brain Age Mobile for iPhone -- The Wiicast does a very subtle trick that any other day of the year might be believable.
• Reggie talks Earthbound -- Starmen.net spliced together some clips and gets Monsieur Fils-Aime talking frankly about Nintendo's thoughts on Earthbound in America.
• N64 games ported to DS -- Vooks.net got the scoop on some N64 titles being "retooled & refreshed" for the handheld.
• Final Fantasy XIII demo and Final Fantasy VII remake -- PSXExtreme didn't even try to be witty, they just went for some painful lies.

Note: We'd like to show you images from the session, but as is typical of Square Enix events, no photography of any sort was allowed.

Isamu Kamikokuryo discussed the process of making art for Final Fantasy in a crowded Q&A panel at this year's Game Developer's Conference. At first, Kamikokuryo reminisced about how he got his job at Square Enix. It wasn't particularly romantic: he followed a simple call for applicants, and submitted a resume with a photograph of one of his oil paintings. He got a call back, and got a job that many fanboys would kill for.

Eventually, the discussion moved on to the high quality graphics that Square Enix has been able to produce in its pre-rendered movies. Asked how the team copes with "the uncanny valley problem," Kamikokuryo noted that it's something everyone on the team is constantly thinking about. "In terms of the uncanny valley, that is something we have to fight against. We can't go there -- that's basically how we feel about it. For all the things we create, many of the section creators get together and we make adjustments so this uncanny valley phenomenon doesn't happen. We don't usually use that phrase, because all the staff has this in mind while we do our work."

Boy, this is awkward ... After "certain videogame websites" reported last week that Final Fantasy XIII had been promised for 2008, Square Enix has issued this sobering statement: "Any reports of a confirmed release date are erroneous and should be disregarded. Square Enix will make an official announcement in the future concerning the release date when it has been determined."

While we had corrected and reclassified our post as a mistranslation before the release of this statement, we felt it important to highlight Square Enix's official response to the misinformation, despite again acknowledging our error. Is an "our bad" enough of an apology? If not, feel free to take a few shots at us in the comments section. (Hint: This is the one time you won't be banned for it!)

We know that Final Fantasy games, much like fine wine and Radiohead albums, take some time to come together nicely -- still, it's hard for us to believe that Final Fantasy XIII (in all its shapes and forms) will be dropping any time soon. We've had our hearts broken so many times by delays for hotly anticipated titles that we've sadly come to expect them.

Fear not, for the long wait for the Fabula Nova Crystallis collection will be over soon enough. According to FinalFantasyVersusXIII.net's translation (there appear to be conflicting versions), game director Motomu Toriyama teases that a playable demo for FFXIII would be arriving in 2008 to show off the game's revamped battle system. So don your steepled hat and cuddle tight your cactuar plushie -- your chance to sit down with the unluckiest chapter in Square Enix's seminal RPG franchise may have just gotten a teensy bit closer.

[Update: We originally posted an incorrect interpretation of the original translated comments. The post has been corrected and Joystiq apologizes for the error.]

[Update 2: Square Enix has released an official response – and we eat more crow.]

After adamantly insisting that you do not videotape or record the screening in any way or else, the Square Enix private theater showcased numerous titles from the ever-expanding Final Fantasy universe. The first trailer on display was the lead game in the Fabula Nova Crystallis series, Final Fantasy XIII. In English, a narrator explains a corruption that seems to plaguing the land. "Those tainted by the outside were exiled," he explains.

Earlier trailers highlighted Lightning, but the trailer at TGS showed off a number of new characters, environments and creatures. A gunman that seems to have specific mastery over water shoots a crystal, creating a massive water summon. Paths of ice form in the sky, as he rides along on a motorcycle. Certainly, a spectacle to behold. Then a massive African-inspired scene provides a stark contrast to the futuristic environments we've seen of the game so far. Fantastic Mammoth-like beasts walk across a river in a scene that could've been ripped out of a Afrika gone slightly astray. Debuting in this new trailer was a brand new female character that stands, staring at a frozen planet orbiting in the sky. The trailer ends with a proud proclamation "PS3 Only," to silence any doubters.

Once again, we were stunned by the visuals of the trailer, which went beyond the quality of most Hollywood productions. The new dry landscape showcased provides reassurance that the game will not remain stagnant in its visual look. However, in spite of the incredible excitement generated by the trailer, we were surprised that a different game in the Square Enix theater stole the show.

According to German gaming site Gamefront, the Japanese publication Nihon Keizai Shimbun is reporting that Square Enix will not release any games for the PlayStation 3 until the start of the new fiscal year, April 1, 2008. In other words, keep waiting for Final Fantasy XIII. This is backed-up by an earlier statement from the company's president Yoichi Wada that FFXIII would not be released this fiscal year. Assuming the game hits Japan shortly thereafter, factor in translation, localization, and the hiring of bad voice actors, and we could be facing a North American and European launch in 2009 ... or later (cue spooky noises).

Feel like you're not getting enough androgyny and sexual ambiguity from your Xbox 360 games? We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but Square Enix isn't going to instantly fill that void with a Final Fantasy game for the Xbox anytime soon. According to IGN, Square Enix has nothing in the works for the Xbox 360 ... period ... exclamation mark. Square Enix's Shinji Hashimoto says that while they've got Crystal Chronicles slated for the Wii, the Xbox 360 is a "completely blank page."

That pretty much nails the coffin shut on Final Fantasy XIII making its way to the Xbox 360 before the PS3 gets its act together with a price drop and some other solid titles. Sorry Xbox 360 fanboys, you can still keep hope alive with that other fence-sitting espionage title that companies swear is a PS3 exclusive, even though the rumors just won't die. As for Final Fantasy XIII on the Xbox 360, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Move it along.

[Update: Square Enix now says it's still open to the possibility somewhere down the line. Maybe.]

Following a financial briefing in Tokyo today, Square Enix president Yoichi Wada gave clear indication of when to expect Final Fantasy XIII -- er, rather, of when not to expect the fair-haired rpg. "[The game] will still take a bit more time. At the very least, [a release] this fiscal year is definitely out of the question," said Wada. Square Enix's fiscal year ends March 31, 2008.

Wada's forecast comes just a day after Konami indicated that Metal Gear Solid 4 would squeeze into stores before the end of the fiscal year.

So, we don't know about you, but we love the early stages in a game's life cycle. Take the newly-launched official site for Final Fantasy Dissidia, for example. Thanks to some digging by PSP Fanboy, we know it's a PSP game. Past that, the official site is all mystery. All we get is a logo (seen above) and the phrase "Fantasy is endless, Fantasy has no limited form." Oh, and we learn that the character design is being done by Tetsuya Nomura. Other than that, we're clueless. See, isn't this exhilarating?

What could the game be? Is it part of the Final Fantasy XIII decade? Is it a sequel to Dirge of Cerberus? (God, we hope not.) A sequel to Mystic Quest? (Umm, no.) Sure, we'll learn more during the Square Enix party in a few days, but we're kind of enjoying the mystery at the moment.

Square Enix director Motomu Toriyama hasn't told PSM Australia anything other than what we've already known: Fabula Nova Crystallis Final Fantasy XIII is a collective of projects that has never been declared exclusive to one platform. Yet, when Toriyama suggests that Fabula Nova Crystallis "isn't just limited to three titles" and that "it's not simply exclusive to the PS3 and mobile phones," so many of us are willing to take a leap of faith, heralding these words as a death knell for Sony, and as a confirmation of FFXIII on Xbox 360. Before you join the feverish mob, remember to draw a distinction between the primary game, currently exclusive to PlayStation 3, and the general series, already totaling three titles (Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy Versus XIII, and Final Fantasy Agito XIII) and at least one loose logo, Haeresis ("Dissidia" is also possibly linked to FFXIII).

Toriyama has merely reaffirmed that, like Final Fantasy VII, the FFXIII brand will be spun into an array of disparate shards, conveniently linked by a popular title. We may yet see a spin-off on 360 -- or even a port of the PS3 games -- but don't jump to that conclusion based on the PSM interview. Yes, we've still got Haeresis (and possibly Dissidia) without a home, but either DS or PSP, or dare we say Blu-ray, DVD, and UMD, are just as valid destinations as Xbox 360 -- don't count out PlayStation 2 or Wii either. Given all the fuss that Final Fantasy rouses, Square Enix would do best to deliver on all of 'em.

The moral is: Final Fantasy XIII -- the game -- is still exclusive to PlayStation 3.

[Via PS3 Fanboy]

SCEE France president Georges Fornay didn't choose his words carefully. Just days after Devil May Cry and Ace Combat, two long-time Sony exclusives, were announced for Xbox 360, on the eve of PlayStation 3's "official" European launch, Fornay told French newspaper Les Dernières Nouvelles d'Alsace, "Enfin, pour Final Fantasy XIII, je peux vous dire que l'exclusivité est en discussion." That's something like: As far as Final Fantasy XIII goes, I can tell you that the exclusivity is in discussion. Well Georges, it looks like you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight.

But the repercussions of Fornay's vague remark go beyond losing pillow-talk privileges with Mr. Kutaragi. His words have ignited a polarized frenzy of paranoia and glee -- despite the obvious ambiguity of "l'exclusivité est en discussion." What does Fornay mean?

According to statements made in Japanese publication Dengeki, Square Enix is planning to feature a playable demo of Final Fantasy XIII at E3 this year. It's also possible, due to E3's downsizing (and more private nature), that Square Enix will reserve the demo for a public platform like Tokyo Games Show. Simultaneously distributing the demo via PlayStation Store would likely generate the most buzz (and could potentially sell some PlayStation 3 units), but Square Enix has made no commitment to do so.

However it's delivered, the demo gives us little insight into when the actual game will be complete. Tentative release schedules indicate a 2007 release.

[Thanks, Xenokai]