Nearly two months after dragging reviewers out of their parent's cars and beating perfect 10s out of them, Rockstar has released a patch for Grand Theft Auto 4 targeting both the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 platforms. This patch notably addresses the oft-heard early complaints of "multiplayer connectivity issues" and "freezes during certain modes." There's a full list of 11 total fixes so, if you've been having trouble getting things done in Liberty City, Rockstar wants to offer you an apology and recommends taking this patch out for a test drive.

We've been railing against the LCPD for years, so it's nice to see a more mainstream publication like The Onion finally notice what we've been saying all along: Liberty City's cops are the absolute worst. Just look at this statistic: "Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered-nearly one-tenth of Liberty City's total population." Unacceptable.

It's even threatening to drive some people out of town! "Sure, we have excellent radio stations and an incredible range of things to see and do here," public defender Kiki Jenkins says. "But if I were younger, I'd move to Mario World in a second." We hear you Kiki, we hear you.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in.]

Believe it or not, there once was a time when Leslie Nielsen's resumé wasn't pockmarked with terrible, low-budget parody movies. No, the silver-haired comedy legend reached the pinnacle of his career by starring in, well ... fantastic, low-budget parody movies. Those who can recite "Airplane!" verbatim, or can fondly recall the misadventures of Detective Frank Drebin will probably recognize the above Grand Theft Auto IV machinima as the intro sequence for "The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad" (those who don't recognize it can watch the real deal after the break and pretend that they do).

It's an impressive, near shot-for-shot remake of the classic opening credits sequence -- sans the shower room scene, of course. That kind of vulgarity would never be allowed in a Rockstar title.

In the same conference call that gave us this head scratcher, Take-Two reps tap danced over a number of other issues, including their official reason for delaying GTA IV's hotly anticipated DLC, as well as any potential partnerships that may be lurking on the horizon.

Regarding the company's resolution to keep the GTA IV downloadable content out of players' hands until sometime between November 1 of this year and January 31, 2009, Take-Two's Strauss Zelnick calmly stated that the decision was based on "portfolio balancing," and that the delay was "not based on development issues." Even as our hearts ached for additional Liberty City shenanigans, Take-Two reps on the call remained enthusiastic, and for good reason, given that during the last quarter the GTA brand made up an impressive 78% of the firm's total publishing revenue.

As part of Take-Two's glowing second quarter financials, the publisher confirmed that Grand Theft Auto IV has been flying off shelves (GASP!), announcing that as of May 31, more than 11 million copies "have been sold in to retailers," while nearly 8.5 million units "have been sold through to consumers."

Take-Two further puffed out its financial chest this afternoon concerning the high profile title, boasting that GTAIV surpassed all-time entertainment records for day one and week one sales, selling about 6 million units worldwide and filling company wallets with more than $500 million in its debut week.

Those waiting for more Grand Theft Auto IV content will have to wait a little bit longer. According to Take-Two's Fiscal Q3 2008 report, the first batch of GTA IV downloadable content will be coming in Q1 of fiscal 2009, instead of the originally planned Q4 of fiscal 2008. In real calendar terms, that means the DLC, which is rumored to include whole new cities, is due between November 1, 2008, and January 31, 2009.

The reason behind the delay, according to Take-Two, was to "provide a better balance in Take-Two's release schedule." The statement specifically mentioned Xbox 360, with no talk of content for the PS3.

With the amount of hype, advertising, positive reviews and media attention Grand Theft Auto IV has received over the past few months, we wholly expected it to remain on top of the software sales charts until our video game consoles grew sentient and attempted to purge humanity from the planet. Strangely enough, a dark horse recently overtook Rockstar's well-received crime drama in many European territories -- a horse mounted by a brawny, rippling Cimmerian.

Yes, Funcom's decapitation-rich MMORPG Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures recently outsold GTA IV in a number of European locations, including Germany and Sweden. Since Rockstar's latest opus is still selling like freshly baked hotcakes in North America, we can't help but wonder if GTA's themes of living the American dream and hooker brutalization got lost in translation as the title crossed the Atlantic -- or whether Age of Conan's musclebound mascot reminds German gamers of a certain pop culture icon who is quite revered in their country.

Proficient purveyor of sales data, Chart-Track, has informed Eurogamer that the Xbox 360 has established an 18% UK sales lead over the PlayStation 3, following the launch of Grand Theft Auto IV. Rockstar's open-world crime romp is said to have sold over 1.3 million copies in the UK, with 57% of sales in the first four weeks going to the Xbox 360. That obviously leaves 72% 12% 43% on the PlayStation 3.

While the sales traction gained in GTA IV's wake has been more dramatic for the Xbox 360, year-to-date sales still place the PlayStation 3 ahead in the UK. According to Chart-Track's 2008 figures, there still remains a 10% gap between the two rivals.

Update: Apparently, this particular blending mystery was solved a while ago -- however, Tom Dickson promised us a free Blendtec blender if we brought it up again. We apologize for our unquenchable thirst for outrageously overpowered kitchen appliances.

Considering that Blendtec's doomsday device has already proved its ability to obliterate bricks, fake diamonds, small buildings and many large breeds of dogs, it should come as no surprise that (spoiler alert) it can chew through a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV with ease. What is surprising is host Tom Dickson's incredibly short fuse -- apparently, when something provides him with the smallest amount of displeasure, it finds itself on the business end of the appliance's screaming blades. For the sake of Tom's children (who likely have perfect grades and manners out of fear of a liquefying punishment), we remind the charismatic host that with great blending power comes great blending responsibility.

What better way to use your Grand Theft Auto IV Special Edition tin box that turning it into a functional PC? You can see the whole project at mini-itx (via OXM; thanks, PrivateRyan). Check out the highlights for today:

Joystiquery
Joystiq hands-on: Alone in the Dark (360)
Law of the Game on Joystiq: Used to be Fair
Meet the Team: Ludwig Kietzmann
Metareview -- Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode One (PC/360)
The Best Of Big Download: May 16-22, 2008
X3F Week in Review: May 16, 2008 - May 22, 2008

News
GameTap Thursday: Dangerous Waters of The Chosen
Crimson Skies return uncertain, Dark Void for now
KingsIsle casting MMO spell on kiddos with Wizard101
PS3 Guitar Hero III getting free God of War track in June
See first screens from Guitar Hero: World Tour
Sublime joins Guitar Hero: World Tour, Activision confirms previous acts, details
BioShock officially coming to PS3
Bethesda and Splash Damage team up, make googly eyes
Castlevania, Pac-Man film adaptations (re)appear on radar
Team Fortress 2 DLC coming to Xbox 360, maybe not PS3
Squad commands axed for Gears of War 2, other answers
GameStop keeps the cash faucet on full blast for Q1
A cleaner look at next-gen, cel-shaded Prince of Persia
Microsoft: No spring dashboard update this year
Xbox.com 'tool' to fix XBLA DRM fiasco next month
Xbox Live size limit upped to 350MB, price limit to 1600 MS points
Underperforming XBLA titles to be delisted
PSN Thursday: Oh boy ... well, there's The Con
Finally: WiiWare to get beer pong game
Riccitiello buys $1 million in EA stock
Wii gives shelved Xbox title a second chance
New Oddworld game in the works, may be 'years' off
Lego Batman: Joker, Harley, Scarecrow and Two Face trailers
Film-focused game dev Brash loses president, hope

Rumors & Speculation
Japanese songs may hit Rock Band soon
Microsoft: PGR5 could be driven by Forza dev

Culture & Community
Zero Punctuation pops old Painkiller for fun
Tim Schafer had a baby! (not literally)

You can hear it right now on the MySpace page of voice actor Michael Hollick, the man who lent his larynx to Rockstar for GTA IV's lead. We'd suggest "Out of the Blue" to really complete the Niko crooning vibe. Just don't blame us when you can't take him quite as seriously when he's mowing down pedestrians.

Things that won't surprise you

April proved to be yet another lucrative month for the ol' gaming biz, with total industry sales reaching $1.23 billion, reports GameDaily. Software sales in particular grew to $654.7 million, an increase of 68% carried on the fine leather seats of Grand Theft Auto IV's recently stolen convertible. Rockstar's urban riffraff romp sold 2.85 million copies -- that's 1.85 million on Xbox 360 and 1 million on PS3 -- while Nintendo's Wii took the top spot in hardware sales. Mario Kart Wii, however, had to settle for second place.

Things that will surprise you

It was a photo finish for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3, but the photographers had likely packed up and left for the day by the time the steeds reached the finish line. Selling 188K and 187.1K units respectively, the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 were thoroughly bested by the systems that didn't have GTA IV. We'd feel a bit silly if we were them.

- Wii: 714.2K 6.8K (0.94%)
- DS: 414.8K 283.2K (40.6%)
- PSP: 192.7K 104.3K (35.1%)
- Xbox 360: 188K 74K (28.2%)
- PS3: 187.1K 69.9K (27.2%)
- PS2: 124.4K 91.6K (42.4%)

You'll find the top ten in software sales after the break.

PlayStation 3 firmware update 2.35 is now available. According to the US PlayStation Blog, v2.35 is "a relatively minor update to improve stability of some PS3 titles." We're willing to wager a handful of stolen cars that "some PS3 titles" is a better way of saying Grand Theft Auto IV, whose compatibility with older PS3 models has become a topic of discussion and a sore spot for early adopters of Sony's console. An alleged Take-Two email yesterday hinted at a Sony firmware update.

Download now and let us know if the game's technical hiccups (for those that had them) have been eradicated.

Update: As noted in the comments of the blog by Sony's Al de Leon, this upgrade does not fix GTA IV. Said de Leon, "I just want to clarify that this upcoming firmware update isn't related to GTA IV. For those of you who may still have an issue playing the game on your PS3, we have identified a solution that should resolve the issue. You can contact SCEA Consumer Services for support."

It's simple, though not hand-drawn. Still, it gets the point across. We loved A Softer World's entry in this week's webcomic wrapup and, lo and behold, so did you. Congratulations on top honors.

Second and third place go to Super Effective and Penny Arcade, respectively. Thanks to everyone who voted, and be sure to let us know of any game-related webcomics you stumble upon this week!

There it was. A quiet, thoughtful moment, right in the midst of our rat-a-tat assault. There's not much room for unnecessary thought during a drive-by shooting -- aim and pull the trigger, aim and pull the trigger -- but this one provided an odd moment of stillness and clarity. As time slowed to a crawl and a prostitute's unlucky encounter with our front bumper became a slow-motion aerial ballet, we saw the world. Peering out the window at our decaying urban surroundings, we could think of only one question. "What would this be like ... in a game?"

Grand Theft Auto IV attempts to answer that question, reshaping New York City into the architecturally approximate, but satirically scathing Liberty City. Flickr user (and blogger) Matthew Johnston has created a photo set that compares the Big Apple to its rotten, in-game core, with various real and virtual landmarks placed side by side. We think you should check it out.