Hell, we imagine, might be a place where you're forced to plug The Naked Brothers Band art assets into the Random Kids Game Generator® year after year in the labyrinthine basement of some corporate complex, right until the bros age into drug-riddled obscurity and it's onto the next new thing to become a licensed game. The real burn comes after you learn that your pitiful existence is paying for the expensive habits of the suits, some 50 floors above you where fabled glass walls look out onto majestic horizons. Hell, it would seem, is THQ Inc.

The publisher responsible for all that is Nickelodeon in the industry has confirmed that success makes for a better headline than hard-earned respect. THQ's long-term licensing agreement with Nickelodeon has paid off -- to the tune of $1 billion and growing! With no shortage of kids who eat, sleep, and pray for Nickelodeon, THQ has sold more than 50 million games of this stuff. And there's no end in sight.

MTV-owned Nickelodeon recently announced plans to add a whopping 1,600 Flash games to its network of web sites. That might sound like a lot, until you consider that the children's network already controls roughly 5,000 web games that reach over 20 million users every month.

Sure, a good proportion of those games are probably Space Invaders clones found at the acquisition AddictingGames.com. But the Nick portfolio also includes some deep, popular virtual worlds like Neopets and Nicktropolis, and the company has announced they'll be creating three more kid-focused, web-based MMOs in the future. When exactly did the first kids network become the first kids gaming network?

For its third fiscal quarter through the holiday season, publisher THQ saw their sales boost to $509.6 million but profits down to $15.5 million (via Gamasutra). Comparatively, last year they had $475.7 million in sales (a 7% raise) and $62.1 million in profit (a 75% drop). THQ also had $27 million in non-cash charges due to the cancellations of Juiced and Stuntman.

Big sellers include THQ's licenses. Life to date sales from Nickelodeon projects total $1 billion, and WWE SmackDown vs. Raw 2008 enjoyed a whopping five million in unit sales -- behold the power of licensing.

Think Nintendo has a stranglehold on the family-friendly console maker moniker? Microsoft would like you to think again. A new press release from the Xbox 360 maker touts the availability today of 100 downloadable cartoons from Warner Bros. and Nickelodeon properties on the Video Marketplace, as well as the impending launch of Shrek and Spongebob-licensed games for Xbox Live Arcade. Add in the recent branding of the new Xbox 360 Arcade as "the console for families" and a Microsoft-sponsored "family fun day" event in Times Square's Toys "R" Us today and you have a major push into the Big N's family-oriented turf.

This isn't the first time Microsoft has tried to extend its reach past the hardcore Halo fans, but in the past innovative family titles like Viva Pinata have had trouble making inroads against big-name hardcore games like Gears of War. Will this latest push broaden Microsoft's image or is the 360 destined to be known primarily (and inaccurately) as a first-person shooter system. Leave your thoughts in the comments.

MTV intends to spend over the next two years $500 million dollars in the video game industry. OK, seriously, maybe seeing the full line of digits will have more impact: $500,000,000. Eight zeros, a half billion dollars. This is big news and goes way beyond anything having to do with MTV's potential mega-hit Rock Band.

"We're putting well over $500 million behind building our games business across all of the brands in our portfolio ... I'd like to see more game applications on some of our current big brands across the music group," MTV chairman Judy McGrath said. It's still not absolutely clear if this money includes the $100 million already announced for MTV Network's Nickelodeon. This continues MTV's march across the industry having already acquired major properties like GameTrailers and Harmonix. No announcements yet where this money is going, but it's going to be very interesting to see MTV flex its financial muscle in the industry.

Don't act so surprised! Yes, a major developer is making a video game based on an upcoming film adapted from a series of popular children's books. While The Spiderwick Chronicles is notably short on boy wizards, Sierra's marketing fella says, "The Spiderwick Chronicles video game will authentically recreate the world of Jared, Simon and Mallory Grace, putting gamers in their shoes as they discover a hidden world of fantastical creatures – sprites, ogres, goblins, brownies and more." We're not sure how fantastical brownies are, but we digress ...

The Spiderwick Chronicles video game is being developed by Sierra for the Xbox 360, Wii, PS2, DS, and PC platforms, and is due to be released in February 2008 to coincide with the film's theatrical release (of course!).

Nickelodeon, former network of You Can't Do That on Television and Double Dare, announced they will be spending -- keeping the zeros in for effect -- $100,000,000 to become the top provider of casual games and master of casual game sites. Oh, and that $100 million isn't over many rotations around the sun either, that's just in the next two years for "development, distribution and creation."

If you're attempting to put two and two together at the moment on why Nickelodeon ... remember how obsessed you were with Nickelodeon as a child? Well, things haven't changed much, so by investing in games for their 8 -14 demographic, MTV networks can gateway drug potential casual gamers into other divisions of their vast media empire. This MTV gaming focus is nothing new, they have been gobbling up many gaming properties in recent years like Xfire, GameTrailers and the purchase of Harmonix, creators of potential mega-hit Rock Band. Nickelodeon should begin showing signs of this master plan later next year.

Publisher THQ has posted net sales of more than $1 billion in their 2007 fiscal year, reportedly their 12th consecutive year of revenue growth. According to their annual financial report (PDF file), the company also managed to ship eight titles that exceeded one million units in sales. Their secret to success? Licensed titles.

The annual report revealed that THQ's focus was 80% licensed intellectual property and 20% owned IP -- a 4-to-1 ratio. Key achievements include shipping 8 million units of Disney/Pixar's Cars, 4 million units of WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 and 4 million units combined of Nickelodeon franchises.

THQ did establish two franchises this fiscal year, Saint's Row and Company of Heroes, and this upcoming fiscal year, THQ intends to increase its focus on owned IPs to a 33% share on the pie graph -- that's now only a 2-to-1 ratio of licensed-to-owned IP.

Sure, licensed games may not be the most anticipated titles (or even the ones to receive the most coverage from the gaming press), but they do wonders to a publisher's bottom line.