We love the Xbox Live Arcade Service (fanboy placation: we love the PlayStation Network and WiiWare too), but it's a well-known fact that there are a number of hurdles a finished game has to clear before it can find its way onto the imponderable internets. One of said hurdles, labeled "the rating process" is actually three-hundred feet tall, covered in flaming, poison-coated spikes, and surrounded by a moat filled with bull sharks in mating season. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Thankfully, in an act of incredible vaulting prowess, Behemoth's upcoming racist multiplayer beat-'em-up Castle Crashers recently cleared said hurdle, receiving a decisive "Teen" rating (the German judges, obviously confused and unimpressed, gave the effort a 7.5). There are a number of other hoops the adorable brawler must jump through before attaining that coveted XBLA certification, but we're hopeful that we'll be storming cartoon strongholds relatively soon.

With Microsoft remaining officially mum on the reasons behind the wave of Xbox 360-killing red rings of death, owners and experts have speculated on causes ranging from cheap heat sinks to bad soldering to power surges. Now, Gartner Research Vice President and Chief Analyst Bryan Lewis thinks he's honed in on the real reason behind the system failures: cheap, Microsoft-designed graphics processors.

Speaking at the Design Automation Conference, Lewis said Microsoft tried to save a few million dollars by designing the Xbox 360's GPU in-house, rather than farming the design out to an experienced, approved application-specific integrated circuit vendor. Lewis chalked the high failure rate to Microsoft's inexperience designing such chips. "How many ASICs per year does Microsoft design? Not many.," Lewis said. "The ASIC vendor could have been able to design a graphics processor that dissipates much less power."

The irony is that Microsoft is widely believed to have gone to experienced ASIC-designer ATI for a redesigned Xbox 360 graphics chip in the middle of 2007. So, in addition to spending over a billion dollars on a warranty extension, Microsoft probably still ended up having to spend the few million dollars they were trying to avoid in the first place. Smooth move, ex-lax.

[Thanks copa.]

Well, it's tomorrow, and despite yesterday's rumor that Microsoft would be announcing a Blu-ray equipped Xbox 360 today (that's yesterday's tomorrow, for those of you confused by that first clause), so far we've so far heard bupkis. In fact, we've heard less than bupkis if you take into account the San Francisco Chronicle interview with Robbie Bach, in which the Microsoft Entertainment & Devices president downplays disc-based movie formats and stresses Microsoft's HD video downloads.

"Xbox 360 has a great ability to deliver [high-definition experience] through the Xbox Live (online download) service," Bach said. "It's a great way to get the high-definition concept because it's right there. There's no additional media. There is nothing you need to purchase ... You have to look at how fundamentally compelling the difference is between a progressive scan DVD player and the picture that it can produce and what you get on a high-definition player. The reality is there is some difference, but most people look at it and say, 'I am not going to pay extra for that.'"

The full interview also includes Bach's thoughts on in-game ads, the next-next-gen Xbox, and motion-sensitive controllers. Check it out.

Tech blog CrunchGear is reporting that an inside source at Microsoft who was a former member of the company's HD-DVD department has confirmed that the company will announce that the "Xbox 360 will get Blu-ray before Christmas" via a press release set to go out at 9 a.m. PDT. Details about the supposed system are slim, though the tipster confirmed that the new model will cost less than an Elite model ($449.99).

The announcement is supposed to drop one hour before the opening of the Worldwide Developer's Conference in order to steal the spotlight from Apple's annual event. Kind of a bizarre move on Microsoft's part -- we doubt announcing a new model of your gaming console will overshadow an entire conference-worth of Apple-related news stories. As per usual with rumors (especially ones involving Blu-ray 360s), we'll keep our standard level of skepticism at heart as we refresh our mailboxes tomorrow morning.

[Via X3F]

Ever since the passing of controversial anti-Ninja legislation, importing Japan's deadliest natural resource into the States is a near-impossible process. Luckily, the Federal Trade Commission has recognized that Ninja Gaiden II is not an actual ninja, but instead, a circular platter of polycarbonate encapsulated in a decorated box and an irritating plastic sheath. They also noted that the ninja on the cover is an illustrated ninja, who poses little to no risk of flipping out and killing you in your sleep.

Thus, Ninja Gaiden II was cleared to launch in North America just in time for its June 3 release date -- though it took Team Ninja much longer to convince the FTC that the game's demo was not some sort of digital assassin, sent to kill the internets. Luckily, that bit of confusion was resolved today, and the Ninja Gaiden II demo is now available on Xbox Live. Conveniently enough, we can think of no better way of venting our anger over the demo's North American delay than to dismember some minions with frightening bladed weaponry.

We can think of a lot of great things to sell our souls for, such as telekinesis, a swimming pool full of hundred dollar bills, or a seventh season of Mr. Belvedere. However, Xbox 360 Fanboy's Richard Mitchell (or as we like to call him around the office, Rich Mitch) recently showed his undying love for scarved ninjas by dealing with Beelzebub to get his hands on an early copy of the Ninja Gaiden II demo. Judging by the tone of his impressions as he plays the first seven minutes of the preview, it was totally worth it.

We strongly advise watching the above video -- not only will it get you totally pumped for the quickly approaching June 3 release date for the title, but you can also witness Rich Mitch's incredible proclivity for ninja flipping and henchman dismemberment.

Those of you who enjoy soccer of the North American variety will begin to see jerseys emblazoned with a very familiar logo (that of the Xbox Live service) when a brand spankin' new Major League Soccer team, the Seattle Sounders FC, makes its debut in the 2009 season. The team (not to be confused with other Sounders franchises in the NASL and USL) recently agreed to a 5-year, $20 million sponsorship from Microsoft and its hot-under-the-hood home console.

In addition to fancy new jerseys, the young team's home field will be tiled "The Xbox Pitch at Qwest Field", and the 360 will reportedly be recognized as the "official and exclusive video game console of Major League Soccer." We pray Sony doesn't respond by sponsoring a competing MLS team -- to combine the zealous fanaticism associated with gaming consoles and soccer teams may incite a fanboy war that would tear our continent asunder.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

Our Xbox-toting brethren at 360 Fanboy recently came across a list of Xbox Live Arcade titles which may be up for expungement in Microsoft's spring cleaning of their online store. The list (available after the break) includes all titles that fulfill the first and second criteria of Microsoft's new standards -- that is, they've been available for six months, and currently hold a 65 percent or lower average score on Metacritic. A steady conversion rate (the number of people who purchase the complete title after downloading the demo, a figure only Microsoft has access to) is the only thing standing between these games and a date with the delete button -- so if you've been holding out on downloading Shrek-N-Roll, you may want to pick it up in an expedient manner.

We're usually not ones to post about console case mods of any sort, but we decided to buck that trend today -- namely because no case mod we've ever seen has inspired such fear into our hearts. A forum-dweller by the name of dfw monkie recently posted pictures of his latest monstrosity to The Llamma's Game Console Forums (instilling a greater fear in us that a Llama-themed 360 is in the works) -- an Xbox 360, covered in the pitch-black skin of a gargantuan alligator that dfw monkie killed with his bare hands.

Okay, the crocodilian pattern was created with common crafting supplies, but we much prefer our own "Man vs. Wild" interpretation of the console's backstory. Martha Stewart-esque origins or no, the final product is still downright unsettling.

Between the comprehensive in-game map, the GPS-imbued minimap, and the TomTom-esque functionality of certain vehicles, we've yet to misplace ourselves within Liberty City's digital boroughs. Still, if you find yourself lost whilst playing Grand Theft Auto IV, we guess this Liberty City map application (mapplication?) using the Google Maps interface would come in handy.

A number of user contributions have already been made to the map, showing the location of hidden items, easter eggs, pigeon locations, stunt jumps, and yes, even hookers, whom we assume were fitted with GPS locaters by trained prostitute handlers before being released back into the wild. It makes for a useful cartographical companion for those with a laptop near their console of choice -- if you don't mind ruining the fun of exploring the nooks and crannies of Rockstar's intricately crafted metropolis for yourself, that is.

Did you know that every foul obscenity, racial slur, and homophobic epithet collects in the corners of Xbox Live, much akin to the mood slime in "Ghostbusters II"? It can cause some serious latency issues -- though unfortunately, it cannot be cleared away by a rousing chorus of Auld Lang Syne. It takes hours of tedious chiseling and scraping to clear this hate plaque from Microsoft's servers, during which time Xbox Live is made unavailable for CoD4 grinding and piñata swapping.

Unfortunately for those 360 owners with online gaming on the docket for this coming Monday morning, Xbox Live will be down for said maintenance for eight hours. Before you get your hopes up, Gamerscore Blog assured everyone that this is not the fabled spring update, just some routine sprucing. We know the thought of division from the gaming hivemind is unbearable, but we trust you can go without from 2 a.m. to 10 a.m. PST (that's 5 a.m. to 1 p.m. EST, or "Too Legit 2 Quit" to "Pumps in a Bump" in Standard Hammer Time.)

Y'know, just the other day we were saying to ourselves that it seemed like forever since we'd heard a new report of a Microsoft gaming power supply causing a fire. Well, we can't say that anymore, because KTHV is reporting that Little Rock Fire Department Captain Jason Weaver fingered an Xbox 360 power supply as the source of a house fire Monday.

Thankfully no one was hurt in the fire, which did $10,000 worth of damage to the house, but we're a little concerned that it was an Xbox 360 that allegedly caused the fire. Isn't the original Xbox supposed to be the one with the spark-generating, recall-spawning power supply? We thought the Xbox 360's heat problems were usually limited to inside the system (sorry, we had to go there).

The next time you fire up your 360 you'll be prompted to do a system update and we hope you're sitting down when it happens, because after it's complete you need to be prepared for the thrill of performance identical to before said update. No, there's nothing. Don't try poking around, you're just going to get your heart broken.

Genie paramour and Microsoft spokesman Major Nelson said the code is solely to "prepare for future growth of the service." We're hoping the update is tantamount to a young girl getting a saddle the night before her thirteenth birthday, only the metaphorical pony is the Spring Dashboard Update, information on which has been unusually scarce. We'll let you know when we get some.

This week on Ask Joystiq, we look at downloading foreign content to a foreign system, streaming content to an Xbox 360, and identifying one --or possibly two? -- obscure Argentinian NES games.

If you have any burning questions, unsolved gaming mysteries, or just a desire for musings from our knowledgeable cadre of writers, drop us a line at ask AAT joystiq DAWT com (and yes, we write it that way for a reason).

Q: I might be going to Japan towards the end of the summer and might pick up some games or a system. If I get a system, how would that work when I bring it back to the states and log on-line for a Wii, PS3 or 360?? Would a Japanese Wii let me log in to only US servers or would I be able to download Japanese games from the marketplace. Same question applied to the other systems...
-- iwantmymtv

A: For the Wii, the region of the console corresponds to the region of the Wii Shop Channel -- Japanese systems will access the Japanese store, no matter where you plug them into the intertubes. You have to buy Wii Points that correspond to the system's region too, which means using a Japanese credit card or getting some Japanese Wii Points cards imported. [source]

Any PS3 will play downloads from any region, but each PSN account is locked to a specific region when you create it. Luckily, it's relatively easy to set up "dummy accounts" for each region you want to buy content, as long as you have a credit card from that country. Be warned, though: there is a significant language barrier for navigating the Japanese store.

Xbox Live users can also create dummy accounts to get around regional restrictions, but there are reports that Microsoft has been blocking downloads from accounts where this practice is detected. As always, let the international buyer beware.
-Kyle Orland

It's been nearly a year and a half since the beginning of the current console war, and supporters of the Wii, PS3, and 360 are still set deep in their trenches, fighting the good fight. Gallons of fanboy blood and immeasurable amounts of bandwidth have been spilled in this epic struggle -- and according to Sandy Duncan, former VP for Xbox Europe, it's all for naught. All gaming consoles, he claims, will "die out" within the next five to ten years.

No, a console-corrupting pandemic isn't going to sweep the planet -- Duncan predicts that dedicated gaming devices will give way to digital distribution through cable and satellite set-top boxes and online gaming options (though considering his executive position with the web-based YoYo games, this could just be simple, doe-eyed optimism). This presents an interesting question: with no consoles to crusade for, what brave new enterprises will the fanboys move on to? Advertising? Public Relations? God help us -- politics?