Joystiq

Nega-review: Metal Gear Solid 4

Kyle Orland — 2008-06-13T08:00:00+00:00

"Metal Gear Solid 4 is not the inclusive, universally entertaining experience it could have been." (7) It "is a frustrating, fractured game" (2) that "feels ... like a genie struggling to find enough goodies in the lamp, slave to the demands of everyone but itself." (1) "Metal Gear Solid 4 is, in most senses, the biggest Metal Gear yet. But the best? Maybe not." (2)

"As the game starts, with its fairly generic next-gen textures and desert battlefield setting, you can't help feeling that you could be playing the latest Call of Duty, or Assassin's Creed." (3) "After a few chapters, [the] gameplay ... begins to mutate into linear action that feels like an afterthought amidst all the story." (4) "The relatively weak second act is more of the same in a much less compelling setting - a rather unconvincing, blandly designed South American backwater - and ennui starts to set in." (2)

"More intuitive controls could have made the overall experience a better one." (6) "A new feature called 'Stress' isn't explained quite clearly enough" (5) and "the new Stress and Psyche meters don't really gel with the flow of play." (2) "You'll also spend a good deal of time poking through your inventory in the middle of boss battles and protracted firefights, which can occasionally disrupt the dramatic flow." (5) "Because control is ... complex, it's very easy to do something you didn't want to by accident, and it's painful to see the perfect setup blown in an instant." (6)

"Newcomers to the MGS universe will be fairly lost, struggling to keep up with a narrative which ties the events of four previous games." (7) In fact, "even keen students of Metal Gear lore are going to struggle to follow this tangled tale."(2) "The game ... is utterly shackled to its own legacy -- bogged down by its own past." (4) "Plausibility is stretched to extremes as every character you can think of (and several you never would) makes a cameo appearance." (2) "Not content to just rekindle memories of Metal Gear, the game insists on physically revisiting them, veering this way and that, back and forth in time, the fates of its characters wrenched in improbable directions." (1)

"[The] narrative ... is every bit as silly and overblown and hammy as any of the previous games." (3) "The sometimes bloated, messy, and tangled effort to sort out the backstory can completely eclipse the immediate plot, damaging the game's flow and urgency." (6) "Motivation and consistency fall by the wayside and by the end it's totally unclear who is on which side, or what's at stake." (2) "It probably wouldn't work as a film because it would seem both overblown and trivial." (3) "Laden with sentimental sermons and metaphors for the evils of war ... it is in all honesty a mess." (2)

As for "the cut-scenes - well, yes, you could argue that there are too many of them, that they're too long, and that the dialogue is occasionally leaden." (3) These are "dry, informational monologues and glorified slide shows can make you feel like you're attending some obtuse scientific lecture or watching bizarre late night programming on the History Channel." (6) "The luxurious length and mind-numbing detail of the cut-scenes and codec conversations [means] you could put the pad down for almost half the game's ample length." (2) "Most gamers don't sit down with controller in hand for hours worth of non-interactivity." (7)

"Even with a high tolerance for epic-length cutscenes and your fondness for the series, it sometimes feels like too much." (6) The cutscenes here are sure to invoke that thousand-yard stare, two in particular coming perilously close to the 90-minute mark." (1) "Indeed many of the most dramatic cut-scenes might make you crave action, or wonder why they couldn't have been turned into interactive sequences." (3)

What's more, "the further you play into the game, the less you actually play." (4) "The final act in particular is primarily unplayable, a series of cutscenes with occasional, almost offhand moments in which the player is once again allowed to take control and do something." (7) "By the time the credits crawl, anything resembling interaction has slowly atrophied away, making for several hours of passive story viewing -- with only an occasional interjection of brief gameplay for variety." (4) "The hours of talking-head exposition involved are too steep a price to pay for this muddled closure." (2) For all its preaching about liberty and personal freedom, MGS4's closure comes at the cost of player choice." (4)

In short, Metal Gear Solid 4 "is not the game it could have been; nor is it the game it would have been had the series grown with the benefit of hindsight; nor is it the game it should have been if you believed that early trailer. ... For all the incredible technology he brings to the battle, all the abilities and charisma, [it] feels throughout like a species on the brink of extinction." (1)

Wilkommen, bienvenue, and welcome back to the Joystiq Nega-review. As usual, we've taken the negative bits from a bunch of generally positive reviews for a game and put them together into a ridiculously skewed and damaging whole. The point is not to destroy a game that people seem to enjoy, but to point out the valid bad points that can get lost in the waves and waves of praise.

Compared to other highly anticipated games, the reviews of Metal Gear Solid 4 spanned a relatively wide range of opinions. The tone of each review depended largely on the reviewer's ability to tolerate sometimes strained plots delivered through hours and hours of expository cut scenes. Some die-hard fans of the series who wrote reviews seemed willing to overlook problems that more casual fans felt were potentially ruinous. Still, even the most negative reviews found a lot to like about the game's revitalized, open world gameplay.

Sources
(1) Edge
(2) EuroGamer
(3) IGN UK
(4) 1UP
(5) GamePro
(6) GameTrailers
(7) UGO
(8) Cheat Code Central

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Nega-review: Grand Theft Auto IV

Kyle Orland — 2008-04-29T08:00:00+00:00

"GTA IV has its flaws as a game." (1) "The flow of the game basically goes like this: you watch a cutscene, someone in the cutscene says that someone has done them wrong, you're told they need to be taught a lesson, and then you get in a car and go teach them the lesson. At that point another cinema is triggered and the process repeats. ... it can definitely become a little repetitive." (2)

"It's not like previous GTAs, or most other sequels, where there are new stand-out features that you can easily discuss and rate." (4) "GTA IV [actually] reduces the amount of activities when compared to the previous game, San Andreas. You cannot go the gym to beef up Niko's muscles. And eating a ton of cheeseburgers won't turn you into a massive, wobbly mound of lard." (3)

"You'll probably be surprised to hear GTA IV has noticeably fewer weapons and vehicles on offer than GTA: San Andreas did. ... Yes, this means San Andreas' more unusual vehicles like fighter jets, hovercraft, go-karts and jetpacks are all absent. Don't expect to be wielding chainguns, flamethrowers or chainsaws either." (4) "The world itself is smaller than the state-sized San Andreas" (7) and in general the game has "a feature list that's a step back from its predecessors." (4)

"Even though the plot line is simpler than previous GTA games, it still gets cluttered at times, with a glut of characters entering the scene; it can be tough to keep track of exactly why things are happening and to whom." (9) "There's still a clear difference between this and [even] a B-level Hollywood production. ... Every story note [is] delivered by flat, to-the-point dialog [and] we get characters over-explaining their feelings and opinions, leading to some awkward exchanges. (8) On top of that, "Niko's Serbian ... is God-awful." (3)

Gallery: Grand Theft Auto IV

"Combat can be troublesome. ... When you're duking it out with enemies in confined spaces ... it can be easy to get disoriented when the camera moves around." (5) "The sometimes problematic auto-aim shooting" (1) means "you'll still die thanks to the odd lock-on screw up that has you looking at pedestrians instead of the policeman aiming up behind you." (1) Yes, the "lock-on can be a little finicky." (2) In general, "combat controls could be tighter." (1)

"Cover mechanics don't always work the way they should" either. (3) There's definitely "the occasional stickiness of cover points when trying to maneuver quickly." (7) and "times when attempting to take cover behind narrow objects (such as columns) will occasionally result in Niko attaching himself to the wrong side." (5) No, "taking cover may not always work the way you want it to." (3)

"The squirrelly driving control takes a while to master," too. (6) "Some cars in GTA4 are especially loose and hard to control when executing the kind of high-speed maneuvers required by the game. Using the handbrake to execute hairpin turns and drifts is, in general, more difficult than before, and you'll have to actually have to think about slowing down a bit before taking a tight corner." (8)

"Some of the control mapping is a little bit odd as Rockstar chose to do things its own way in some respects." (2) There's "some clunkiness in ladder-climbing and vaulting objects" (7) and "some of the other interactive features, such as shopping for clothes in several clothing stores, have an awkward interface, making it a chore to try on different looks." (8) "The lack of analogue running." is also off-putting. (4) "The analogue stick is there for a reason and having to hold the A button to run and tap it to sprint, stands out as a little archaic." (4)

"GTA4 also suffers from those little things that have always plagued the series, such as sudden pop-in of objects in the environment and the occasional repetition of car models in your immediate vicinity." (6) "The frame-rate also takes punishment throughout ... with noticeable pop-in in places." (7) "I've [also] encountered a few odd clipping issues in certain obscure parts of Liberty City" (3) and "some of the secondary characters look a bit like clunky PS2 holdovers." (8) "The distance blur is also pretty heavy. ... It's ... a little disappointing to look at a distant skyline and see nothing but a complete blur. The shadows are also distractingly grainy at times." (4) "You'll definitely notice glitches." (5)

"The continued absence of mid-mission checkpoints" is another sticking point." (7) "With missions that can take an extended period of time, and require trips to several locations, not having a save-anywhere system will turn off mainstream and casual gamers." (8) "I do wish that Rockstar had added checkpoints in the multistage missions to cut down on the grunt work of frustrating retries." (6)

"GTA IV is very much Grand Theft Auto, which means that if you didn't like the last installments you're probably going to have the same qualms with IV." (1) The game "doesn't reinvent the wheel" (9) and "the game's missions will be familiar to just about anyone who played the last couple of GTA games." (5) In general, everything is just "a little less brave and intimidating this time around." (2)

Welcome, virtual felons and virtual felon wannabes, to yet another Joystiq Nega-review. This edition continues the proud tradition cherry-picking the middling negative points from the reviews of a well-hyped game with near unanimous critical praise, and arranging those points into an utterly unfair whole. This isn't a covert way of panning the game -- far from it -- but rather a convenient way to summarize the valid negative issues that can get lost in the deafening wave of praise.

Despite the length of this review, it was actually relatively hard to pull negative quotes from most of the reviews of GTAIV. The praise about the game was absolutely overflowing, with many if not most reviews calling it the best game of the generation or, indeed, of all time. In the case of Game Informer's review, I wasn't able to pull even one negative quote, even out of context. Not one! That's the first time that's happened, and it definitely says something about the reception this game is receiving.

Sources
(1) C&VG
(2) GameTrailers
(3) ActionTrip
(4) IGN AU
(5) GameSpy
(6) 1UP
(7) Eurogamer
(8) GameDaily
(9) GamePro

Check out all our coverage of Grand Theft Auto IV!

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Nega-review: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Kyle Orland — 2008-03-10T11:45:00+00:00

Filed under: Retro, Nintendo Wii, Fighting

"Super Smash Bros. Brawl isn't a giant leap forward from Super Smash Bros. Melee." (9) "Repetition is Brawl's ... real crime." (2) The "beat-em-up gameplay [is] relatively unchanged" (3) -- "returning to your stock franchises ... shackles you to old ways." (2) "This game was made for Nintendo fans. ... For the uninterested gamer, it's a curious diversion." (7)

"Subspace Emissary is boring. There, we said it." (8) "The storyline itself seems almost randomly compiled - a pieced together jigsaw puzzle of different factions coming together." (1) No, "there's not much rhyme or reason to the plot" (3) -- "it's a narrative mish-mash and bloated as hell." (2) "Most the time, you don't know what's going on. ... We find the complete lack of storytelling disturbing." (8)

"As a platformer, [Subspace Emissary] is not great." (2) "The fine-tuned jumping mechanics needed for platformers just aren't built into all of the Brawl characters, and shoehorning fighting game characters into action-adventure side-stories hasn't worked well since Tekken experimented with the same." (9) "Dull level design and unnecessarily tricksy warp door antics" (2) don't help, nor does "a seemingly random placement of Nintendo characters and newly designed enemy fodder." (1) "If this mode were a standalone game, it wouldn't rate very highly." (9) "The Subspace Emissary component ... is simply not as balanced or entertaining as the stages designed for multiple human opponents." (1)

Online, "voice chat is not an option ... and likely won't ever be, thanks to what must be the Japanese company's desire to create a safe environment for younger gamers." (9) Instead, "there's ... just a gimped text system that uses a paltry four pre-written messages." (1) "Real-time chat would've been excellent here, especially when passing along a post-Brawl victory speech or grumbling in defeat. " (5) "Nintendo's attempt to protect us from child molesters is appreciated, but there are other alternatives to protecting the children (not to mention us)." (8)

"The same complaint can be applied to the fact that Brawl uses Friend Codes, one of Nintendo's most-hated inventions." (8) "You have to go through the trouble of entering Friend Codes in order to enlist new competition" (5) and "for more control over your matches." (7) "If you're playing against random opponents, you won't even see their names or be able to communicate with them at all" (1) -- "you won't be able to get together again after a well-played match, for example. ... It's an online system that ends up feeling very much like playing against computer-controlled opponents, as it's all very faceless and impersonal." (9) What's more, "there's no online leader board or statistic tracking," (1) and "when playing with random people over Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection, you can't play with multiple people on your console." (8)

"The graphics definitely lack detail in areas." (1) "The game has a slightly washed-out look, for example, and many of the cut-scenes are overcompressed." (8) "Many of the backgrounds are kept very simple in an effort to the keep the framerate up" (1) -- they're definitely "sometimes lacking detail and the graphical quality." (8) "Character animations, while speedy, typically ignore the laws of physics, weight, and momentum." (1) "Meanwhile, when it comes to character models, certain characters have been given obvious special treatment. ... Moreover, the game has aliasing problems up the wazoo - especially on HDTVs." (8)

"You'd be hard-pressed to tell this game apart from its GameCube predecessor when viewed side-by-side." (9) The game has "not-much-better-than-the-last-one graphics" (7) and "the overall appearance of the game does seem a little bit like Melee 1.5." (5) "From a visual standpoint, Brawl doesn't look much better than Super Smash Bros. Melee did on the GameCube." (9) "Yeah, the graphics don't really go too far forward." (5)

"Controls are an issue, too." (2) "It must be noted that Brawl is not well-suited to a standalone Wii remote." (1) "The D-pad is no match for an analogue stick and the button-starved design means that no matter how you calibrate, a key action will be relegated to the unreachable minus button." (2) Non-GameCube pads "ultimately don't offer the quickest response time" (4) and "the lack of a second analogue stick removes quick access to smash attacks." (2)

"A bloated cast ... struggles to hide the basic character types each fighter boils down to." (2) "The similarities between Fox McCloud and Falco, for example, are so great I had a hard time telling them apart." (4) "Signature moves aside, it's hard to see where Dedede differs from Bowser, and if Link, Ike and Pit weren't programmed by the same guy, we'll eat our sword flurry." (2) That said, "we'd be liars if we suggested we weren't disappointed that even more third-party character crossovers weren't introduced." (1) "We can't help but wish there were more where they came from." (9) "Yes, we could use more characters in the roster." (1)

Welcome, Nintendo fans and haters alike, to the latest Joystiq Nega-review. Like all Nega-reviews, this one compiles negative quotes from otherwise glowing reviews and arranges them into a wholly scathing whole. While some judicious snipping may have removed the positive caveats from some of these quotes, the inherent meaning of each remains unchanged -- all these quotes were meant as a negative in the original review.

This Nega-review could have almost been two full-length Nega-reviews --- one that focused solely on Subspace Emissary and one that focused solely on online issues. As it stands, there were plenty of unused quotes about the extreme reviewer annoyance with each. That said, there was barely a complaint to be had about the local multiplayer gameplay, which has always been the Smash Bros. bread and butter. So enough reading about the bad parts -- invite a few friends over and enjoy the good parts already!

Sources
(1) IGN
(2) NGamer
(3) GameTap
(4) GamePro
(5) GameDaily
(6) GameSpot
(7) 1UP
(8) Kombo
(9) GameSpy

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Nega-review: God of War: Chains of Olympus

Kyle Orland — 2008-03-04T08:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Sony PlayStation 2, Sony PSP, Action

"Chains of Olympus doesn't quite live up to the other God of War games." (4) "Ready at Dawn didn't mess with the franchise's proven formula whatsoever, which is ... one of our ... gripes for the game." (3) "Gameplay-wise, nothing much has changed ... You still run around and beat the beejezus [sic] out of enemies and then meet up with the occasional boss fight." (5) "I wish that Ready at Dawn had added something new the canon rather than just re-using what's been done in the past." (7)

"The game feels a bit too familiar ... [and] at times you do feel like you've played the game before." (7) That said, "the game is missing some of the features from other God of War games. ... you won't find the ability to use your blades on grappling points, the Icarus Wings, Rage of the Gods, rope traversal, rope swinging, a fourth magic, etc." (4) "I find myself disappointed ... that the game doesn't quite have the same feeling of showing you something new around every corner that the previous games did." (4)

"The game is also brutally linear: you're constantly running from point A to point B, stopping to administer the occasional beatdown." (5) It could also be described as "a very linear experience, (3) that "may be a touch linear." (9) "Toward the end, combat got pretty repetitious, relying really heavily on the mechanic of blocking you into a room and not letting you out until you finished taking down the waves of enemies." (1) "It would have been nice to have seen a little experimentation here or there to mix things up. (3) "Altogether, ... the game feels like a bit less of an adventure and more of a straightforward action game." (4)

Control-wise, "the more intricate attack moves are simply lost to the somewhat 'floaty' control nub on the PSP. There are times that I'm sure I nailed a combo only to watch it come apart mid-attack." (8) "Kratos' rolling dodge... [is] still a little awkward," (6) and "some things, like accidentally setting off magic spells, can ... be off-setting." (2) "I didn't like ... the quick-time events requiring analog nub action ... that analog nub just can't measure up to an analog stick.." (1)

"The puzzles were for the most part a little too easy," (1) "very simple," (4) and "on the simple side." (9) No, the puzzles "aren't all that difficult by and large." (3) "They tend to either have obvious solutions or -- in a couple of cases -- be so obtuse that you'll spend hours just trying to figure out how to get out of one stupid room." (6) "There's a puzzle that's not particularly intuitive thanks to the fixed camera and lack of cues," (2) and "one -- which involved dragging around a lot of very heavy statues that were incredibly slow to move -- got downright irritating. (1)

As far as enemies, "if you can imagine lining up the creatures from previous installments and then mixing and matching their abilities a tad, you pretty much know what to expect." (3) "Towards the end of the game the developers increase the difficulty by forcing you to take on more enemies in a smaller space rather than introducing newer/harder enemies." (7) Put simply, "the enemies weren't as varied as before," (5) and "it would have been nice to have seen something a little more inventive here, even if it was only one wholly unique creature." (3)

"Playing through this title there is certainly something missing - bosses." (8) "I'm slightly disappointed with ... the short list of boss fights." (3) "The game could have used more unique boss fights and big memorable moments to put it on par with God of War I and II." (4) "While there are bosses punctuating the overall 'levels', there are few that are the size and scale of the large statue in God of War II, or Ares in the first God of War." (8)

"The game is a smaller overall package than we've come to expect from the series." (4) "The game is relatively short in length," (9) and "not as long as the console counterparts. (1) "The story is short ... between five and six hours the first time through," (4) or "probably seven or eight hours." (1) Either way, "it'll be a brief experience for the voraciously hardcore." (2) and "another level or two wouldn't have hurt." (6)

Otherwise, "there are a few more frustrating moments that take some patience to get through. (2) "The smaller screen cuts into some of the game's graphical prowess," and "there aren't as many neat-o fatality animations either." (5) "Enemy AI is a bit mixed in the game. ... I did have a few times when I could walk up to some of the archers without them attacking." (7) "There are a whole lot of unskippable cutscenes littered throughout the game ... we really don't need to see the same scenes play out again every time we're unlucky enough to die before the next checkpoint." (6) "The storyline ... isn't as strong as in previous games," (2) and "it isn't quite up to the par set by the other titles in terms of an expansive and cohesive storyline." (8)

Welcome, greek mythology fans, to the latest installment in Joystiq's Nega-review series. As always, this Nega-review takes the small, negative points from many overwhelmingly positive reviews and compiles them together into a horribly scathing whole. While positive context may have been removed from some excerpts, everything inside the quote marks was indeed intended as a negative in the original review.

While you might think it would be hard to put together a review for a game that many are calling the best PSP game ever made, it was surprisingly not that difficult. Reviewers tended to agree that the game's linearity, familiarity, and simplistic puzzles were the weakest points. Much of the small criticism of the game came largely in comparing it to the hugely successful PS2 versions -- perhaps an unfair standard for a PSP game, but one that shows just how high the title stands above others on the same system.

Also see: Chains of Olympus Meta-review

Sources:
(1) GameTap
(2) GameSpy
(3) IGN
(4) 1UP
(5) GamePro
(6) GamesRadar
(7) GamingNexus
(8) GamingTrend
(9) GameZone

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Nega-review: Rock Band

Kyle Orland — 2007-11-20T08:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Sony PlayStation 2, Sony PlayStation 3, Microsoft Xbox 360, Rhythm

"If you're looking for another game to whittle away the hours perfecting guitar parts by yourself, Rock Band likely won't live up to your expectations." (2) "Rock Band's singing and guitar campaigns aren't as developed ... as standalone games like SingStar or Guitar Hero." (8) The game "isn't great if you're playing by yourself. ... it's not nearly as compelling going through songs with a single instrument." (3) "There just isn't as big of a sense of accomplishment as you climb the ranks without all the little animations and feedback you got on Guitar Hero 3." (5) Yes, "the Solo Tours lack the animations and story elements of Guitar Hero's solo campaign, which make them slightly less interesting to play by yourself." (8) "Expect more than a few awkward silences if you're by yourself." (3) "Guitar Hero is better if you're playing alone." (5)

"The actual online play, honestly, isn't quite as crucial a component as you'd think." (3) "One omission is online cooperative play." (7) "For the full co-op career mode, you have to play offline. That's disappointing." (9) Yup, "you can't do co-op career online - a major disappointment." (1) That's right, "the Band World Tour mode is not available online, and that's a shame." (5) What's more, "you may hear some out-of-sync bleed through the headset ... and the singer's signal won't be transmitted due to lag: the other players will hear the pre-recorded vocal track." (1)

A "major problem [is] the smaller track lists when compared to Guitar Hero." (4) "There are only 45 licensed tracks, and not all of them are great songs. ... In fact "some of the songs in Rock Band just plain suck (Coheed and Cambria, seriously?)." (2) "You are going to see repeats often." (2) and "it's disappointing having to repeat songs so often along the way." (3) In one five-hour stretch, our band ... must have played Nirvana's 'In Bloom' six times. By the end, our love for Nirvana's classic had wilted." (2)

"Another element that might not immediately thrill people is the graphics." (1) No, "the visuals may not strike players right away". (7). "Harmonix has opted for a grainy visual style, bathing the slightly cartoony characters in intense stage lighting." (1) "I do wish there had been a little more focus on the overall package of graphics than the movements and lip-synching of the characters." (4) "GHIII has higher quality textures and models." (8)

"Rock Band doesn't offer the insanely intense ... challenge of Guitar Hero III." (2) No, "guitar and bass never approach the level of challenge set before them in Guitar Hero." (3) "You aren't getting songs with the craziest guitar solos" (8) and players "may be in for a shock when they find themselves lazily strumming chords or picking through simple arpeggios." (7) "Those who have been shredding and mastering the Guitar Hero games will find that these parts don't come close to offering the same challenge ... any expert won't be pressed hard with these note layouts." (2) "The note charts for Rock Band tend to be a little easier, and ... they just don't flow quite as well as the Guitar Hero games." (5) "In fact, if you are thinking about purchasing Rock Band solely for the guitar portion of the game you had better think twice -- Guitar Hero III is your game." (6)

Speaking of the guitar, "the Stratocaster guitar controller feels a bit like a toy." (1) "It will take some getting used to if you've played many hours on another controller [and] even after getting used to it the guitar never feels as good as the alternative -- especially on Xbox 360 where you're tethered down with a wire on the Fender model." (2) "It can be a little harder to slide from button to button on the Rock Band Fender" (5) and "one friend thought the strum bar was a complete deal-killer, and after a few hours of trying to get used to it, he shrugged and went back to the Guitar Hero guitar." (5)

Yep, "the strumming feels less solid than the Les Paul and the buttons aren't raised enough, which makes moving between them a bit more difficult." (8) What's more, "the Braille-like bumps on the middle button are too subtle, so it's hard to know where you are on the fretboard sometimes." (1) "The new switch to adjust the effects during solos in Rock Band is a ... gimmick" (2) and "we kept bumping the five-way effects switch accidentally." (1) "The new guitar controller feels foreign, with its soft-pressing, inset buttons - it's not the clicky, tactile stuff we're used to." (9) "For my money, I'll take the Guitar Hero III wireless Les Paul controller over the Rock Band guitar." (2)

The drums, for their part, are "not indestructible." (1) "During my play time, I had a pre-production foot pedal snap in half during a particularly driving session of Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive on expert. ... The kick pedal is surprisingly thin around the main pressure point in the middle where the spring meets the underside surface of the pedal itself. ... It definitely looks like the most vulnerable part of the entire drum set." (2) What's more, "the wire that connects the pedal to the drum set fits into the back of the drum pads, but it doesn't have a very good connection." (5) "Worries about the drum controller's durability remain." (6)

As for the drumming gameplay, "it's ... sometimes difficult to see the orange kick bar on the note scroll as soon as overdrive begins because it's accompanied by a glittery yellowish-orange splash on the screen, which somewhat conceals the orange of the kick note. Let me tell you, it really sucks to miss a note right at the beginning of your overdrive passage because it's difficult to see." (2) And "honestly, if you have any rhythm at all, the easy setting on the drums will frustrate you more than the hard setting. Feeling the vibes of the music on the easy setting will cause you to fail repeatedly ... you will find yourself struggling to find the rhythm." (4)

The "vocal game is more about accuracy than passion." (1) "The person holding the mic is not included in any of the unity sections; they are not key to any of the big endings that offer massive bonus points ... there's no question that the singer is not always on equal footing with the other players." (2) "You activate star power by singing through the colored sections, which is slightly on the annoying side; unlike the guitars, you can't activate your star power at any time." (5)

Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends (the nitpicking): the Joystiq Nega-review. We've taken nine reviews worth of small complaints about Rock Band and compiled them into a review that makes the game look like the worst thing since Britney's Dance Beat. We do this, as always, not because we hate critically-praised games, but because we know no game is perfect and that the negatives can be hard to spot in largely positive reviews. (This time around, we're also offering 'sour grapes' solace to those unfortunate souls who can't get the game before it inevitably sells out).

It should be noted that while many reviewers complained about the new guitar bundled with Rock Band, most Guitar Hero axes work perfectly with the game, so these complaints can be bypassed. It should also be noted that Harmonix is hard at work on a patch to make the Band World Tour playable online, which should come as a welcome addition to many reviewers. And, as a final note, most of the reviewer complaints about the single player game melted away when there were two or more people in a room playing, so if you have a bunch of friends that are ready to rock, just ignore that section.

Sources
(1) OXM
(2) IGN
(3) 1UP
(4) CheatCC
(5) Ars Technica
(6) GamePro
(7) GameTrailers
(8) PGNx
(9) GamesRadar

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Nega-review: Crysis

Kyle Orland — 2007-11-14T14:55:00+00:00

Filed under: PC, First Person Shooters

"Crysis is imperfect in a number of ways." (3) "The acting and story aren't spectacular." (5) In fact, "the story ... is pretty standard background fodder for a FPS," (7) and "the game is pretty linear for the story's sake." (4) "I'm sure some people will be disappointed by the eventual alien-powered denouement, or mystified or bored by turns as they discover what lies inside the mountain." (3) "Don't start expecting any narrative cleverness or characters who do much beyond move the plot from one stage to the next." (8)

"When was the last time you upgraded your system? It doesn't matter because you'll probably have to do it again: Crysis is that demanding." (5) "Crysis may very well kick your computer in the balls at Very High settings;" (1) but "results are a bit mixed at medium and low settings. ... At the lowest detail settings, objects pop in and out with a fair degree of consistency. It's annoying at best and frustrating at worst, as it can impact gameplay." (6)
"The constant tweaking of system specs needed to get the game running optimally is also a drag, and the average PC gamer will probably find that their system is nowhere near powerful enough to get this beast even up and running to standard." (5) Without a strong enough rig, the game "may very well turn into more of a slideshow than you'd probably prefer and in some cases become completely unplayable." (1)

"The human AI in Crysis isn't perfect." (4) In fact, "there are some major inconsistencies behind some of the enemy artificial intelligence." (2) "Bad guys sometimes don't know what's going on down the road from them" (6) and other times the enemies "seem to give up on being smart and shoot endlessly at walls." (2) "Every now and then you come across a soldier who just clearly doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing." (8) What's more, "the occasional clumping of human enemies does happen." (4)

"Other AI issues include attack choppers with psychic powers, since they always know our positions, even as we lay on our stomachs in grass among tall trees." (2) "Choppers clearly bird-dog cloaked and evasive players and resume attacking the split-second that nanosuit camouflage power peters out." (1) "Even the briefest flash of your hide can have klaxons blaring, distress flares being fired far into the air and a collection of badasses being ferried in by helicopter." (8)

"The first couple of hours [are] fairly unremarkable" (3) but "in the final fourth of the game Crysis ... blinks out and goes brain-dead." (1) "Everything you learnt and loved in the first half of the game becomes a sequence of ally-protection missions, sitting in the back of jeeps firing at the air-squids overhead, sitting in anti-aircraft guns and knocking even more of the threat from the sky, a truly awful level in which you pilot a craft that handles like a bin van with wings... the list goes on." (8)

"The flying-squid shooting gallery stuff at the end is ... rather less interesting than fighting gangs of human enemies in the first two thirds of the game." (3) "By the end mission, the solution to pretty much every encounter is 'find the biggest gun in the area and use it.'" (7) "I found myself sitting there wondering what exactly had happened to all the fun I used to have with my Korean friends." (8) What's more, "the story ... leaves you screaming for more. ... You ... don't want the game to end on the note that it does." (6) "The Halo 2 type of ending for the single player left a bad taste in my mouth." (4)

"The multiplayer mode leaves a little to be desired as games can last way too long." (5) "Only two modes are available," (4) and "a team deathmatch mode is missing, which seems odd. [It] would have been a welcome addition." (6) As it stands, "I can't see this multiplayer offering making too much of an impact on the general PC scene. It's too clinical to compete with the heavy-duty franchise-empowered design monsters like Enemy Territory, and too complex to appeal to the rest of PC gaming." (3) "I don't know that it'll steal me away from Team Fortress 2 or Call of Duty 4." (4)

Welcome, PC Gamers, to the latest Joystiq Nega-review. We've scoured the insanely positive reviews for this groundbreaking game to collect the small negative bits into an entertaining-to-read evisceration. We're not console fanboys .. we just know that no game is perfect and that the negatives can be easy to miss amid the glowing, hype-fueled reviews.

It's interesting that the passage of time will actually get rid of one of the major negatives cited in the above review. In five years, even a mid-level computer will probably be able to run the game flawlessly at its highest settings. If you don't want to wait, though ,we'd definitely recommend upgrading your system to the fullest extent allowed by your wallet before playing Crysis.

(1) 1UP
(2) GameDaily
(3) EuroGamer
(4) IGN
(5) GamePro
(6) GamSpot
(7) GameTap
(8) CVG

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Nega-review: Super Mario Galaxy

Kyle Orland — 2007-11-08T11:50:00+00:00

Filed under: Nintendo Wii, Action, Adventure

Super Mario Galaxy "isn't quite perfect." (6) "It doesn't invent new kinds of gameplay" (2) and "It's not as revolutionary as Mario 64." (3) "If you played that seminal game, Mario Galaxy's star hunt progression probably sounds familiar to you." (6) "There's no denying that Super Mario Galaxy predominantly sticks with the tried and true." (8)

"Once again we have a Mario game with a shell of a story, and this one doesn't even have any ridiculous twists." (8) "The title begins with a predictable ... storybook introduction ... told through very basic and boring storybook cut-scenes." (6) "This all certainly sounds par for the course." (7) Sadly, the game seems to have "a complete disinterest in telling a compelling story." (5)

"The concept of running around giant spheres can be daunting at first." (3) "Just be warned that the potential for nausea is high, as it takes a moment or two to adjust to the camera." (4) "There are a few areas where the camera prevents you from seeing things perfectly," (7) such as "times where walls will obstruct your view or you won't be able to rotate the perspective to see where you are supposed to jump next." (5) "Every so often ... you will find yourself in a situation where the camera isn't quite right ... When that happens and you can't center yourself, you have no recourse, which is unfortunate ... It's not perfect." (6)

"One-off modes, which see you doing things like steering a jet-ski-like ray fish by tilting the controller left and right. ... come perilously close to feeling tacked on, and add little compared to simply steering with the analogue stick." (1) "For the most part this game could control on a Gamecube pad." (9)

"The extra costumes and cap equivalents also feel a little flimsy in their implementation." (1) "The spring suit is kind of a pain to control given Mario's perpetual bounciness," (7) and "its unwieldy controls must be manipulated in tight quarters." (8) "A few [missions] involving the bee suit are a bit frustrating." (7) "No matter how adorable Mario's fat little bee booty is, these elements just don't feel well integrated into the main game." (1)

"Galaxy is unforgiving at times." (2) "With the health power meter now reduced from six sections to three, experimenting with new enemies and tactics can be a little fraught - try the wrong thing twice in a row and you're in immediately danger of dying." (1) "There are one-off 'platforming worlds - which are rock hard,k" (3) "and worst of all, for a game that puts such an emphasis on going out of your way to get an extra life, all of your lives are reset when you turn the Wii off." (5) This is "all topped off with a mind-bending final level that might be a bit too demanding for neophyte players who cut their teeth on Nintendogs and Brain Age." (2) "The final areas [are] perhaps a bit frustrating to inexperienced players." (7)

"More disappointing is the lack of a strong sense of identity." (1) "There isn't much of a thread tying together all these disparate worlds," (7) and "the starship in particular doesn't offer the kind of playground freedom that you want in a Mario hub area." (1) "Remain patient through the slow and sometimes tedious beginning hours," (5) and "in the latter half of the game does the design falter -- a copy-and-paste level here, too much doodad collecting there." (2) "There are a handful of anti-climatic star missions." (9) For instance, "it just doesn't feel right to have Mario lighting torches to open locked doors. ... Overall the game can feel a bit fragmented." (1)

"The so-called two-player mode ... felt gimmicky and tacked on." (4) "There's a two-player option where the second player can collect star bits, though it's pretty pointless." (8) "The only thing the second player can do is collect Star Bits with their Wii Remote, which is pretty much useless." (4) "It's not the most involved co-op mode you'll ever experience." (7) "It is a little perplexing that they'd even bother to implement it in the first place." (4)

Welcome back to the Joystiq Nega-review, your one-stop shop for all the small negative points about a critically acclaimed game, all bunched together into an absolutely brutal whole. As always, we do this not because we hate the game in question, but because no game is perfect and because we know it can be easy to miss the small negatives in a wave of hype and praise.

This was a particularly hard Nega-review for me, being a dyed-in-the-wool Mario fan for nearly all my life. Still, reading through all these reviews made me more excited than ever for the proud return of our plumber friend. What's more, now that I know what the reviewers didn't like, I won't have to be unhappily surprised when I come across these bad bits.

Sources:
(1) Eurogamer
(2) 1UP
(3) CVG
(4) GamePro
(5) Game Informer
(6) IGN
(7) GameSpot
(8) GameTrailers
(9) PALGN

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Nega-review: Call of Duty 4

Kyle Orland — 2007-11-06T16:57:00+00:00

Filed under: PC, Sony PlayStation 3, Microsoft Xbox 360, First Person Shooters

While Modern Warfare finally brings the Call of Duty series into the present day, "the story itself ... isn't exactly cutting edge." (2) "The story unfolds from an unapologetic 'us versus them, and they are wrong' perspective, with little time spent on the larger philosophy of war." (4) "The story fails to provide many twists. There's not much of a guessing game taking place here." (3) "The story flies by so fast," (1) but at the same time, "there are a few too many shell-shocked slow-mo moments that seem to drag." (2)

There are "no massive renovations in the AI department. ... they're pretty much the clever-clogs Nazis we've shot before." (9) "The enemies aren't the smartest lot, as they are formidable thanks more to their numbers than their IQ." (3) "There are going to be moments when enemies get stuck in dumb routines or stand in the open waiting to be mowed down." (2) "However, some of them have definitely missed their calling as an NFL quarterback -- tossing grenades 100 yards, dropping them right at your feet time and again." (3)

Your squad mates are no better. "It is a little annoying when you figure out that your highly trained and specialized team is totally dependant on you in every situation." (8) "There were several moments when it would've helped for my friends to be a little more proactive. Once, when we were flanked by enemies from both sides, Captain Price just sat there, kneeling, waiting for me to make a miracle happen. If he would have popped a few shots at one of the guys so that I could go after the other, that would have helped a lot--not to mention make the game more realistic." (1)

"Friendly fire is an unfortunate part of war, but it doesn't need to be a part of a videogame." (2) "There are moments where it is really difficult to tell whether the person in your sights is a friend or foe." (5) "Enemies in some levels have the same color scheme as your own mates. Frankly, in the fray, it gets tough to tell friend from foe." (2) "Night vision goggles segments can be really conducive to friendly fire." (5) "Real is real, but there is a point where you have to say this is a game and you should more easily know good guys from bad guys." (2)

The difficulty never feels just right. "Like Halo 3, the Normal level is just a bit too easy, and most players will be able to get through it without too much trouble." (6) But, "thanks to the more powerful enemies and less powerful armor, Hardened is ... frequently a repetitive frustration." (4) "Some of the levels are just downright hard" (7) and "there are certain 'brick wall' areas that overwhelm you with punishing enemy fire and little recourse." (4) "It can also be a bit counter productive when you have to restart several minutes back from the place you died. And in a few missions near the end, this irritated me to point where I wanted to scream." (8)

"Considering you spend almost the entire campaign with the same squadmates, the hope (and even expectation) for online co-op is not unwarranted." (2) "Call of Duty 4 is the perfect game to experience with another player ... but the developers seemed to forget this. ... Something that Rainbow Six: Vegas, Halo 3, and Gears of War did to perfection, COD4 did not attempt at all." (7)

"There have been a lot of people questioning how long Call of Duty 4 is." (6) "As some rumors on the internet have stated the single player campaign is not the longest thing ever created." (7) "On Regular difficulty, you can probably beat COD4 in 5 - 6 hours. ... it's a very brief experience." (2) "The single-player campaign in Call of Duty 4 is a little on the short side." (3) "It is short." (5)

Even at its abridged length, "the game hits a brick wall of mediocrity and you'll find yourself trudging unenthusiastically through the final hours of the game. A mixture of bad checkpoint placement, bizarre difficulty spikes, lazy design and blatant enemy spawn points suck the fun right out of proceedings. ... If I had a virtual highlighter pen I could mark out a distinct fraction of the game that's simply, inexcusably rubbish."(9)

Welcome back to the Joystiq Nega-review... your source for all those middling negatives from a variety of glowing reviews that, when strung together, make a great game seem awful. We do this not because we hate games that are obviously excellent, but to highlight the fact that even the best game has its problems and no game is perfect.

It should be said that a lot of the negatives in this particular Nega-review were points of major disagreement among reviewers. While the reviewers quoted above were upset with the enemy and allied AI, other reviewers singled it out as being excellent. Also, while everyone agreed that the game was short, many saw this a a positive in this busy day and age.

Sources
(1) GameTap
(2) IGN
(3) GameTrailers
(4) 1UP
(5) CheatCC
(6) TeamXbox
(7) PlanetXbox360
(8) ActionTrip
(9) CVG

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Nega-review: The Orange Box

Kyle Orland — 2007-10-19T08:00:00+00:00

Filed under: PC, Sony PlayStation 3, Microsoft Xbox 360, First Person Shooters

To start with, there's "the horrendous box art, which I'm pretty certain was designed by a select group of mildy-talented fifth graders." (8)

For Half-Life 2 and its episodic add-ons, "the visuals are not as good as they should be." (8) "The graphics don't compare with say BioShock, Gears of War or Halo 3," (6) and the game "suffer[s] from occasional framerate stutters and issues." (1) "There's also some noticeable pop-up." (6) "You'll ... see some chugs at certain points, such as during large chain explosions with equally large numbers of characters onscreen." (1)

"There are mid-level loads that halt the action... often [for] 30 seconds to a full minute. This is especially aggravating when a load comes during a high-speed chase." (8) "Whenever you approach a new area, the game pauses and loads. This feels distinctly last-gen, especially compared with FPS of the moment Halo 3, which seamlessly loads new areas without pause." (6)

As for the game itself, "some sections feel over-long, others just a lonely set of corridors." (3) Your AI teammates "can often get in your way when trying to move about small places [and] the AI often ignores [your] orders or will simply refuse to stay put and let you get through a corridor." (8) "Episode 2 is still linear. ... It's not exactly innovative - there's only one new enemy type and the lone new weapon isn't seen until the finale." (4) "The sense of familiarity can dull the game's appeal to [an] extent." (3)

Team Fortress 2's biggest problem is that "there are only a handful of maps" (4) and "none of the gametypes are really out of the ordinary." (5) Specifically, "there are only six maps to choose from" (9) and "each of the six maps has one game type attached to it. This ... hurts the diversity considerably. ... There's no customization here." (8) "And 2fort is the only capture-the-flag map." (9) "Just one capture the flag map isn't nearly enough." (7)

"There are also some performance issues. I've had some big matches that ran just fine, but other matches (even ones with only four players) that were plagued by lag." (8) "It would occasionally stop frame and jitter around like older PC games used to back in the day." (5) "Now several days after release there still isn't a fix in place." (7) "Without a strong connection from the host, TF2 has some issues." (8)

There are some other complaints as well. "Paltry numbers will drag down the overall experience, as we found during some 3-on-3 sessions. (1) "I missed the Halo 3 matchmaking system, which all online games should have now." (6) And, frankly, "the source engine's becoming a little grey around the temples. The enemy models, in particular, are starting to look dated, and a lot of the textures break up when you get up close and personal." (7)

"I question the longevity of TF2 multiplayer." (8) "It's s not the best online FPS the consoles have to offer." (6) "Will people be playing the same maps, with the same game types in six months?" (8) Personally, "it won't be stealing me away from Halo 3 long term." (6)

As for Portal, "he first fifteen puzzles ... are a real breeze [and] few of the puzzles are difficult to solve." (8) "It will probably take you two hours to complete at most," (5). All right, all right, it "may take you three hours or so if you're able to quickly grasp the concepts that are presented" (9) but "it's closer to four hours if you struggle through the last few like I did." (3) The game could be called "a little short" (6), "too short" (4) or "very brief." (1) Any way you slice it, "Portal doesn't fully deliver on its promise." (8)

Welcome, reader, to the latest Joystiq nega-review. Nega-reviews take the niggling negative bits from nine overwhelmingly positive reviews (sources below) and combines them into an overall vicious whole. Important, positive context has been removed from some of these quotes, but we didn't change the underlying meaning of anyone's words ... each quote was intended as a negative in the original review. We don't do this because we think the game is actually bad, but more to point out that even universally praised games have problems and no game is perfect.

On a personal note, I have to say putting this Nega-review together was a lot harder than putting together the one for Halo 3. While the final review scores were similar, the complaints about Orange Box seemed smaller and altogether more overwhelmed by absolutely glowing positives. I mean look at the Portal section above ... practically the only close-to-negative thing anyone said was that it was too short.

We do plan on making this a regular series for well-hyped, AAA games that receive across-the-board critical praise. While the final decision on what games to nega-review isn't made until the reviews start coming in, Mass Effect, Mario Galaxy and Rock Band are likely candidates on the horizon. Any others we should look out for? Let us know in the comments.

Sources:
(1) GameSpy
(2) 1UP
(3) EuroGamer
(4) Yahoo! Games
(5) Gamer 2.0
(6) Pro-G
(7) GameTrailers
(8) IGN
(9) Gamespot

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Nega-review: Halo 3

Kyle Orland — 2007-09-26T08:00:00+00:00

Filed under: Microsoft Xbox 360, First Person Shooters

"Just like that girl you dated in college, Halo 3 has some issues." (5) "This game might not be everyone's cup of tea, despite the immense hype machine surrounding it." (4) "No one aspect of the game is life-changing on its own" (1) and "anyone would be hard pressed to call it mind-blowing." (1)

"It's genuinely disappointing to note the number of missteps in the single-player campaign. (7) "The campaign ... is Halo 3's weakest point. It doesn't capture the cavalier spirit of the original Halo." (5) "The gameplay doesn't stray too far from Halo 2." (6) "Rather than trying something new, it sticks to the run and gun formula of the first two." (9) "Everything is now pretty much a known quantity ... and a bit of going-through-the-motions gameplay numbs the excitement " (1) "To be honest, it begins to feel a little rote and by-the-numbers by the halfway point." (8) "Others might criticise the developers for a lack of new ideas." (3) "It doesn't hold any big surprises for fans of the last two titles." (1)

"The AI is ... not entirely convincing. ... most of the time being patient and not rushing in will do the trick." (3) "The artificial intelligence can't drive very well;" (6) in fact, "the AI drivers are less like marines and more like Mr. Magoo; support troops are just fodder for the Brutes; and the Arbiter makes me question why the Elites were ever feared in the original Halo. ... What is the point of sticking you with an AI compatriot if all he's good at is respawning?" (5)

"It doesn't help that some repetition and backtracking still taint this series." (1) "The first two games featured a lot of 'going out the way you came in', and 3 does too" (9) Yes, "you will still need to backtrack in a few areas." (5) What's more, "the mission environments aren't hugely varied," (3) and "many corridors are so similar in their appearance, navigation becomes equal parts confusing and frustrating. Unfortunately, these stages are often the ones players will need to storm into and, later, escape from. (7) "There is one level in particular that requires a grueling descent, only to have you do an about-face and battle your way right back the way you came... after a quick cry." (2)

"The studio promised a more straightforward narrative in Halo 3 ... but it certainly won't be drawing in any new fans to the series" (1) "The first half of the game suffers to some extent from the lack of Cortana, who provided the series with most of what humor it had and most of the exposition." (8) "The storyline can be a tad difficult to follow at times" (3) and "if you don't pay close attention to the cut scenes and in-game dialogue, you will quickly find yourself following the Arbiter around like a lost puppy, and have no real idea what your objectives have to do with anything." (2) "I had to watch the ending a couple of times to get my head around what happened too." (9) "What the hell is going on?" (2)

"The game's end sequence, to put it mildly, is an eight-car pileup." (7) "It doesn't feel entirely finished, with the incredible polish of the early levels fading to a more lackluster shine as you approach the end of the game." (4) "The penultimate chapter is so bad, just thinking about it puts a rotten taste in my mouth." (5) "The end result ... is fairly absurd, as the whole shebang reeks of game developers wracking their brains to come up with the cleverest, most exciting finish, and shattering the fourth wall in the process." (7)

"Halo 3 doesn't have the best graphics we've ever seen." (3) "For one, the water effects look merely average." (3) and "the human faces ... look flat and unnatural and are the most obvious relics of the last generation here." (4) "The graphics and sound, frankly, don't display any significant advances over Halo 2" (8) and, all in all, "Halo 3 is an underachiever in graphical terms." (4)

In the end, "Halo 3 still can't quite escape the category of flawed masterpiece" (4) "The big 'Oh wow!' gameplay moments just aren't there" (1) and "it's not going to revolutionize the genre." (9) "You won't recapture that feeling you got when you first met and fought the Flood, first drove a Scorpion tank, or first played as the Aribiter." (1) "Did we feel as completely blown away as we did by Halo: Combat Evolved? Probably not." (3)

What's going on here?

Welcome to the first ever Joystiq nega-review. Much like our meta-reviews, our nega-reviews collect together opinions on a hot game from across the game review community. Unlike meta-reviews, though, the nega-review focuses only on negative quotes from extremely positive reviews; massaging them together into an entirely unforgiving whole.

The numbers in parentheses after each quote refer to the reviews linked below, all of which scored the game at least nine out of ten, and many of which gave the game a perfect score. In some quotes, positive qualifiers have been taken out and replaced with ellipsis, but the context of the comments was not changed significantly -- every quote here was intended as a negative in the original review.

Why do this? Partly to erect an artificial island in Halo 3's wide sea of praise for haters to set up camp on. Partly as a warning against taking out-of-context quotes as representative of a much different whole. But mainly as a reminder that no game is perfect, and even the best, most hyped games have a few flaws.

Also See: The Only Negative Review of Halo 2 You're Ever Likely to Read

Sources:
(1) 1UP
(2) G4
(3) Pro-G
(4) EuroGamer
(5) IGN
(6) GameSpot
(7) Yahoo Videogames!
(8) WorthPlaying
(9) Computer and Video Games

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