Joystiq

Multiple sources in and around Ziff Davis Media have told Joystiq that UGO Entertainment is on the verge of finalizing a deal to buy parts of Ziff's 1UP Network, including 1up.com, GameVideos.com and MyCheats.com.

The sources, who asked to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the talks, confirmed to Joystiq that the companies were in "very advanced talks" regarding the sale of many of Ziff's popular gaming web sites. 1UP Network editorial staff were reportedly informed of the potential sale in an all-hands meeting Tuesday and UGO executives will reportedly be flying out to meet with the Ziff staff as soon as Wednesday. Few details of the potential buyout plan are known at this time, but UGO reportedly plans to keep the Ziff sites operating independently as separate entities with their own branding, rather than subsuming them fully into the UGO Entertainment Network.

Our sources also report that UGO has little to no interest in purchasing either Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine or FileFront.com, two wavering pillars of Ziff's increasingly shaky Game Group. Ziff has had particular trouble selling ads for upcoming issues of EGM, suggesting that the February issue might be the final one for the long-running magazine, our sources reported. This adds credence to recent reports that Ziff may be looking to transform EGM into an online-only property. Ziff has been looking for a buyer for the beleaguered Game Group for at least two years.

UGO Entertainment started off in 1997 as Unified Gamers Online and currently attracts over 35 million unique monthly visitors to its general lifestyle portal at UGO.com. In July of 2007 the UGO Network was acquired by mega-publishing conglomerate Hearst Corporation. The network's current properties include GamingTarget.com, GameCheats.com and RPG-focused site GameBanshee.com, as well as celebrity-focused sites like At Pictures.

"Don't expect the perfect shooter" out of Gears of War 2." (3) "There's a lack of depth here -- an amalgam of recycled mechanics and ideas that ... never really gets anywhere." (1) "The game has what seems to be a disappointing lack of polish, what with the minor glitches that have crept in." (6) "The execution is frustrating" (1) and "one can't help but think that the team is still honing its level design, its pacing, its combat and its storytelling." (3)

"Overall, Gears of War 2 is ... essentially the same as its predecessor." (6) "It's as if the original Gears has gotten a face-lift, and been expanded upon, without much real change." (1) "The game's opening teaser ... could have been sliced out of the original title" (4) and "the basic gameplay, with the focus on taking cover and precise re-loading, as well as the dismal gray visual design, is little changed from the first Gears." (2) "The whole freshness and aspect of 'new' that came with the first game won't really come across here." (6)

The game's "major shortcoming is a mawkish and cliche-ridden story." (2) "The characters [are] as macho and stereotypical as ever," (3) and "so uninspired you can almost predict their next response or action -- usually some variation of a grim, determined assertion of their physical prowess." (1) "Do we really have to have the shit-scared new cadet who's barely old enough to shave, the general giving a rah rah speech consisting entirely of jingoistic clichés, and the loud-mouthed hick who calls his rig Betty (and has a fetishistic love for it)?" (3) "There's barely a single character beat that isn't cringe-inducing." (2)

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"Fallout 3 is not the game that hard-core, longtime Fallout fans are hoping for." (4) "The game is not the infallible masterpiece many ... expected." (6) "The real trouble is there's this air of ... incompetency to the game at large." (7) "You really notice it when you bump up against the technical and storytelling limitations of the game and its narrative structure." (3) "The game's filled with cock-ups so glaring that you almost wonder if it ever got play-tested before release." (7)

"There's no denying Fallout 3 is, as many already observed, 'Oblivion with guns.'" (5) Superficially, the world that Bethesda has created for Fallout 3 seems like Oblivion with a Fallout paint job. (4) "As was the case with Oblivion, they stumble badly when it comes to details and production values." (7) "Combat in Fallout 3 is also an obvious evolution of Oblivion's, right down to having the exact same delay timing when swinging a melee weapon." (4) "Dialogue is another element very similar to what we've seen in Oblivion." (5) "Fallout 3 does suffer the same failings as Oblivion, and one can't help but think these could have been improved upon." (8)

"Fallout 3's story ... just isn't as good as those of past Fallout games." (4) "The biggest single problem is the scriptwriting, which varies in quality throughout the whole venture. ... Every once in a while you'll hit upon something that's wincingly overblown, or else simply not appropriate for a Mad Max-style wilderness." (9)
"It even occasionally feels a bit stiff and sterile, thus diminishing the sense of emotional connection that would give some late-game decisions more poignancy." (1) "The silly comments made during fights and the consistently inane conversations detract from the overall sense of accomplishment." (6) Indeed, "the double whammy of shonky dialogue and wobbly acting rips the affecting edge off [the] atmosphere." (7)

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"While Fable 2 is now 'all grown up,' its new scale and gameplay elements expose some key issues that other RPGs of this scope have spent years ironing out." (9) "There are almost constant niggling annoyances that persist from the very second the disc enters the drive." (5)

"Fable II is short and easy, and the plot is mostly boring." (3) "Running through the core missions from start to finish would only take a handful of hours." (6) "You can race through the main storyline in around a dozen hours or so." (7) "There's not an incredibly large amount of content to go through, and it feels like Fable II pads the play experience by requiring you to venture multiple times through the same areas at different times throughout your journey to collect everything there is to find." (6)

"The story carries little weight" (2) with a "typical medieval revenge plot" (8) that's "slightly boring and sort of incoherent." (3) "The lack of meaningful character interaction and development is the reason the story often falls flat. ... Because the citizens of Albion are pretty one dimensional, it's difficult to get really attached to any of them. (2) "The simple combat and predictable story make the early moments feel slight." (2) and "the final boss fight is anticlimactic." (3) "If you're buying the game for the main plot, you're going to be disappointed." (3)

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We're already well acquainted with the idea of Wiis (and their remotes) injuring humans and TV sets. Now the UK's Telegraph is reporting that game systems are also causing a veritable epidemic of injuries to pets. A survey of 3,000 British pet owners shows that a full 10% of pets were injured by a Wii , while 8.3% sustained PlayStation-related injuries and 5.8% got injured by a DS.

Even accounting for some overlap between systems, those numbers would seem to suggest that British veterinarians are being overrun by little critters who chewed through component cables, swallowed portable systems, tripped on controller cords and the like. The numbers are much less worrying, though, when you consider the source for the survey: pet insurance provider PetPlan. Reminds us of that used car dealer who told us rust-proofing would increase the resale value of our car by 50% -- just not that credible. We still got the rust-proofing, though. When it comes to our Fiat, our motto is: better safe than sorry.

"Sony's game falls short of perfection, in large part because of imprecise controls." (1) "[They] left a few corners on what should have been a razor-sharp control scheme." (3) "Your Sackboy's jumping doesn't feel quite as precise as you might want it to be." (6) "After making a jump, Sackboy slides just a bit, as if he were on ice." (1) "We found ourselves forever overdoing jumps, slipping off ledges and generally getting into trouble at the hands of the controls." (6)

"Momentum is another issue. ... the physics don't feel right, so it takes more tries than necessary to complete the objective." (1) "Player acceleration (and perhaps deceleration) isn't as quick as it could be ... likewise, in-air direction change can be a little iffy at times ... making your character occasionally over or under-respond to what you want him to do." (3) "Combined with the vague, slow and over-zealously auto-corrected movement between the game's three planes of depth, it's a problem." (2)

To put it mildly, "the controls were a little fickle when it came to moving your character among the three planes of perspective." (8) "The three-tier system the levels use, allowing Sackboy to move in and out of the screen.... can cause real problems, ending in annoying and occasionally infuriating death." (6) "It works fine except when the game decides to shift you to another plane, which often kills Sackboy." (1) "There are instances where it doesn't do what you want it to do, and these points stick out like a sore thumb, especially when it means your death." (3) "I ... found myself getting ... frustrated as Sackboy found himself on the wrong plane, repeatedly, sometimes resulting in his untimely demise." (7)

"This is made all the worse by what can only be described as a terrible checkpoint system." (6) "Three lives just aren't enough for some of the harder sections, and if you lose them all, it's back to the start of the level. ... this inflexible system creates half a dozen choke points of almost unbearable, teeth-grinding irritation that simply didn't need to be there." (2) "It tests your patience to near breaking point." (6)

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All right, kiddies, we know all of you out there have dutifully replaced your DS with a gaming-powered iPhone 2.0, but with all that gaming power comes the responsibility to be careful. Thus, you should all be on the lookout for a new Windows virus masquerading as apparently popular iPhone game Penguin Panic.

According to Sophos, the computer-controlling Trojan shows up as a zipped attachment to an e-mail with a subject like "Virtual iPhone games!" or "Apple: The most popular game!" Ironically, it seems the virus won't actually infect your iPhone or any Mac-based computers. It also seems incapable of infecting other portable gaming systems, which should be a relief to those of you still living in the past with those long-defunct platforms.

Bad news for anyone who wants a new version of Cobra Triangle. It seems that Rare isn't looking to bring back any more of its classic franchises "at the moment," according to Senior Animator Elissa Miller. In an interview with Britain's 360 Gamer (re-reported by CVG), Miller explained "we've always got to have a reason to revive a franchise, we don't do games just for the sake of them." Fair enough, but really, if you just wanted to make a new Snake, Rattle 'n' Roll just for the sake of making it, well, we wouldn't really mind. Honest.

Remember way, way back (two weeks ago!) when GameStop CEO Dan DeMatteo said there was no "near-term end in sight for Wii shortages"? Well, one of his employees, VP of Merchandising Bob McKenzie, seem to have a decidedly different take on the problem, telling MTV Multiplayer's Stephen Totilo that the Wii supply situation this holiday season will be "much, much better than it has been the last two years."

While not directly contradicting his boss, McKenzie seemed much more hopeful about the supply of systems for the crucial months ahead. "I can't say we will be in stock every day throughout the holiday season," he said, "but I can tell you that the current flow we've seen coming from Nintendo on Wii hardware makes us very confident that we will meet the business model that we've got."

What's a potential Wii owner to do with these conflicting messages? We recommend playing it safe by taking a large tub of beef jerky and a few gallons of bottled water to your nearest GameStop and refusing to leave until you get the thin, white system you crave. It's a foolproof plan -- but when the police ask, tell them you came up with it yourself, OK?

See, the game has sold 967,675 copies in its first two days on Japanese store shelves, which is close to a million, which means that, if Pokémon Platinum were an American music album, it would almost be a platinum record. Once we realized that, the headline just wrote itself. As did this explanatory paragraph ...

Look, Pokémon games are still popular in Japan, all right? That's all we're trying to say here! Sheesh! We need a drink.

[Via DS Fanboy]

"At its worst, Rock Band 2 feels like a massive expansion pack." (3) "If your initial exposure to [Rock Band 2] was to walk into the room when your friends were already playing it, you'd probably think there was nothing different from the first Rock Band." (9) "If you're playing one of the songs from the original game, you could forget you're playing Rock Band 2." (7)

"Most folks... may be a bit disappointed to find World Tour largely unchanged." (4) Yes, "the World Tour mode itself is basically unchanged." (8) "The progression ... is almost completely identical to last year's, ... the world map uses the same art and the challenges are set up the same way as in the original." (4) "The World Tour hasn't changed too much." (1) "It's essentially the same show." (3) and "it's hard to notice the newness when there's a big chunk of game that is just the same as it ever was." (4)

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Back in July, a GameSpy preview for Rock Band 2 claimed "the phoneme detection system used for the 'talkie' parts [in Rock Band] has been completely stripped and a new one has been put in place [for Rock Band 2]." Well, Harmonix definitely stripped out the old system, but it seems to have forgotten to put a new one in its place, as the new game seems to award perfect vocal points if it detects any noise during the "talkie" parts.

We first became aware of this problem when we saw this video of a singer using a bunch of gibberish to pass the Beastie Boys' "So Whatcha Want" with a 100% rating on Expert difficulty. It's an impressive illustration of the faulty phoneme detection, but it's not wholly satisfying -- the singer is occasionally on rhythm and his voice occasionally does kind of match with the on-screen words. We wondered: how bad would a vocal performance have to be to fail this song?

The answer, apparently, is "worse than a monotone recitation of the U.S. Declaration of Independence." As shown in the above video we've put together, even a dry reading of a 200+-year-old political treatise can be victorious in a Rock Band 2 vocal battle. Rest assured, there's no computer trickery going on here -- this video was taken as a direct feed from the Xbox 360 and has not been edited in any way. Now we only have one more question: when will Harmonix put in that improved phoneme detection system it's long been promising.

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Since CNBC analyst Jane Wells granted us poor peons a glimpse into "the ultimate proof Sony is winning" two months ago, we at Joystiq have been eagerly awaiting another chance to hear from her son, the twelve16-year-old oracle who sealed Microsoft's fate by trading his Xbox 360 for a PS3. And lo, today the all-knowing king of business analysis didst speak once more, granting his youthful wisdom to us poor, unwashed masses.

"Hear me!" came the oracle's booming, high-pitched voice from on high as he surveyed his subjects from his beanbag chair throne. "Though mine PS3 still brings me pleasure, the pleasure of Xbox Live friends may be one that I have treated too lightly. My patience waiting for an offering of new games from Sony has forced me once more to explore the shores of Azeroth. Lo, though times are tough, do not be tempted by the spawn of Nintendo, for I would not be caught dead with that thing."

With that, the doors of knowledge closed with a shattering thud, once again leaving us confused and in the dark. Still, we thank our benevolent information masters for this new glimpse into the heart of the game industry, however brief.