Namco Bandai made its Splatterhouse redo even more official today, revealing that Killzone scriptwriter Gordon Rennie (better known for Judge Dredd and Necronauts comics, among many others) has signed on to help retell the story of Rick, a college student who attempts to rescue his girlfriend from the evil depths of the sinister West Mansion, only to be transformed by his own inner demons when he dons the ... Terror Mask. Rennie's "original storyline" will deviate from the 1988 arcade game as Rick ventures "beyond the mansion" and into the Sega Genesis sequels to "the ends of the world." But let's be real, this sorta game lives and dies by its blood, guts and gore; not plot twists or character development. Enter: BottleRocket Entertainment.

Like good bloggers, we masked our complete lack of excitement for a new Splatterhouse in a milky coating of sarcastic enthusiasm. But after seeing the above character model for the game's (we're betting anti-)hero Rick Taylor ... we kind of wish we'd laid it on a bit thicker. To remove our remaining layers of subtlety: We're saying it looks bad, or, at the very least, underwhelming.

But there, in the distance, is that a ray of hope? Indeed it is, friends, because we also learned today that Splatterhouse is being created by bottleRocket, a developer founded by the team that made the excellent Mark of Kri and sequel Rise of the Kasai. We're still not crazy about the license, but we're definitely more intrigued than we were a few minutes ago.

When we think of great gaming experiences that are long overdue for a revival, only one name comes to mind. No, not RocketKnight Adventures (good call though) ... it's Splatterhouse. If we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times: storytelling in games needs an injection of creativity! So what better property to invest our trust in than Namco Bandai's Splatterhouse? It's got it all: an evil mansion (the titular Splatterhouse, naturally); a Friday the 13th-style hockey mask ... err, "terror mask"; and a unique protagonist named Rick Taylor fighting gross, puss-filled baddies in a supernaturally enhanced quest to save his girlfriend.

With that said, we're sure you'll relish the news – literally bursting through the cover of next month's EGM – that Splatterhouse has had an ancient Mayan sacrificial mask strapped to its corpse and been resurrected for "next-gen" consoles, on a mission to retrieve money straight out of our wallets. But really, Splatterhouse?

It's time to don your Terror Mask and grab a chainsaw. According to Hudson's Virtual Console list, next month will bring rise to Splatterhouse and Double Dungeons on the Nintendo Wii.

Splatterhouse is a classic gorefest, full of blood and guts and severed hands that flick you off (an homage to Evil Dead II, to be sure). It's a welcome addition the Virtual Console and one of the few titles guaranteed to earn an M rating. Double Dungeon is a first-person RPG similar to Wizardry.

Sega also recently announced four titles, including Vectorman and Beyond Oasis, for release soon, likely in March.