We literally don't know what channel Spike is.
It's not the most noble start to our annual VGA liveblog, but it's the best we've got. We hope you'll hang in there with us as we detail all the ... well, whatever it is. Our man Kevin Kelly is inside, and he'll be giving us the dog's eye view.
And away we go!
11:00PM That's gonna do it for us. Thanks guys and gals.
10:58PM Ahh, Weezer. OK, here's the recap from Griffin and Justin.
"Most important, they've got to throw some more focus on the awards. Writing was really funny this year though, with only a few true clunkers. Definitely better than last year, and it's poised for legitimacy, we just want to see them get it." - Justin
"Close but no cigar. It was good, but they're not taking themselves seriously. Until they do, we won't." - Griffin
10:53PM So the awards are over ... what are they going to do with the remaining eight minutes?
10:51PM Game of the Year time. And the winner is Grand Theft Auto IV. That's ... well, that's just ridiculous. See, now's the time we want Gamecock to rush the stage.
10:49PM Uh Oh, it's game of the year time!
10:49PM You know what that trailer is? It's better than anything you've ever seen before or since.
10:47PM I think Rob Halford is about to kill Tim Schafer with a sword. Nope, it's a trailer.
10:45PM Finally, Jack Black is going to drop Brutal Legend on us, and Tim Schafer is coming out to the welcome he deserves. These awards are now worth the electons they were beamed on.
10:38PM Dear VGAs, until you pretend that these awards are important no one else is going to believe it.
10:37PM Now we blow through all the awards, because watching the actual awards is SOOO much less fun than watching Kevin James put human joy to death live on stage.
10:35PM Studio of the Year, shouldn't this be synonymous with Game of the Year? Either way, Media Molecule wins.
10:34PM This Mall Cop bit is PAINFUL. We'd rather watch a toddle get mauled by a wolverine.
10:29PM The best music game? Wii Music is in contention? Well, it's Rock Band 2, obviously.
10:27PM Sorry, the internet, but the trailer for Watchmen looks the opposite of good.
10:26PM So, what's with the silver angels hanging from the ceiling? Did they hire the topless girls on retainer for 3 years?
10:22PM We've taken a brief blogging break to video Q&A during 50 cent.
10:17PM Terminator Salvation is next up. 3rd person action, on rails shooting, Terminator music (in accordance with federal law).
10:10PM Well, that was just awesome. Go check that out if you haven't seen it yet.
10:08PM Busta is keeping it real. He hates trailers that aren't in engine. Here's Uncharted 2.
10:06PM Best RPG of the year is Fallout 3. Sadly, it seems that Fable 2 has been robbed. A tragedy.
10:04PM JB gets a "shit" through! Good thing it's after 10 p.m. P.S. Who let Jerry Stiller up there?
9:58PM This February, Lost and Damn gives pain the finger. Looks about how you'd expect, big focus on bikes, anger.
9:57PM Could Geoff K. BE more excited about this exclusive?
9:55PM Kim Kardashian is presenting Dante's Inferno. Too late, Kim, WE'RE ALREADY THERE. There's ... umm a lot of concept art. I guess it's pretty good concept art. At the end, there's a guy with a staff who jabs a cross in a someone's head.
9:47PM We're doing a live video Q & A during the All American Rejects.
9:42PM Kiefer's predicting a future where games and film merge. Keifer's predicting Sewer Shark!
9:41PM Look, it's Noted Video Game Aficionado (NVGA) Eliza Dushku. And she's introducing Jack Bauer. Life is good. Griffin, the internet and I all agree: We'd make sweet, sweet love to that man.
9:38PM Anyone catch the Kijutu freeze frame in the RE: Degeneration clip? We sure did.
9:34PM Best independent game FUELED BY DEW is obviously not World of Goo but rather Braid. Don't tell the VGAs. Also, an AWESOME technical snafu.
9:32PM NPH told Kevin Kelly that Barney only plays sex games. Now he's killed a man live. He name drops Proof but not Undercover Brother.
9:30PM One can't think and one eats ears. WE ALL LOSE.
9:29PM Hey, it's Peter Moore! Oh crap, now someone has given a microphone to Mike Tyson. And he's pimping a video game that isn't Punch-Out. I'm gonna be sick.
9:28PM First poop joke of the evening. Finally!
9:22PM Exclusive! World premiere! God of War 3! Big hands, I know you're the one. It's completely lacking it subtlety, but it's about what you expect.
9:21PM Gears of War 2 wins best shooter and best Xbox 360 game. Neither of us understand why that's a throwaway award.
9:20PM There was some footage of some wrestling something.
9:11PM L.L. Cool J is in the wings, bitches. Griffin and I are hoping for "Deepest, Bluest, My Hat Is Like a Shark's Fin."
9:08PM So, this girl is dropping on us the details of the Gears 2 content. Cole Train is helping her. No, it's really him. Her Xbox Live handle is "NOT APPLICABLE." New content is up 12 am EST TONIGHT!
9:05PM Is that the actual magical swirling caboose of the WiiFit girlfriend? We'll likely never know. Oh, Kage just killed Jable's healthy relationship. That's sad.
9:04PM Jack Black asks "Is there a heaven for video games?" Now he's being attacked by books. This is actually really funny. This had BETTER be the exception rather than the rule tonight.
9:01PM We're off to the races. Jack Black is pretending to kiss his 360 as a PS3 looks on ... no, wait, now he's making love to all of them. Griff and I both hate ourselves for laughing.