You've soldiered through the entirety of the recent XBLA re-release of Duke Nukem 3D, taking special care to fulfill the game's unique achievement requirements. You receive the standard reward for your hard work and dedication, a 200 point boost to your already impressive Gamerscore -- though you quickly realize with glee that 3D Realms has provided an additional prize for your feat: Two new screenshots for a game that is never, ever, ever coming out.

Yes, unlocking every achievement in Duke Nukem 3D reveals two new screenshots for the title's oft-delayed follow-up in the art gallery. Though some may consider it a stretch to call screenshots from the Duke's supposedly upcoming title "art", we find any sign of life for the highly-quotable shooter utterly refreshing.

Is that the sound of Satan sharpening his skates? According to a new interview with Team Xbox, 3D Realms boss George Broussard implies that – dare we say? – development of Duke Nukem Forever is going along swimmingly. You know, just like it has been since ... 1998.

All most kidding aside, Broussard tells the site that the developer has "several hours of fairly polished game to play," and that, "It's fun, it's in focus, we know what bits are fun and which are not, and it's just a matter of time now." But clearly, time moves a little slower in 3D Realms', er ... realm. Given that the company has already denied reports that it's coming this year, we'll have to make due with Duke Nuken 3D on XBLA "sometime in September." Of 2008. Really. Promise.

[Via Big Download]

The 2008 Penny Arcade Expo Omegathon V lineup has been revealed and it feels surprisingly casual. There's no Doom or Quake title like we've seen in every previous Omegathon. Also new: starting the first round with a non-board game (Jenga has been pushed to round 5). Here's the list:

• Round 1: Peggle
  
• Round 2: Boom Blox
• Round 3: Pictionary
• Round 4: Rock Band (Our guess is Rock Band 2)
  
• Round 5: Jenga
  
• Final Round: *** TOP SECRET ***
  

The 20 Omeganauts have already been chosen (congratulations to any Joystiq readers who made the cut!); first prize this year is a trip for two to the Tokyo Game Show with all expenses paid and $5,000 in "walking around money."

While last year's Omegathon skipped the previous tradition of using a classic retro title (Pong, Combat, Tengen Tetris), every year has featured an id Software shooter. With Rage, Doom 4 and the new Wolfenstein looking unlikely, we're trying to think of another potential, unreleased FPS that could top last year's surprise Halo 3 inclusion. If Tycho and Gabe are looking to make our heads explode, maybe they can get Duke Nukem Forever. We won't find out until minutes before the final round on Sunday, August 31 at 4:30 PM PT.

In the meantime, check out the list of past Omegathon lineups, and feel free to make your own and play along at home.

Please ignore the noise coming from the kitchen, dear readers. That's just a little pot called 3D Realms calling next month's kettle of a conference, the E3 Media and Business Summit, black. Scott Miller, the head honcho at the Texas-based dev, recently spoke out against the annual event in hilarious fashion, calling the gathering "irrelevant" while confirming that 3D Realms' perpetually-delayed Duke Nukem Forever would not be shown. Shocking!

"In fact," he added. "I wasn't even aware it was coming up." On the one hand, we're left agape at the sheer irony of his words. On the other hand, however, this is coming from a company whose primary contribution to the industry is the poster child for inconsequential flotsam so – keeping that in mind – it seems reasonable that 3D Realms knows 'irrelevant' when it sees it.

Wow. We have had tons of news, downloads and new content for Big Download this week . . .and that's just for Diablo III. Let's take a look at the highlights for the past week.

Exclusive Features

• Games for Windows Press Conference: We attend Microsoft's press event where they give their views on the future of PC gaming.
• Guide to TF2 Pyro Achievements: Want a details look at all of the new achievements you can get while playing the Pyro in Team Fortress 2. Then check out the first five parts of our series: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, and Part 5.
• Shattered Suns Interview: We have an extensive interview with Chas. Cooper of Clear Crown Studios about their upcoming space based RTS game.
• Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford: We chat with the head of the extremely busy game developer on Brothers In Arms: Hell's Highway and their other projects.
• Alone In the Dark Interview: We chat with Atari US producer Todd Slepian about their just released survival horror game.
• Hands-On: Deer Hunter Tournament: We get hands-on with the newest entry in the hunting sim series from Atari.
• In-Depth: Armaggedon Empires: We take a detailed ook at this acclaimed indie strategy game.
• In-Depth: The Political Machine: We offer a look at the just released political strategy game from Stardock
• Big Ideas: Why do we play video games?: Our editorial takes a look at why we need playtime with games anyway.
• BigCast 001: Our debut podcast has three of our team members chatting about, what else, PC gaming
• Freeware Friday: Our weekly look at free games has a look at Freeciv, a free tribute to the great Civilization games.
• Spore Creature Creator contest: You still have time to participate in our contest; make the best creatures and win some cool prizes

Oh that crazy Duke has popped up yet again, kicking ass and chewing bubblegum as only he can. At least, that's what we think he's doing. Truthfully, it's pretty hard to tell from the latest tiny screenshot to emerge from the ever-elusive Duke Nukem Forever, which has surfaced on 3D Realms' site as part of a plea for developers to join the company's cause.

As for the Duke, looking at the screenshot we like to imagine that he's running to the grocery store, probably to pick up a pack of Stride. After all, the ridiculously long lasting flavor will serve our hero well while he, like the rest of us, continues to wait.

So, let's just get this out of the way: We sort of dig former Monolith boss Jace Hall's new show. Well, more specifically, we dig Jace Hall, but we could do without some of the trappings of overproduction that surround him. But Jace? He's aces. See for yourself right after the break.

Moving on, we think we speak for the whole internet when we say "OMG WE TOTALLY JUST SAW DUKE NUKEM FOREVER." More shocking? The 30 seconds or so we see in the video (it starts at about 4:15) actually looks pretty decent, even though we'll be the first to admit that watching a game via shaky cam over a bald dude's shoulder isn't the most optimal way to judge this sort of thing. So, it's been 26 years in development, what do you guys think of it?

Some of the Shacknews crew are one small evolutionary step away from people who swear they've seen UFOs, the Virgin Mary in their toast, or Elvis at the laundromat. They've seen Duke Nukem Forever. No, we don't mean the underwhelming teaser they dropped last year or, well, that's about all we've seen in the last half-decade; we're talking about the actual game actually running on a modern computer.

They "witnessed several different DNF gameplay scenarios, mechanics, and environments being demonstrated ... including environmental puzzles and interactivity, a host of finished weapons, the existence of an in-game forklift, and plenty of heads and arms being blown off." For those skeptics out there disinclined to believe the existence of such nonsense, we point you towards the following comment by one Mr. George Broussard from developer 3D Realms, posting under the name GeorgeB3DR: "... out of the blue I just decided to show them DNF for about an hour ..."

... right, and we imagine they were also abducted "out of the blue" by a piece of toast with Elvis' face on it right after that. Duke Nukem Forever exists indeed.

"Duke Nukem Forever confirmed for 2008," heralds an unlikely source in Dallas Business Journal. What the modest, Texas newspaper actually seems to suggest is that 3D Realms is "on target" to release the mythical sequel sometime this year, though company co-owner Scott Miller adds, "we may miss the mark by a month or two" (wink, wink). Miller also hinted that "hitting the big three" (in this case, PC, Xbox 360 and PS3) is the obvious development strategy, but he continued to stress that 3D Realms has not "formally announced any platforms for DNF."

3D Realms informed Shacknews that any suggestion by Dallas Business Journal that DNF's release date and platforms have been confirmed is erroneous. Expect an official statement from 3D Realms later today. Update: 3D Realms president George Broussard lays it out loud and clear in the follow-up statement issued today. "The release date is still 'when it's done,' and will be until the appropriate moment. Platforms have not been finalized or announced. You can rest assured that we are moving toward a goal and that the recently released teaser trailer is the start of that process and seeing more of the game, sooner than later."

We should also note that Dallas Business Journal seemingly confirms ongoing rumor that Duke Nukem 3D is bound for Xbox Live Arcade and will include online multiplayer and co-op support. "We're really excited about bringing classic Duke to the 360," Miller allegedly told the paper, "We're talking to Microsoft about getting a release slot sometime this year."

Though obviously lacking in details regarding the perpetually in-development Duke Nukem Forever, we can't say we're eagerly awaiting every drop of information (this isn't Brawl, after all). Still, we'll give props to Down in Front, who managed to corner the game's art director, Tramell "T-Ray" Isaac, for an interview.

What have we learned? Nothing of great consequence. The unsurprisingly underwhelming teaser trailer was all captured from the in-game engine using Fraps, and the game's storyline takes place in the near future, in Las Vegas. Information regarding release dates, or even general assurances that development in moving along nicely, are notably absent. Like we're surprised.

The door swung shut, his familiar frame lumbered in, sunk into the couch, like nothing had changed these last ten years.

"Where have you been?" we screamed. "It's been ten years!"

"I'm looking for some alien toilet to park my bricks. Who's firrrrst?"

"So that's it? You come in here stinking like a wet cigar and that's all you've got to say for yourself?"

He puffed on his cigar, blew radioactive smoke in our faces, and left ...

Evidently, the boys at ShackNews have gotten over their abandonment issues (any pointers?) and taken a calendar-heavy look at the game's progress (or lack thereof, knowhutamean?) over the last decade of development. Most telling: the two E3 trailers, in '98 and '01, that show plenty of gameplay in what would almost seem to be a nearly complete game. Once you're done reading that, take another look at The Duke Nukem Forever List, an incredibly sobering breakdown of the things that have transpired since the game was first announced (spoiler alert: Google didn't exist yet). How much were milk and eggs back then, Grandpa?

Read – A Decade of Duke: The Brief Long History of DNF
Read – The Duke Nukem Forever List

As a sign that Duke Nukem (the character) is still alive and kicking, 3D Realms has announced that a teaser video for Duke Nukem Forever will go live tomorrow at noon CST (that's 1:00 p.m. EST, or Joystiq Time). To tide us over, the developer has released a screenshot (seen above) from tomorrow's video to prove that it does, in fact, exist.

After over a decade of waiting, it's about time somebody released a teaser video of the game in its current form. Of course, the very word "teaser" gives us the impression that it'll be less than 30 seconds long and have little to no bearing on the actual gameplay. If you've been waiting over 10 years to see Duke puff a high-resolution cigar, then good for you! If not, feel free to join us in the Land of Expected Disappointments tomorrow (with well roasted crow on standby).

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]