E3 was brütal! If you blinked, for a split/second, you missed something. Even if you were trine to keep up, it was a blur -- staying a.wake like that, you only pushed yourself to the brink of your own dark void. That's where Joystiq comes in; to crackdown on the madness; to reach out ... with conviction -- phew! Crysis averted.

We've scoured the dark corners and survived the inferno to piece together this roundup of all things Xbox at E3. Why? Just 'cause we love you. So, draw nier and shift your eyes past the break.

So we're Bayonetta in this city and we're kicking monsters and shooting things with our boot guns and all of a sudden this giant statue comes to life we're dodging and our clothes are disappearing and then there's lava everywhere so we run on the skyscrapers and fight angels and we're chased by a tsunami and then we're in a cathedral and there's a dragon coming through the window and we're fighting it and then it lifts off and it's flying and the cathedral is flying and everybody's flying and fighting and shooting and what is going on.

While Joystiq sends bloggers to E3 for teh newz, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon sends Jason Sudeikis for teh lawls, as the latest episode of the late-night program shows. Available to watch right now on Hulu, highlights include Jason's brief stop by the Bayonetta area at Sega's booth, and a rather hilarious exchange with Infinity Ward about Modern Warfare 2. It's quality entertainment, and Sudeikis does a good job of making lighthearted fun of a show that we worked so hard to cover super seriously this week. Enjoy.

[Thanks, Wesley!]

Well, that's a relief. Having previously expressed his desire to make Bayonetta "sadistically hard," director Hideki Kamiya was ready to address our concern that the game might turn off less dedicated gamers. Shortly after demonstrating some of the game's absurd action, Kamiya told us (via translator) that the over-the-top insanity and brutal difficulty stemmed from personal taste -- this is the kind of game he likes to play!

However, Kamiya acknowledged that he won't be the only one to play it, and has added both "easy" and "very easy" modes, which introduce less complex combo controls. You'll be able to experience Bayonetta's dazzling attacks and mad set pieces without having to be a "hardcore maniac player," he explained.

We'll be playing on hard, by the way. Ahem.

We can barely follow all of the crazy-fast action going on in this Bayonetta trailer. We know it's an action game, but we didn't know it was an action game fueled by crack cocaine. Hmm, maybe the suplexing of dragons should have given away the drug-addled puppetmaster pulling at the title's strings?

Regardless, if you find yourself able to keep up with all of the crazy action going on here, then you should probably check to see if you're Sonic the Hedgehog.

What do monsters made entirely of hair, gratuitous poses and flaming middle fingers all have in common? They can all be found in the latest trailer for Bayonetta. It seems that every time we get a brand-new glimpse of Platinum Games' action title, it always manages to up the ante on the craziness. Last time, it was all about giving dragons suplexes. Now? Our leading lady uses her flaming purple middle finger to power up her motorcycle.

But it's not all about the absurd; there's also key info on Bayonetta's story to absorb ... which is, okay, rather absurd as well. A new blonde baddie was revealed in the trailer and it looks like she'll be our heroine's main rival. Check all of it out in the clip after the break. But please, try to maintain your sanity.

Source: Eurogamer
Source: Buttonbasher

Over on the Platinum Games website, an animator by the name of Eijiro has posted a short article concerning the development of animations for the enemies in Bayonetta. The article discusses the ways that enemy animations help engage players in the action and also the role that animations play in a game's difficulty. Using some sample animations, Eijiro states that enemies often have a tell that is used prior to an attack, which gives players a small window to decide how to react, whether it be by countering or dodging the impending strike.

As Eijiro notes, if this window is too long, the engagement is lost because the player feels no danger. If it's too short, the game becomes too difficult for the average player. Most gamers probably have an intrinsic understanding of the principles mentioned in the article, but it's worth reading for a more detailed understanding of a game design aspect that's easy to overlook. After all, if it's done right, you shouldn't notice it at all.

The Bayonetta blog in Japan posted something pretty interesting recently: A prototype video showing the game's heroine in her earliest days, fighting generic baddies in a sealed room. The blog post says this video comes from the game's first month of development, which says a lot for the title because oh man we would totally play this early build like crazy. If you think she looks graceful in the latest trailers, then you're sure to enjoy watching her first few kills ever.

[Via GameSetWatch]

Sega's official Twitter account has confirmed several games that will be shown at E3 2009. The financially troubled slave drivers of Sonic have stated the following games will be on display:

• Alpha Protocol
• Bayonetta
• Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games
• Planet 51
• The Conduit
• Vancouver 2010

Titles we notice are missing so far: Infinite Space, Sands of Destruction, Phantasy Star Zero ... and any of the Aliens games. Hm, no standalone Sonic game ... is that even possible? We'll keep our fingers crossed for a Valkyria Chronicles sequel announcement at the show -- or at least some ports.

If you've ever wanted to live the life of a Joystiq blogger at a press event, we're about to give you the virtual experience. Just start watching the video of Sega's spring press conference below the jump. Then freak out, because everybody's speaking Japanese. You don't speak Japanese! Why didn't anyone tell you it was going be in Japanese!? OK, OK, calm down, you can get through this, let's just take it slow.

OK, footage from Bayonetta ... hmm, we've already posted this, we're OK there. Oh crap, that's the End of Eternity logo, that's the new tri-Ace RPG! ... Wow, they're still talking about it, really hope this isn't important because you totally don't speak Japanese. ... Finally, after 22 minutes, some new footage appears! Let's post this sucker on the internet and beat the rush to the free sandwiches.

[Via Siliconera]

By his own account, Platinum Games modeler Kenichiro "Yoshi" Yoshimura poured in just the right amount of "blood and sweat" into the Bayonetta character model (sparing his tears, apparently). The end result has been described by the ESRB as "suggestive," contributing to the game's M-rating (of course, let's not overlook the part that "torture attacks," impaling, decapitating, dismembering, and demonic summoning play in that rating too). Specifically, Yoshi paid particular attention to perfecting Bayonetta's "backside," which, along with her breasts, can be ogled (or snickered at) during brief, in-game exposure -- oddly, in the midst of battle, according to the ESRB. "I guess I am into that sort of thing," Yoshi observes of his posterior fixation.

While popular culture long ago OD'ed on anatomically eye-popping fabrications ("there are people actually proportioned like Bayonetta" ... just not any of us), video games have been traditionally confined to more adolescent incarnations of this theme, tiptoeing into the "adult" world every now and then. But if everything else is "jiggling" and "gyrating" and spreading its legs in our faces, shouldn't we allow games to taunt us too? Wait. Don't answer that. Answer this: Do we really want them to?

In Tokyo last night, Sega quietly announced plans for a "simultaneous worldwide release for Fall 2009" of action/hair manipulation game Bayonetta. New screens revealed at the event show the game's heroine battling enemies on the side of a building, unleashing her guillotine on another and fighting a really, really shiny dragon. Would we expect any less from Devil May Cry director Hideki Kamiya?

As the press event held in Tokyo was, as you might expect, all in Japanese, we've reached out to Sega of America for confirmation of the worldwide-ness of this announcement. Call us skeptical, but we expect the next time we hear about the game won't be until E3.

[Via Inside-Games.jp]

Our impressions of Bayonetta have been consistently favorable, and now we must invent new heights for our appreciation to soar. Following our viewing of this latest trailer -- the highlight of which is the game's heroine suplexing a giant dragon because we weren't lying in the headline of this post -- we've come to believe that Bayonetta's release cannot come soon enough. And it doesn't even have a release date yet, so it's that much tougher.

Sure, it looks a lot like Devil May Cry, but is that such a bad thing? Let us hold hands through this near two minute video ride together, and embrace the action. And maybe watch her suplex that dragon 3 or 4 more times.

Director Hideki Kamiya wants to be upfront about his new project, Bayonetta, as much as possible and wants to let gamers know what they're getting into. "With Bayonetta, we would hate for someone to think it is a heartwarming tale and then buy the game to discover it is really a sadistically hard game (I hope...)," says Kamiya in his first entry on Bayo-Blog.

Kamiya warns not to let the gentle-looking female lead fool you, pointing out that Bayonetta is full of "hardcore battle action." We think this comes through clearly enough, judging from the Devil May Cry vibe we've picked up from the past couple of screenshots and vids.