Well, this is certainly a great surprise for Labor Day. We're pretty sure one of these Virtual Console games needs no introduction or description. It just needs your money.
Clu Clu Land (NES®, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): Obviously the greatest game about a sea urchin ever conceived. Obviously.
Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars (Super NES, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): A little-known collaboration between small developer Square Enix (at the time an even tinier Squaresoft) and struggling console maker Nintendo. The game is virtually unknown in all parts of the world.
How nice of you to join us. Do you have any idea what time it is? We were expecting you weeks ago! Well, no matter, go and take your seat with the rest of the Virtual Console class so we can begin.
Samurai Shodown 2 (Neo Geo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): SNK's 1994 follow up to Samurai Shodown finally slices and dices its way onto the Virtual Console this week, bringing back most of the original's weapon-wielding cast, as well as several newcomers vying for the opportunity to skewer anything that moves with a pointy blade and sharp Engrish wit.
Ys Book I & II (TurboGrafx 16 CD-ROM, 1 player, 800 Wii Points): Nihon Falcom's enhanced remakes of the first two titles in the Ys saga finally levels up for the US Virtual Console. Offering roguelike-style combat and music we still find ourselves humming at the dinner table, this is a download not to be missed by role-playing fans with eyes for the classics.
The Virtual Console just got its weekly nostalgia injection, offering fans of all colors -- but mostly blue and green -- something else to download and play as we wonder where the weekend went and why exactly there is a receipt for a Magnet Beam on the kitchen table.
Mega Man (NES, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): With the Blue Bomber set to don pixelated pajamas next month, his freshman adventure marks this week's most noteworthy addition to the Wii's window into the past. Assuming you haven't bought the original Mega Man in one of Capcom's many other compilations, Guts Man and company are waiting ever so patiently for you to drop by.
Neo Turf Masters (Neo Geo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): This is 133 megs of hot golf action right here, straight from 1996 to your living room. You don't have even to admit to your friends that you like video game golf. We'll keep your dirty little secret.
Break it to Make it! Did you hear? This week's Virtual Console update includes a video game adaptation of 80s dance flick, Breakin'. Finally we can live out our closet fantasies of break dancing in the shoes of Kelly, Ozone and -- personal fave -- Turbo. Oh, wait, that's not what the game is about? Monday mornings are so cruel.
Break In (TurboGrafx16, 1-4 players, 700 Wii Points): No, there's no fancy footwork here. Instead, Nintendo offers up this decidedly break dance-free game of pool. So, yeah, it's pool.
Star Parodier (TurboGrafx16 CD-ROM, 1 player, 900 Wii Points): Well, at least this is something to get excited over. A parody of Hudson shooter Star Soldier, here you'll be able to fly about and shoot down colorful bad guys as Star Soldier's Paro Ceaser, iconic pyro Bomberman, or a giant flying PC Engine that shoots cards and discs at enemies. That almost makes up for this morning's dissapointment.
There's something about this week's update to the Wii's Virtual Console that just seems off. Maybe it's the odd partnering of a blue marsupial and a lumber-swinging madman, or perhaps it's the noticeable absence of Samurai Shodown II, which SNK said last week would be among this morning's additions. While you work out some conspiracy theories, let's take a look at what new oldies are available.
Sonic the Hedgehog (Sega Master System, 500 Wii Points): While Sega's 16-bit original has been available for download for a long while, Sonic's 8-bit port changes things up with a handful of new stages, gameplay differences, and cruddier graphics.
Splatterhouse 2 (Sega Genesis, 800 Wii Points): There's many ways that we could spend our time waiting to slip on the Terror Mask and bash demons' brains out in Namco Bandai's Splatterhouse redux, but really, what better way is there than to play through the arcade original's 16-bit sequel? The only right answer here is none.
As Nintendo continues ride out the 'ebbs and flows' in its digital release schedule, we feel its our civic duty to warn you that today's Virtual Console offerings include references to drugs, alcohol, and tobacco. And bad guys, lots and lots of bad guys.
Art of Fighting 2 (NeoGeo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): The second in SNK's Art of Fighting triple threat sees chronic bad guy Geese Howard, years before antagonizing those Fatal Fury chaps, printing up fliers for a 'King of Fighters' tourney of his own.
Chase H.Q. (TurboGrafx16, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): In Taito's arcade racer, your car is your fist as you do your best Miami Vice impression behind the wheel of a Porsche 928 and run the criminal element out of town -- and into the highway barrier.
As the haze begins to lift from last week's media circus, we hope you're in the mood to play games from your favorite genre. As long as that includes obscure 16-bit shooters, as this week's Virtual Console additions include a pair of Genesis-era side-scrolling shmups designed to keep you flying horizontally and mashing the fire button all night long.
Super Fantasy Zone (Genesis, 1 player, 900 Wii Points): The lesser-known follow up to Sega's Master System original, this shooter will have you scrolling sideways as you shoot down bad guys and collect cold coins in ultra-colorful fashion.
Gley Lancer (Genesis, 1 player, 900 Wii Points): It's the year 2025, the Earth is at odds with an alien race, and the hope for humanity rests on the shoulders of a 16-year old girl named Lucia. Just be home before midnight, young lady.
Things may (or may not) include beehives, shurikens, mysterious yellow substances and utterly uncomfortable stares. This week's Virtual Console additions, while being pleasant diversions, seem largely intent on teaching you how to disperse dangerous items and substances, often to the detriment of the people in your way.
Donkey Kong 3 (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): Shoot Miyamoto's remarkably famous monkey and woman-stealing pseudo ass, Donkey Kong, in the crotch. Does that punishment seem appropriate for the crime?
Ninja Commando (NeoGeo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): You've just traveled to lovely and moderately sunny feudal Japan, and your first response is to annihilate everything. Obviously.
Nintendo's love affair with the Neo Geo continues this week, giving players who have not yet shelled out for one of SNK's numerous other arcade collections yet another outlet to spend their hard-earned dollars, or rather, points.
King of the Monsters (Neo Geo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): While already available on the Wii already as part of SNK Arcade Classics Volume 1, it's good to know that despite all of the problems in the world, there are still some disagreements between a giant lizard and an overgrown beetle than can be settled as part of a midtown battle royal. SNK's arcade original King of the Monsters allows players to choose from six different giant creatures and then grapple with the others in order to decide the fate of the city, as long as that fate ends in total devastation.
With Neo Geo games popping up virtually on the Wii, not to mention in more compilations than we can count without taking off our socks and shoes, we've begun looking at the cartridges gathering dust on our shelf and wondering if selling all that plasma to pay for SNK's console back in the early 90s was worth it after all. That said, if you didn't get your fill with Samurai Shodown earlier this month, perhaps this week will scratch your itch.
• Fatal Fury 2 (Neo Geo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): Today's release gives us yet another title in our Neo Geo collection to throw up on eBay. This second installment in SNK's 2D fighting game series lifts the original's pitiful three-character roster to eight, and when first released in arcades in 1992, it also marked a welcome, if obvious attempt to ride on the back on Capcom's Street Fighter 2 hadoken-embroidered coattails.
With the United States swept up in political debate and the world's reliance on oil becoming increasingly problematic, we welcome the Virtual Console's desire to take us back to a simpler and easier time. A time when sprites were celebrated, power-ups were plentiful and men were all called "Ryu." A time when every problem could be solved by the calculated and swift application of a fist. Punching time.
Alex Kidd in Miracle World (Master System, 1 player, 500 Wii Points): Alex Kidd will stop at nothing to rescue his brother. Leaping across deadly chasms, punching through solid rock and murdering birds with his bare hands -- he's a monster! We can't really identify with that, but don't let that stop you. "Please buy the things that you like."
Burning Fight (Neo Geo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): Predominantly pugilistic protagonists patrol parks and pound on pesky perpetrators in this post-90s punk-bashing punchfest. POW!
The latest update to the Wii's Virtual Console gives those of you with Wii arcade sticks on your shelf a sense of purpose, as well as an excuse to dust them off for a bit of classic arcade fighting, Neo Geo-style.
Samurai Shodown (Neo Geo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): Once all the rage in arcade parlors when first released in 1993, this first in the still-ongoing fighting game series lets players duke it out using 12 different weapon (and sometimes animal)-wielding fighters. While a bit archaic by today's standards, the game still beats the pants off many contemporary fighters. Plus where else can you see a kabuki performer throw down against a green hunchback doing his best Freddy Krueger impression?
Just when you think you've got Nintendo all figured out, along comes a morning like today. We receive our Wii-kly Update (their name, not ours) and we quickly skip to the new Virtual Console offerings:
Dig Dug (NES, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): Become Dig Dug, the champion of love and justice, as you drill up, down, left and right, defeating any enemies in your path. Avoid the persistent Pooka and the deep-dwelling but whimsical Fygar as you defeat all the enemies in order to clear each stage. Defeat enemies by hitting them with the harpoon and pumping air into them, or by dropping rocks on them from above.
"Oh," we think, "how nice. Dig Dug. Nothing revolutionary, but it's good to see it." Then, our eyes scan further and we land on this:
Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa (NES, 1 player, 600 Wii Points): Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa is an action game released in 1988, but it was never available outside of Japan. Players take on the role of baby Upa, a prince of the Akuyo kingdom. Upa must defeat the enemies he meets along the way by inflating them. Upa can then use these floating enemies to his advantage by bouncing off of or riding on top of them. The prince must also avoid deadly thorns and pits while keeping an eye out for helpful items such as milk (to restore health) and bells (for temporary invincibility) if he hopes to succeed.
...What? A royal, demon-inflating baby? How is that even a paragraph? (Oh, and P.S., he inflates enemies by hitting them with a rattle.) It's like someone put the most insane words they could think of in a refrigerator and set a nuclear bomb off next to it. We love you, Nintendo, but, in the parlance of our times, you so crazy.
Pfft, forget about all that "Ninja Guy Dan Too" rubbish you've heard about on the other consoles. If you want some frenetic action of a HI-YA! caliber, you'd best switch on the Wii and download a game from a time when ninjas still roamed the Earth.
Ninja Combat (NeoGeo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): As evident in the above video, "Ninja Combat" is quite the efficient and appropriate title. Can your ninja combatant wield a deadly sword? Yup! Is he capable of performing dizzying acrobatic maneuvers and mercilessly slaughtering innocent, roller-coasting bystanders? Certainly! Can he skilfully utilize magic and projectile weapons to defeat his enemies? Shuriken!
The Virtual Console provides some intriguing social commentary on tourism this week, with two games allowing us to travel the world and make a mess of it while we're at it.
Metal Slug (NeoGeo, 1-2 players, 900 Wii Points): Honestly, we shouldn't even have to expend a bullet point on this game. You know what Metal Slug is all about. Dash through some jungles, some mountains, some ruins (they're all to East, just so you know) and shoot everything that isn't part of the background. Everything.
City Connection (NES, 1-2 players, 500 Wii Points): Travel through cities like New York and London, while marveling at the engineering incompetence that spawned multiple levels of dead-end roads floating in the sky. Driving up and down them is apparently illegal too, so be sure to bump off those pesky police vehicles.
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