Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com Joystiq http://www.blogsmithmedia.com/http://www.joystiq.com/media/feedlogo.gif Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com en-us Copyright 2012 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/<![CDATA[Bloodrayne screenwriter explains the perils of working with Uwe Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2011/10/26/bloodrayne-screenwriter-explains-the-perils-of-working-with-uwe/http://www.joystiq.com/2011/10/26/bloodrayne-screenwriter-explains-the-perils-of-working-with-uwe/http://www.joystiq.com/2011/10/26/bloodrayne-screenwriter-explains-the-perils-of-working-with-uwe/#comments
"Scripts are late. Writers are two years late. I was two weeks late," Bloodrayne film screenwriter Guinevere Turner passionately explains in an interview pulled from "Tales From the Script," a documentary showcasing stories from across the world of screenwriting. "Uwe Boll calls me [on the phone], 'This is fucking disgusting! You lied to me! Where is my script?!'," she continues, demonstrating how she held the phone away from her head as he yelled.

Unsurprisingly, Turner wasn't a fan of being yelled at, and instructed her manager to make sure she never heard from Boll again. When she turned in the script, however, Turner still expected to work with Boll on future drafts. That wasn't to be, as she recalls that Boll accepted the very first "nasty, little scrappy draft"and went right into production (though she notes that only about 20 percent of what she wrote made it into the film's final cut). When Bloodrayne finally debuted at Los Angeles' famous "Mann's Chinese Theater," Turner says she was the only one in the room of production staff "laughing out loud."

Adding insult to injury, Turner closes the interview by saying, "It's like a 25 million dollar movie, and it blows! I mean, it's like the worst movie ever made." But then, maybe she hasn't seen Far Cry?

JoystiqBloodrayne screenwriter explains the perils of working with Uwe Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 26 Oct 2011 11:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>bloodraynefilmguinevere-turnermoviesscreenwritinguwe-bollWed, 26 Oct 2011 11:30:00 EST<![CDATA['Zombie Massacre' is another gaming film from Uwe Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2011/09/04/zombie-massacre-is-another-gaming-film-from-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2011/09/04/zombie-massacre-is-another-gaming-film-from-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2011/09/04/zombie-massacre-is-another-gaming-film-from-uwe-boll/#comments You know, for as much flak as he gets on the reg, we can't help but respect Uwe Boll's plucky sense of determination. Does he let a cinematic track record that is most politely described as "less than fantastic" keep him down? Hell no! If boxing has taught him anything, it's "don't let abysmal critical and box-office performance keep you from purchasing the rights to video games and makin' movies about 'em." Also, "punch dudes."

The latest intellectual property to climb in the ring with Boll is a bit more obscure than his previous adaptations: Zombie Massacre, an unreleased Wii title from 1988 Games. Now aiming for a Wii U release via an unannounced publisher, 1988 Games tells us that they'll be attempting to sync the game's release with the film's production as much as possible.

The film treatment will be directed by Luca Boni and Marco Ristori (both of whom co-directed Boll's Italian zombie thriller Eaters) and produced by Boll. No official release date has been set, but you can hop past the break to check out the full poster. We're no Ebert and Roeper, but we're guessing the film's tagline is a bit more apt than they were hoping.

Continue reading 'Zombie Massacre' is another gaming film from Uwe Boll

Joystiq'Zombie Massacre' is another gaming film from Uwe Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Sun, 04 Sep 2011 14:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>nintendouwe-bollwiizombie-massacreSun, 04 Sep 2011 14:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Alone in the Dark 2 movie heading straight to DVD this holiday]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2009/11/28/alone-in-the-dark-2-movie-heading-straight-to-dvd-this-holiday/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/11/28/alone-in-the-dark-2-movie-heading-straight-to-dvd-this-holiday/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/11/28/alone-in-the-dark-2-movie-heading-straight-to-dvd-this-holiday/#comments It's been four years since Uwe Boll first graced American cinemas with his game-to-film masterpiece, Alone in the Dark. Though only acting as producer (rather than his usual directorial role), he's finally bringing the sequel to our shores this holiday with Alone in the Dark 2. Rather than waste time with those silly theaters, Alone in the Dark 2 will be heading straight to DVD, said to be coming "this Winter."

You might be thinking to yourself, "I didn't even know they made a second film," like the first (and only) commenter on the movie's IMDB page did. And after checking out that page, you might be wondering how the film's main character (Edward Carnby) inexplicably changed from Christian Slater to Korean-American actor Rick Yune. We're gonna chock both up to one simple answer: Movie magic.

[Via Big Download]

JoystiqAlone in the Dark 2 movie heading straight to DVD this holiday originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>alone-in-the-darkalone-in-the-dark-2christian-slateredward-carnbyfilmmovierick-yunestraight-to-dvduwe-bollSat, 28 Nov 2009 19:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll is adapting everyone's favorite video game, Bloodrayne 3]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2009/11/22/uwe-boll-is-adapting-everyones-favorite-video-game-bloodrayne/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/11/22/uwe-boll-is-adapting-everyones-favorite-video-game-bloodrayne/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/11/22/uwe-boll-is-adapting-everyones-favorite-video-game-bloodrayne/#comments At the risk of being repeatedly pawnched, we think we can accurately describe all of Uwe Boll's video game-based films as "wretched." However, we've got a theory for why that is -- his attempt to adhere to the plot of these games limited his otherwise limitless directing potential. Fortunately, that won't be a problem on his next film project: Bloodrayne 3: Warhammer, a film based on a video game which does not exist.

We'll contact Majesco to find out if this means another Bloodrayne title is secretly in the works -- but let's be honest, now. This sounds a lot like some good ol' fashioned Bollnanigans. Bollshines. Bollduggery.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

JoystiqUwe Boll is adapting everyone's favorite video game, Bloodrayne 3 originally appeared on Joystiq on Sun, 22 Nov 2009 11:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>adaptationbloodraynebloodrayne-3-warhammerfilmmajescomoviesterminal-realityuwe-bollSun, 22 Nov 2009 11:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll paid to be in Postal 3]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2009/06/09/uwe-boll-paid-to-be-in-postal-3/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/06/09/uwe-boll-paid-to-be-in-postal-3/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/06/09/uwe-boll-paid-to-be-in-postal-3/#comments
Well, this is a new take on a celebrity guest appearance. Running With Scissors boss Vince Desi told Eurogamer that cinematic auteur Uwe Boll paid to be included in the company's upcoming Postal 3. It's doubly ironic, as we're fairly sure Postal 3 isn't ever going to come out.

But before we rush to judgment: Is it possible that Boll is trying to look better by comparison? Like you know how known super-fat guy Fatty Arbuckle used to pay a bunch of ultra-fat guys to hang around with him just so people would be like "Hey, you know, Fatty's not looking that fat."? Maybe this is like that, but with being terrible.

JoystiqUwe Boll paid to be in Postal 3 originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 09 Jun 2009 12:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>postal-3running-with-scissorsuwe-bollvince-desiTue, 09 Jun 2009 12:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Avoid getting beaten up by funding Boll's next film]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2009/02/14/avoid-getting-beaten-up-by-funding-bolls-next-film/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/02/14/avoid-getting-beaten-up-by-funding-bolls-next-film/http://www.joystiq.com/2009/02/14/avoid-getting-beaten-up-by-funding-bolls-next-film/#commentsFiled under:


We've all said more than a few not-so-kind words about the collected works of the German film-mangler known as Uwe Boll -- a fact that divides the gaming community into two different groups: The Punched, and The Soon To Be Punched. Sorry, gang. It's an inevitable conclusion. You messed with the Boll, and now you're gonna get the horns.

Maybe, just maybe, he'll take you off his list if you help pay for his next film -- he's currently asking his supporters (and his bizarrely dedicated detractors) to help him foot the $18.5 million bill required to produce Blackout, his potentially upcoming "terrorist disaster epic". We assume he's talking about the plot of the film there, and not just previewing the buzzwords reviewers will use when critiquing the picture.

Kookily enough, avoiding pending pummeling isn't the only thing contributors have to gain from their donations -- hundreds will be chosen from the pool of would-be producers and rewarded with small roles in the film, as well as cash prizes ultimately equaling half of the amount Boll is asking people to donate. Also, at the end of next year, Boll will hold another raffle in which over 300 contributors will receive 20 percent of the film's annual profits; or, in simpler terms, absolutely nothing.

JoystiqAvoid getting beaten up by funding Boll's next film originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 14 Feb 2009 01:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>blackoutproduceruwe-bollSat, 14 Feb 2009 01:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Far Cry, a Uwe Boll joint, premiering in Germany Oct. 2]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/20/far-cry-a-uwe-boll-joint-premiering-in-germany-oct-2/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/20/far-cry-a-uwe-boll-joint-premiering-in-germany-oct-2/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/20/far-cry-a-uwe-boll-joint-premiering-in-germany-oct-2/#commentsFiled under: ,


We've been told that attending a premiere for a Uwe Boll movie is like visiting Disneyland in the middle of a category five hurricane -- it's a disaster, certainly, but it's a fun disaster. That's why we were so dismayed to learn that Boll's latest dose of box office poison won't be making its maiden voyage in the States -- but rather, in the pugilistic director's homeland of Germany.

If you're truly dedicated to your pursuit of attending the debut of a Boll-sterpiece, you'd better make your travel arrangements now, as the film will rear its ugly head October 2. We probably won't be in attendance, so make sure you tell us how it was, and what it was like meeting all those movie stars people who were in the movie former Wienerwald employees.

JoystiqFar Cry, a Uwe Boll joint, premiering in Germany Oct. 2 originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 20 Sep 2008 13:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>far-crygermanymoviepremiereuwe-bollSat, 20 Sep 2008 13:30:00 EST<![CDATA[See Uwe Boll's game: 1968 Tunnel Rats]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/19/see-uwe-bolls-game-1968-tunnel-rats/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/19/see-uwe-bolls-game-1968-tunnel-rats/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/19/see-uwe-bolls-game-1968-tunnel-rats/#commentsFiled under: ,

1968 Tunnel Rats is the Panama Canal of entertainment. Why? It's absolutely insane to think that anyone could actually pull it off and, if it does work, it will be a key conduit for international maritime trade. 1968 Tunnel Rats is a game and a movie being developed simultaneously. Oh, and the movie doesn't have a script, it's all improvised (which was a much better idea the first time we heard it in Tropic Thunder.) Let's see, are we forgetting anything? ... Oh, yes. Both are being made by Uwe Boll.

Brace yourself: We've got a trailer after the break.

Continue reading See Uwe Boll's game: 1968 Tunnel Rats

JoystiqSee Uwe Boll's game: 1968 Tunnel Rats originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:25:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>1968-tunnel-ratsPCuwe-bollXbox-360Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:25:00 EST<![CDATA[An evening with Uwe Boll's Postal]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/13/an-evening-with-uwe-bolls-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/13/an-evening-with-uwe-bolls-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/13/an-evening-with-uwe-bolls-postal/#commentsFiled under:


Uwe Boll. It's a name that strikes fear and anger into the hearts of at least 248,969 gamers worldwide. Through his continued efforts in bringing critically bashed adaptations of video games to our attentions, he's earned an online reputation that's only rivaled in the community by the likes of Jack Thompson.

To be honest, I didn't know what to expect when I was invited to an early screening of Uwe Boll's latest film, Postal. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I have never experienced an Uwe Boll film. Perhaps it's because Boll has never touched any of my most beloved game franchises. Looking at his past films, it appears he hasn't made as many films to justify the fervor that surrounds him. Is anyone really angry that the House of the Dead film wasn't A-grade cinematic material? Is the film somehow a disgrace to the game's "legacy?" Doubtful. Are people really up-in-arms over how he "ruined" BloodRayne, or Alone in the Dark?

Postal is also an interesting choice for the German director. Very few have actually played the game (neither have I) -- but those that have don't really like it. Even if the film amounted to a terrible disaster, it wouldn't disgrace the game, or the "genre" of the video game film (if such a thing should be considered). With all of this in mind, the curtains opened and Uwe Boll's Postal screening started.

Continue reading An evening with Uwe Boll's Postal

JoystiqAn evening with Uwe Boll's Postal originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 13 May 2008 10:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Dave-Foleypostaluwe-bollTue, 13 May 2008 10:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Stride Gum pitching in to stop Uwe Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/stride-gum-pitching-in-to-stop-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/stride-gum-pitching-in-to-stop-uwe-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/stride-gum-pitching-in-to-stop-uwe-boll/#commentsFiled under:


Sometimes news comes across our digital desk that's just too odd not to pass along to you. This is just one of those stories: The makers of Stride Gum are putting 1 million packs of gum on the line to put a stop to Uwe Boll's directing career. In short, if this petition receives another 764,000 signatures or so by May 14, the company's going to give every one of the signers a free pack of gum on May 23.

Wait, this is a publicity stunt? Oh, yeah, we know. But you know what else we know? We love free gum. These are the kind of moral quandaries you get into every day as a video game blogger, but we're pretty sure we made the right call on this one.

JoystiqStride Gum pitching in to stop Uwe Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 07 May 2008 18:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>petitionstride-gumuwe-bolluwebollWed, 07 May 2008 18:00:00 EST<![CDATA[The best of WoW Insider: April 22-29, 2008]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/29/the-best-of-wow-insider-april-22-29-2008/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/29/the-best-of-wow-insider-april-22-29-2008/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/29/the-best-of-wow-insider-april-22-29-2008/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Joystiq's sister site WoW Insider is dedicated like a Night Elf Hunter's pet leveled up to the highest loyalty to bringing you news from all over Azeroth. From the upcoming patch 2.4.2 to everything you need to know about the next expansion, Wrath of the Lich King, we've got your your back just like that sneaky Shadowstepping Rogue. Ok, well not quite in that way, but you know what we mean. Here's our top posts from the last week in Warcraft.

News

Features

JoystiqThe best of WoW Insider: April 22-29, 2008 originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>columnsdryscfeaturespatch-2.4.2uwe-bollweeklyworld-of-warcraftwow-insiderTue, 29 Apr 2008 18:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll thinks Michael Bay 'sucks big time', wants to fight]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/27/uwe-boll-thinks-michael-bay-sucks-big-time-wants-to-fight/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/27/uwe-boll-thinks-michael-bay-sucks-big-time-wants-to-fight/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/27/uwe-boll-thinks-michael-bay-sucks-big-time-wants-to-fight/#commentsFiled under: ,


We were always taught to "use our words" to solve disputes between our peers and colleagues; but we guess if your words are ogreish and oft-incomprehensible, your fists will have to do. That's right -- Uwe Boll, much like the honor-bruised 1800 presidential candidate Aaron Burr, has officially donned the boxing gloves he wore in the Webcritic Massacre of 2006 (and while he wrote the script for "Postal", we assume) and challenged the king of summer blockbusters, Michael Bay, to twelve rounds in the ring.

No offense, Bay -- we loved "Bad Boys 2", but you'll forgive us for putting our money on Boll's massive ham-fists. What that guy lacks in movie making ability and social graces, he more than makes up with his pugilistic proclivities.

JoystiqUwe Boll thinks Michael Bay 'sucks big time', wants to fight originally appeared on Joystiq on Sun, 27 Apr 2008 11:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>boxingchallengemichael-baymichaelbaypostalringuwe-bolluwebollSun, 27 Apr 2008 11:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Blizzard denies Boll request to direct WoW movie]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/21/blizzard-denies-boll-request-to-direct-wow-movie/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/21/blizzard-denies-boll-request-to-direct-wow-movie/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/21/blizzard-denies-boll-request-to-direct-wow-movie/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

That sound you just heard? It was over 10 million World of Warcraft subscribers breathing a simultaneous sigh of relief, now that the MTV Movies Blog is reporting that reviled game-film director Uwe Boll won't be getting his hands on the movie version of the popular fantasy franchise.

Boll recounted a conversation with Paul Sams in which the Blizzard COO reportedly told the director, "We will not sell the movie rights, not to you ... especially not to you." In a rare moment of self-awareness, Boll seemed to understand Blizzard's reluctance, speculating that "because it's such a big online game success, maybe a bad movie would destroy that ongoing income." A bad movie? But how could the self-described "only genius in the whole fucking business" ever make a bad movie? It just doesn't make sense!

Blizzard joins Konami in the exclusive "Smart companies that definitively won't let Uwe Boll near their successful franchises" club.

JoystiqBlizzard denies Boll request to direct WoW movie originally appeared on Joystiq on Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:45:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>BlizzardmoviePCuwe-bollWorld-of-warcraftWoWMon, 21 Apr 2008 12:45:00 EST<![CDATA[One million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/one-million-signatures-to-keep-uwe-boll-directing/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/one-million-signatures-to-keep-uwe-boll-directing/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/one-million-signatures-to-keep-uwe-boll-directing/#commentsFiled under: ,

We feel kind of dirty giving any sort of attention to the cancerous boil on film directing that is Uwe Boll, but when the guy is acting this freaking weird we just can't help ourselves. Boll has followed up his offer to stop directing if an online petition against him reached 1,000,000 signatures with a heavily-accented YouTube video that manages to insult Eli Roth, Michael Bay, George Clooney and practically all of Hollywood as "fucking retards" that don't understand that Boll is "the only genius in the whole fucking business."

While Tinseltown insults are all well and good, what really interested us was Boll's call for a "pro Boll petition" to counteract the anti-Boll forces. Boll said he "expect[s] a million votes, Pro Boll," and he's already well on his way, with a whopping 72 signatures so far on the Pro-Boll petition set up by FilmDrunk.com. That's a far cry from the 137,644 that have signed the anti-Boll petition as of this writing, but maybe it takes "the only genius in the whole fucking business" to understand the vagaries of the math involved.

Watch the video and read a transcript of Boll's rant after the break.

Continue reading One million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing

JoystiqOne million signatures to keep Uwe Boll directing originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>directorfar-crymoviemoviespetitionpostaluwe bolluwe-bolluwebollWed, 09 Apr 2008 16:00:00 EST<![CDATA[One million signatures to end Uwe Boll's directing career]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/06/one-million-signatures-to-end-uwe-bolls-directing-career/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/06/one-million-signatures-to-end-uwe-bolls-directing-career/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/06/one-million-signatures-to-end-uwe-bolls-directing-career/#commentsFiled under:


You'll never be able to get back those eight-and-a-half bucks you blew on your ticket for Uwe Boll's "Alone In The Dark", but those seeking revenge against the infamous German filmmaker will be pleased to know that a recent interview with FEARnet revealed a giant glowing weak point in his floundering directorial career -- amidst Nazi humor and PETA endorsements, Boll commented on a petition, currently at around 18,000 signatures, for him to forever put an end to his game franchise-defiling ways. It'll take more than that to derail his train of box office catastrophes, he claimed -- though one million signatures should do the trick.

We doubt one million people have even been exposed to Boll's unique brand of sensory torment -- but still, this remains your best chance to fulfill any vendettas you may hold against the pugnacious producer. With enough door-to-door campaigning and MySpace chain letters, this lofty goal may be attainable. If not, we can always hold out hope for the merciful release of bankruptcy.

JoystiqOne million signatures to end Uwe Boll's directing career originally appeared on Joystiq on Sun, 06 Apr 2008 21:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>aloneinthedarkfearnetmillionpetitionsignatureuwe-bolluwebollSun, 06 Apr 2008 21:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Far Cry movie trailer is predictably terrible]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/02/14/far-cry-movie-trailer-is-predictably-terrible/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/02/14/far-cry-movie-trailer-is-predictably-terrible/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/02/14/far-cry-movie-trailer-is-predictably-terrible/#commentsFiled under:


With any luck, we won't be writing too many more posts announcing trailers for Uwe Boll's game-to-movie crapfests but, until that time comes, we feel it's our duty to bring this excrement to your attention (if only to be summarily panned in the comments). Here you are, cinéastes: Far Cry, An Uwe Boll Joint. Now look what you've done Ubisoft. Just when we were ready to be excited about this franchise again, you've licensed the property to the one man capable of making the name enough to turn our stomachs. Find out for yourself after the break.

[Thanks, EternityInBlack]

Continue reading Far Cry movie trailer is predictably terrible

JoystiqFar Cry movie trailer is predictably terrible originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:29:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Far-CryMoviesUbisoftUwe-BollThu, 14 Feb 2008 20:29:00 EST<![CDATA[LA Times: game narratives too 'weak' for movies, Uwe Boll agrees]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/25/la-times-game-narratives-too-weak-for-movies-uwe-boll-agrees/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/25/la-times-game-narratives-too-weak-for-movies-uwe-boll-agrees/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/25/la-times-game-narratives-too-weak-for-movies-uwe-boll-agrees/#commentsFiled under:

house of the dead
Los Angeles Times Magazine spent some time breaking down the rules of Hollywood, schooling would-be fortune-seekers and laying down some hard truth: "Hollywood can't win at video games." Filmmakers are advised to avoid video games as source material because games' "weak narratives" haven't transitioned to the big screen as well as comics - a sentiment echoed by Uwe Boll during a recent Fox News interview; the infamous director declares, "A lot of video games have no story." (Yeah, especially light gun games.) But even something as intricately devised as the Halo universe doesn't seem to hold much promise in the eyes of Hollywood. Halo script re-writer Josh Olson (A History of Violence) complains that video games "have aimless cycles. You go to A, shoot some monsters, then go to B, then start over and do it again." Why argue?

Historically, Hollywood has done a miserable job selecting games for film adaptation, while we've enjoyed plenty of strong narratives developed for and executed in games. We say: Why give Hollywood a chance to muck up the true gems? The game industry has nothing to prove to American cinema.

Read - LA Times (subscription required; try: bugmenot)
Watch - Uwe Boll on Fox News (warning: obnoxious)

JoystiqLA Times: game narratives too 'weak' for movies, Uwe Boll agrees originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>filmhollywoodla-timesuwe-bolluwebollFri, 25 Jan 2008 14:30:00 EST<![CDATA[Metareview - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/19/metareview-in-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-tale/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/19/metareview-in-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-tale/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/19/metareview-in-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-tale/#commentsFiled under: ,


We think it's safe to assume that everybody who's reading this is familiar with Uwe Boll and his auspiciously terrible body of work, which includes such gems as "Bloodrayne", "House of the Dead", and Rotten Tomatoes' second worst reviewed movie of all time, "Alone in the Dark". That's why it may surprise you to learn that Boll's latest (and possibly last) big-budget box office flop, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale", is actually ... wretched, of course! Don't be silly.

In this very special edition of Metareview, we're taking a look at the cream of the crop of the film's reviews, which have already provided us with more entertainment than the actual movie ever could. Join with us in our appreciation of these brave reviewers, who have unwittingly tacked their own names onto Boll's lengthy "to be punched in the face repeatedly" list.
  • Sam Adams - Los Angeles Times: "Uwe Boll isn't the worst director in the world, but In the Name of the King might be more enjoyable if he were."
  • Dustin Putman - TheMovieBoy.com: "[The movie] would be irredeemable if not for its near-brilliant ability to give the viewer douche chills for 127 solid minutes."
  • Jim Lane - Sacramento News and Review: "It's like a Florida dinner theater production of The Lord of the Rings, though it's not without enjoyment if you're in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 frame of mind."
  • Scott Weinberg - Cinematical: "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is."
  • Joe Leydon - Variety: "Doug Taylor's script, loosely based on the "Dungeon Siege" vidgame, is a lazy mash-up of cliched situations, grandiose speechifying and verbal anachronisms. But, then again, "In the Name of the King" is the sort of half-baked farrago that brings out the worst, or the least, in almost everyone involved."

JoystiqMetareview - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 19 Jan 2008 16:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>adungeonsiegetaledungeonsiegeinthenameofthekingrottentomatoesuwe-bolluwebollSat, 19 Jan 2008 16:15:00 EST<![CDATA[There's a new trailer for Postal]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/17/theres-a-new-trailer-for-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/17/theres-a-new-trailer-for-postal/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/17/theres-a-new-trailer-for-postal/#commentsFiled under: ,


"A religious charlatan (Foley), his mild mannered nephew (Ward) and a gang of bosomy commandos face off against Osama bin Laden and the Taliban in an epic battle that will determine the fate of the world in Postal, the latest film from controversial director Uwe Boll (BloodRayne). Boll roasts an entire herd of sacred cows and smashes taboos to smithereens in this over-the-top and hilariously subversive critique of modern day America."

...We thought we'd kick off with the description of Postal straight from the site of this new trailer, just because there is literally no combination of consonants and vowels we could create that would be more entertaining than that. Also, we're happy for Uwe Boll's burning of sacred cows, but did one of them have to be Dave Foley? Dear, sweet Dave Foley! Where did things go so wrong?!

JoystiqThere's a new trailer for Postal originally appeared on Joystiq on Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:30:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>moviespostaluwe-bolluwebollThu, 17 Jan 2008 12:30:00 EST<![CDATA[No more big-budget bombs for Boll]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/15/no-more-big-budget-bombs-for-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/15/no-more-big-budget-bombs-for-boll/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/01/15/no-more-big-budget-bombs-for-boll/#commentsFiled under: ,

Bad news for Uwe Boll love-to-haters: the infamous German director and pouting pugilist will see his future endeavors financially constrained after his latest $70 million video game adaptation, "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," set the box-office alight with all the effectiveness of two moist fish furiously rubbed together. The $3 million weekend opening marked the director's third consecutive failure to Boll audiences over, and with no more German tax shelter funds to rely on, it looks to be his last big-budget bomb.

Not willing to throw in the raggedy towel just yet, Uwe Boll (pronounce it correctly, please!) told The Hollywood Reporter that he plans to focus on smaller cinematic explosives. Like grenades. "These are films that represent my true passion, and they can be done with small budgets," said Boll. Bad movie lovers (or lovers of bad movies) need not fear -- if this director's proven adept at anything in the last few years, it's working around a complete deficit of worthwhile resources.

[Thanks, David]

JoystiqNo more big-budget bombs for Boll originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Alone-in-the-darkBloodrayneDungeon-SiegePostalUwe-BollUweBollTue, 15 Jan 2008 14:00:00 EST<![CDATA[New Dungeon Siege movie trailer is incredible]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/12/12/new-dungeon-siege-movie-trailer-is-incredible/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/12/12/new-dungeon-siege-movie-trailer-is-incredible/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/12/12/new-dungeon-siege-movie-trailer-is-incredible/#commentsFiled under: ,


You may have seen an ad on this very site for Uwe Boll's upcoming In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Do yourself a favor: Head to the official website, go straight to the "Trailer" section and buckle in for the ride of your life. There's so much to enjoy here, we simply don't know where to begin. Should start by marveling at how Ray Liotta's main display of power seems to be making books spin around? Or is that too obvious?

Should we mention some of the classic lines like "Those who you fight, we will help you fight them" and "Tomorrow we gouge evil from its shell"? Or should we note that while cool in movies like The Transporter, seeing Jason Statham (who's name is misspelled on the "Cast" page, natch) using martial arts in a medieval fantasy setting is totally rad? Honestly, we don't even know what you're still reading this for: You're about to witness the edge of reality.

JoystiqNew Dungeon Siege movie trailer is incredible originally appeared on Joystiq on Wed, 12 Dec 2007 12:25:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>dungeon-siegein-the-name-of-the-king-a-dungeon-siege-talemoviesuwe-bolluwebollWed, 12 Dec 2007 12:25:00 EST<![CDATA[You can kill Uwe Boll in Postal 3]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/11/17/you-can-kill-uwe-boll-in-postal-3/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/11/17/you-can-kill-uwe-boll-in-postal-3/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/11/17/you-can-kill-uwe-boll-in-postal-3/#commentsFiled under: ,

We're not sure why you'd want to hurt Uwe Boll. Honestly, he's a dear, sweet man with a heart of gold. But apparently someone out there thinks that you've been hurt enough by his cinematic atrocities that you'd want to shoot his digi-version. The director will be placed into the upcoming Postal 3, according to developer Running With Scissors' president Vince Desi.

Between BloodRayne, Alone in the Dark and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, you have plenty of reasons to want to off Boll. But is it enough to tempt you to play the third in a series of games that has scored averages between 55 and 62 percent?

JoystiqYou can kill Uwe Boll in Postal 3 originally appeared on Joystiq on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 14:03:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>postalpostal3uwe-bolluwebollSat, 17 Nov 2007 14:03:00 EST<![CDATA[It's pronounced 'OOV-UH-BUHL' says 'EWW-BOHL']]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/10/09/its-pronounced-oov-uh-buhl-says-eww-bohl/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/10/09/its-pronounced-oov-uh-buhl-says-eww-bohl/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/10/09/its-pronounced-oov-uh-buhl-says-eww-bohl/#commentsFiled under: , ,


MTV's Multiplayer blog continues its helpful pronunciation guide, this week shifting from Nintendo's Reggie "FEEH-SUH-MAY" to notorious something-resembling-filmmaker, Uwe Boll. The German director notes that if you're going to bash his next anti-masterpiece (and let's face it, you almost certainly will), at least have the decency to get his name right. It's not "YEW-EE" or "EEE-VEE," it's "OOV-UH."

"OOV-UH-BUHL."

All that's left is to apply this knowledge to everyday conversation:
  • "I can't wait to see OOV-UH-BUHL's interpretation of Far Cry's thought-provoking plot!"
  • "I left a message on OOV-UH-BUHL's answering machine. I do hope it's spelled correctly."
  • "Wow, I was simply BUHLED OOV-UH by how bad that movie was."

JoystiqIt's pronounced 'OOV-UH-BUHL' says 'EWW-BOHL' originally appeared on Joystiq on Tue, 09 Oct 2007 05:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>Uwe-BollUweBollTue, 09 Oct 2007 05:00:00 EST<![CDATA[Uwe Boll making movie based on nonexistent Wii game]]>http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/28/uwe-boll-making-movie-based-on-nonexistent-wii-game/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/28/uwe-boll-making-movie-based-on-nonexistent-wii-game/http://www.joystiq.com/2007/09/28/uwe-boll-making-movie-based-on-nonexistent-wii-game/#commentsFiled under:


Zombie Massacre is barely a glimmer in developer 1988 Games' collective eye. They've got a rocking concept-- you're driving into the center of a zombie-plagued city in a vintage convertible, attempting to drop off a nuclear weapon-- but no game at the time. No engine, no screenshots, just a concept. And controversial German "film director"/pugilist Uwe Boll is already after it.

That's fine, though. It would be impossible to ruin a silly, campy concept like that, even if you are the brains (braaaaains) behind the House of the Dead movie. It lends itself to light-hearted horror/comedy. "I want to make this movie more creepy than House of the Dead, which was intended to be funny and campy," said Boll. "I'd like Zombie Massacre to be a harsh zombie movie like 28 Days Later."

We stand corrected. Apparently it is possible to ruin that concept. The man is a master of what he does.

[Via Game|Life]

JoystiqUwe Boll making movie based on nonexistent Wii game originally appeared on Joystiq on Fri, 28 Sep 2007 17:15:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments]]>uwe-bolluwebollzombie-massacreFri, 28 Sep 2007 17:15:00 EST