Well, it's the end of an era. We've had a lot of fun over the last few months making fun of Aerosmith, both for their membership among the ranks of the walking undead and for passing mediocre music on an unsuspecting public for decades. But today we must report that, despite our most acerbic cursing into the blogging darkness, Guitar Hero Aerosmith is, in fact, being released. You win this round, Tyler.

So why are we featuring it? Well, you ever see that scene in Hook where Peter gives Hook the dignity of having his hair back, even though they're mortal enemies? It's sort of like that. ... And yes, the closest contender is Purr Pals on Wii. Little bit of column A, little bit of column B.

After the New Games crown was sullied by Jimmy Threenames last week, Justin McElroy has pulled a Kerafyrm and awakened from his slumber, seething with rage. But, before the rampage could even begin in earnest, the beast has been soothed by the music of loads of new games.

You've got Battlefield: Bad Company, Alone in the Dark, Supreme Commander, Command & Conquer 3: Kane's Wrath, Guitar Hero: On Tour and it's the middle of June! What's going on here? We don't know, but whatever it is, we hope it never ends.

They say records are made to be broken. And all great streaks must come to an end. Today, 45 consecutive weeks of "New games this week" brought to you by Justin McElroy has abruptly ended. For no good reason.

As we take a moment to reflect on Justin's special achievement, we can't help but acknowledge the magic behind it. What manner of intelligent design commanded his fingertips at the keyboard? How is it that on the day the streak began, Justin seemingly wrote for the day the streak would end? Let us illustrate (with just a few, slight tweaks inserted):

"It's days like this that make us pine for a time machine. Can you imagine being able to tell you from five years ago that the biggest release one week would be an original IP from EA where you [drag] and [drop] arms around to [create new life]? Oh, and also, you appear to be a giant pink squid-Travolta ... and it's called [Spore Creature Creator]. This new release list doesn't just tell you what games are coming out, it reminds you that wonders never cease."

What, you're surprised? You thought perhaps we'd use the global Joystiq stage to feature NASCAR 09 or Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm? Nope, it's all about Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, finally being released on an unsuspecting public this Thursday.

This is by no means a one-snake show though. The 360's getting Don King Prizefighter, and the somewhat intriguing Jake Hunter: Detective Chronicles is coming to the DS. But, of course, the biggest non-MGS 4 release has to be Snood Deluxe on the PC. Let us be the first to say: "Finally, we can pay money to play Snood again."

See, now this is what a video game release week is supposed to be like. Not a lesser of several evils rising to the top like some sort of wicked curd separating from more sinister whey, but rather one glistening title beating out other worthy competitors. This week, where we feature Ninja Gaiden II, is just such a week.

But if totally flipping out and killing people isn't your style, fear not! There are several other decent choices this week, like Lego Indiana Jones, The Bourne Conspiracy or GRID. Check out the full list after the break.

This was a close call this week, because the offerings are very ... how to put it politely? ... Porty. Which is to say, if you were interested in them, you've probably already played them. There's even Lost Planet: Extreme Condition Colonies Edition, which is a port onto the SAME SYSTEM! C'mon, feel the synergy!

But we decided to go with Enemy Territory: Quake Wars largely because it's on two platforms this week instead of one like Mass Effect PC, and we're all about pleasing the masses. Check out the full list after the jump.

It was a close call for the featured pick this week, and not because we don't see the value in people getting healthy with Wii Fit. But the Joystiq moms and wives all agree that we're perfect just the way we are, so the stereotype perpetuators among us will continue to rock the hearty keg or spindly champagne flute look in lieu of a six-pack.

Check out all of this week's releases, like Haze on the PS3 and (finally) Garfield: Lasagna World Tour on the PS2, right after the break.

It's not unintentional that this week's headline ends with a question mark. We just wanted to be completely clear that we have no clue what the best game being released this week will be. There are just too many questions! On the one hand, you've got Prince Caspian, which is a licensed game. The trouble there is obvious. Then you've got Deadliest Catch: Alaskan Storm, which we'd love to be good so we can feel like men (if only virtually) for a few hours. But let's be honest: It probably won't be.

So, the honor falls to We Ski. Can we promise you that it's not solely because it's really funny when you say its name aloud? No, dear reader. No we can't. We're hoping next week will be better; you can check out the whole month right here.

After the release of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Mario Kart Wii, this week's release of Boom Blox completes a hat-trick of really solid recent Wii releases (or, as we like to call it, the "Sorry You Can't Play GTA IV 3-Pack"). Perhaps even more so than the previous two, Boom Blox seems to be an experience perfectly suited to the console, despite the opportunities for it to go elsewhere.

The other big two are (by far) getting the shorter end of the stick this week, with nothing on the Xbox 360 and just the Call of Duty 4: Game of the Year edition on PS3. Check out the full list after the break.

Yeah, so, big surprise, right? Grand Theft Auto IV is the biggest release of the (first half of) the year and it's our featured game this week. But if you like the digit "3" to stay far, far away from your console name, fear not: There's good stuff for you as well with Mario Kart Wii and Iron Man (which looks like it may not be terrible) also being released.

See what other non-hooker-beating-related wonders await you after the break.

And verily did Eyelinerus decree that in the fourth week of April the goth kids would hold sway over all that they surveyed. And all the films at the cineplex would be replaced with The Virgin Suicides, and the radio would be replaced by silence, for the mere playing of recorded music through electronic amplification makes it too commercial. The week would be peaceful, save for the Great Goth Kid Purging, a bloodless, but still teriffically weepy affair.

And the games? Well, the most impressive console release would be Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3: FES, a souped-up version of the RPG released in August of last year. And on portable consoles? Why, The World Ends With You, sure to be an emo kid classic. Oh, and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon would also be released too, for reasons Eyelinerus would prefer not to talk about.

See all the slightly less emo titles that slipped through the cracks after the break.

Things are marginally better this week for PS3 owners with the release of driving sim super sample Gran Turismo 5 Prologue, and PC gamers are getting some console ports like Turok and Rainbow Six Vegas 2. Wiis are even getting a nice release in the wolf-shaped form of Okami.

Times are still tough for 360 owners though, who are marking their second week with no new releases. Game publishers: For just $10,000 a day you can sponsor a title for these needy gamers. Honestly, they'd be happy with anything. Another Bubsy game. A cart racer based on Blinx. Can't you please give? After the break we've got a full list of games just begging to be ported.

Yeah, it's old. But it's also Game of the Year, so we figure it's probably worth noting when the incredible, delectable Portal finally moves out of her parents' house and into an adorable studio apartment of her own. It's a good week for PCs all around actually, with the excellent Assassin's Creed arriving in a "director's cut" form.

Oh, and this week's "Game That Sounds Like it Was Named by Us As 8-Year-Olds and Then Sent Through Time Into the Future Award" goes to Mini Copter Adventure Flight. We would have traded our Chris Sabo rookie card and a half-empty packet of Lik-M-Aid for a game with a name like that in a heartbeat. There's a full list after the break.

Ahh, can you smell that? That's the smell of a new quarter, when companies realize they have three whole months before they have to report their profits again and so, like a lackluster Econ major, they decide not to worry about money until the last week. To that end, we've got almost nothing to report in the way of releases this week.

It's so bad that our featured game, Call of Duty 4, actually came out in 2007, but we figured that the devil we knew was better than the Monkey King: The Legend Begins we didn't. (Note: We confirmed with Activision and Infinity Ward that Call of Duty 4: Game of the Year Edition will be released for PlayStation 3 at a later date.) Check the full list after the break.

We've got to be honest, this pick is as much for nostalgia as it is for the game's importance: Just four short years after it was announced, Dark Sector, the very first next-gen game, is being released to store shelves. Way to never give up, little guy, you did it. Now please be good.

If you haven't been holding your breath (and it's lucky for you that you haven't) there are a few other interesting picks this week like Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword and Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core on the PSP. Check the full list after the break.