We feel kind of dirty giving any sort of attention to the cancerous boil on film directing that is Uwe Boll, but when the guy is acting this freaking weird we just can't help ourselves. Boll has followed up his offer to stop directing if an online petition against him reached 1,000,000 signatures with a heavily-accented YouTube video that manages to insult Eli Roth, Michael Bay, George Clooney and practically all of Hollywood as "fucking retards" that don't understand that Boll is "the only genius in the whole fucking business."

While Tinseltown insults are all well and good, what really interested us was Boll's call for a "pro Boll petition" to counteract the anti-Boll forces. Boll said he "expect[s] a million votes, Pro Boll," and he's already well on his way, with a whopping 72 signatures so far on the Pro-Boll petition set up by FilmDrunk.com. That's a far cry from the 137,644 that have signed the anti-Boll petition as of this writing, but maybe it takes "the only genius in the whole fucking business" to understand the vagaries of the math involved.

Watch the video and read a transcript of Boll's rant after the break.

Confrontational and often criticized film director Uwe Boll, known for such stellar standouts like Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne adaptations, has signed with Freestyle Releasing for the distribution of three films: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Postal and Seed, the latter notable for not being adapted from a video game.

The Dungeon Siege adaptation is due out January 18 in 2,500 theaters across North America, which means you'll likely have a chance to witness it, should you honestly choose to pay for it. (Given Boll's history and the film's long-delayed release, we're not expecting much.) Postal will actually beat Dungeon Siege to theaters, slated for September 28. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Boll said that "the film likely will open on 500 screens and grow from there based on box office."

When the games come out, you'll finally be able to judge for yourself. Be careful what you say, however: you might end up on the other end of a directorial uppercut.

Critically bashed, critic-bashing and chronically inept filmmaker, Uwe Boll, has once again edited together a sequence of disparate and decidedly amateurish sequences into something loosely resembling a movie. No doubt risking some sort of infection, the folks at 1UP have embedded a NSFW and NSFH (Not Safe for Humanity) trailer of his latest videogame adaptation, Postal, into one of their pages. They're certainly a brave lot.

Powered by Z-grade star power and disturbing nudity, the trailer boldly declares the film's intention to be the most disgusting and most offensive piece of celluloid known to man.

So, just the usual Boll film then.

[Thanks, Jonah]

Watch -- Postal Trailers (yes, plural)

Infamous video game director Uwe Boll is going to have to find a new "star" to drag through the mud. Kristanna Loken, star of two Boll films -- BloodRayne and the as-of-yet unreleased In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- has thrown the "engaged to be engaged" ring back in Uwe's face and has decided to move on to bigger and better things. BloodRayne 2 is just not in the Hollywood stars for Loken. Good move, Ms. Loken, Uwe just isn't good enough for you.

Loken's official statement is that she's too busy working on Painkiller Jane, a Sci-Fi series. Replacing Loken as Rayne (and Uwe's next "fling") in BloodRayne 2 (the first one warranted a sequel?) is Natassia Malthe. After checking IMDB, we discovered that Malthe doesn't exactly have a stellar career of her own. We have to respectfully inform Ms. Malthe that those "Oscars" in Uwe's office are made of Papier-Mâchè.

Loken's excuse for not working on a third Boll movie and reprising her role as Rayne is questionable. Maybe Loken decided it was about time to get out of the acting gutter and start working on some better projects? In any case, that hasn't stopped Boll from wasting other people's money; working on future flops such as Postal, Far Cry, Alone in the Dark 2 (again with the sequels) and non-gaming IP Seed. Who knows, maybe BloodRayne 2 will turn out like Superman Returns as Uwe claims; a dull movie that somehow managed to make a profit.

(We are proactively denying any future boxing challenges Uwe Boll may deliver ... you fight too dirty, bro.)

Game Set Watch has managed to obtain a handful of images of Postal creator Vince Desi filming his cameo for the upcoming Uwe Boll adaptation. Desi plays Krotchy, a giant penis, and it appears he will be in a penis suit for the duration of his screen time.

Gamasutra also netted an interview with Desi. Where he talks about Postal 3, the decision to use the Source engine, and his reasons for going with Uwe Boll for the movie. Postal 3 is scheduled for an Xbox 360 release sometime in 2008.

Someone, for the love of every video game ever made into a movie, PLEASE stop Uwe Boll. We mean physically stop the guy. Find out where he's shooting, go out there, and take the camera away from him. Be sure to destroy any writing utensils or anything he might use to draw with as well.

Why? Because he's recently announced that he's making BloodRayne 2. That's right, a sequel to what people have been calling one of the worst films of the past few years. Don't forget, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith came out in the last few years and so did Aeon Flux, Elektra, Son of the Mask, and The Pacifier.

The movie, like the first one, will no doubt have nothing to do with the game, but will have everything to do with sucking. That's despite the presence of Kristanna Loken, who really needs to take Uwe's number out of her cell phone.

Anti-filmmaker Uwe Boll has beaten another one of his critics completely senseless -- and this time it was in a boxing ring, not a darkened cinema. Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka of Something Awful infamy was the second to fall to the raging Boll's flying fists in a PR-driven series of boxing matches. Like any dignified artist, Boll vowed to silence critics by punching them in the face, proving once and for all that ... well, we're not sure what exactly this proves. We know he's a good boxer, at least.

In a video interview after the match, Kyanka amusingly points out that he now detests Uwe Boll not as a movie misdirector, but as a human being. According to the pummeled pundit, Boll offered to give his victims training beforehand and promised that his punches would be just for show. Quite apparently, that was not the case (video embedded after the break). Regardless, it now becomes clear that critics played right into Boll's gloved ham-hands. The selected participants arguably never stood a chance, something the video game violator well aware of in his struggle for Pyrrhic victory. Punching out a critic does not make his films any less craptacular and the whole fiasco has made him look like a fight-makes-right psychopath.

1UP contributor, Albert Art, snapped some pictures at the event and even conducted a brief interview with Boll. When asked why he continues to make video game films, Boll responds with an enlightening, "I keep doing video game based movies because look why not, all the comic-book get made into movies, even comics that sold 2000 copies there are movies out from it, why like big famous videos games shouldn't turn into movies." That about says it all.

[Thanks, albertart and VGM!]

Read - Something Awful's forum responds
Read - Albert Art's event coverage and interview
Watch - Video interview with Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka after the match
Watch - Boll's previous boxing match

Uwe Boll (the man responsible for making a mockery of video game movies -- all three of his video game movies appear on IMDB's Bottom 100 list) finally managed to silence one of his critics yesterday. He didn't do it by making a movie worth squat, but by applying his fists to the mouth of Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello, webmaster of Cine Cutre.

Despite his inability to satisfy film critics (or perhaps because of it) Boll's no idiot. First, he knows how to box. Second, he's selected a bunch of pudgy web geeks (not unlike yours truly) to face him in the ring. Of course he's going to win.

At least Boll's good at something.

Alone in the Dark 5 looks gorgeous. That's really all there is to say about these images. Well, that, and they're really scary -- almost as scary as Uwe Boll. After all, the game is set in Central Park, the scariest place on earth. If you haven't looked into this game yet, be sure and check out the official site for more creepy goodness. We have to ask, who wants this game, and who wants it right now?

Widely known for his anti-masterpieces, House of the Dead, Bloodrayne and Alone in the Dark, German film director Uwe Boll drew plenty of internet ire in June by sending out a public challenge to his (many, many) detractors. Like any civilized and intelligent human being, Boll decided that the best way to deal with those that disagreed with his artistic vision for videogame adaptations was to punch them in the face, grr! The invitation urged haters to fly to Vancouver and meet the German in the boxing ring for a one-on-one session of metaphorically rich pummeling. Internet casino Goldenpalace.com has issued a press release stating that they will be the ones to sponsor the event, now dubbed "Raging Boll."

Naturally, the prestige gained from having your event backed by an internet casino cannot be overstated. The joint's CEO, Richard Rowe, notes that Boll's attention grab is refreshingly ridiculous. "We receive so many outlandish offers for advertising exposure that it is refreshing to see something that surprises even us. That is why we decided to get involved. This has gotten so much attention so far, and we can't wait to see how it will turn out." Before starting proper on 23 September, Uwe will stop off in Spain to battle Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello, a critic who has already vowed to Kill Boll (challenge video embedded in the latter section of the post). After that bout, Boll will face Something Awful's Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, Jeff Sneider from Ain't It Cool News, Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue and Nelson Chance Minter from Website Critic.

All the fights will be filmed for inclusion in Boll's Postal film, no doubt rendered vaguely entertaining by showing his face deteriorating over the course of the event. It may even prove to be beneficial to his career -- a few brutal blows to the head might be just the thing to bring him to his senses. Perhaps then he'll realize how difficult it is to hold on to credibility when you've got boxing gloves on your hands.

[Via GameSetWatch]

The man every gamer loves to hate has accepted an application to knock out (or get knocked out by) one of his many critics: Something Awful's Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. Like a man of his word, Uwe Boll will not back down from those who seek to knock him from his throne of cinema la crap.

So, unrelenting in their constant Boll-bashing, Something Awful is ready to step up to the plate and take one for the team: "I sent Mr. Boll an email, asking him if his offer still stood. Would he still fly me up to participate in one of his unintentionally horrific non-horror films, this time with the lure of physically kicking the snot out of me on film? Well folks, I'm proud to say the answer was 'yes.'"

I wonder if Boll truly knew what he was getting into when he opened his big mouth. Perhaps he wouldn't be as hated around the Internets if he wasn't so outspoken about everything. Mr. Boll, please do us all a favor, shut your trap and try your hardest not to make movies that make us feel abused and insulted.

[Via Destructoid]

Truth is indeed stranger than fiction, unless that fiction is the work of German film-butcher Uwe Boll, in which case its ability to destroy brain cells while melting your ocular receptors is pretty darn strange in and of itself. Otherwise, truth is stranger. Like when Sir Uwe released a press statement urging his critics to "put up or shut up!" Seriously.

If you published at least two negative reviews of any of Uwe's films before 2006, either online or in print, submit proof to info@boll-kg.de and (if yours were especially mean) you could be selected as one of five lucky winners to throw down with Uwe in a 10-bout match. There are some caveats: you can't have two X chromosomes (sorry ladies); you have to be between 140 and 190 pounds (sorry skinny kung-fu guys); you can't ask for money (sorry opportunists). All you get is a hotel room in Vancouver and the possible lifelong satisfaction of knowing that the entire gaming community was living through you, vicariously, while you pounded on Uwe.

In my opinion, the concept behind this home-made trailer for a fictional Pac-Man movie surpasses that of any other full length movie based on a game. Not that it's got much competition. Choice quote: "It looked like some kind of man, some kind of... Pac-man."

[Thanks, Justin]

Metal Gear Solid creator, Hideo Kojima, has already ruled out Uwe Boll ("it's impossible") as a directorial candidate of a possible cinematic adaptation of the celebrated series, without confirming that such a project was even under way ... until now, that is. Gamespot reports that the Kojima Productions spoof of the E3 Show Daily, dubbed "Show Maybe," teases, "In a late-breaking surprise announcement, director Hideo Kojima revealed that his most famous creation -- Metal Gear Solid -- is getting the live-action treatment."

On the back page Kojima writes, "I have received many offers to adapt Metal Gear Solid. It has taken a long time, but we have finally settled on an arrangement ... False facts aside, a movie project is underway. I have finalized a Class-A contract with a party in Hollywood." Now that the cat's out of the bag, expect periodic updates leading up to the 2007 release of Metal Gear Solid 4. Who's directing? Whose starring? For once, fans can't complain about lengthy cut scenes!

From the "news so icky it makes you itch" department, Mike Mullen of AOL Games wrote to let us know that we'd somehow missed his scoop on Uwe Boll's announcement that he'd managed to score rights to direct (and ruin, probably) a trilogy of movies based on Blizzard's hit Starcraft series of real-time strategy games.

No actors or actresses have been confirmed, according to AOL, though Boll does have a short list in mind. We're still having trouble believing that Blizzard would ever lend the Starcraft name to a guy known (and reviled) across all of gamedom, but then again, Blizzard parent company Vivendi is known to have quite an appetite for game-to-movie and movie-to-game adaptations. Bloody hell.