Joystiq review: Yaris (Xbox 360)
by Dan Dormer 
{ Oct 12th 2007 at 8:00PM }
Crafted in a circle of Hell even Dante didn't believe existed, the developers of Castaway Entertainment created Yaris with an objective I can only believe is to cultivate anger in those who play it. I know an allusion to Dante's Inferno seems passé, the standard go-to reference for the sophomore year English Lit major, but forgive me because I feel that this accurately conveys what a truly diabolical creation this game is. Rosemary's baby's got jack on Yaris.
Sure, I'm complaining about an advertisement turned game, but if we learned anything from 2006 it was that advert games don't have to be soulless aberrations. While the Burger King titles weren't the greatest of games, they look like the Mona Lisa when placed side-by-side with Yaris. (In this case Yaris would be the rudimentary finger painting of a preschooler.)
Yaris does nothing right, and everything wrong. Every element, from the graphics to the controls to the online play, is just busted. Even at the price of free, this lemon isn't fun or worth the sticker price and no factory dealer incentives could get me playing Yaris again. In fact, I decided compile a list of things that would be more fun than playing Yaris:
- Scooping my eyes out with a rusty spoon.
- Watching the Yankees win the World Series for the next five years (I'm a Red Sox fan.)
- Having the entire Internet replaced by teenage girls' MySpace pages, pink background, glitter .gifs, Fall Out Boy tracks et. al.
- Removing red meat (fillet mignon, porterhouse, rib eye, sirloin, New York strip) from all restaurant menus.
- Being married to Britney, 2007 edition.
- Having every TV show I love replaced with repeats of VH1 "Celebreality" programing.
- Test driving an actual Yaris.
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 2)
mccomber @ Oct 13th 2007 1:54PM
Driving an actual Radio Flyer Wagon is more fun than playing this game.
Tombstone @ Oct 13th 2007 11:29AM
I think its fun...
>.>
konajinx @ Oct 13th 2007 11:37AM
Haha, this is one of the biggest video game turds I've ever played. It looks like it was developed for the PS1 there's so many jaggies in the game. Still, it is hilariously fun/bad. My three year old enjoys it at least, so the free game did not go to waste in this household! Of course, he's also been begging me to let him play The Orange Box this week as well, so the kid does have taste. Amen.
RomeoDude @ Oct 13th 2007 12:37PM
My review of Yaris: BAD
Avarice @ Oct 13th 2007 12:50PM
My highly erudite review:
Yaris? Yeah, more like Yarisn't.
DemonGSides @ Oct 13th 2007 2:25PM
More like "You should stop trying to make puns!"
Diskoboy @ Oct 13th 2007 2:31PM
"Oh what a feeling!"???
They haven't run those commercials since the mid-80's, yet I remember them vivdly. And how everyone (at the end of the commercials) would jump in the air, and freeeze frame when it said "Toyota"
Good god, thanks for making me feel old.
DarthRandal @ Oct 14th 2007 10:09PM
This game, as horrible as it is, still isn't as bad as The Fifth Element on PS1. At least on Yaris I know what I kinda supposed to be doing.
Craig Ravitch @ Oct 14th 2007 8:34AM
This game is SO bad that Microsoft should have been paying it's customers MS Points for just DLing the thing!! Can someone PLEASE tell me how this game got through the myical "Cert Process" that MS claims is in place to only have "Quality" titles get on to XBLA??
John @ Oct 15th 2007 8:08AM
I like the game
Henry @ Oct 15th 2007 6:33AM
Sucks to be all of you. Lolz!!!!!121!!!!!!!!!!1!!!
BTW im a nintendo fan so haw!!!!1!!11!!~!!!!!
tyetheczar @ Nov 18th 2007 11:14PM
Hey, oy. Don't make such nonsense comments about Fall Out Boy. As emo and mainstream as they are, at least their talent matches their hype, oy. Now go hate on someone who DOES deserve destructive criticism, oy. Like Godsmack, Mudvayne, Mariah Carey etc.